Double Or Nothing: 2013, 200 Movies, 100 Words (Complete!)
- King Kool
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Re: Double Or Nothing: 2013, 200 Movies, 100 Words Apiece
Movie 54: Iron Man 3 - Tony Stark has to deal with the fallout of Avengers while new evil looms. He even finds himself suitless for a large chunk of the middle. I like movies that shake up stuff like this (Dark Knight Rises bankrupted Batman!). The action is creative and varied (even changing up fighting in a big metal tuna can). The conceit of the Mandarin's henchmen is almost too silly, but it's handled with such gravity that I believed it. It's also funnier than almost any comedy I've seen this year. This movie had its work cut out for it, and it succeeds nicely.
Keeping on track.
Keeping on track.
- King Kool
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Re: Double Or Nothing: 2013, 200 Movies, 100 Words Apiece
Movie 55: The Big Wedding - Has there ever been a French farce converted to an American release that was any good? (The Birdcage?) Farce can be delightful, but they never include the elemental component: truly escalating chaos. There's one scene where everything is about to go nuts and... it goes nowhere. Everything works out. There's not even any mistaken identity. That's like salsa without tomatoes. The great cast plays it more like an odd drama than a comedy. They really want to deliver the feels in the dramatic scenes, but then they fall into lakes and get punched in the face. And I just shrug.
Movie 56: K-19: The Widowmaker - Being "based on a true story" doesn't mean shit to me. A soviet sub has trouble while off the American coast. A disaster could spark war (though this reactor CAN'T actually go "thermonuclear;" that's FUSION, not fission). The Russian accents aren't strong enough to be silly or thin enough to ignore (Phantom skipped them, to its benefit). Yeah, there's mutiny, unconventional leadership and radiation (shown in dismaying detail). And it's really LONG. That last scene where you say, "These characters did this after the movie," you don't put a scene AFTER THAT! I still enjoyed it. It's still too long.
Well, dammit is Makeup May has fallen at the first hurdle. I have a video project I am trying desperately to get out by next week (You'll see why) and I can't edit video while watching a movie. If I get a chunk of time where I'm processing the video, then I'll watch something then.
Movie 56: K-19: The Widowmaker - Being "based on a true story" doesn't mean shit to me. A soviet sub has trouble while off the American coast. A disaster could spark war (though this reactor CAN'T actually go "thermonuclear;" that's FUSION, not fission). The Russian accents aren't strong enough to be silly or thin enough to ignore (Phantom skipped them, to its benefit). Yeah, there's mutiny, unconventional leadership and radiation (shown in dismaying detail). And it's really LONG. That last scene where you say, "These characters did this after the movie," you don't put a scene AFTER THAT! I still enjoyed it. It's still too long.
Well, dammit is Makeup May has fallen at the first hurdle. I have a video project I am trying desperately to get out by next week (You'll see why) and I can't edit video while watching a movie. If I get a chunk of time where I'm processing the video, then I'll watch something then.
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Re: Double Or Nothing: 2013, 200 Movies, 100 Words Apiece
Movie 57: Down Periscope - This is basically a frat movie, and the frat is the Navy. Kelsey Grammer is the captain on a sub full of wacky misfits. Do they eventually make a great team? Except for the executive officer played by Rob Schneider. He yells all the time, so they kick him of the boat for (you guessed it!) mutiny. This time, mutiny was "following the rules." Was I supposed to hate him? Yeah, the captain's approach is "unconventional," but his plans are pretty clever. The only really funny part is an extended pantomime scene. Otherwise, it's pretty boilerplate. Sadly, absolutely no Russians.
Movie 58: Peeples - My GOD, is this movie ever broad and labored. Everyone just blurts out all the character stuff like they think we're stupid. When Craig Robinson overhears an incriminating conversation, you just KNOW it'll be somehow innocent. Everything that goes wrong gets blamed on him when it's not his fault. Surely, SOMETHING could go wrong that actually WAS his fault so this doesn't seem incredibly forced, right? David Allen Grier does some goofy stuff in this movie, so why is he such a granite faced scold with Robinson? Do I have to mention that someone takes hallucinogens without their knowledge? Oy.
Movie 58: Peeples - My GOD, is this movie ever broad and labored. Everyone just blurts out all the character stuff like they think we're stupid. When Craig Robinson overhears an incriminating conversation, you just KNOW it'll be somehow innocent. Everything that goes wrong gets blamed on him when it's not his fault. Surely, SOMETHING could go wrong that actually WAS his fault so this doesn't seem incredibly forced, right? David Allen Grier does some goofy stuff in this movie, so why is he such a granite faced scold with Robinson? Do I have to mention that someone takes hallucinogens without their knowledge? Oy.
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Re: Double Or Nothing: 2013, 200 Movies, 100 Words Apiece
BONUS TRIPLE REVIEW!! MOVIE 58: STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS
Non-spoiler review: If Jesus returned to Earth, my first suspicion would be that He was actually an extraterrestrial pretending to be Jesus. Especially if all he wanted was gold. And if,when you protested, he'd quote something random from the Bible. Some people would go along with it. I would cry, "This thing is USING you by pretending to be something you love and referencing it intermittently! Maybe you'll love anything in the vague shape of Jesus, but can we agree that this just isn't him?" That would be a science fiction story worth telling. In fact, maybe Star Trek already did.
Spoiler Review (positive): Benedict Cumberbatch's character is actually Khan. You have to be pretty confident to try THAT again. They say his frozen buddies are 300 years old. But that means the eugenics wars of the 1990s still happened! I love that! This movie desperately needed more Scotty. Who decided to cut him out of half the movie? All the performances are quite good, and there aren't any infuriating scenes like baby Kirk hopping out of the convertible. It's not as confrontational with the dialogue. Mind, it's still quite standard. But lots of decent movies can be standard. It's a fine hundred minutes.
Of course, the movie's longer than two hours, so...
Spoiler Review (openly hostile): "Khan's blood." I was mumbling this to myself by the end. "Khan's blood." Movies occasionally have a character do something that gets forgotten about so it can return for a climax (like the original arc reactor in Iron Man). They take out Khan's blood and inject it into a dead tribble. Kirk sacrifices himself to save the crew, but THE BLOOD BROUGHT THE TRIBBLE BACK TO LIFE. OF COURSE IT FUCKING DID. Kirk sacrifices himself and they put him right back together in the same movie! I marched out to the lobby and cried "BOO!" I should have said, "ABRAHMS!!"
Non-spoiler review: If Jesus returned to Earth, my first suspicion would be that He was actually an extraterrestrial pretending to be Jesus. Especially if all he wanted was gold. And if,when you protested, he'd quote something random from the Bible. Some people would go along with it. I would cry, "This thing is USING you by pretending to be something you love and referencing it intermittently! Maybe you'll love anything in the vague shape of Jesus, but can we agree that this just isn't him?" That would be a science fiction story worth telling. In fact, maybe Star Trek already did.
Spoiler Review (positive): Benedict Cumberbatch's character is actually Khan. You have to be pretty confident to try THAT again. They say his frozen buddies are 300 years old. But that means the eugenics wars of the 1990s still happened! I love that! This movie desperately needed more Scotty. Who decided to cut him out of half the movie? All the performances are quite good, and there aren't any infuriating scenes like baby Kirk hopping out of the convertible. It's not as confrontational with the dialogue. Mind, it's still quite standard. But lots of decent movies can be standard. It's a fine hundred minutes.
Of course, the movie's longer than two hours, so...
Spoiler Review (openly hostile): "Khan's blood." I was mumbling this to myself by the end. "Khan's blood." Movies occasionally have a character do something that gets forgotten about so it can return for a climax (like the original arc reactor in Iron Man). They take out Khan's blood and inject it into a dead tribble. Kirk sacrifices himself to save the crew, but THE BLOOD BROUGHT THE TRIBBLE BACK TO LIFE. OF COURSE IT FUCKING DID. Kirk sacrifices himself and they put him right back together in the same movie! I marched out to the lobby and cried "BOO!" I should have said, "ABRAHMS!!"
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Re: Double Or Nothing: 2013, 200 Movies, 100 Words Apiece
Movie 59: In Time - I don't generally like science fiction movies that make up a system and say how unjust it is while everyone in the world is ALSO an asshole. I think a lot of the problems in this society would be solved if you didn't always have your net worth on your arm AND if people couldn't take it against your will. The real ramifications for "time is money" isn't as richly explored as a book (I assume there are no jails), but it's trying much harder than most science fiction movies these days. This was a science fiction story worth telling.
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Re: Double Or Nothing: 2013, 200 Movies, 100 Words Apiece
Movie 60: Pain & Gain - Maybe it's better to get pretty far from the "true story." There's many liberties taken here (but apparently the ninja costumes were real). As it is, it's a story about cruel and stupid people. But unlike most movies about bad people, almost nothing goes RIGHT for them because they're so stupid. Some people say they're antiheroes. Nonsense. They're amoral killers who justify what they do with idiotically deluded narration. Except for a brief period of excess, I don't think they glorify what they do at all. It's a dark, saturated and strangely funny movie. I liked it. Not sure why.
The more I think about In Time, the more questions I have about it.
The more I think about In Time, the more questions I have about it.
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Re: Double Or Nothing: 2013, 200 Movies, 100 Words Apiece
Movie 61: Fantastic Voyage - A classic about being shrunk and entering the human body and finding really weird sets and lava lamp crap inside him, I still have trouble finding a place for a movie this old. I bristle a bit at some of the casual sexism (and the traitor resists the notion of benevolent design and embraces evolution, ugh), but it was almost fifty years ago. The science is pretty silly, but the movie succeeds by building real tension as things continue to get more complicated. Sadly, I've already read the novelization, but even knowing what was going to happen, I enjoyed it.
The Toast Review can be seen here.
The Toast Review can be seen here.
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Re: Double Or Nothing: 2013, 200 Movies, 100 Words Apiece
Movie 62: The Hangover Part II - Die Harder is no longer the most similar sequel I've seen this year. This is closer to Good Day as far as misunderstanding why the first one worked. Was it necessary to spend twenty minutes reestablishing the plot before they black out? They still lose their memory, there's still someone missing they need to find before a wedding, but... there are no jokes! It's just screaming and swearing as the situation goes out of control. Even when it tries to be shocking, it doesn't go anywhere. The original screenwriters didn't write this. I never thought I'd miss them so much.
Gah.
Somehow, I got it in my head that I needed 100 movies by the end of May. I need that many by the end of JUNE. I'm bad at math. MG's stat updates were very helpful in that regard.
Keep making suggestions, cuz I need to watch more stuff and when I have the whole Netflix archive in front of me, I do stupid crap like rent Big Money Hustla$ and then not watch it for a week. Help me out here!
Gah.
Somehow, I got it in my head that I needed 100 movies by the end of May. I need that many by the end of JUNE. I'm bad at math. MG's stat updates were very helpful in that regard.
Keep making suggestions, cuz I need to watch more stuff and when I have the whole Netflix archive in front of me, I do stupid crap like rent Big Money Hustla$ and then not watch it for a week. Help me out here!
Re: Double Or Nothing: 2013, 200 Movies, 100 Words Apiece
Suggestions, eh? All right, let's see how you deal with camp-black-humor-sci-fi!
Lexx: I Worship His Shadow
Lexx: Super Nova
Lexx: Eating Pattern
Lexx: Giga Shadow
(Technically a miniseries, but each one is feature-length)
Innerspace
Lexx: I Worship His Shadow
Lexx: Super Nova
Lexx: Eating Pattern
Lexx: Giga Shadow
(Technically a miniseries, but each one is feature-length)
Innerspace
Consider this signature a museum piece, since I love it and am unlikely to change it ever.
- King Kool
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Re: Double Or Nothing: 2013, 200 Movies, 100 Words Apiece
DmitriW wrote:Suggestions, eh? All right, let's see how you deal with camp-black-humor-sci-fi!
Lexx: I Worship His Shadow
Lexx: Super Nova
Lexx: Eating Pattern
Lexx: Giga Shadow
(Technically a miniseries, but each one is feature-length)
Uhh... if they're not movies, I don't know if those count. There's one exception I might make to send out the year.
DmitriW wrote:Innerspace
I JUST did Fantastic Voyage for Sub-May-Rine. And Innerspace isn't the last entry for that month.
Might still watch 'em.
- Dubious_wolf
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Re: Double Or Nothing: 2013, 200 Movies, 100 Words Apiece
I enjoyed your Star Trek review probably more than I should have...
^( " )^
winner!
winner!
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Re: Double Or Nothing: 2013, 200 Movies, 100 Words Apiece
King Kool wrote:Keep making suggestions, cuz I need to watch more stuff and when I have the whole Netflix archive in front of me, I do stupid crap like rent Big Money Hustla$ and then not watch it for a week. Help me out here!
I need to watch Big Money Hustlas, because I honestly really enjoyed Big Money Rustlas. I really enjoy terrible movies, I'm afraid.
Do a Pivot Table!
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Re: Double Or Nothing: 2013, 200 Movies, 100 Words Apiece
This is probably unhelpful advice, but... work your way down, I guess: http://www.imdb.com/chart/top
"Let us think the unthinkable, let us do the undoable, let us prepare to grapple with the ineffable itself, and see if we may not it after all."
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Re: Double Or Nothing: 2013, 200 Movies, 100 Words Apiece
Movie 63: Yellow Submarine - The Beatles don't voice themselves in this movie! Well, they do when they sing. This whole movie is a giant excuse for Beatles songs and psychedelic imagery that almost certainly came from immense drug use. I think growing up with so much computers, I forget that everything here had to be done by hand. Nevertheless, I couldn't tell you anything that happens in this movie, or why, and even if I could, I wouldn't dare tell. You should give this movie a watch and see the imagery, hear the songs you already know and withstand the puns (OH, the puns!).
Movie 64: The Hangover Part III - I'm gratified that even after making half a billion bucks, they didn't make the first Hangover AGAIN. But they have the same problem. There's NO JOKES. This is just an action thriller (a bad one)! They think the incredulous laughs you might get during a car chase or action scene qualify as jokes (or people being assholes without, you know, SAYING SOMETHING FUNNY). Alan wasn't a total entitled jerk in the first movie, was he? And HE gets to find love? This is sufficient evidence that the first Hangover was a fluke and these guys don't know anything about comedy.
So... I think about 20 movies behind.
Movie 64: The Hangover Part III - I'm gratified that even after making half a billion bucks, they didn't make the first Hangover AGAIN. But they have the same problem. There's NO JOKES. This is just an action thriller (a bad one)! They think the incredulous laughs you might get during a car chase or action scene qualify as jokes (or people being assholes without, you know, SAYING SOMETHING FUNNY). Alan wasn't a total entitled jerk in the first movie, was he? And HE gets to find love? This is sufficient evidence that the first Hangover was a fluke and these guys don't know anything about comedy.
So... I think about 20 movies behind.
Re: Double Or Nothing: 2013, 200 Movies, 100 Words Apiece
On the subject of Beatles movies: Have you ever seen "Across the universe"? It's a musical-like movie stitched together by songs from the Beatles. It's an experience in and of itself to watch it.
"if it ain't shiny, rub it on your hiney"
Re: Double Or Nothing: 2013, 200 Movies, 100 Words Apiece
Ugh, god dammit.King Kool wrote:Movie 64: The Hangover Part III - I'm gratified that even after making half a billion bucks, they didn't make the first Hangover AGAIN. But they have the same problem. There's NO JOKES. This is just an action thriller (a bad one)! They think the incredulous laughs you might get during a car chase or action scene qualify as jokes (or people being assholes without, you know, SAYING SOMETHING FUNNY). Alan wasn't a total entitled jerk in the first movie, was he? And HE gets to find love? This is sufficient evidence that the first Hangover was a fluke and these guys don't know anything about comedy.
I'd hoped they would LEARN after the second one sucked so bad.
Oh well.
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Re: Double Or Nothing: 2013, 200 Movies, 100 Words Apiece
I would like to request Chopper (2000), one of my favourite Australian films. And, what the heck, Alexandra's Project (2003), my least favourite film of all time.
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Re: Double Or Nothing: 2013, 200 Movies, 100 Words Apiece
On the subject of terrible films, I propose The Bridge to Teribythea (think that's how it's spelt). Never seen it, but every time it gets mentioned around a mate o mine it drives him into a rage
"Let us think the unthinkable, let us do the undoable, let us prepare to grapple with the ineffable itself, and see if we may not it after all."
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Re: Double Or Nothing: 2013, 200 Movies, 100 Words Apiece
Graham wrote:Ugh, god dammit.King Kool wrote:The Hangover Part III: (snip)
I'd hoped they would LEARN after the second one sucked so bad.
Oh well.
The second one sucked, but it made what my friends south of le border would call "mucho bank." And in that sense, I'm kinda glad they had the courage to NOT just make it again. But since that was such a huge criticism of the first one, I guess it just couldn't be ignored.
As far as the action stuff, it's actually OK, but if it was a movie that was JUST action, it would be laughed right out of the locker room. It's just not that interesting.
You know what? I take back what I said. In order to do the first one a third time, that would have taken some real ingenuity, something these dopes don't have.
Graham, by chance, did you see Identity Thief?
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Re: Double Or Nothing: 2013, 200 Movies, 100 Words Apiece
Movie 65: Tinker Bell - I seriously doubt this is the original story of Tinker Bell's origin. (The "tinker" part is apparently from the book.) All Tinker Bell wants is to go to the human world and mess with all their cool stuff (sound familiar, Ariel?). She uses her ingenuity, but it keeps failing until she really screws up, at the behest of the bitch fairy. We've seen all this before, but it's occasionally funny (a bird tries reassemble his shell to escape Tinker Bell). I suppose I liked it better than the last time I saw this plot: Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs.
Yeahhh.
Yeahhh.
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Re: Double Or Nothing: 2013, 200 Movies, 100 Words Apiece
Movie 66: After Earth - Maybe Shyamalan movies don't bother me like they do other people. I didn't hate his last two movies (they're not good). I don't mind slow movies. This movie's slow and short, so not a whole lot happens. Jaden Smith has to cross wilderness to get help, with his badass dad on Skype. It's a story that could be interesting, but it's handled sloppily. At one point, Will wants to abort the mission because he thinks it's futile. Then what? You all die anyway? A movie this silly could only be made with the utmost sincerity. Perhaps the most sincere vanity.
Movie 67: Epic - Here's ANOTHER movie about little creatures doing all nature's work. And Tinker Bell was funnier, ironically because there's too MUCH comic relief here. Everything leads into some stupid gag. It's tiresome, like the stuntcasting (Steven Tyler sings! Nobody else does). It's at a right angle to the stuff between the girl and her dad, which is better. When she can't take his shenanigans, she leaves a note (before being shrunk), and we never see what the note says, but we see the impact. It's alright, I guess, but man, the humor just goes clunk and the rest is sorta... meh.
Movie 68: Now You See Me - How many movies do I have to see this year that don't understand magic? When they take that curtain and it swirls around, and it's clearly computerized, how am I supposed to believe this is a real stage show? I don't even believe the dialogue, much less the preposterous illusions that rely almost entirely on the vagaries of cinema. The trick shown in the trailer has only two possible solutions (or perhaps three). It's just smug and I don't believe it for a single second, and it reeks of self-satisfaction. Even After Earth wasn't quite so bloody proud of itself.
I enjoyed Tinker Bell more than ALL of these movies.
Movie 67: Epic - Here's ANOTHER movie about little creatures doing all nature's work. And Tinker Bell was funnier, ironically because there's too MUCH comic relief here. Everything leads into some stupid gag. It's tiresome, like the stuntcasting (Steven Tyler sings! Nobody else does). It's at a right angle to the stuff between the girl and her dad, which is better. When she can't take his shenanigans, she leaves a note (before being shrunk), and we never see what the note says, but we see the impact. It's alright, I guess, but man, the humor just goes clunk and the rest is sorta... meh.
Movie 68: Now You See Me - How many movies do I have to see this year that don't understand magic? When they take that curtain and it swirls around, and it's clearly computerized, how am I supposed to believe this is a real stage show? I don't even believe the dialogue, much less the preposterous illusions that rely almost entirely on the vagaries of cinema. The trick shown in the trailer has only two possible solutions (or perhaps three). It's just smug and I don't believe it for a single second, and it reeks of self-satisfaction. Even After Earth wasn't quite so bloody proud of itself.
I enjoyed Tinker Bell more than ALL of these movies.
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Re: Double Or Nothing: 2013, 200 Movies, 100 Words Apiece
Movie 69: Sub Down - It's the only movie brave enough to cast Stephen Baldwin as a bookworm engineer! The movie that claims that the navy brass and the eggheads "clash," but they spend the whole movie separated and cooperating! The movie bold enough to have shit all happen in the first half hour except sailors acting like frat boys! The movie where men read Car and Driver magazine when they're in a submarine! The movie where they actually play Battleship in a submarine! Best of all: there's no mutiny! I got a little fun out of this, but honestly not more than Down Periscope.
The Toast Review will be forthcoming.
The Toast Review will be forthcoming.
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Re: Double Or Nothing: 2013, 200 Movies, 100 Words Apiece
Request: Much Ado About Nothing (2013)
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Re: Double Or Nothing: 2013, 200 Movies, 100 Words Apiece
If it comes out anywhere near, I'll try to get to it.
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