The Big Relationship Thread

[Telaril]

I'm not skinny, but I'm quite geek/nerd inclined. I'd love to find a nice geek girl that wasn't completely insane (in bad ways).

@thatlaurachick: I find the same problem with most geek girls. They don't seem to figure out what is important in a relationship until they've been screwed over a few times and realize that a cute ass and asshole personality aren't all they're cracked up to be if there's nothing else there in the person.

This started out as a much grumpier post, but I thought better of it. One sentence from the earlier draft needs to remain, though:

I'm a single geek girl and believe me, most geek guys out there are pickier than they think.

I'm not saying geek guys are too picky. PERISH THE THOUGHT. But a significant number of geek guys seem to think (or inadvertently imply through their statements) that all they need to be happy is for ANY geek girl to like them, and that's typically just not the case. I don't know many single geek guys past their mid 20s who haven't turned down several geek girls.

Now to be entirely fair, going in to college I had the same mindset. I thought "I'm going to fall into blissful luuuuurve with the first smart guy who likes me." Turns out the first guy who liked me was a guy I... just wasn't attracted to. Gasp! It happens, sure, but I didn't realize it happened and it hadn't happened to me before. I felt a little guilty, honestly.

The thing is, a lot of geek guys want and obsess over the stereotypical "cute" geek girl, while ignoring her saner friends. In high school I was a member of an anime club composed of eight geeky girls, all obsessed with science fiction and video games, and I will tell you one thing: the hottest girl was completely, totally, batshit insane and she went on more dates than all the rest of us combined. She wasn't even the only cute girl in the group - she was just the girl most prone to wearing low-cut shirts and ass jeans. Let's just say girls aren't the only ones who often choose hot assholes over less-hot nice people. In fact, a lot of guys straight-out admit to this, going on and on about the virtues of sex with crazy girls. I guess what I'm saying is this: whenever a guy complains that all the girls he has liked or dated were crazy, I think it has more to do with his particular taste in girls than it has to do with the female population as a whole.

Also, as a girl who recently dated a cute guy who was a self-proclaimed asshole: he asked me out. He was nice to me. We had chemistry. That's really all I expect. I've had chemistry with tons of nice guys. None of them have asked me out, though, and I haven't had any luck asking them out recently, either. Sometimes the reason a girl is with an apparent asshole is that they're nicer behind the scenes and that girl is taking what she can get, having fun while it lasts, whatever you want to call it. I didn't like the guy just because he was physically attractive, I liked him because he was funny and smart and LIKED ME. When you see him driving 'round town with the girl you love, consider this: maybe she likes him for some reason other than hotness.

Also, the hot guy I liked thought he was unattractive and when we were just starting to flirt he would constantly tell stories about how hot, jockish assholes stole the girls HE liked in the past. Everything's on a sliding scale.

[Whitmore]

I'm not attracted to Cute Geek Girls in the slightest.

I hate the idea of Cute.

[Metcarfre]

Nice post Telaril. Lots of good stuff there.

I think it's interesting how 'geeks' claim to be more accepting and open. But they have prejudices and preferences just like anyone else.

[Lord Chrusher]

I think we are all more prejudiced than we would like to think.

[Metcarfre]

It's true. For example, I think I've become more racist since moving to Vancouver.

[Theremin]

Expand, if you would.

[2stepz]

To add to Chemi's statement above... if a guy has the guts to actually show he likes me and wants to be with me, he rockets to the top of the foodchain.

[Dave-O_Boy]

I don't think it has anything to do with prejudiced at all. Just because someone doesn't find someone else attractive doesn't mean that they're disseminating that person. There are plenty of women that I think are beautiful or cool that I don't find attractive.

But yeah, aloud to echo that "if you show you like someone" bit, because that's probably the most attractive thing a person could do.

[thatlaurachick]

Telling someone what they need to hear sucks because, yet again, I end up being someone's mentor/friend, not their girlfriend. But if they are happier in the end, that's all that matters. Right?

Yes, I know it's right. Just doesn't make me feel any better right now. :/ And that sounds really selfish.

Edit: Just a random post from me. Maybe it's more venting, but since it's relationship oriented, it goes here.

[TheRocket]

Expand, if you would.

Asian invasion + driving in Vancouver.

That's my guess, at least.

[ShadowFirelaw]

Acually, I've just become less enamored with humanity as a whole since I began driving in Vancouver. *shudder*

Also: Everyone is prejudiced, it's true! (especially me XP)
But I've found a group of people that are pretty non-judgemental and easy to get along with - furries! (along with a couple other reasons, spirituality, art, etc.) Furries, since they're the internet's punching bag, will pretty much be friendly with anyone who has the decency to not judge them. Whee!

Oog, I'm trying not to sound preachy. I'm not like that.. just most furries. XP I'm judgemental as hell and tend to be restricted to a certain group of friends, etc. etc. I'm just sayin. They nice people.

[Telaril]

Acually, I've just become less enamored with humanity as a whole since I began driving in Vancouver. *shudder*

Also: Everyone is prejudiced, it's true! (especially me XP)
But I've found a group of people that are pretty non-judgemental and easy to get along with - furries! (along with a couple other reasons, spirituality, art, etc.) Furries, since they're the internet's punching bag, will pretty much be friendly with anyone who has the decency to not judge them. Whee!

Oog, I'm trying not to sound preachy. I'm not like that.. just most furries. XP I'm judgemental as hell and tend to be restricted to a certain group of friends, etc. etc. I'm just sayin. They nice people.

I have not had this experience.

Then again the thing furries seem to hate most of all is people who dress as catgirls/are interested in vaguely anthro things who aren't furries. When I was cosplaying as a character who just happens to be a catgirl and some furries said some furry related things to me I turned to them and said, politely "Oh, I'm not a furry. I just like this character." The resulting lecture was really annoying and they can have a SERIOUS persecution complex. These furries had basically staked anything animal -related as their exclusive domain, and if you liked it and weren't a furry you were a jerk somehow.

Ugh.

I have since met some very nice furries. But furries aren't generally any more or less accepting than anyone else, and when you hit their hot buttons they can be just as dickish.

[TheRocket]

Furries, since they're the internet's punching bag

In those big mascot costumes they could very well be mistaken for punching bags.

[Dave-O_Boy]

Oh.. you can't generalize any group of people like that. Some people are dicks and some aren't. It has nothing to do with what they're into.

[aeric90]

Also: Everyone is prejudiced, it's true! (especially me XP)
But I've found a group of people that are pretty non-judgemental and easy to get along with - furries! (along with a couple other reasons, spirituality, art, etc.) Furries, since they're the internet's punching bag, will pretty much be friendly with anyone who has the decency to not judge them.

Not sure who you're hanging out with in Vancouver but it's my general experience that a great many furries are very judgmental. Not only with non-furries but they are constantly judging each other. They just wear blinders and consciously ignore that fact mostly due because no one wants to bring up the horrible hypocrisy. This isn't from outside observation. I'm a former furry (I also helped start Howloween in Vancouver).

Usually when someone says 'oh we're better at this' it's bullshit.

[Digital Dolphin]

Telling someone what they need to hear sucks because, yet again, I end up being someone's mentor/friend, not their girlfriend. But if they are happier in the end, that's all that matters. Right?

Yes, I know it's right. Just doesn't make me feel any better right now. :/ And that sounds really selfish.

I constantly run into this. I'm hoping one day to find a girl that is ok loving someone that offers advice and can help them from time to time, and can do the same in return for me.

Sadly, for some reason, a lot of people find that this kills romantic interest.

[Metcarfre]

Expand, if you would.

Asian invasion + driving in Vancouver.

That's my guess, at least.

Pretty much this + transit 'experiences'.

[Mad Madam Mimm]

Welp... parents are now living in separate houses. Going through the process of Legal Separation. It's... weird. 20 years of marriage, and now hey don't even like talking on the phone to each other. Funny how petty people can be when their emotions get the better of them.

It's been making me think quite a lot too, about the future, my life, my chances, is it really better to have loved and lost etc etc.

But then I look at my nan, who was happily married for over 20 years, and engaged for ten before that. The marriage only ended when her husband died. Was there something they did? Is it an active ingredient, or just luck of the draw? I mean, when I hear her talk about him, she has the utmost care and compassion. She never loved another man.

I don't know... these are all just random musings, by the way, feel free to ignore them.

[Septavius]

Just my two cents here:

I find it very strange reading through this thread, since people don't interest me in a romantic capacity and a lot of this stuff I just don't have the experience or context to process.

[Theremin]

'Is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?'

Interesting question. Let's solve it.

Loved and lost:

PROS:

-Good memories
-Life Experience
-A better understanding of why a relationship can fail, which may help to prevent the same situation happening in the future.

CONS:

-Emotional trauma.
-Lasting bitterness and lasting grief, depending on how you lost.
-Many, many financial problems to solve (x2 if children are involved.)
-Returning to the dating scene post-loss can be difficult.

Never having loved:(NB: I'm defining this as having not had a hypothetical relationship, rather than never having been in love at all.)

PROS:

-No emotional trauma.
-No additional financial worry.

CONS:

-Possible positive experiences are missed out on.

***

Hmm. Your mileage may vary on this one.

I'm leaning towards 'Never having loved' being the better option, as it removes any negative experiences that may have occured, but still leaves the option for any hypothetical future relationships much clearer than the other option.

Just my two cents here:
I find it very strange reading through this thread, since people don't interest me in a romantic capacity and a lot of this stuff I just don't have the experience or context to process.

Care to expand?

Are you asexual, or do you just not find people attractive, preferring non-humans?

[Mad Madam Mimm]

Yeah... If you don't get married, you don't run the risk of divorce. But then these days, I'm pretty sure a joint mortgage is harder to get out of than a marriage.

[Theremin]

But marriage isn't strictly a neccessary in the same way a mortgage is.

You need a mortgage to buy property. You don't to get married to be a couple.

It makes sense that one is more legally complex than the other; it's more useful and important.

[Septavius]

@Theremin
I consider myself asexual, but it's kinda hard to say as my sample size is rather small. I can evaluate attractiveness and such but when it comes time for pelvic entwining I cannot get into it. Beyond that, I just can't get myself to enjoy people beyond casual friendship except on very rare occasions (close friends, not romance). I'm not sure whether I just don't really like most people, or I have trust issues, or whatever.

[Theremin]

There's a pretty easy way to figure out if you're definately asexual.

Do you have any sort of sexual desire at all?

You don't have to answer that if you don't want to.

[Septavius]

I have a libido but the act doesn't satisfy it in any way.