The Reasons I Will Never Sleep Again.
Posted: 19 Apr 2011, 23:39
I knew when I moved to a sexy, moist, warm climate I would be faced with challenges and adventures I had never before faced in my dry, cold, land of Calgary. Namely the humidity that sticks itself to every pore and fibre of your clothing. I thought I could face it with great joy seeing as how my summers were filled with mostly rain, some snow, and cooler temperatures mixed with occasional scorcher of a day. I have yet to face the 100 degree in conjunction with the humidity down here... but I know what it feels like as I toured China doing musical theatre for a while. On particularly humid days I breath in deeply and think to myself that living down here actually feels like being on a vacation. I recently viewed photos that were sent to me from back home where my family was standing in almost knee high snow because they got a blizzard over the weekend. I think of how lucky I am as I send them back photos of blooms that I had NEVER in my life seen blossom in a month I usually associate with brown, muddy, slushy snow, and watching the forecast taunt my paycheque. I have photos of daffodils, cherry blossoms, dogwoods, heck even GREEN GRASS. People around me delight in my childish excitement over colours and smells and things I am experiencing the first time in my life that they have come to know as a regular part of theirs. I get excited thinking about the fact that I have a POOL. I actually can step outside my house and go for a swim or lay in the sun. I no longer have to pretend Sicome Lake or the Elbow/Bow river is sufficient for summer splashes (You Calgarians know exactly what I'm talking about...). I am in an area where there are tons of silly festivals, water parks, scenic trails and ice cream stands. I look forward to a summer full of fireworks and BBQs and experiencing SO many new things. Yes, I gloat to my friends and family back home who were experiencing -28C when I was having +28C weather. I tell them I miss them and I wish they were here... but nahnahbooboo sucks to shovel snow off your walkway while I drink a daiquiri on the patio. Yes, I will be happy to wake up in the summer and NOT have frost on the lawn.
Then there are the downsides of living in a warm, moist environment. You sweat and it never goes away. You shower, and you never get dry. Your AC is a lifeline. But the WORST thing about living in a warm, moist environment are the things that live with you.
At first I thought I was being invaded by small silverfish or firebrats. I'd kill a couple of them each day. And then they grew up into these huge fuckers.
Seriously. I HATE centipedes. The closest I've come to possibly shitting my pants was when I moved a lamp and a centipede came running towards me. So tonight I see Wraith pick up a napkin quietly off the kitchen table. This is my first clue that something is wrong... this is a man that will eat a plate of wings with no napkin in site. I watch him curiously back up down the hall and reach above the door to our bedroom. The shadow of Dark Wing Duck is seemingly cast by this creature as it dart across the wall.
That's when I'm pretty sure my face transformed permanently into Sammi Stinkface mode.
I watched as he placed the crumpled napkin in the garbage. I couldn't help but wish I was in a snow covered land where daddy long legs were the scariest thing you might come across. I became jealous of my friends who had to dig their cars out of their driveways a couple weeks ago. I believe tonight as soon as I shut my eyes this creature will drag its deformed, crumpled body out of the garbage and set on his quest to kill me. It's been my experience that centipedes don't like to die, EVER, which is where my fear stemmed from.
No living thing should have more than 4 legs.
So my friends, now you know why I will never sleep again and will instead assault your monitors with lame artist renditions I dub memes of terror.
Feel free to post your memes of terror, as I'm not sleeping anytime soon.
Then there are the downsides of living in a warm, moist environment. You sweat and it never goes away. You shower, and you never get dry. Your AC is a lifeline. But the WORST thing about living in a warm, moist environment are the things that live with you.
At first I thought I was being invaded by small silverfish or firebrats. I'd kill a couple of them each day. And then they grew up into these huge fuckers.
Seriously. I HATE centipedes. The closest I've come to possibly shitting my pants was when I moved a lamp and a centipede came running towards me. So tonight I see Wraith pick up a napkin quietly off the kitchen table. This is my first clue that something is wrong... this is a man that will eat a plate of wings with no napkin in site. I watch him curiously back up down the hall and reach above the door to our bedroom. The shadow of Dark Wing Duck is seemingly cast by this creature as it dart across the wall.
That's when I'm pretty sure my face transformed permanently into Sammi Stinkface mode.
I watched as he placed the crumpled napkin in the garbage. I couldn't help but wish I was in a snow covered land where daddy long legs were the scariest thing you might come across. I became jealous of my friends who had to dig their cars out of their driveways a couple weeks ago. I believe tonight as soon as I shut my eyes this creature will drag its deformed, crumpled body out of the garbage and set on his quest to kill me. It's been my experience that centipedes don't like to die, EVER, which is where my fear stemmed from.
No living thing should have more than 4 legs.
So my friends, now you know why I will never sleep again and will instead assault your monitors with lame artist renditions I dub memes of terror.
Feel free to post your memes of terror, as I'm not sleeping anytime soon.
