Battle for Zendikar Nicknames

[necargoface]

Quarantine Field - Safety bubble
Felidar Soverign - WinCat
Planar Outburst - Super Punch
Hero of Goma Fada - Braveheart
Angel of Renewal - Angel of NO! (check the flavor text)
Expidition Envoy - Elite Ally
Encircling Fissure - We'll come back with The SuperEldrazi! After these messages.
Kor Entanglers - Kor Duet
Roil's Retribution - Attack of the Pillars
Serene Steward - Ajani's Ally
Ondu Rising - Holy Dirt Bull
Stasis Snare - The Chaos Hearts Combined
United Frontier - And the Planeteers
Cliffside Lookout - Faith from Mirror's Edge
Ghostly Sentinel - Spoopifer
Kor Castigator - LOOK AT MY STAFF
Kitesail Scout - Glide away from the problem.
Lithomancer's Focus - The power of rocks compel you!
Makindi Patrol - Look at your man, now back at me. I'm on a horse.
Smite the Monstrous - Fighting the AT-AT
Tandem Tactics - Double Trouble
Part the Waterveil - What is IN HERE
Ugin's Insight - "Ooh, this part is good. Jace, get me some popcorn!"
Scatter to the Winds - Cancelled Flight
Coastal Discovery - "Hey look, a sword!"

[Forecedreject]

Adverse Conditions - With a chance of Eldrazi
Akoum Firebird - "Maybe we should move"
Akoum Hellkite - "Spires everywhere!"
Akoum Stonewaker - YMCA Dancer
Aligned Hedron Network - Crappy phone service
Ally Encampment - Frat house
Altar's Reap - Operation: Demon Edition
Angel of Renewal - Frathouse Nurse
Angelic Captain - Frat mama
Angelic Gift - I believe I can fly
Anticipate - Resist the Impulse (old)
Bane of Bala Ged - ANNIHILATE! ANNIHILATE!
Barrage Tyrant - Eldrazi Baseball
Beastcaller Savant - Fratbro of paradise
Belligerent Whiptail - "Whiiiiiplaaaash" (said in a QUicksilver like voice)
Benthic Infiltrator - Deepest skulker of the ocean
Blight Herder - Eldrazi Plushi
Blighted Cataract - Imminent Blindness
Blighted Fen - Slow edict
Blighted Gorge - SHOCK! Land
Blighted Steppe - "Tastes like blight"
Blighted Woodland - "All the landfall!"
Blisterpod - "No not that pod"
Bloodbond Vampire - Frathouse pridemate
Boiling Earth - Living Pyroclasm
Bone Splinter - "Coulda used Donovan"
Breaker of Armies - Eldrazi Bowling Ball
Brilliant Spectrum - "It's all so beautiful on this side"
Bring to Light - That one Bayonetta level
Brood Butcher - "Where's your head?"
Brood Monitor - Geico
Broodhunter Wurm - Alien vs Predator
Brutal Expulsion - Shock Venser
Call the Scions - Stirring of Scions
Canopy Vista - GW newland
Carrier Thrall - "I have, this hat"
Catacomb Sifter - "Process not found"
Chasm Guide - Swift fratbro
Cinder Glade - RG newland
Cliffside Lookout - Frathouse planner
Cloud Manta - It's a fish
Clutch of Currents - Living Unsummon
Coastal Discover - Living Divination
Conduit of Ruin - Eldrazi Middle Manager
Coralhelm Guide - Frathouse spy
Courier Griffen - "How to train your Griffin"
Crumble to Dust - Splinter land
Cryptic Cruiser - Rosarch Test
Culling Drone - Mono Ingest
Dampening Pulse - Dead Space Visors
Deathless Behemoth - Neverending Tentacles
Defiant Bloodlord - Sanguine Bloodlord
Demon's Grasp - "Remember when I said I'd kill you last?"
Desolation Twin - Eldrazi BOGO
Dispel - "Well Actually.."
Dominator Drone - Eldrazi Hat
Dragonmaster Outcast - Closet Furry
Drana, Liberator of Malakir - Mirri, the powercreeped
Drana's Emissary - Frathouse blood donar
Drowner of Hope - Really big tadpoles
Dust Stalker - Drops Demon Titanite
Dutiful Return - Harmful when consumed
Earthen Arms - Living Bolster
Eldrazi Devastor - Needs more annihilator
Eldrazi Skyspawner - Pregnant Skeleton
Emeria Shepherd - Angel of the Sky Ruin
Encircling Fissure - "How do we get off?"
Endless One - Eldrazi Hydra
Evolving Wilds - Crack for tapped
Exert Infllunece - Joining the Planeteers
Expedition Envoy - Frathouse Newbie
Eyeless Watcher - Necronom IV
Fathom Feeder - "Knock knock"
Felidar Cub - Simba
Felidar Sovereign - Circle of Lifegain
Fertile Thicket - Fertile Scheming
Firemantle Mage - Man on fire
Forerunner of Slaughter - Insane Bolt
Fortified Rampart - The great wall of Zendikar
From Beyond - "Remember, they're 1/1's"
Geyserfield Stalker - Plated Menace
Ghostly Sentinel - Not quite Serra Angel
Giant Mantis - Not quite Giant Spider
Gideon, Ally of Zendikar - Fratbro Chad
Gideon's Reproach - "Party Harder"
Goblin War Paint - Goblin Witch Doctor
Grave Birthing - Sproing!
Greenwarden of Murasa - Witness twice over
Grip of Desolation - Ulamog's Fistbump
Grove Rumbler - Trampling Geopede
Grovetender Druids - Fratbro Recruiters
Gruesome Slaughter - Worst Homecoming Ever
Guardian of Tazeem - Philosocat
Gull Draz Overseer - "Tip toe through the window, by the window..."
Hagra Sharpsooter - Frathouse gunner
Halimar Tidecaller - Frathouse Mover
Hedron Archive - Oragami Puzzle
Hedron Blade - Your Typical Anime Sword
Herald of Kozilek - "I'm in storm colors!"
Hero of Goma Fada - Indestructable Fratbro
Horribly Awry - *Used as an appropriate response*
Incubator Drone - Cuddling with an Eldrazi
Infuse with the Elements - With your powers combined
Inspired Charge - Braveheart
Jaddi Offshoot - Treeception
Kalastria Healer - Doctor Fratbro
Kalastrai Nightwatch - Flying Fratbro
Kiora, Master of the Depths - The other kinds of tentacles
Kitesail Scout - Overly Optimistic
Kor Bladewhirl - Frathouse Knight
Kor Castigator - Frathouse Usher
Kor Entanglers - Frathouse Burrecrats
Kozilek's Channeler - Never enough arms
Kozilek's Sentinal - That one Kaiju
Lantern Scout - Frathouse Guide
Lavastep Raider - Goblin Dragoon
Lifespring Druid - Elf BoP
Lithomancer's Focus - "KI KO HA!"
Looming Spires - Stabby Peaks
Lumbering Falls - UG Manland
Makindi Patrol - Vigilant Fratbro
Makindi Sliderunner - Steppe Bull
Malakir Familiar - Nighthawk Bat
March from the Tomb - FRAT PARTY!
Mind Raker - The best beard
Mire's Malice - Living Mind Rot
Mist Intruder - Invading the rainforests
Molten Nursery - Eldrazi on fire
Mortuary Mire - Tripped over a skeleton
Munda Ambush Leader - Frathouse king
Murasa Ranger - "For the last time, I'm not an elf."
Murk Strider - Turning your world upside down
Natural Connection - Instant landfall
Nettle Drone - Nettled and proud
Nirkana Assassin - Frathouse Assassin
Nissa's Renewal - Incidental lifegain
Noyan Dar, Roil Shaper - Frathouse dance coordinator
Ob Nixilis Reignited - Freaking finally
Oblivion Sower - "And for my next trick I'll make your lands reappear!"
Omnath, Locus of Rage - Angry Captain Planet
Ondu Champion - Frathouse Minotaur
Ondu Greathorn - Geopede Knight
Ondu Rising - Living Lifelink
Oracle of Dust - Peaceful hobby, Gruesome scenery
Oran-Rief Hydra - Heads eats tails
Oran-Rief Invoker - Almost Enlarge
Outnumber - Playground Bullying
Painful Truths - True Lies, multicultural edition
Part the Waterveil - Living Time Warp
Pathway Arrows - Still better than Razor Boomerang
Pilgrim's Eye - The shiniest thoptor
Planar Outburst - Living Wrath
Plated Crusher - "Is that a seventh leg?"
Plummet - Aviophobia
Prairie Stream - UW newland
Prism Array - Fortress of Solitude
Processor Assault - Bad goblin grenade
Quarentine Field - Big O Ring
Radiant Flames - Rainbow Laser
Reckless Cohort - Raging Fratbros
Reclaiming Vines - Creeping Mold
Resolute Blademster - Frathouse Batman
Retreat to Coralhelm - Into the shell!
Retreat to Emeria - Into the sky!
Retreat to Hagra - Into the swamp!
Retreat to Kazandu - Into the vines!
Retreat to Valakut - Into the volcano! Wait...
Rising Miasma - Living Shrivel
Roil Spout - Living Time Ebb
Roilmage's Trick - Multicultural Magic
Roil's Retribution - "The land is now diamonds!"
Rolling Thunder - Staring Tommy Lee Jones
Rot Shambler - Toadstool's dad
Ruin Processor - Eldrazi lower management
Ruination Guide - "Please open your 'how to devour a world' handbooks to page 3"
Ruinous Path - Living Downfall
Rush of Ice - Living Frost
Salvage Drone - Butt Beatle
Sanctum of Ugin - NO FRATBROS ALLOWED
Sandstone Bridge - Vigilant Plain
Scatter to the Winds - Living Cancel
Scour from Existence - Tron Vindicate
Scythe Leopard - Steppe Leopard
Seek the Wilds - Restrictive Impulse
Serene Steward - Frathouse Counsoler
Serpentine Spike - Triple Penetration
Shadow Glider - Funded by ACME
Shambling Vent - Striking Mountain
Shatterskull Recruit - Menacing Fratbro
Sheer Drop - Living Assassinate
Shrine of the Forsaken Gods - Shrine of Hentai
Silent SKimmer - Silent but deadly
Sire of Stagnation - Anti landfall
Skitterskin - CRAWLING IN MY SKIN!
Skyline Cascade - Frost Island
Skyrider Elf - Frathouse International
Slab Hammer - Let the hammer (land)fall!
Slude Crawler - Eldrazi Fatass
Smite the Monstrous - "DEPART FOUL CREATURE!"
Smoldering Marsh - RB newland
Smothering Abomination - Eldrazi Harvester
Snapping Gnarlid - Steppe Gnarlid
Spawning Bed - Phrasing
Spell Shrivel - Dissipate Leak
Stasis Snare - Sudden Journey
Stone Haven Medic - Lay on Hand
Stonefury - Corrupt made easy
Sunken Hollow - UB newland
Sure Strike - Aimbot
Swarm Surge - Zerg Rush
Swell of Growth - Landfall surprise
Sylvan Scrying - Now 200% less suggestive
Tajuru Beastmaster - Tamer Fratbro
Tajuru Talwart - Frathouse Multinational
Tajuru Warcaller - Frathouse Forcemage
Tandem Tatics - Double Double
Territorial Baloth - Plated Baloth
Tide Drifter - Future Globster
Tightening Coils - "I've seen enough Hentai to know where this is going."
Titan's Presence - "Yo momma's so fat"
Touch of the Void - Screamer
Transgress the Mind - Eldrazi Jiujitsu
Tunneling Geopede - Geopede Ravager
Turn Against - "Curse your colorless betrayal!"
Ugin's Insight - Jace is not amused
Ulamog, the Ceaseless Hunger - ONOMNOMNOM
Ulamog's Despoiler - 2, 4, 6, 8
Ulamog's Nullifier - Mystic Eldrazi
Ulamog's Reclaimer - Eldrazi Archeomancer
Undergrowth Champion - Lean, Mean, and Green
Unified Front - Multicultural gathering
Unnatural Aggression - US Foreign Policy
Valakut Invoker - Almost Lava Spike
Valakut Predator - Valakut Geopede
Vampiric Rites - VAMPIRE BLOOD IS PEOPLE!
Vestiage of Emrakul - Where's my mommy?
Vetern Warleader - Frathouse Superman
Vile Aggregate - Scion of Scions
Void Attendant - Wicked Pigtails
Void Winnower - Divide by Zero
Volcanic Upheaval - LAVA!
Voracious Null - Chews his food
Wasteland Strangler - "Death by strangulation, not choking"
Wave-Wing Elemental - Flying Geopede
Winderider Patrol - Ride like the wind
Woodland Wanderer - Multicultural Treefolk
Zala, Hedron Grinder - Cackling Counterparts
Zulaport Cuttthroat - Undertaker Fratbro

[steric hindrance]

Greenwarden of Murasa: "Two Eternal Witnesses in an overcoat"

[Phi]

Greenwarden of Murasa: "Two Eternal Witnesses in an overcoat"

That one made me chuckle

After playing with the cards more, I have a few new ones. But first, my head canon is:
1. The eldrazis are misunderstood and actually just want to be loved.
2. Eldrazis that produce a scion "come with a friend"

Bane of Bala Ged - [banevoice] Now you have my permission to die [/banevoice]
Breaker of Armies - EVERYBODY HUG ME
Desolation Twin - Desolation bro
Sheer Drop - Woopsy daisy
Eldrazi Skyspawner - Eldrazi skyfriend
Complete Disregard - Talk to the tentacle
Transgress the Mind - Personal space violation
Valakut Invoker - Steampunk Graham (Stark)
Beastcaller Savant - Beastbro
Oran-Rief Invoker - Ex girlfriend with anger issues
Aligned Hedron Network - Ulamog's come at me

[BarcodeReader]

In my playgroup, it's something like this.
Ulamog = Newlamog
Omnath = Kool-aid man. (because of an awesome piece of photoshoping http://orig15.deviantart.net/a041/f/2015/264/8/4/8425a76758ed5f86ae1fa8eeec4edb72-d9adho7.png)
Bane of Bala Ged = Old School-drazi
Earthen Arms = Hulk Smash!
Herald of Kozilek = Harold. Alternatively, Herald of Hangarback
Horribly Awry = *Hideous coughing noises*
Inspired Charge = "Go Get 'em, Guys!"
Noyan Dar = Manlander
Shrine of the Forsaken Gods = I want that art as a poster.
New Dual Lands = Have Lands (cause you need to have lands for them to come in untapped)

[Ladsworld]

Will they ever make this video? THE WORLD MAY NEVER KNOW.

[BlueChloroplast]

I've heard of the nickname of om-nom-nom-nath for Omnath