Check out this monster I made for Pathfinder!

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chetoos
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Check out this monster I made for Pathfinder!

Postby chetoos » 20 Mar 2016, 16:47

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1J0rYFT0Y-QxqVYMWGA7P2ewp8NhTf1Nfm5nW-N-H34o/edit
I have been working on this little monster for at least a month, and I'd like some feedback on it. Feel free to use it in your games, if you want.
My Youtube Channel. Currently, I have a daily series where I play games that I like. Right now, it's Double Dragon Advance. I also have a weekly series where I play as the Archenemy from Duels 2012
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Jamfalcon
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Re: Check out this monster I made for Pathfinder!

Postby Jamfalcon » 20 Mar 2016, 17:36

It's an interesting concept, and I could definitely see it making for a fun encounter. As for feedback, I would say (bearing in mind that I tend to play 3.5 rather than Pathfinder, though I have adapted enough PF campaigns to 3.5 to know the system) that the biggest balance issue I see is the ray. While obviously it's a 3 Int creature and may not be as strategically savvy as a wizard or something, but the ray is a touch attack with range that deals, on average, exactly the same damage as the bite. There's very little reason for the creature to ever use it's bite, because of that. My personal suggestion to switch the damage on the ray to 4d6, like a scorching ray. That still has an average damage of 14, which isn't much behind the 20 it had before, but much higher variability. I'm also a fan of when mechanics like this line up with spells, whereas the 2d6+10 doesn't really tie into any other aspect of the creature (for example, where does the +10 come from? Is it equal to double constitution? Is there any way to boost that damage?).

Beyond that, there are just a couple little question about how this fits together flavor-wise and mechanically to consider. None of these are problems, or anything a player is even likely to notice if you put them up against this creature, but I find the best monsters have a sense of connectedness and coherence between all their abilities.
- Why does it have 10d10+60 on it's HP? It only has 20 Constitution, so if it had 10 HD, it should only get +50 from that.
- How come its DR is negated by bludgeoning specifically? That would usually make more sense against something fragile like a skeleton. A big gorilla with thick skin would be more likely to have DR/peircing, although given the way it's created, I might even just go with DR/Magic. Or, you could say those that are created with stoneskin have DR/adamantine.
- The immunity to poison seems a little tacked on - it already has excellent fortitude so it's not likely to have a problem with poison. Is there a similar resistance that would make sense with it's flavour? Perhaps even immunity to a few specific spells, or a small amount of SR?
- The resistance to its current energy type is the sort of tied-in idea I was talking about. If I were making this, I'd even consider giving it a weakness that corresponds with its current type, so that it takes an extra 50% damage from the opposite element.
- The method for creation section is neat, I like that you included that. Just as a point of interest to round it out, I think it'd be neat to add a sentence explaining why someone would make a Striped Smiler. Do druids use them to patrol forests, or wizards make them to look in a dungeon as a big guard? Definitely not needed, but when I'm reading about monsters, I like hearing this sort of stuff.

Anyway, sorry that I went a little overboard on the feedback! :P It does overall seem like a pretty balanced monster with some good potential. :)
"Jamfalcon's a super weird name" - Graham

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chetoos
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Re: Check out this monster I made for Pathfinder!

Postby chetoos » 20 Mar 2016, 19:29

Jamfalcon wrote:It's an interesting concept, and I could definitely see it making for a fun encounter. As for feedback, I would say (bearing in mind that I tend to play 3.5 rather than Pathfinder, though I have adapted enough PF campaigns to 3.5 to know the system) that the biggest balance issue I see is the ray. While obviously it's a 3 Int creature and may not be as strategically savvy as a wizard or something, but the ray is a touch attack with range that deals, on average, exactly the same damage as the bite. There's very little reason for the creature to ever use it's bite, because of that. My personal suggestion to switch the damage on the ray to 4d6, like a scorching ray. That still has an average damage of 14, which isn't much behind the 20 it had before, but much higher variability. I'm also a fan of when mechanics like this line up with spells, whereas the 2d6+10 doesn't really tie into any other aspect of the creature (for example, where does the +10 come from? Is it equal to double constitution? Is there any way to boost that damage?).

Beyond that, there are just a couple little question about how this fits together flavor-wise and mechanically to consider. None of these are problems, or anything a player is even likely to notice if you put them up against this creature, but I find the best monsters have a sense of connectedness and coherence between all their abilities.
- Why does it have 10d10+60 on it's HP? It only has 20 Constitution, so if it had 10 HD, it should only get +50 from that.
- How come its DR is negated by bludgeoning specifically? That would usually make more sense against something fragile like a skeleton. A big gorilla with thick skin would be more likely to have DR/peircing, although given the way it's created, I might even just go with DR/Magic. Or, you could say those that are created with stoneskin have DR/adamantine.
- The immunity to poison seems a little tacked on - it already has excellent fortitude so it's not likely to have a problem with poison. Is there a similar resistance that would make sense with it's flavour? Perhaps even immunity to a few specific spells, or a small amount of SR?
- The resistance to its current energy type is the sort of tied-in idea I was talking about. If I were making this, I'd even consider giving it a weakness that corresponds with its current type, so that it takes an extra 50% damage from the opposite element.
- The method for creation section is neat, I like that you included that. Just as a point of interest to round it out, I think it'd be neat to add a sentence explaining why someone would make a Striped Smiler. Do druids use them to patrol forests, or wizards make them to look in a dungeon as a big guard? Definitely not needed, but when I'm reading about monsters, I like hearing this sort of stuff.

Anyway, sorry that I went a little overboard on the feedback! :P It does overall seem like a pretty balanced monster with some good potential. :)


No, I like extensive feedback, and this kind of feedback is pretty much what I was looking for. Now, onto the specific feedbacks, in order:

I like the idea of the ray being more variable, so I did change it down to that

Its HP is buffed because of Toughness, which basically is masterwork constitution, it gives 1 hp per HD

Yes, I like the idea of DR/Magic rather than DR/bludgeoning, because of how its made.

For the poison immunity, I think I copied that part from the aurumvorax. Since I decided that they are created from dragon fire, maybe they inherit the dragon's immunity to sleep? Since they're big angry gorillas.

For the resistance to their active element, that's the main reason for them to save their ray attacks, since it goes away if they don't have an active energy type, as well as for fire and cold there's opposites, but not really for electricity and acid, so I'm fine to leave it there.

And the sentence was added for why people create them.

Thank you so much for the detailed feedback on this, I very much appreciate the comments. Feel free to use it in your game.
My Youtube Channel. Currently, I have a daily series where I play games that I like. Right now, it's Double Dragon Advance. I also have a weekly series where I play as the Archenemy from Duels 2012
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Jamfalcon
Posts: 3319
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First Video: Killer Instinct
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Re: Check out this monster I made for Pathfinder!

Postby Jamfalcon » 20 Mar 2016, 20:02

Ah, I must've missed toughness somehow. That makes sense. And no problem, I'm glad to be a help. My current game is is low enough level that this would destroy everyone, but I will keep it in mind once things get a bit farther along. :)

Oh, and for the immunity... what about fear? Seems like a creature that might not get scared, and that ties in with dragons because of frightful presence.
"Jamfalcon's a super weird name" - Graham

I wrote a book!
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chetoos
Posts: 389
Joined: 10 Jul 2011, 16:32
First Video: The Job

Re: Check out this monster I made for Pathfinder!

Postby chetoos » 20 Mar 2016, 20:37

I added that, so it's immune to both sleep and fear. It's like a Vigoroth, super active and up in your face.
My Youtube Channel. Currently, I have a daily series where I play games that I like. Right now, it's Double Dragon Advance. I also have a weekly series where I play as the Archenemy from Duels 2012

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