21 - Marathon Train Pooping

[Graham]

Sometimes the news doesn't even begin to makes sense.

[the amativeness]

The Dutch... AGAIN!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xt49Nphfpug

[Avistew]

I'm not even sure what to think of that.
Good to see Andy again, though. Seems like he's been appearing in more videos lately.

[dackwards d]

ANDY! YAY! Also, I don't think I've heard him swear before... This one was hilarious guys, thanks.

[Triangular]

nice! I laughed. It was funny. Hilarity ensued.
I dig Kathleen's leather jacket. Very badass
Also Andy's Dutch gibberish sounded like a very good fake language

[SilPho]

Ow. I laughed so hard that my jaw legitimately hurts now. Well played, all three of you. Seriously; Wow and ow at the same time.

(Also, cha-ching, great investment returns this week)

[ElementalAlchemist]

That was easily the best Fump in a while. It's not often I'm forced to stop for a laughter break, but Andy totally just ... It was awesome.

[MowDownJoe]

Ahh... Andy... Feed Dump needs more Andy. Too bad he's a busy guy.

Also.... Damn the fact that wigs are a penny stock! (Is that a wig? It looks wiggish. Hope it isn't hair dye...)

[Lisra]

Everyone here thinks that's stupid too..

What kind of idiot buys trains with no toilets in them?

Nederlandse Spoor, that's who. Well fuck you, NS, especially now that you'll fail AGAIN with winter coming. Because that never happens.

Sorry, NS annoys me a lot.

[Elomin Sha]

Also.... Damn the fact that wigs are a penny stock! (Is that a wig? It looks wiggish. Hope it isn't hair dye...)

It's dye. Kathleen has sayian'd up for this episode.

[DancingFox]

I quite like the new hair, myself. But I'm just a fan of hair dye most of the time.

Also, yay, Andy! Fantastic week. The Dutch! Again!

[DuelLadyS]

Hi Tall Latte, I'm a Virgin Mocha. (I don't drink coffee, and my mom thinks that's the funniest name for 'hot chocolate' ever and brings it up anytime we end up at a coffee shop.)

Cairo-practors. I love it. I am so going to annoy people with that. Yay for puns!

[Dutch guy]

One note of moderation though, the "bag" is a specially designed bag made for the purpose. And its ONLY meant for urination, not "the other business". The trains in question are EMU's with a cab at each end. The passenger is supposed to use the unoccupied one. And ONLY if the train gets stuck somewhere in the middle of nowhere and can't be expected to make a stop in the near future.

The bag is only a temporary measure until NS has gotten its head out of its ass and built toilets in the new trains.

To be honest I'm not really that surprised by the original decision to omit them. The "Sprinter" class trains are only used on branch lines and as local service. Meaning they make a LOT of stops, often no more than about 30 minutes apart. Not installing toilets means less crap on the rails (literally) and means more seats, no stench (They ALWAYS stink) and a more "spacious" feel to the train because the design can be kept open.

[ElementalAlchemist]

But, of course, that's not as funny.

[nicholasmc1]

AGAIN!!!!!THE DUTCH!!

[JackSlack]

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I'm Jack Slack, and here's this week's hat report.

The Church of HatlessHatSpectacles is weeping this week after a slender promise of the long awaited apocalypse. Sadly, it wasn't to be, as hats went way, way down well past what they needed to be, and hatless went up, up, up past where it needed to be. Prescription Eyewear followed directions, but otherwise the market continues to frustrate the weirdly religious. Let's take a look at the hat graphs.



As an aside, the stock codes have been unveiled! So expect me to talk about HATS, SPEC, WIGS, NPEW and NADA more often in the future. As we can see from this, WIGS and NPEW remained in the basement this week, while NADA rose to a reasonable though not outstanding 55.1%. Prescription eyewear fell sharply to 40.82%, while HATS dropped alarmingly to 8.16%. That of course is reflected in this week's haturation chart.



And now, a couple of points of order. Viewer Metcarfre has asked for a special graph after last week's special report, looking at the decisive episode 18, otherwise known as "the one with hats in". This is still forthcoming, we've just been busy.

But do YOU have any questions? In just nine episodes, we will have another special report. What do you want to know? What are your hat market questions? Ask us, and maybe you'll get a chart of your very own.

Until then, I'm JackSlack for Action 9 news.

[Duckay]

Graham looks so proud of his special, gifted hat.

Also, Kathleen's hair looks great.

And I kind of get that. There's two kinds of trains that run on the local line, one that does the "express" trips down the whole line (fewer stops, further apart), and one that does the all-stations trips down a portion of the line. The all-stations ones don't have toilets, because I guess they figure that if you need to go that bad, you can get off somewhere along the way. (They also have different kinds of seats, which I kind of hate.) I can see how if they had to repurpose those trains for longer journeys/journeys with fewer stops, the toilet problem would become pressing.

[Yaxley]

Is it weird that I didn't recognize Kathleen for a split second here? I didn't have that problem when she went to magenta hair. Maybe blond hair just makes a better disguise?

[Slack Mesa]

I didn't enjoy this week's episode much, but the "Cairopractor" joke made me laugh.

[Flewellyn]

I've been making that "Cairopractor" joke since I was 9 years old.

Just sayin'. Or, given Kathleen's hair, just saiyan.

[JackSlack]

Just sayin'. Or, given Kathleen's hair, just saiyan.

Ow.

[Geoff_B]

I saw that story about the CLOCK TOWER AT WESTMINSTER starting to lean over

Also did you know that the CLOCK TOWER AT WESTMINSTER has old penny coins on the pendulum to keep it in time? Apparently they tried it with newer coins but they didn't work as well. When the pendulum needs tweaking they add or remove one or two of the coins.

True story. Allegedly.

[Lisra]

I've been in regular IC trains that do not stink.. however, the veolia operated maas line (venlo/rosendaal-nijmegen) is absolutely vile. Every single time.

It's nice that you can catch German trains on some high-speed lines. sadly, they are vastly superior.

[Lord Chrusher]

When I took the train from Amsterdam to Cologne (on a nice German ICE) you could tell when we entered Germany as the train immediately sped up.

[Lisra]

After the requisite 10min break to change engines.