Digital Dolphin wrote:
epocalypse wrote:Me, I just try to avoid it all, or at least actively don't look for it; because I know either way I'll meet a girl, start hanging out with her (cause I'm an idiot and I look for friends first, lovers second) and the second I realize I've fallen into the trap again and get up the courage to try to push it to next level is the second twelve hours before she tells me she's finally found somebody and started seeing them. However, this happens to me with such frequency I have managed to raise to an art form the act of confessing love to my best friend knowing she will/must/in all likelihood will reject me, and having our relationship remain unchanged/get closer. I only ever want to go out with people I love and care about (and find beautiful to look at), and that usually tends to be my closest female friend. However, I refuse to lose them as a friend just cause they might not want to go out with me, because they still tend to be my some of my best friends, and they still tend to be pretty to look at, and for everything else, there's the internet. Still, I do kind of stay up at nights asking myself "Why are you so consistently an idiot?"
This describes a lot of my past fails at starting a relationship. I seem to have perfected being some sort of super best-friend-only person to women. I mean, I love my best friends that are ladies, and I'd rather have them in my life as best friends than not in my life at all... but there are times when I just want to say "screw it" and do something completely irrational. Like try to turn myself into an asshole (since far too many intelligent women seem to have a soft spot for assholes I've noticed), or ditch EVERYONE and just leave for somewhere else without warning. Not that it'd likely be better anywhere else, but it'd feel a lot like wiping the slate clean.
I'm sure I'd never do anything like that of course, but I do get rather frustrated with the opposite sex on occasion.
I understand how you feel (especially about the asshole bit, but I won't go into how avidly I know that), but for me the one big difference is that my life has been defined by moving (I live an average of about 2 years in one house, 3 in one greater metropolitan area before moving on) So I make really strong connections with people that I refuse to let die, cause otherwise I feel like I'd lose everything and everyone. I never get the urge to move because moving is just a facet of my life.
One of my friends in High School (still friends to this day, despite his veganism) put it that once someone is my friend, they're not getting out of it. I might drop off the map for months or even up to a year for someone, but If they need me, I'm there. The other issue for me is that I'm very reluctant to start dating relationships with people, cause I have a deep seated delusional belief that my efforts to protect them inevitably backfire, causing severe emotional trauma. So, as such, I stick to very strong "It's complicated" style relationships where people don't really know much except that I'm really close to a girl, and she's really close to me. I'm so tired of telling people that "So-n-so" is not my girlfriend, though, cause I'd like her to be, but that's not what whatever we have is going to be right now. If anything, I'm actively avoiding any kind of relationship at the moment, because I'm about to flip coasts in five or six months, and if there's one thing I've learned it's that starting a long distance relationship is always volatile.