This thread is so gay

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Re: This thread is so gay

Postby Arclight_Dynamo » 20 May 2016, 14:41

I'm super happy for you, CamelKnack! We're all on your team, here! :)
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Re: This thread is so gay

Postby CamelKnackRambleHort » 21 May 2016, 14:49

So something completely bizarre just happened to me. I was at the store shopping for groceries and someone wolf whistled at me. I'm really not sure what to think of it, because I cannot even fathom why. I mean, you have all seen my picture by now, I do not pass in the slightest, and even if I did I am quite overweight. So I figure it was supposed to be harassment of some sort, but if it was it is a very strange way of going about it. I mean, it all it did was confuse the hell out of me.
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Re: This thread is so gay

Postby Deedles » 21 May 2016, 20:23

I can't rightly say, maybe they thought you had a cute butt, or maybe they were being mean. Either way I think it's dumb to do stuff like wolf whistling strangers. ):

On another note; I'm happy that the funding has gone well, I'll be sure to add more come the end of the month and I get some moar gil! :D
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Re: This thread is so gay

Postby Merrymaker_Mortalis » 22 May 2016, 00:43

I have a male admirer in my second job (which today I will quit because I have too much to do and I feel like I am drowning), and it's quite annoying. Since he's doing the lovesick puppy thing which really does not do it for me.

I think the reason why this attitude annoys me is that it implied they're flirty and likely to be flirty with everyone; an untrustworthy partner. It also implies they run on lust rather than affection. I'm seeking a relationship rather than a sex partnership.

I am more interested in romance and life partnering rather than sex. Sex is fleeting, but being with someone who you dearly even if it's just snuggling and hugging is a lot nicer.

If I didn't masturbate and get sexually aroused by things I would probably be asexual. I'm sexual but that's not my priority.
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Re: This thread is so gay

Postby CamelKnackRambleHort » 23 May 2016, 12:35

Deedles wrote:I can't rightly say, maybe they thought you had a cute butt, or maybe they were being mean. Either way I think it's dumb to do stuff like wolf whistling strangers. ):


Yeah, it is pretty dumb either way. But I was thinking about it, and I was mistaken for a different woman recently, a specific woman who lives in my apartment complex. It happened late at night while I was walking through the apartment complex to my car, it was dark enough that the only thing that they could have seen of me was my silhouette and how I was walking. He said some stuff to me, something about some people he knew, and when I said "Huh?" he realized his mistakes and said 'Oh, I thought you were [this woman]." I occurs to me now that this is the first time I know of where a stranger has looked at me and thought "that is a woman", which is pretty cool in retrospect. Maybe I move feminine or something? I know when I was a kid my parents pulled me aside and specifically tried to teach me how to not walk like a girl, whatever that means.

The other day at the store I was wearing a quite feminine outfit and I have been growing out my hair, maybe from behind when I am presenting feminine if a person isn't looking to close I look like a woman with a short haircut? That would be awesome.

On another note; I'm happy that the funding has gone well, I'll be sure to add more come the end of the month and I get some moar gil! :D


Thank you a ton, but I don't want anyone to spend more on this than they can afford. It means a lot to me, but with what I have made I have some time to make up the rest of the money.
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Re: This thread is so gay

Postby Deedles » 23 May 2016, 19:18

I live at home still, so I can spare the cash without over-stretching my funds. ^^
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Re: This thread is so gay

Postby Arclight_Dynamo » 27 May 2016, 09:21

So, I follow a lot of Canadian political wonks and reporters on Twitter. Yes, I'm a nerd.

Right now, the Conservative Party of Canada is holding their convention. One of the measures up for consideration is the removal of opposition to same-sex marriage from official party policy. From my Twitter feed, I see that this measure has just come up for a vote.

It's... disheartening.

The measure passed, but probably won't make it to the plenary session (meaning it might actually not get adopted) because of the level of support it received. And, worse, the debate and vote were, apparently, extremely contentious. Angry. Lots of yelling.

Worst of all, a representative from the Ottawa Centre riding association was one of the people to stand up and oppose the measure - why do we need marriage equality, he asks, when gays and lesbians can already legally sit as MPs or cabinet ministers?

I'm from Ottawa. This guy is from, and represents other people from, my own community.

I dunno... maybe I shouldn't be surprised. This is the Conservative party, after all. But, I guess I felt we were past this. This is Canada, for god's sake. Urban Canada. And anyone is still debating this? Even in my own city?

Ugh. Bummed out a bit over this. I mean, it's not like it matters - they're not in power, public opinion is against them, and they couldn't change anything even if they wanted to (the courts have ruled, and same-sex marriage is here to stay). Still. Bummed. It's like an outbreak of views from thirty years ago, or from Alabama.
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Re: This thread is so gay

Postby CamelKnackRambleHort » 27 May 2016, 13:50

Think about it this way, Arclight. 20 years ago people with those opinions would be the ones in power. It's just the sign of rapid progress, there are always a few left behind with the old, outdated ideas.
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Re: This thread is so gay

Postby Arclight_Dynamo » 30 May 2016, 11:16

Well, you're not wrong, CamelKnack. And, as it turns out, the party adopted the motion to drop opposition to same-sex marriage after all. So, really, in concrete terms this is a win, I suppose.

But, well... I'm still uncomfortable with the way this went down. I think it's mostly because the shouty man opposed to same-sex marriage (and, let's be honest - LGBTQ people in general) was from my community. He could be anyone out on the street.

Now, maybe it seems obvious to you that there's a whole subset of people out there who are actively opposed to who you are, but that's new to me. For a couple of reasons.

First, I'm just new to this "not being straight" thing in general. I didn't realize I was anything but 100% hetero until a little under two years ago. And I'm not out as bi IRL, except with my psychiatrist, and that doesn't really count. I've never been in a relationship with another guy. So this is all new ground for me.

Second, Ottawa is a very progressive and accepting place. It never struck me as the sort of town where this should be a worry. I'm not living in rural Alberta, here. But that this delegate was from here - right downtown, too, which is the most progressive part of the city - kind of took me by surprise.

I dunno... I recognize I'm in a pretty good situation compared to a lot of other LGBTQ folks, some in this thread... but I still feel weird and shitty. :(
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Re: This thread is so gay

Postby Avistew » 31 May 2016, 13:53

I understand the feeling, Arclight. When France was passing same-sex marriage last year, there were a bunch of demonstrations and protests and I was really shocked because I guess I had always thought people in France didn't really care, or at least not in Paris, or at least not in my district. But the fact is, those people were just quiet until it was a big issue.

And in the end they didn't make a difference, because they don't have that kind of power. So it was disheartening, but at the same time, that kind of thinking used to be the broadcast "norm"... and now it isn't.
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Re: This thread is so gay

Postby CamelKnackRambleHort » 31 May 2016, 22:28

I was raised in a very religious community and saw a ton of anti LGBT stuff as I was growing up, every openly LGBT person I knew got a ton of shit over it. I was once told by a gay co worker that I was the only person that treated him like a person. For a long time I got a lot of flak myself simply for being openly pro LGBT before I was even out. I kind of always assumed the world was against me, so things like that don't bother me as much. On the other hand, I am always pleasantly surprised when good things happen.
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Re: This thread is so gay

Postby Merrymaker_Mortalis » 01 Jun 2016, 04:30

I'm trying to fight against the anti LBGT in religious communities. But it's a case of not knowing what I am doing, only the end goal, and being tactful.
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Re: This thread is so gay

Postby Fenrir » 01 Jun 2016, 08:55

Soooooooooo .... I'm pondering proposing to my boyfriend.

Thing is, I want to sort out a wedding band without his knowing, BUT he doesn't really wear rings so I can't have someone gauge his ring size on the sly for him without letting on to him that that's what they're doing.

Any suggestions? Otherwise I'm a be guessing from photos XD
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Re: This thread is so gay

Postby CamelKnackRambleHort » 01 Jun 2016, 09:42

Merrymaker_Mortalis wrote:I'm trying to fight against the anti LBGT in religious communities. But it's a case of not knowing what I am doing, only the end goal, and being tactful.


Well it is a lot better these days. You can make a lot of progress with just explaining calmly. I don't think people are bad on the whole, and when things are explained to them well they tend to caution towards being decent people. Your approach is a good one, even if you are not sure how to go about it.

Fenrir wrote:Soooooooooo .... I'm pondering proposing to my boyfriend.

Thing is, I want to sort out a wedding band without his knowing, BUT he doesn't really wear rings so I can't have someone gauge his ring size on the sly for him without letting on to him that that's what they're doing.

Any suggestions? Otherwise I'm a be guessing from photos XD


Cute! Congratulations! Well, that might be a bit premature, but still.

Unfortunately, this is super hard to do. When I got married I considered doing this but quickly realized it would be pretty much impossible in my situation. If you sleep in the same bed sometimes you can measure it while he is sleeping. If you can find someone with similar finger sizes then you can estimate.

Do you know what kind of rings he might like? Style wise? If he would like a standard ring design then you might be able to guess his size and exchange it if you guess wrong. Clear it with the dealer, of course. I seem to recall Shane Co. does this, but it has been a while so I may be wrong on that.
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Re: This thread is so gay

Postby CamelKnackRambleHort » 01 Jun 2016, 23:43

I got my hormones. About to take the first dose. Thank you all again for your help. I know the couple hundred you all managed to raise for me doesn't seem like a ton, but it makes a huge difference for me right now. Thank you again.
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Re: This thread is so gay

Postby JustAName » 02 Jun 2016, 09:14

Woohoo! :D

Your emotions are going to jump all over the place, and you may have some extreme physical reactions as well, but stick with it. I know you can do it. <3
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Re: This thread is so gay

Postby CamelKnackRambleHort » 02 Jun 2016, 13:25

Fayili wrote:Woohoo! :D

Your emotions are going to jump all over the place, and you may have some extreme physical reactions as well, but stick with it. I know you can do it. <3


I have to admit that as much as I am excited to finally be on hormones I am a bit wary of the potential side effects like that. A friend of mine has had pretty bad nausea since she got on them about a month and a half ago, and I am a bit worried about potential emotional swings. On the other hand, the doctor said that most trans women she gets on HRT experience a reduction in anxiety (and the opposite for trans men) so that might help out a lot with my anxiety issues. She also gave me a ton of information on other low cost care, like lgbt friendly therapy at a very cheap rate for people without a lot of money.
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Re: This thread is so gay

Postby Avistew » 04 Jun 2016, 09:42

Grats Camel, good luck! Keep us posted :)
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Re: This thread is so gay

Postby Arclight_Dynamo » 04 Jun 2016, 12:03

Avistew:

Yep, that's it exactly. While it's good that these people aren't dominant in society any more, they're more present than I had thought. Which means that anyone out on the street could be actively hostile to me.

Which, again... that's new for me. I used to think I was straight, and now I don't... so I guess I'm dealing with some loss of privilege here. And, again, I recognize I have a lot more privilege than others (English-speaking white cis male whose sexual orientation is entirely hideable in public), but it still stings to be hated.

CamelKnackRambleHort:

Funny... I didn't grow up in a community like that. But I was raised Catholic, and attended Catholic school, K-12. Definitely got the message that being queer was abnormal and wrong, even though there was no real outright bigotry towards LGBTQ folk. But it did damage me - it's why I took so long to realize I wasn't straight. I was a good person, I was told that being a good person meant not being queer, so I must therefore be straight. QED.

Some brainwashing, right there. :(

So... different experience, and definitely not as openly hostile, but I get how that sort of thing can be seriously damaging.

Also... yay about hormones! I'm super happy for you! :D

Merrymaker_Mortalis:

Well... my answer was to leave religion behind, I'm afraid. Though that's getting it backwards - I left religion for my own reasons (just stopped believing it), and the other crap that had been socialized into me (very socially conservative political views, denial that I was bi) slowly faded away because they had nothing reinforcing them anymore.

That said... anything that makes religious communities less crappy for LGBTQ people is fantastic in my book. I'm just not sure how you can do it - a lot of what I dealt with was the result of dogma set in Rome a thousand years ago. That's hard to undo.
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Re: This thread is so gay

Postby Master Gunner » 04 Jun 2016, 13:39

In a spot of good news, New Brunswick will finally start covering sex change surgeries. This marks the last province in Canada to cover such operations to at least some degree.

It's good that this is finally happening, but damn if we aren't always the last in this country when it comes to any kind of progressive reform.
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Re: This thread is so gay

Postby Aeralis » 05 Jun 2016, 09:51

Fenrir wrote:Soooooooooo .... I'm pondering proposing to my boyfriend.

Thing is, I want to sort out a wedding band without his knowing, BUT he doesn't really wear rings so I can't have someone gauge his ring size on the sly for him without letting on to him that that's what they're doing.

Any suggestions? Otherwise I'm a be guessing from photos XD


Exactly how attached are you to the idea of proposing with a band? Considering he doesn't wear rings, do you think he'd mind at all if you just didn't?

When I proposed to my now fiance, I didn't have a ring. I knew he wasn't big on jewelry, and I had NO way of knowing a ring size at all. (And no measuring in his sleep. A slight breeze wakes him up. :P ) So at the end of one of our camping trips on the coast, I just found us a nice quiet patch of beach and got down on a knee. The moment itself was the important part, after all, and we even ended up with special, unique mementos: He was so excited that he found a piece of bull kelp and cut us both matching kelp rings, which are now dried and to be mounted into a decorative frame.

We did eventually go shopping for a pair of basic rings for daily use, but in the end it didn't really matter at all that I didn't get one ahead of time. But I know that that could just be an "us thing." I don't know how traditional the two of you feel about proposals and such, I just wanted to throw out another perspective.
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Re: This thread is so gay

Postby Merrymaker_Mortalis » 11 Jun 2016, 05:31

I was invited to go to a local Gay Pride Weekend by a friend of mine.

I'm having some hesitations.
It's in three weeks' time and so it's too late to book holiday off work for it, possibly. So it'd take a miracle to have that weekend off anyway.

I still live with my parents so I would need to explain why I would be away for the weekend; they do not know I am bisexual yet. I feel exhausted at the thought of explaining why I may want to go.

I do not know what I would need to bring with me or how I would get there. I do not know if the invitation is a "please, I would like you to be there" or a "as former but with we'll give you a lift there and back and/or you can share our tent equipment if needed".

I don't own a tent or a roll up matters. So these logistics are really getting in the way of actually going, and they didn't let me have an opportunity to explain these things to them.

I basically don't know how much they are willing to bend to facilitate me being there or if it's just a "come along but you have to look after yourself".

I do not know if I want to go. I just feel like it might be a useful experience. I really need a chance to actually talk about this with them.
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Re: This thread is so gay

Postby Arclight_Dynamo » 11 Jun 2016, 08:34

Merrymaker_Mortalis wrote:I still live with my parents so I would need to explain why I would be away for the weekend; they do not know I am bisexual yet. I feel exhausted at the thought of explaining why I may want to go.


Oof. I can absolutely empathize with this - I'm kind of in a similar situation. I'm not out as bi with my family, and I still live at home with Mom. I've wanted to go to the local Pride festival/parade for the last couple of years, but I can't figure out a way to do it without having to out myself.

And even though I'm sure that would turn out fine, it's an uncomfortable conversation I'm not really ready for yet.

So, yeah... I get you, on that part of your dilemma, at least.
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Re: This thread is so gay

Postby Merrymaker_Mortalis » 11 Jun 2016, 12:35

I think I won't go unless work gives me that weekend off naturally anyway. I do not think I can cope with getting myself there and getting what I need. Too stressful.
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Re: This thread is so gay

Postby Arclight_Dynamo » 12 Jun 2016, 09:19

So obviously we've all heard the news out of Orlando. I have thoughts, and I'm going to get them out here. It'll be a bit of a jumbled ramble, I'm afraid, since I've got a lot going through my mind.

1. Terrorism

This is the worst mass shooting in American history. It is the second worst mass shooting in world history. It is by definition an act of terrorism, no matter who carried it out or why.

And yet, we have the same old narrative, where we don't call it terrorism unless a Muslim did it. The media was saying "We don't know if this is terrorism" until they found out the shooter was a Muslim. Then it was saying "This is definitely terrorism."

The defining characteristic of terrorism has become "Did a Muslim do it?" And that's serious bullshit.

It's bullshit because it puts all that baggage onto an already-marginalized community; it's Islamophobic.

And it's bullshit because that's not what the word "terrorism" means. Terrorism is the threat or use of violence to bring about a political or ideological end. That's it. It doesn't matter who the person doing it is, and the ideological end in question doesn't matter. It could be a Muslim, a Christian, an atheist, a Platonist, or a Discodian. It doesn't matter. All that matters is that fifty people are dead and fifty-three people are wounded, and it was done for an ideological reason. That's all it takes to be terrorism. Refusing to call it terrorism until and unless the shooter is found to be Muslim not only completely distorts the meaning of the word, it diminishes the seriousness of the act, which does a serious disservice to the victims. If we don't call it terrorism, if we call it a "mentally-ill person" (don't even get me started on that) or a "senseless act of violence," we aren't calling it what it is, and we don't give the victims their due.

2. The Media

The media is to blame for a lot of this (they decide what to call "terrorism" or not), and a whole lot more.

I'm Canadian. I get Canadian news media, as well as American. Watching the CBC, the story was about what happened, the victims, and the fact that this was a gay club that was targeted. I decided to see what the Americans were saying, so I flipped over to CNN. Know what they were talking about?

ISIS.

Was this a case of a domestic ISIS attack? Was the shooter an ISIS returnee from Syria? Was there more coming? Would there be more ISIS attacks because it's Ramadan? Should the response be to bomb somewhere?

First of all, fuck you, CNN, for turning this story away from the victims and the marginalized community they're a part of. You should be talking about why it is that LGBTQ people are at risk in the US. Why it is they'd be a target. How this plays into the larger narrative of gay men being evicted, gay women being fired, and trans people being unable to use a bathroom.

Second of all, fuck you, CNN, for turning this story towards America's Great Bogeyman. How dare you use the suffering of a marginalized group to further the suffering of another marginalized group? How screwed up is it that they use the murders of fifty people to demonize Muslims and stoke fears?

3. Islamophobia

It's not just CNN or the media, either. If you've seen comments on social media (some by sitting politicians), you'll have seen the vilest sort of Islamophobia on display (homophobia, too, by people supporting the shooter - I can't even imagine...).

But what gets me are the people (mostly conservative religious and political figures) who have a history of hostility towards the LGBTQ community, but who now say "This attack is an attack on us all; we must denounce Muslims."

No. You do not get to group us in with you as an "us"! You do not get to use LGBTQ people - the people you hate and have fought against - to justify a different one of your bigotries!

Not only is that obviously wrong since it demonizes innocent Muslims, it's wrong because it uses LGBTQ people. I refuse to be turned into a tool to facilitate hatred and discrimination. I refuse to be weaponized by people who have been fighting against my very existence.

4. Prayers

Which leads right into the next thing I've noticed - politicians and religious leaders offering prayers to the victims and their families.

The gall of it!

I mean, I take no issue with people offering prayers and well-wishes. What I take issue with is certain people offering them.

If you have a history of decrying the "gay agenda," of calling sexual orientation a "lifestyle choice," of "hating the sin but not the sinner," of wanting to "fix" LGBTQ people, of saying we'll all burn in hell "when the time comes..." no. Just no. I don't want your fucking prayers. Your prayers are the problem. Do you honestly think the community will find them comforting? After years of your religious homophobia?

You're either clueless, or are trying to twist the knife.

5. Hate Crimes

This is another thing I've been hearing in media - "Is this a hate crime?"

For outlets so eager to label this terrorism, they sure are slow to call it a hate crime.

Let's think about this. A gay club is attacked in a very, very conservative state, in a national atmosphere of severe homophobia, by a man who is described as having been "driven into a rage" by seeing two men kiss. Is it a hate crime? Of course it's a bloody hate crime! How dense are you?!

But, no, we can't say that without five kinds of proof and a sworn affidavit. That would be irresponsible. It might lead people to think that there's a problem of bigotry towards the LGBTQ community in the US! We can't have that, unless we're 110% certain!

Meanwhile, this is totally terrorism, though, since the guy had an Afghan name. Totally.

Makes you want to vomit...

6. Blood

As an added "fuck you," I noticed that local authorities are calling for blood donations, since there is an immediate and obvious need.

Oh, but not if you're a man who has sex with men. We don't want your dirty blood.

The mind. It boggles.

(I have seen that they may have waived the ban locally since there's an emergency. But I only saw it on Twitter, so I'm not sure if it's true. Also, it doesn't change the fact that there's normally a ban.)

7. Guns

That's the other elephant in the room, isn't it? Guns and gun control.

Is it any coincidence that this, and pretty much every other, mass shooting involved the same weapon? Some variation of the AR-15? And could the extremely permissive legal regime surrounding guns have anything to do with it? Or the prevailing attitude of gun fetishization and worship in the US? Is anyone surprised that the shooter had a concealed-carry licence? Is anyone surprised that the immediate response was "This has nothing to do with guns or gun control, and how dare you politicize this, it's not the right time to talk about it"?

And is anyone surprised that, yet again, these attitudes and laws were used to target a marginalized group for violence and murder?

Sickening.

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