In Soviet Russia, biscuit bites you!
- Mad Madam Mimm
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In Soviet Russia, biscuit bites you!
Actually, this story is based in the UK. And it tells me that I'm statistically screwed.
link for proof, text pasted below
"Named: the UK's deadliest biscuit
A research company has calculated the biscuit most likely to cause someone an injury during a tea or coffee break.
The custard cream was found to be the UK's most dangerous snack, on the basis of something called the Biscuit Injury Threat Evaluation.
According to the Daily Telegraph, the research was carried out by Mindlab International at the request of the chocolate biscuit bar Rocky. Mike Driver, Marketing Director for Rocky said: "We commissioned this study after learning how many biscuit related injuries are treated by doctors each year."
Accidents have included people poking themselves in the eye with a biscuit, falling off a chair while reaching for the tin, sustaining burns after dunking a biscuit in scalding tea, and being hit by fragments flying through the air.
Other people have reported choking on crumbs and damaging a tooth or filling on a particularly hard biscuit. One unlucky person ended up stuck in wet concrete after wading in to pick up a stray biscuit.
Mindlab International director Dr David Lewis explained the background to the research.
"We tested the physical properties of 15 popular types of biscuits," he said, "along with aspects of their consumption such as 'dunkability' and crumb dispersal."
According to Mindlab's calculations, here is the full list of the UK's riskiest biscuits, together with their 'danger' rating:
Custard Cream 5.64
Cookie 4.34
Chocolate Biscuit Bar 4.12
Wafer 3.74
Rich Tea 3.45
Bourbon 3.44
Oat Biscuit 3.31
Digestive 3.14
Ginger Nut 2.99
Shortbread 2.90
Caramel Shortcake 2.76
Nice Biscuit 2.27
Iced Biscuits/Party Rings 2.16
Chocolate Finger 1.38
Jaffa Cakes 1.16"
I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry.
link for proof, text pasted below
"Named: the UK's deadliest biscuit
A research company has calculated the biscuit most likely to cause someone an injury during a tea or coffee break.
The custard cream was found to be the UK's most dangerous snack, on the basis of something called the Biscuit Injury Threat Evaluation.
According to the Daily Telegraph, the research was carried out by Mindlab International at the request of the chocolate biscuit bar Rocky. Mike Driver, Marketing Director for Rocky said: "We commissioned this study after learning how many biscuit related injuries are treated by doctors each year."
Accidents have included people poking themselves in the eye with a biscuit, falling off a chair while reaching for the tin, sustaining burns after dunking a biscuit in scalding tea, and being hit by fragments flying through the air.
Other people have reported choking on crumbs and damaging a tooth or filling on a particularly hard biscuit. One unlucky person ended up stuck in wet concrete after wading in to pick up a stray biscuit.
Mindlab International director Dr David Lewis explained the background to the research.
"We tested the physical properties of 15 popular types of biscuits," he said, "along with aspects of their consumption such as 'dunkability' and crumb dispersal."
According to Mindlab's calculations, here is the full list of the UK's riskiest biscuits, together with their 'danger' rating:
Custard Cream 5.64
Cookie 4.34
Chocolate Biscuit Bar 4.12
Wafer 3.74
Rich Tea 3.45
Bourbon 3.44
Oat Biscuit 3.31
Digestive 3.14
Ginger Nut 2.99
Shortbread 2.90
Caramel Shortcake 2.76
Nice Biscuit 2.27
Iced Biscuits/Party Rings 2.16
Chocolate Finger 1.38
Jaffa Cakes 1.16"
I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry.
Yaxley wrote:I think life occasionally needs someone to ask "Okay, seriously guys. What the hell is going on?"
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- spartanhelmet
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Re: In Soviet Russia, biscuit bites you!
Mad Madam Mimm wrote:I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry.
Well, surely that depends on if you've been injured by a biscuit!
I'd go for laugh though... and in the direction of whoever (please don't say the taxpayers) coughed up money for this crap.
"LRR för 4 av 5 toasts"
- Mad Madam Mimm
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Re: In Soviet Russia, biscuit bites you!
Everyone who has bought a Rocky Bar over the past few years, I guess. I would be laughing but...
I.... really? Really? I mean, I love biscuits, but come on.
One unlucky person ended up stuck in wet concrete after wading in to pick up a stray biscuit.
I.... really? Really? I mean, I love biscuits, but come on.
Yaxley wrote:I think life occasionally needs someone to ask "Okay, seriously guys. What the hell is going on?"
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Re: In Soviet Russia, biscuit bites you!
That sentence did catch my eye, yes.
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Re: In Soviet Russia, biscuit bites you!
Who paid for this research is my question?
- Mad Madam Mimm
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Re: In Soviet Russia, biscuit bites you!
the research was carried out by Mindlab International at the request of the chocolate biscuit bar Rocky.
Yaxley wrote:I think life occasionally needs someone to ask "Okay, seriously guys. What the hell is going on?"
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Re: In Soviet Russia, biscuit bites you!
Mad Madam Mimm wrote:the research was carried out by Mindlab International at the request of the chocolate biscuit bar Rocky.
Oh... I'll be going then.
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Re: In Soviet Russia, biscuit bites you!
Mad Madam Mimm wrote:Everyone who has bought a Rocky Bar over the past few years, I guess. I would be laughing but...One unlucky person ended up stuck in wet concrete after wading in to pick up a stray biscuit.
I.... really? Really? I mean, I love biscuits, but come on.
Yeah, I was wondering about that. I hardly think it was the biscuit's fault.
Last edited by Master Gunner on 09 Sep 2009, 10:11, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: In Soviet Russia, biscuit bites you!
Mad Madam Mimm wrote:Everyone who has bought a Rocky Bar over the past few years, I guess. I would be laughing but...One unlucky person ended up stuck in wet concrete after wading in to pick up a stray biscuit.
I.... really? Really? I mean, I love biscuits, but come on.
Not to be pedantic, but that incident probably skewed the average.
And what is it that makes Jaffa Cakes so safe?
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Re: In Soviet Russia, biscuit bites you!
Just the line "Biscuit Injury Threat Evaluation" is making me laugh.
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Re: In Soviet Russia, biscuit bites you!
Theremin wrote:Mad Madam Mimm wrote:Everyone who has bought a Rocky Bar over the past few years, I guess. I would be laughing but...One unlucky person ended up stuck in wet concrete after wading in to pick up a stray biscuit.
I.... really? Really? I mean, I love biscuits, but come on.
Not to be pedantic, but that incident probably skewed the average.
And what is it that makes Jaffa Cakes so safe?
They're not a real biscuit, they're cakes.
Morgan wrote:Lyinginbedmon is short, but he makes up for it in awesomeness
- Theremin
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Re: In Soviet Russia, biscuit bites you!
Lyinginbedmon wrote:They're not a real biscuit, they're cakes.
If I remember, that was proved through legal battles and exhaustive scientific enquiries...
- Mad Madam Mimm
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Re: In Soviet Russia, biscuit bites you!
It's very simple. Cakes are soft when fresh, hard when stale. Biscuits are hard when fresh, soft when stale. Jaffa cakes go hard when stale, ergo jaffa cakes are, indeed, cakes.
Yaxley wrote:I think life occasionally needs someone to ask "Okay, seriously guys. What the hell is going on?"
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- Theremin
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Re: In Soviet Russia, biscuit bites you!
I heard that cakes have a lower tax rate than biscuits for some reason...
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Re: In Soviet Russia, biscuit bites you!
So is the deadly biscuit like the deadly bagel?
Re: In Soviet Russia, biscuit bites you!
Hah, I'm going to keep eating Jaffa Cakes then.
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Re: In Soviet Russia, biscuit bites you!
Theremin wrote:I heard that cakes have a lower tax rate than biscuits for some reason...
The way I understand it, chocolate-covered biscuits (which Jaffa Cakes resemble, hence them having to prove they were cakes) are classified as "luxury items", and thus are subject to the Value Added Tax, which currently stands at 15%. Regular biscuits and cakes are not classified as luxury items, and thus not subject to that tax.
Twitter | Click here to join the Desert Bus Community Chat.TheRocket wrote:Apparently the crotch area could not contain the badonkadonk area.
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Re: In Soviet Russia, biscuit bites you!
Ok, so being in the UK, by "biscuts" you actually mean "cookies," which are horrible for dunking. No wonder there are so many accidents. Switch to donuts, guys!
a proper biscuit:
a proper biscuit:
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- Mad Madam Mimm
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Re: In Soviet Russia, biscuit bites you!
No, that's pastry cobbler.
The language is called "English", Jim. As in, As The English Speak It. YOu have an issue with it? MAke your empire official. Go on, I dare you.
The language is called "English", Jim. As in, As The English Speak It. YOu have an issue with it? MAke your empire official. Go on, I dare you.
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Re: In Soviet Russia, biscuit bites you!
Do not question El Presidente of the glorious Jim Republic!
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Re: In Soviet Russia, biscuit bites you!
Except those are only cooked once, and biscuit comes from Latin (via Middle French) meaning "cooked twice". So that makes no sense. Pretty much everywhere other than Canada and the US uses the term "biscuit" as Mimm and the article did. We got the term "cookie" from (of course) THE DUTCH!, meaning "little cake". So I, for obvious reasons, cannot support that usage.
What you posted were scones.
What you posted were scones.
Twitter | Click here to join the Desert Bus Community Chat.TheRocket wrote:Apparently the crotch area could not contain the badonkadonk area.
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Re: In Soviet Russia, biscuit bites you!
English is fun!
/obligatory
(Incidentally, I prefer the North American English versions cookie, biscuit, etc. Ah, biscuits, so delicious. I should get my dad's recipe and make some carrot soup to go with them.)
(Also, what kind of cookie/biscuit is cooked twice these days.)
(Also also, Britishaires, I am in LOVE with your chocolate-dipped Hob-Nobs. The perfect cookie for hiking, as it takes abuse well.)
/obligatory
(Incidentally, I prefer the North American English versions cookie, biscuit, etc. Ah, biscuits, so delicious. I should get my dad's recipe and make some carrot soup to go with them.)
(Also, what kind of cookie/biscuit is cooked twice these days.)
(Also also, Britishaires, I am in LOVE with your chocolate-dipped Hob-Nobs. The perfect cookie for hiking, as it takes abuse well.)
*
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Re: In Soviet Russia, biscuit bites you!
Master Gunner wrote:Pretty much everywhere other than Canada and the US uses the term "biscuit" as Mimm and the article did.
Well I'm actually FROM Canada & the US so they're BISCUITS, gosh darn it! Ain'tchoo been ta Gorgia?!
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- Master Gunner
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Re: In Soviet Russia, biscuit bites you!
As a matter of fact...no, I haven ever "been ta Gorgia".
Twitter | Click here to join the Desert Bus Community Chat.TheRocket wrote:Apparently the crotch area could not contain the badonkadonk area.
Re: In Soviet Russia, biscuit bites you!
Nice biscuits clearly live up to their name.
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Like a vampire.
But with knives.
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