Abomination of Gudul - "DC comics presents Man-Bat" or "Man-Bat"
Abzan Ascendancy - "Three cheers for dying!"
Abzan Banner - "Abzanner"
Abzan Battle Priest - "I kick ass for the lord"
Abzan Charm - "Pillar of blood preperations" or "A Charms"
Abzan Falconer - "Bird-man"
Abzan Guide - "Giraffe Rider"
Act of Treason - "BAD KITTY!"
Ainok Bond-Kin - "Stab dog"
Ainok Tracker - "Snow dog"
Alabaster Kirin - "Ghost horse"
Alpine Grizzly - "Swole bear"
Alter of the Brood - "Wait, what does this do?"
Anafenza, the Foremost - "Anafenza, the Goatmost" or "Goat There" or "Anafenza the most goat" or "Scapegoat"
Ankleshanker - "Cousin Stabby"
Arc Lightning - "Warrior Killer"
Archer's Parapet - "Tower Defense"
Arament Corps - "Counter Commandos"
Arrow Storm - "Our arrows will blot out the sun"
Ashcloud Pheonix - "Surprise bird"
Avalanch Tusker - "The Downhill Super E" or "The Shreadaphant"
Awaken The Bear - "Bear form" or "Release The Beast"
Barrage of Boulders - "Look out Bellllllloooooooow"
Bear's Companion - "Bear fraand!"
Become immense - "Get Swole"
Bellowing Saddlebrute - "The Orcish Yelling Brigade"
Bitter Revelation - "Dig Through Grime"
Blinding Spray - "Pocket sand"
Bloodfell Caves - "Dark hole"
Bloodfire Expert - "The Human Torch" (The Efreet Torch?)
Bloodfire Mentor - "Kneel my son" or "Got your face!"
Bloodsoaked Champion - "Arther "Two-Shields" Jackson"
Blossoming Sands - "Flower dune"
Brave The Sands - "Deeeeeep hurting"
Briber's Purse - "Payola"
Bring Low - "Eff this snowman"
Burn Away - "Burn the yard"
Butcher of the Horde - "Big Butch"
Cancel - "Nope"
Anyon Lurkers - "Lenny and Lonna Axe"
chief of the Edge - "Pointy"
Chief of the Scale - "Blunt"
Clever Impersonator - "I'm Yooooou!" or "Clever girl"
Crackling Doom - "Doom Crispies"
Cranial Archive - "Brain bottle"
Crater's Claws - "Ferociball" or "Shockball" or "RAWR"
Crippling Chill - "Lick the flagpole"
Dazzling Ramparts - "The razzle dazzle castle"
Dead Drop - "Feeding time"
Death Frenzy - "Crocidile rock"
Debilitating injury - "Game time decision"
Defiant Strike - "How Dare you?" or "What gives you the right?"
Deflecting Palm - "Talk to the hand"
Despise - "Helmsmash!" or "Staring contest"
Dig Through Time - "Neat vape trick" or "Dig for answers"
Disdainful Stroke - "Counter target spell you care about"
Dismal Backwater - "Sad pond"
Disowned Ancestor - "Weird uncle Dave"
Dragon Grip - "Grip and sip"
Dragon Throne of Tarkir - "Bonethrone AKA the comfy chair" or "Bonethrone" or "The Comfy Chair"
Dragon's Eye Savants - "Free information"
Dragonscale Boon - "Countersurge"
Dragon-style Twins - "Supertwins"
Duneblast - "I choose you!"
Dutiful Return - "Would you care for some butt fruit?" or "Would you care for some colon/intestine fruit?"
Efreet Weaponmaster - "Karate kid"
Embodiment of Spring - "The bumble"
Empty The Pits - "Everybody get out"
End Hostilities - "Everybody calm down"
Erase - "Ffffsssshh"
Feat of Resistance - "Olm's Law"
Feed The Clan - "Dinner Time"
Firehoof Cavalry - "Hot Trot" or "Hot to trot"
Flying Crane Technique - "FLYING CRANE TECHNIQUE" (must be said in kung-fu voice)
Force Away - "Force push"
Frontier Bivouac - "Skull tent"
Ghostfire Blade - "The perfect crime" or "Handle with care"
Glacial Stalker - "Let's build a snowman"
Goblinslide - "The goblin bobsled team" or "Gobsled team"
Grim Haruspex - "Brain toucher"
Gurmag Swiftwing - "Batkroma"
Hardened Scales - "Gortex
heart-Piercer Bow - "I poke you"
Heir of the Wilds - "Death Bear"
Herald of Anafenza - "Harald"
High Sentinels of Arashin - "Hawk men! DIVE!" (Said in best Brian Blessed impression)
Highland Game - "Wild game stew"
Highspire Mantis - "Ahh, seen here, a rare Boros nope"
Hooded Hydra - "Five snakes in an overcoat"
Hooting Mandrills - "Hootie and the Mandrills"
Horde Ambusher - "Freddy Falter"
Hordeling Outburst - "Goblin Babies"
Howl of the Horde - "Lightning Scream"
Icefeather Aven - "Icefather"
Icy Blast - "It's a wet cold"
Incremental Growth - "Cone of counters"
Ivorytusk Fortress - "The elephant and castle"
Jeering Instigator - "Got yer hat!"
Jeskai Ascendancy - "Guardians of the Galaxy"
Jeskai Banner - "Capture the flag"
Jeskai Charm - "Gripblast"
Jeskai Elder - "Kung-fu Granny"
Jeskai Student - "Impracticle Knife"
Jeskai Windscout - "Hawk Man
Jungle Hollow - "Old Trees"
Kheru Bloodsucker - "Nightmare Fuel" or "Got your Face"
Kheru Dreadmaw - "Hungry hungry crocodile"
Kheru Lich Lord - "Gravetiller"
Kheru Spellsnatcher - "Snakebender"
Kill Shot - "Ooomph"
Kin-tree Invocation - "Belch of the Conclave"
Kin-tree Warden - "The national guard" or "Forest Service"
Krumar Bond-Kin - "and Krumar" (From Herald of Anafenza joke)
Leaping Master - "Jumpsman" or "Croutching Tiger" (I prefer Kicksman The Third)
Lens of Clarity - "Oh look, a tiger!"
Longshot Squad - "Sniper Elite"
Mantis Rider - "Lightning Mantis" or "I'm riding a mantis the size of a house. Your arguement is invalid"
Mardu Ascendancy - "Why did we all come up here?"
Mardu Banner - "The Dega Pennet"
Mardu Blazebringer - "Ahhh! Fire bad!"
Mardu Charm - "Raise the slash duress...?"
Mardu Hateblade - "One-drop warrior"
Mardu Heart-piercer - "Shock trooper"
Mardu hordechief - "Bring a friend"
Mardu Roughrider - "Come at me bro" or "Bubblegum rhino"
Mardu Skullhunter - "Raid rat"
Mardu Warshrieker - "Orcish Announcer"
Master of Pearls - "Kevin...?" (Home Alone joke...okay)
Master the Way - "Ta-daaaaa!"
Meandering Towershell - "Durdle Turtle" or "Turtle McDurdle"
Mer-Ek Nightblade - "Orcish Stabbist"
Mindswipe - "Counterball"
Mistfire Weaver - "Gin and Tonic"
Molting Snakeskin - "Feels bad, man"
Monastery Flock - "Ivan"
Monastery Swiftspear - "Taylor Swiftspear" or "Taylor"
Murderous Cut - "Slice" (Dive-n-cut?)
Mystic Monastery - "Monk House"
Mystic of the Hidden Way - "Shadowcat" or "Help, I'm stuck"
Narset, Enlightened Master - "Michelle Yo"
Naturalize - "Bone-B-Gone"
Necropolis Fiend - "Bad gargoyle disguise"
Nomad Outpost - "Bad tent"
Opulent Palace - "Nice place"
Pearl Lake Ancient - "Nesse"? or "That guy from Dark Souls. The big dude with the head that talks to you from... makes the clicking noises with his teeth. Big snake creature. Primordial snake"
Pine Walker - "The fresh scent of death" or "Why isn't this a tree-folk?"
Ponyback Brigade - "I want my ponyback ponyback ponyback" or "Goblinhorse"
Quiet Contemplation - "Shhh, I'm thinking"
Raiders' Spoils - "We tooks their stuff" (said dumbly)
Rakshasa Deathdealer - "Bad kitty"
Rakshasa Vizier - "Scabby cat"
Rakshasa's Secret - "Kitty whispers" or "Daddy's Got you"
Rattleclaw Mystic - "Darth helmet"
Retribution of the Ancients - "Ghost fight"
Ride Down - "Trample except not because that's a keyword"
Rite of the Serpent - "I can't watch"
Riverwheel Aerialists - "Wivaweew Aweiwest"
Roar of Challenge - "Fercious Belch"
Rotting Mastodon - "Topsy's Revenge"
Rugged Highlands - "Sharp hill"
Rush of Battle - "What a rush!"
Ruthless Ripper - "Ruth" or "Ruth the Ripper"
Sage of the Inward Eye - "Oh neat! A glowy thing" or "Dinklebot"
Sage-Eye Harrier - "Ambien Bird"
Sagu Archer - "Snake Bowman, PI"
Sagu Mauler - "Clear Cut"
Salt Road Patrol - "Salty" or "Mad salty" or "Salt goat patrol"
Sandsteppe Citadel - "Sand house"
Sarkhan, The Dragonspeaker - "TROGDOOOOR!" (I like Sir Dargon myself)
Savage Knuckleblade - "Big Knucks"
Savage Punch - "Bear punch"
Scaldkin - "Firebug"
Scion of Glaciers - "Elk hat"
Scoured Barrens - "Crap dunes"
Scout the Borders - "Scooty Booties"
Secret Plans - "Excelllllent"
See The Unwritten - "Invisble ink" or "Fang and claw"
Seek The Horizon - "Are we there yet?"
Seeker of the Way - "Hitchiker"
Set Adrift - "Castaway"
Shambling Attendants - "Shimble Shambles"
Shatter - "SNAP!"
Sidisi, Brood Tyrant - "Sidisi the Magnificant! Turning creatures into zombies before your very eyes!" or "Shade" or "Kalisi"
Sidisi's Pet - "Abu"
Siege Rhino - "4-of in Standard"
Siegecraft - "Put a house on it"
Singing Bell Strike - "Boop"
Smite the Monstrous - "Mastadon PUNCH!"
Smoke Teller - "Can't see shit, sir!"
Snowhorn Rider - "Let's play Oxen polo"
Sorin, Solemn Visitor - "Maximum brood"
Stubborn Denial - "No, I dunwanna"
Sultai Ascendancy - "You came to the wrong neighborhood"
Sultai Banner - "Help yourself to some fruit"
Sultai Charm - "Ultimate natural loot"
Sultai Flayer - "Skin is the best part" (ewwwwW)
Sultai Scavenger - "Sultai Scavengers, coming next month to the Discovery Channel!"
Sultai Soothsayer - "Needs more blue
"
Summit Prowler - "Borderland Yeti"
Surrak Dragonclaw - "Surrak Bearpunch"
Suspension Field - "Get in the Zorb"
Swarm of Bloodflies - "NOT THE BEES!"
Swift Kick - "Keeeyop!"
Swiftwater Cliffs - "Quick falls"
Taigam's Scheming - "Everybody stand back!"
Take Up Arms - "What's all this then?"
Temur Ascendancy - "Hoth is defended"
Temur Banner - "A burlap sac with mud on it"
Temur Charger - "Rocket Donkey"
Temur Charm - "Fight leak falter"
Thornwood Falls - "Green blue" (...really? Okay.) or "It's just... Thornwood Falls: it's a waterfall by a forest."
Thousand Winds - "Cyclonic dude"
Throttle - "Comcast" (XD)
Timely Hordemate - "Catch a Riiiiide!"
Tomb of the Spirit Dragon - "Bone Trench"
Tormenting Voice - "Shuddup, shuddup, I can't think!"
Trail of Mystery - "Nature trail to hell"
Tranquil Cove - "Quiet bay"
Trap Essence - "Got your dude!"
Treasure Cruise - "The love boat" or "Value Cruiselines"
Trumpet Blast - "Ffffffrrrrruuuuu" (???)
Tusked Colossodon - "Sure" (People at my LGS play proudly play it... that should tell you a lot about my LGS
) or "Colostomy" or "Tusked Colostomy" (ewwwwwww)
Tuskguard Captain - "Minature warrior"
Ugin's nexus - "Club ribcage" or "Club ribcage, the hottest new club"
Unyielding Krumar - "Orcish sword guy"
Utter End - "Kick you apart!"
Valley Dasher - "Guys, guys, I got this"
Venerable Lammasu - "Sky sheep"
Villainous Wealth - "Nemesis Wave"
War Behemoth - "Tow Truck"
War-Name Aspirant - "Gin and Juice"
Warden of the Eye - "Rookie of the Year"
Watcher of the Roost - "Protect yo nest"
Waterwhirl - "Bounce that bounce that." or "Keven Cosner" (I like "Worst waterpark ride ever")
Weave Fate - "Shouldn't this have been in Theros?"
Wetland Sambar - "Speed bump"
Whirlwind Adept - "Hey guys, check out my double sticks"
Wind-Scarred Crag - "Crag"
Windstorm - "Hurricane Surrak"
Wingmate Roc - "The Windmill Roc" or "Bird Bros" (Token is wing-man roc)
Winterflame - "The icy-hot patch" or "Icy-hot"
Witness of the Ages - "Old Robot"
Wooded Foothills - "Tree bump"
Woolly Loxodon - "A mammoth problem"
Zurgo Helmsmasher - "The orcish headpuncher"