King of the Hill

[Zed Alpha]

I sic the Crime Syndicate of Amerika on your anti-matter universe butt, then claim the hill.

[Gordon Fearman]

...and explode. Because it's antimatter.

Geez.

[Dangerfield Newby]

Realizing that the person before made no motion to claim the hill, I post a do not disturb sign on the hill and lie down to rest.

[Gordon Fearman]

...and explode. Because you're lying on antimatter.

[Zed Alpha]

I use a matter-antimatter converter on myself, then claim the hill.
Jackass.

[Master Gunner]

I tunnel under the hill and install Hydraulic lifts. I use them to slowly raise the hill as I pile previously excavated dirt under it. Eventually, the hill is now reclassified as a mountain based on its new height, so none of you get to be king of the hill, as it is no longer a hill.

I find a quiet, isolated hill far away from the rest of you, and claim it as my own.

[Gordon Fearman]

I hire a bunch of mole people to burrow under the mountain, and turn it back into a hill.

[ThrashJazzAssassin]

I bribe the mole people to murder you in your sleep, and plant my throne atop your corpse.

[Machalllewis]

Utilising the burrow holes that the moles created I sneak underneath the hill and utilising a blow torth I burn through Freemans corpse and then melt the throne from underneath you. I use the melted throne to make my own crown stating my winness of the hill.

[Gordon Fearman]

Mole people can't kill me for I tread in the light.

[Zed Alpha]

Seeing as I rule the mole-people, I command them to do so anyway. I get them some sunglasses and sunscreen or something, then they drag you down into the tunnels below and eat you alive.

I claim the mountain, and then bomb seven kinds of crap out of the hill. Then some genetically engineered mole-men supersoldiers invade what's left and claim it in my name.

[Salwiak]

Finishing what you already started, I blow up the rest of the hill and build a new, superior one.

On a hill with a nice view to the ocean and the setting sun; near a Italian restaurant, with food cooked by real Italians, with real fresh and local ingredients; and a small local supermarket with a nice old man as the manager, who tells you stories about his exciting life as an astronaut every time you visit; and a tiny library with only a handful of books you've already read many times, but keep reading still because they're the best books there are: stories written by the creator of the Magicland books.

[Gordon Fearman]

Man, I almost feel sorry to try and take this away from him.

[Zed Alpha]

I don't! I nuke the fuck out of it and claim the irradiated husk of what once was the Hill! GLORY TO THE MOLE-KINGDOM!

[Gordon Fearman]

Oh, you and your moles. I find Goku and send him to Solar Flare your forces.

[Mister Fiend]

I alter time so Trunks never cures Goku's heart condition. I then snipe everyone with a modded Longshot. I walk to the top of the hill, sit on my beer cooler throne, and await the inevitable counterattack.

[Gordon Fearman]

Well, I guess Goku's dead now. So are the moles too. Right, I puncture the atmosphere just above the hill so that space air leaks in and kills you.

I stand on the hill, victorious with my goggles.

[Emperor Gum]

I call my buddy Atlas and he drops the sky on you. He then picks up the sky and I claim the hill.

[Arius]

I don't believe in the sky, so it doesn't affect me!

I get Jackie Gleason to smack you to the moon.

[Gordon Fearman]

Where Zeus kicks your ass for convincing Atlas to drop the sky.

[Bamshark]

I spend 20 years of hard work building a newer betterer hill, and then once it was finished you all flocked to it, and fought for who should be the king of this glorious hill, I leave quietly returning to the old hill, I push a big red button which detonates the mound of TNT under the hill and it is scattered across the land, with a tear in my eye I proclaim that I am the king of the hill!

[Gordon Fearman]

DEUS EX MACHINA!!!

I am now the king.

[Arius]

Joel already took the SS Deus Ex Machina.

And due to a bank error in my favour, I am the king of the hill.

[Gordon Fearman]

You should report that to the government.

[Whitmore]

I AM the government.

I'll be confiscating that hill now, sir.