Advice Thread

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MinniChi
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Re: Advice Thread

Postby MinniChi » 06 Sep 2015, 15:16

I have 30 days to finish getting my wedding ready. I need your help!

There are roughly 20 children attending, ages range from 13 years to 2 years. This is an indoor wedding with no space for running around. Outside is a busy road and a parking lot.

I need some advice on low cost ways to entertain the maximum number of children. It seems like a cop out to set up a video game system/TV as well, so that won't be happening.

I will have colouring pages along with crayons and pencil crayons.
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Re: Advice Thread

Postby Jamfalcon » 06 Sep 2015, 16:07

Board games definitely seem like a good way to go, you could ask guests with children to bring some favourites so that you don't need to go buy a bunch. I know money is tight, but if you can afford it, maybe get some of those activity books with mazes and little puzzles and things? I'm sure you can find them at a dollar store.

That said, someone who has kids might be able to provide better advice than me. I'm just going by when I was young, but I was shy and would've just sat beside my parents the whole time. :P
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Re: Advice Thread

Postby Elomin Sha » 06 Sep 2015, 17:31

Empty cardboard boxes and a stack of colouring pencils.
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Re: Advice Thread

Postby Merrymaker_Mortalis » 06 Sep 2015, 23:46

Any advice for someone who seriously considers moving from the UK to Catalonia to live?
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Re: Advice Thread

Postby Mums » 07 Sep 2015, 03:07

I missed the application period for exchange studies for next spring. But I have a chance to go abroad. If I can find a relevant internship for my studies I can do that as a part of my studies and will get my students loan. So, the advice I'm seeking is for where to search for internships. I study law and would prefer to go to either Canada (Pref: BC) or Australia. I've sent mails to the Swedish embassy in both countries and also contacted Transparency International in Australia. Any ideas? Anyone know a lawyer or someone at a law firm or other firm that could use an intern?
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Re: Advice Thread

Postby My pseudonym is Ix » 07 Sep 2015, 09:22

MinniChi- I was actually discussing this just this weekend, when I spent some time playing with my two little cousins (aged eight and four respectively). My mum reminded me that once for a birthday party when I was about seven, all she did was get hold of a ton of big-bubble bubble wrap, and lay it out in the garden. About ten minutes later she had a garden full of popped bubble wrap, a lot of kids who had just had the best time ever (since I refuse to believe there is anything more fun than popping bubble wrap), then took up the stuff that had already been popped and laid out some more. Suddenly it was an hour later, kids were all exhausted and happy and she'd just organised a very cheap and very well-enjoyed birthday party.

The only issue is going to be getting somewhere to put it where it's not going to annoy somebody, but anyway. Bubble wrap- the solution to all life's little problems.
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Re: Advice Thread

Postby the_lone_bard » 18 Sep 2015, 09:59

OK, so here comes a pretty complicated one I could use some advice on, which is kind of weird, since I've been through a version of this before, which is why I'm smart enough to know good intentions will fuck me up here with my personality.

So, a few of you from some years ago might remember I basically went insane when one of my friends kept taking back her emotionally and psychologically abusive boyfriend, and I did my damn best to ruin that friendship trying to stop her.

So, now that I've moved back to Rosebud, back with my friends, I'm getting to know a pair of twins really well. Hang at their and their fathers place basically every day, and their father's kinda my weed supplier so that helps. One of them is fairly standard 18 year old "mature" teen girl. The other, I jokingly refer to as "The less innocent version of Amanda" that friend I almost went insane trying to help. They even share physical resemblences! At least I didn't immediately fall in love with this one, thank god.

So, I always knew their father was an ass who had a penchant for throwing tantrums to rival a 5 year old. But, it's way worse. He wont just start screaming and yelling about whatever he imagined to piss him off. He will break everything he can. The guy's fucking unhinged. Apparently he screamed at one of them to kill herself, and when she told him to, he stabbed himself in the arm or something, I didn't wanna ask and clarafy the details, I've gone as far out of my way to not get involved in this as I can. Turns out, the reason they live with him, and do everything for him and put up with his shit, is cause he threatened to kill himself if they didn't stay until they were 21... Then apparently a few nights ago he decided to start yelling and screaming, and when one of them tried to leave, he got up in her face and wouldn't let her. Told them both to get out by Feb, and then the next day, when telling her to fix the hole he put in the wall because it's her fault, it turns out his thinking is "Well why did you stand up to me? Are you dumb?" he has no remorse, doesn't give a fuck. He acts like he cares about them, and he genuinely does, right up until the second it inconveniences him at which point fuck it, he comes first.

So, 2 nights ago I was around chillin, he wasn't there which was weird but whatever, apparently he was at Lisas drinking (Oh, Lisa's the ex heroin addict he's in love with, who got into a one sided shouting match with me because I said weed was less dangerous than her methodone...) and hey, cool, day with just my friends around where I don't have to worry if today's the day I snap and say or do something... And then at about midnight one gets a call that he got hit by a car (Potentially jumped in front of it, there is one person who would know and she aint gonna say "Yeah, we got into a fight then he jumped in front of a car.") he's in hopstitle, in a medically induced coma with bleeding in the brain.

I was just starting to talk to them both, specifically the one who reminds me most of Amanda, about his problems not being their problems. And how it's not their job to waste their lives picking up the pieces of his because he's gonna throw a tantrum and threaten himself if they wont.

And now this. They are stuck in an abusive relationship with their god damn father, I learned my lesson with Amanda and her boyfriend and was being slow and gentle about it, and just when I started to actually be able to say what I think, not just dance around it, this. I mean, I'm kinda fuckin scared one day he's gonna snap and actually attack one or both of them, and who knows how that goes... Does he go off the deep end and stab them in their sleep, or does he just lose it and hit one of them, then I punch him until he looks worse than Obyron Martell. But, of course that's not something they will ever see as possible, nobody in their situation does. And I sure as hell can't even bring it up now. I've gotta relate to them, not make them think I'm demonising their dad for things "He'd never do." that's just a quick way to get ignored the rest of the time as far as I can tell.

I'm looking at it and I can see my options as this;
*I can cut contact with them, not my problem, I'm gonna get hurt if I get involved. That wont happen. I'd rather die trying to help someone than live knowing I kept on walking, so to speak.
*I can keep doing what I'm doing, hope I get through to them, hope I can break the brainwashing that happens in abusive relationships and not say or do something to destroy our friendship in the process, since at the end of the day, it's still their family.

So, I mainly need advice with this, how do I stop this sudden thing being a hard reset switch on any progress. I mean, their dad is in a medically induced coma a few hours away right now, it's kinda hard to be advocating for "No, not your problem." right now.
And secondly, I am doing the right thing here guys, right? I mean, at the end of the Amanda and her boyfriend thing, it turned out alright, me and Amanda are great friends, she is STILL shutting down her ex when he occasionally re-confesses his love for her, and right now it's 8pm (According to Skype) in Rome, where she's on holiday with her current, stable boyfriend for the last 3 years. It almost destroyed me, almost destroyed my friendship, buy I got involved there, wouldn't just sit around and watch someone I cared about be treated like shit, and it managed to work out in the end, after a couple of years.
And now, here I am, facing another abusive relationship and the unwillingness to abandon someone you do care about because of it, no clue how it's gonna end, about to jump head first into the situation, and for some reason, probably how badly it fucked with me last time, part of me is wondering, am I doing the right thing getting involved here? I mean, it's an obviously abusive relationship, but while their other friends have made no secret they agree with me when they're around and I'm talking about it, is there a reason I should stay out of it? Am I actually just a white knight looking for a reason to crusade here?
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Re: Advice Thread

Postby Elomin Sha » 18 Sep 2015, 11:20

Not sure how helpful I will be here.

Joke answer:
Pillow to his face.

Serious answer:
The timing is going to be bad but you're going to have to sit them down and have a talk. It's going to be hard, but if there are things that need to be said you have to do it. I've been through one of those recently (I was on the receiving end of a serious talk and agreed with it all) and it hurt but sometimes you need some pain to see the problem through.
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Re: Advice Thread

Postby the_lone_bard » 18 Sep 2015, 11:59

Oh, did I not mention that? they're well aware it's a load of bullshit. "Not Amanda" even blatantly admits she's brainwashed. Turns out being aware you're dealing with a psychotic jackass doesn't over-ride the "But he's mah daddy!" instinct. It's why I've managed to get myself into this situation, because I realized that I could actually talk to them about it without just getting shut down. So of course, I do talk with them about it, and they know I'm right, they haven't argued a single thing with me so far about him... But, he's still their dad. I'm not that worried about one, well, I am, let me elaborate.

"Not Amanda" is the way more mature one, she is also the responsible one, the one who looks after everything, does most of everything and over all, is just trying to keep the peace because she knows it winds up easier for her if her dad just gets his way all the time, since she'll be dealing with the fallout. I'm most worried, that she will get dragged down with him while he's busy doing his best to be dead by 25 and somehow surviving to 50 anyway.

The other one, well, she seems to be rapidly approaching the point I was at with my grandmother. That is "Oh, you want me arorund but are going to treat me like shit? Well then, no more rent, no more bills, no more giving a fuck what I do, or what you care about, deal with it!" she's the more argumentative one of course, so I feel like she's already at the point where she loves her dad, but knows they needa get out regardless. With her, I'm not so much worried about getting her out. She'll be fine, the second I can convince "Not Amanda" to leave, she'll run for the door. With her, I'm mostly worried about her not backing down when her dad decides to flip his shit, and him hurting her. Or, honestly even worse, them getting into an argument, her not backing down, and him decided to shove a knife in his ear in front of her/them because of it.

You said it as a joke answer, but, that's kind of why I'm here. I don't see any obvious way to improve my odds of success here. They know, they agree with me, I'm not fighting warped logic, I'm fighting "I love my dad." and, as a result, in complete honesty when I heard he had bleeding in the brain, one of my first thoughts was "I hope he winds up requiring hospice care." because, then they get seperated! Granted, it took about 2 whole seconds for my brain to realize that yeah, they don't lose their dad that way... But they're still gonna be fucking devastated if that happens to their dad, so no. Honestly, I don't like anything about this situation, I don't even like the person I'm turning into. Because I've seen myself do this before, and I basically become completely controlled by my protective instincts, and that's real bad for me, cause I'm really not joking when I say I'd rather die doing what I think is right, than live and keep going. I'm already starting to think things completely different to my normal personality, how long before I start doing things different? And it was precisely at this moment that Bard realized, he's probably going to frequenting the depression/venting threads a lot in the coming future.
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Re: Advice Thread

Postby Elomin Sha » 18 Sep 2015, 12:06

You'll get those thoughts some times. I did with my step-father when he went off the deep end during his whole bipolar issues a few years ago.
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Re: Advice Thread

Postby Dutch guy » 19 Sep 2015, 04:54

I think the most important thing here is to be their friend. They need someone to talk to when things are tough. It's not on you to "break the abuse". That's never going to happen, because in the end you are still "an outsider". They need to do that themselves. What you CAN do is give them both the support to keep going until that happens.

In the end though, I don't think the people in this forum are the best people to ask for advice on these matters. Personally I'd give a helpline like SANE Australia (https://www.sane.org/information/helpline) a call and ask them for some advice on how to deal with the matter. If you're not comfortable with them knowing who it concerns just keep the call as anonymous as possible (no locations, names, dates, etc, just the bare story like you told it here.

And if your friends ever feel very down, guide them to some mental health care providers themselves. You can't ever deal with all their problems yourself. You're only human. And you are already doing MUCH more than many people would in your situation.
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Re: Advice Thread

Postby AdmiralMemo » 28 Sep 2015, 02:24

Alright, I asked on Wednesday in the LRR Chat regarding advice on alternatives to the video editing/conversion software I was using, since, while it seems adequate to my needs, takes a long time to process each file. I was recommended to use HandBrake. This has proved a bit interesting. I've figured out the conversion capabilities of Handbrake just fine, and it crunches down my files so they only take up 2/3 of the space they used to. But I've yet to figure out how to edit my videos in Handbrake. Can someone point this out to me? I want to trim the "commercial breaks" out of my videos so I can upload them to YouTube without a ton of dead air.

Or was I misinformed, and Handbrake is only for video conversion, not editing?
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Re: Advice Thread

Postby Master Gunner » 28 Sep 2015, 03:51

Never used Handbrake myself, but it looks like it's just for transcoding. For editing out the commercials, your best bet is to probably use YouTube's editor tool after you've uploaded the video - it's pretty straightforward and will do what you need.
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Re: Advice Thread

Postby Robo4900 » 28 Sep 2015, 05:27

VirtualDub's also pretty good if all you want to do is some cutting. Although you'll have to screw around with the settings, otherwise it saves it uncompressed(VERY large files).

Actually, I have a similar question: Does anyone know of any good editing programs that aren't just for cutting/rearranging bits of one file? Basically, I want to be able to splice video files together, overlay images/videos, I'd preferably like to get the hang of it fairly quickly, and it would be nice if it's free(Or at the very least, isn't overpriced like Adobe's stuff).

One thing to note: I mainly use Windows, although I have an Ubuntu parition.
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Re: Advice Thread

Postby ch3m1kal » 28 Sep 2015, 09:33

First things first, yes, Handbrake is absolutely fantastic, but only does encoding / conversion. No editing or anything of the sort.

I'd suggest Lightworks.

http://www.lwks.com

It's a full on professional grade tool, that also comes in a free version. The free one has some limitations of output formats, resolution and some more advanced stuff cut out, but it's a nice way to sort of try before you buy. Paid version is reasonably priced too.

I've personally always liked Sony Vegas. It's easy enough to learn and use, and the base version (which does pretty much all you need) costs about the same as a year subscription to Adobe Premiere.

http://www.sonycreativesoftware.com/vegassoftware

There's also Shotcut, which I've never used personally, but hey it's free and open source...

http://www.shotcutapp.com

And finally Cinerella, which is good and free, but only available for various flavours of Linux.

http://cinelerra.org
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Re: Advice Thread

Postby famout » 28 Sep 2015, 22:20

AdmiralMemo wrote:Alright, I asked on Wednesday in the LRR Chat regarding advice on alternatives to the video editing/conversion software I was using, since, while it seems adequate to my needs, takes a long time to process each file. I was recommended to use HandBrake. This has proved a bit interesting. I've figured out the conversion capabilities of Handbrake just fine, and it crunches down my files so they only take up 2/3 of the space they used to. But I've yet to figure out how to edit my videos in Handbrake. Can someone point this out to me? I want to trim the "commercial breaks" out of my videos so I can upload them to YouTube without a ton of dead air.

Or was I misinformed, and Handbrake is only for video conversion, not editing?


Handbrake is for conversion, but I have found it something I require, when editing a video from XSplit in Adobe Premiere Pro, it always screws up.

XSplit (even when "told" otherwise) always outputs in variable framerate, which most programs do not care at all about, but Adobe do not support, so audio and video desync, not so much in a ten minute video, but in a 3 hour stream? It can be upwards of a minute off!

Handbrake lets you swap from variable to constant, and with settings you can even give up some quality/loads of CPU time for space, along with many other options.

For anyone having desync issues, give it a shot.
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Re: Advice Thread

Postby AdmiralMemo » 29 Sep 2015, 06:12

famout wrote:For anyone having desync issues, give it a shot.
My desync issues, when they happen, typically end up during the streaming/recording itself, rather than the editing.
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Re: Advice Thread

Postby Elomin Sha » 29 Sep 2015, 06:32

I have issues of desyncing from reality.
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Re: Advice Thread

Postby Robo4900 » 29 Sep 2015, 09:06

Elomin Sha wrote:I have issues of desyncing from reality.

Oh, just pause and unpause. You may need a friend to do this, unless you are able to detach one of your limbs from spacetime, but it should solve the problem.
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Re: Advice Thread

Postby AdmiralMemo » 07 Oct 2015, 07:56

In my quest for employment, I've run into an ethical dilemma. I've found a job that will hire me. The job was described as "data entry" in the initial description, which seemed fine. However, after I got more information about the job, it appears to me that what I would be doing would be assisting spammers in data-mining operations, and I don't know how comfortable I would be doing that. However, on the flip side, I'm getting pretty desperate, financially. If I don't find a steady source of income by February, I'll be out of money to pay for my mortgage and other bills. I would hope that I don't have to sell my house. :-(

So, what do you advise? Take the morally-gray job that keeps me financially afloat or no?
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Re: Advice Thread

Postby Elomin Sha » 07 Oct 2015, 08:14

I'd say do it just so you have some finance in you. I expect that type of job can have a high turnover so if you search for another job in lieu it won't hurt you.
It's good to have morals but sometimes they have to bend a little.
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Re: Advice Thread

Postby Jamfalcon » 07 Oct 2015, 08:15

My leaning is that if it's serious enough that not taking it could cost you your house, go for it. If it does turn out to be helping spammers, just keep looking for a job, and use that to pay the bills until you find something better. If it's something you can bear doing for a few months, it'll give you some extra time to find a job that does suit you better.

But that's just my thoughts, of course, and I can't say for sure what's right for you.

Edit: yeah, what Elomin said. :P
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Re: Advice Thread

Postby Robo4900 » 07 Oct 2015, 08:24

If you don't take the job, someone else probably would eventually, and spam is like piracy in that it will always happen, so if you need this job for a while, there shouldn't be a problem. :)
That's my view anyway.
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Re: Advice Thread

Postby Elomin Sha » 07 Oct 2015, 08:27

I work in gaming retail, not as grey, it does have some issues with parents getting GTA V for six year olds. I made a child cry when I told their parents what was in South Park: The Stick of Truth and they said no to him. Amazing what telling them about horse fucking, 30 ft Nazi fetus and going up a man's bum hole will do in changing their mind.
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Re: Advice Thread

Postby AlexAshman » 07 Oct 2015, 12:05

I worked for a double glazing call centre for a short while as a summer job. We're talking unsolicited calls to people who forgot to tick the 'leave me alone' box on a form - telephone spam. The regulars working there wouldn't hesitate to go for the hard sell, whereas I would be respectful and not push vulnerable people into letting slick salesmen into their homes. I made less commission but kept my morals.

TD;DR - not every morally gray job requires you to become like Gaius Baltar on New Caprica.

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