The Reasons I Will Never Sleep Again.

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The Reasons I Will Never Sleep Again.

Postby TheRocket » 19 Apr 2011, 23:39

I knew when I moved to a sexy, moist, warm climate I would be faced with challenges and adventures I had never before faced in my dry, cold, land of Calgary. Namely the humidity that sticks itself to every pore and fibre of your clothing. I thought I could face it with great joy seeing as how my summers were filled with mostly rain, some snow, and cooler temperatures mixed with occasional scorcher of a day. I have yet to face the 100 degree in conjunction with the humidity down here... but I know what it feels like as I toured China doing musical theatre for a while. On particularly humid days I breath in deeply and think to myself that living down here actually feels like being on a vacation. I recently viewed photos that were sent to me from back home where my family was standing in almost knee high snow because they got a blizzard over the weekend. I think of how lucky I am as I send them back photos of blooms that I had NEVER in my life seen blossom in a month I usually associate with brown, muddy, slushy snow, and watching the forecast taunt my paycheque. I have photos of daffodils, cherry blossoms, dogwoods, heck even GREEN GRASS. People around me delight in my childish excitement over colours and smells and things I am experiencing the first time in my life that they have come to know as a regular part of theirs. I get excited thinking about the fact that I have a POOL. I actually can step outside my house and go for a swim or lay in the sun. I no longer have to pretend Sicome Lake or the Elbow/Bow river is sufficient for summer splashes (You Calgarians know exactly what I'm talking about...). I am in an area where there are tons of silly festivals, water parks, scenic trails and ice cream stands. I look forward to a summer full of fireworks and BBQs and experiencing SO many new things. Yes, I gloat to my friends and family back home who were experiencing -28C when I was having +28C weather. I tell them I miss them and I wish they were here... but nahnahbooboo sucks to shovel snow off your walkway while I drink a daiquiri on the patio. Yes, I will be happy to wake up in the summer and NOT have frost on the lawn.

Then there are the downsides of living in a warm, moist environment. You sweat and it never goes away. You shower, and you never get dry. Your AC is a lifeline. But the WORST thing about living in a warm, moist environment are the things that live with you.

At first I thought I was being invaded by small silverfish or firebrats. I'd kill a couple of them each day. And then they grew up into these huge fuckers.

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Seriously. I HATE centipedes. The closest I've come to possibly shitting my pants was when I moved a lamp and a centipede came running towards me. So tonight I see Wraith pick up a napkin quietly off the kitchen table. This is my first clue that something is wrong... this is a man that will eat a plate of wings with no napkin in site. I watch him curiously back up down the hall and reach above the door to our bedroom. The shadow of Dark Wing Duck is seemingly cast by this creature as it dart across the wall.

That's when I'm pretty sure my face transformed permanently into Sammi Stinkface mode.
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I watched as he placed the crumpled napkin in the garbage. I couldn't help but wish I was in a snow covered land where daddy long legs were the scariest thing you might come across. I became jealous of my friends who had to dig their cars out of their driveways a couple weeks ago. I believe tonight as soon as I shut my eyes this creature will drag its deformed, crumpled body out of the garbage and set on his quest to kill me. It's been my experience that centipedes don't like to die, EVER, which is where my fear stemmed from.

No living thing should have more than 4 legs.

So my friends, now you know why I will never sleep again and will instead assault your monitors with lame artist renditions I dub memes of terror.


Feel free to post your memes of terror, as I'm not sleeping anytime soon.
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Re: The Reasons I Will Never Sleep Again.

Postby Arius » 19 Apr 2011, 23:47

Image

Incredibly common where I'm moving.
Last edited by Arius on 20 Apr 2011, 00:22, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: The Reasons I Will Never Sleep Again.

Postby Elomin Sha » 19 Apr 2011, 23:51

ISC that thing.
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Re: The Reasons I Will Never Sleep Again.

Postby TheRocket » 20 Apr 2011, 00:03

Arius wrote:Image

Incredibly common where I'm moving.



You need to Meme of Terror it!

Agree@Elomin. But I'm pretty sure Fear Factor or Survivor already have.
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Re: The Reasons I Will Never Sleep Again.

Postby Elomin Sha » 20 Apr 2011, 00:06

I'm sure Bill would swallow it whole.
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Re: The Reasons I Will Never Sleep Again.

Postby TheRocket » 20 Apr 2011, 00:23

OH COME ON. I just had one right beside me. SERIOUSLY?!?!?! IS THERE NO SAFE PLACE? I rather them on the wall, those fuckers blend in with my upholstery.
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Re: The Reasons I Will Never Sleep Again.

Postby Arius » 20 Apr 2011, 00:25

Done, did a motivator because I'm on my phone and have no access to real editing software.
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Re: The Reasons I Will Never Sleep Again.

Postby tak197 » 20 Apr 2011, 00:27

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coconut_crab

That is all.

Also, it may cost a lot, but this is why you get the best Exterminator possible to put down some bug-fucker-upper around the perimeter of your house.
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Re: The Reasons I Will Never Sleep Again.

Postby It's My Delorean » 20 Apr 2011, 00:34

Hah, Siobhan, I Thought you were just gonna totally diss my hometown, but now that I see those, I'll take my deep snow, packed down sidewalk that everyone uses to walk their dogs to the park, and freezing temperatures.

Tell me though, when you see one, do you leg it?

I'm sorry, I'm being totally insensitive here, I just don't know what to say to pictures of demon spawn...
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Re: The Reasons I Will Never Sleep Again.

Postby TheRocket » 20 Apr 2011, 00:52

I don't know where the Omniverse International campus is located to diss your hometown.

I also don't know what legging it means.. I'm assume you mean run? No I don't run away, I punch it till it dies. It sucks because we recently moved into a new place that painted the walls with flat white paint that cannot be washed. So I have bug deaths all over my freaking walls. I tried washing it with no luck.
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Re: The Reasons I Will Never Sleep Again.

Postby gcninja » 20 Apr 2011, 00:57

On behalf of the bugs
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Re: The Reasons I Will Never Sleep Again.

Postby Master Gunner » 20 Apr 2011, 03:42

Gah! *shudder*

well, that ensures I am NEVER moving below the 40th. I like snow. Snow is comforting, you can build forts with it, you can throw it at friends for fun. Bugs. . . No. Just no. Not going to happen. I'll take the six inches of snow I'm due for today.
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Re: The Reasons I Will Never Sleep Again.

Postby thatlaurachick » 20 Apr 2011, 04:05

Master Gunner wrote:Gah! *shudder*

well, that ensures I am NEVER moving below the 40th. I like snow. Snow is comforting, you can build forts with it, you can throw it at friends for fun. Bugs. . . No. Just no. Not going to happen. I'll take the six inches of snow I'm due for today.


+1, except I need to move farther north.

Wait....
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Re: The Reasons I Will Never Sleep Again.

Postby Drinnik » 20 Apr 2011, 04:46

tak197 wrote:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coconut_crab

That is all.


They're kinda sweet and look like a pokémon.

But I agree with Rocket, centipedes are fucking scary.
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Re: The Reasons I Will Never Sleep Again.

Postby korri » 20 Apr 2011, 04:49

We still get similar things in Pennsylvannia where it does snow in the winter and yet gets humid and hot in the summer. I don't think they're the same thing, but we do call them centipedes. We also get stink bugs, evil, evil stink bugs. They're everywhere!!!
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Re: The Reasons I Will Never Sleep Again.

Postby the_lone_bard » 20 Apr 2011, 05:02

Every single one of you pansys should spend a month in rural australia.

I guarantee by the end of it not a single bug will scare you anymore... unfortunately that doens't work for me because i am petrified of spiders and snakes and would likely just freeze rather than running in the opposite direction.
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Re: The Reasons I Will Never Sleep Again.

Postby madrak_the_red » 20 Apr 2011, 05:10

I love you, temperate British Climate
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Re: The Reasons I Will Never Sleep Again.

Postby Vigafre » 20 Apr 2011, 05:41

I don't I've ever seen any of these things in real life. I guess I'm lucky?
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Re: The Reasons I Will Never Sleep Again.

Postby SilPho » 20 Apr 2011, 06:04

madrak_the_red wrote:I love you, temperate British Climate


"Love" is a bit strong. But a greater appreciation is now being held.
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Re: The Reasons I Will Never Sleep Again.

Postby auberginequeen » 20 Apr 2011, 06:11

I see those things all the time here in southern Ontario AND get piles and piles of snow, so alas Canada is not immune. It's mostly just annoying lifting something up to find one desperately skittering away after being disturbed. I've never been attacked by one, for example.

Now, fire ants ... they are a bitch. Visited my aunt in Florida and was mauled by ants in the night because they had caulked the baseboards in every room except mine.
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Re: The Reasons I Will Never Sleep Again.

Postby Master Gunner » 20 Apr 2011, 06:19

I don't consider "Ontario" to be part of Canada.
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Re: The Reasons I Will Never Sleep Again.

Postby auberginequeen » 20 Apr 2011, 06:52

No love, Gunner.

No love.

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Re: The Reasons I Will Never Sleep Again.

Postby Ottoman » 20 Apr 2011, 06:53

I've never seen anything like that (in real life) here in New York. If I had, I wouldn't be living here anymore. I'd be living on the moon.

As for our good friend the coconut crab, I think they're actually pretty nifty. They don't seem to be able to move very fast, and they're hardly stealthy, so a door and a maybe a crowbar is all you'd need to keep them out of your house.

For those of you who aren't redditors, there were some spider threads last week, and this lovely collection was posted. FUCK EVERYTHING ABOUT THAT.

Personally, I don't mind most insects, but as soon as something has more than 6 legs, I start freaking out.
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Re: The Reasons I Will Never Sleep Again.

Postby Elomin Sha » 20 Apr 2011, 07:14

In the UK we've only have to worry about one of these things swimming up our arse* http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YzZ86GYoxE0

*Wonder if anyone will get the double reference from the same source.
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Re: The Reasons I Will Never Sleep Again.

Postby GreigKM » 20 Apr 2011, 08:04

These are all fascinating creatures. So adapted, some so specifically it's hard to believe they haven't been wiped of the face of the planet! That Coconut crab is something I would never have thought could exist! I wish I could actually see some of these! Damn you Michigan and your boring lack of biological diversity! Oh, and you know, I doubt anything posted so far could harm a human much, but they look damn cool!

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