05 - Penalty Calls

[Matt]

Don't let conflict over weasel classification get in the way of your assault charges.

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/feed-dump/3585-Penalty-Calls

-m

[Yaxley]

Would it be out of line to say that, when the weather is right, it's common around here to see large groups of men in various stages of inebriation engaged in enthusiastic cornholing on the front lawn as spectators cheer them on?

[EikoandMog]

I laughed my ass off at both Alex's offside comment and the ensuing penalty. I completely lost my shit when Matt got sent off for "Poor Punsmanship"

[JackSlack]

A new Feed Dump, and new Hatistics!

The word of increased Alex panicked investors this week, but swift response by the House of Stark warded off Haturation possibilities with swift injections of Kathleen and Paul. The hat-market calmed as haturation expectations rose only to 32%, well off the 45% set in episode three.



Looking at the more detailed hatistics, we can see that wigs continue their slump, while non-prescription eyewear hit the basement as well. (EDIT: As pointed out by market commentators, a glitch in the market hatistics counter saw this stock undervalued: It hit 4.26% rather than zero, but this continues a downward trend. Updated chart now uploaded) Apart from hats being up due to an ascending Alex trend, prescription eyewear should have been expected to hit all time highs due to the confounding forces of Alex, Matt, Kathleen and Paul. Despite this, it was actually slightly down. Recent penalties placed by hat-regulators against Matt and Alex are regarded as the reason for this drop, allowing Stark to outperform expectations.



In hat reporting news, cries for a prop shirt index have been rejected, partially because the hatistics were created to measure headwear, and partly because I don't want to go back over the videos and add it in, I mean really, this is already kind of ridiculous.

[EikoandMog]

Doesn't a monocle count as "Other eyewear"?

[Lisra]

My favorite episode.. I spilled my coke laughing.

[LogicSword]

Does the monocle not count under Other Eyewear?

[iamafish]

that was awesome. I totally lost my shit. Now i have to go clean up after myself and try not to die of shame.

[JackSlack]

Doesn't a monocle count as "Other eyewear"?

Does the monocle not count under Other Eyewear?

Holy crap, you're right. I accidentally counted it under prescription eyewear! This must be corrected!

Revised hatistics now place Other Eyewear at 4.26%. Slightly down from last week, and continuing an overall downward trend.

Edit: New chart is now up. Not much movement due to that error, but well worth catching. Thanks EikoandMog, thanks LogicSword!

[Garfman]

I was worried when this didn't get posted earlier. I require my weekly dose of WhateverPhailFeedThingHausDump.

Now that it's up, I say: Good show, sirs.

[Tapir12]

this is already kind of ridiculous.

But awesome.

[Nirvana]

Lol'd at the various penalties. Show was great.

[iamafish]

WhateverPhailFeedThingHausDump

I'd like to propose this as the name for the eventual DVD compilation of all the Whatever Things, all the Phailhoisen and all the Feed Dumps.

Also, this DVD MUST happen.

[Master Gunner]

Having, well, my avatar, I am forced to clarify Kathleen's statements. The infamous LZ 129 Hindenburg and the Hindenburg line of airships were rigid-body airships (commonly known as Zeppelins, after Count Ferdinand von Zeppelin, who pioneered such designs, and the company he founded to manufacture them), not blimps.
Blimps have a single gas envelope which maintains its shape due to the pressure inside being slightly higher than the ambient air pressure. While a blimp would eventually deflate from a small puncture, it would happen very slowly at first, allowing a blimp to complete it's flight and land before anything disastrous happened. They actually have to be regularly inspected for such small holes, because it can take so long for the pressure to equalize and heavier air to seep into the envelope, replacing the lighter helium.
Rigid-body airships like the Hindenburg, however, maintain the shape of their envelope through a rigid internal structure, while the lift gas is held in separate internal lift bags, or cells, made out of cow intestine. A puncture of the outer envelope would have no effect on the airship's lift capacity. The Hindenburg-class of airship specifically had 16 internal cells, providing a total lift capacity of 250,000kg, a margin of 25,000kg over the fully loaded weight of the Hindenburg. Thus a puncture of one (or more, depending on location) of the lift cells would not compromise the airship's lift capacity.


Of course, arguably blimp is to zeppelin as yacht is to passenger liner, so there's nothing inaccurate about Kathleen's joke. However, in the words of the man himself...

[Duckay]

I am extremely pleased to see the top hat, though I have to say it suits Kathleen better than it does Matt.

On the other hand, I love puns, so...

And if it helps you, JackSlack, I wish Matt needed a prescription monocle. That would be awesome.

[JackSlack]

But awesome.

Thank you. I have no intention of stopping, and indeed, I have plans for more graphs once I have some more data to work with. My system supports some more detailed hatistical crunching.

And if it helps you, JackSlack, I wish Matt needed a prescription monocle. That would be awesome.

It is true that we have no proof that the monocle isn't prescription for someone. But it does appear to be flat glass.

[Graham]

It's flat glass.

Graphing saved!!!

[Yaxley]

It's flat glass.

Graphing saved!!!

I choose to read this post in the "Split Decision" voice for maximum hilarity.

Then again, I tend to read everyone's posts in funny voices it increases my entertainment, so make of that what you will.

[tak197]

I wonder how far the Hollerin Festival is from the Cooter Festival.

[JackSlack]

It's flat glass.

Graphing saved!!!

I have a graph for either possibility.

Because I screwed it up first time.

[Vigafre]

I'm glad I wasn't drinking anything while watching this cuz I would have choked on it.

[WAYF]

The argument between Alex and Matt for the "offside" call was very very funny, but the best part that I nearly laughed my headphones off for was both of them being banned for "Innuendon'ts"
HAH.
Top quality.

[Slack Mesa]

The animal that wasn't a weasel was later found to be not a marten either. How awkward.

[PenninInk]

For fuck's sake, guys.

That actually hurt. I was laughing to the point of physical pain.

Crap in a hat, LRR! Usually only Eddie Izzard can manage that!

[Garfman]

The animal that wasn't a weasel was later found to be not a marten either. How awkward.

I'd love to talk to the mustelid specialist that was called into court for that.