Atrocious restaurant sketch idea

[Avistew]

Today Fayili and I met up in San Francisco. We passed a restaurant named "the Stinky Rose" and commented that it wasn't a very appealing name for a restaurant. Then saw in the window a giant piece of garlic with fangs, being all menacing and holding two cloves of garlic in his hands. We joked that they were trying to deter people from going to their restaurant and... soon we wanted to write a sketch out of it.


Here is what we ended up with:


The scene takes place in a restaurant. You can't see an empty table or two in the background. Three guys are sitting at a table, two of them dressed as waiters, one of them as a chef. They all wear sunglasses and earpieces throughout the video.

CHEF, holding a paper: Guys, we have a problem.
WAITER 1: What's going on?
CHEF: Someone wrote a good review of our restaurant.
WAITER 2: What? But... it's the worst restaurant ever!
WAITER 1: We named it the Stinky Rose! (or worse name)
Waiter 2: We serve dog food!
WAITER 1: We have an angry clove of garlic (or worse thing) in the window!
CHEF: I know, I know. I think it's another spy agency trying to sabotage us.
WAITER 2: Of course! If we have to actually take care of customers, we won't have any free time left!
CHEF: Now, has either of you noticed anyone suspicious?
WAITER 1: Yes, a woman.
CHEF: What does she look like?
WAITER 1, pointing: Like this.
They turn their heads. A woman is standing next to the table, listening in.
CHEF: Who are you? Who do you work for?!
MEGAN: Er... I'm Megan? And I work for the Daily Mail?
WAITER 2: Are you the person who wrote a good review about our restaurant?
MEGAN: Er, yes? Is that a crime?
CHEF: Have you EATEN our food? (cue image of terrible food)
WAITER 1: Or taken a look at the menu? (cue menu with weird names that don't specify the ingredients)
MEGAN: Well, I... enjoy the service? I feel at home here?

Montage of the waiters being horrible to MEGAN when she was there:

WAITER 1 spills soup on a MEGAN's lap quite obviously on purpose.
WAITER 1: Oopsie!

WAITER 2 bring a plate to the table. MEGAN is at the table.
WAITER 2: Oh, wait, I almost forgot!
WAITER 2 spits in the plate at the table.
WAITER 2: Here you go!
MEGAN gets up with an outraged look.
WAITER 2, yelling at her as she leaves: Don't forget my tip!

The three guys glare at Megan.

MEGAN: Fine, fine. I'm trying to discredit the Daily Mail! Also, I have a crush on one of the waiters. His glasses make him look mysterious.
WAITER 1 and 2 both smile, obviously both taking it for themselves.
CHEF: Why would you want to discredit the Daily Mail? Also, I wear glasses too!
MEGAN: Yeah, but your hat is silly. Anyways. I hate them. I always have. Ever since I was a kid.
WAITER 2: Ooh, a background story. I like the sound of it.
MEGAN: When I was 8 years old, I wrote a letter to the editor. I worked on it all day with my mother. But they didn't publish it, and I vowed then to take my revenge. I became a journalist and have been writing the worst articles I can. And because I have dirt on the editor in chief, I know I won't get fired. I'll drive them to the ground. To the ground!!
CHEF, gets up and takes off his hat: Well, lady, colour me impressed. Nice stalking, nice infiltrating, and blackmailing skills to boot. Have you ever wanted to work as a spy?
MEGAN, gleeful: Ooooh, yes!

MEGAN, dressed as a spy waiter, looks at a receit.
MEGAN: No tip? Someone's getting an article in the Daily Mail!


Stinger:

BILL, sitting at a table, take a mouthful of the disgusting looking food. He seems thoughtful as he licks his lips, then nods.
BILL: Mmh, I think I've had this before.
He then proceeds to eat some more.


We don't have a name for the video, but we like the idea of it being a pun on "service". As in, secret service, but also restaurant service.

[JustAName]

I was just trying to show you guys how ridiculous the thing was, and I found a picture that even had the angry garlic in it. Seriously. Thing's got vampire fangs.

[dackwards d]

MEGAN, dressed as a spy waiter, looks at a receit.
MEGAN: No tip? Someone's getting an article in the Daily Mail!

This bit feels like a stinger moment, though it would need fleshing out. Maybe she's screaming out the door something along the lines of "If I wasn't under cover I would totally whoop your ass with my super spy moves, jackass!"

The original Bill stinger I found hilarious but I don't think he's available to film often. That and the problem with inside jokes is it's only funny to insiders. Not many of the Escapist viewers will even have heard of the ISC.

Anyway, I like it. Probably too short as it stands, but I think it would make a hilarious video.

[waZelda]

I like the logic in that she wasted one day writing a letter when she was a kid and thus descided to waste years trying to get revenge. Appropriately ridiculous for a sketch like this.

[chif-ii]

I'm thinking Megan should be played by the QV's waitress from cH.

Also, put the Creepy doll in the window.

[Millie5]

I like the sketch idea.. Why one member here saying like the things are so vampire fangs.. I'll share this to others.