The Big Relationship Thread

[Deedles]

Helloooooo there, me again.

Cassie and I are currently talking about her coming over for a day of banter followed by her possibly crashing overnight. She's slightly reluctant though as recently there've been a couple friends she's done that with, only for them to announce their feelings to her (two of the guys I mentioned in a previous post), making her incredibly uncomfortable at the time. On telling me this she then added the qualifier:

"i mean clearly you wouldnt do that"

BURN

Or at least, that's what I would've thought a couple weeks ago. As mentioned I intended to do in my last post, some thinking on my part has occurred and now I view Cassie as an awesome friend.

Grace is still very much on-going though, with promising signs, she certainly seems to make an effort to be first to say hello whenever we cross paths the past two weeks.

I think she said that mainly because it is kind of creepy to get invited to a friends house to sleep-over(at least if it's for the first time) only to have them confess their feelings for you. It's just like, if they confess and the female doesn't answer their feelings then the situation will be incredibly awkward for the girl, not to mention that she's going to feel incredibly vulnerable when she's just had something so intimate confessed to her in a completely alien environment, and she's unable to leave unless she gets a room at a motel or something.

It's good to hear that you've been able to clarify to yourself what your feelings for her really are, and I do hope things go well for you and Gracie too. ^_^

[TheRocket]

Haha, no, that was totally her saying "I'm not interested, please don't tell me you want to be more than friends if I come to hangout"

Because CLEARLY YOU WOULDN'T DO THAT is not saying I like you more than friends. Totally a preemptive strike on her part.

Super burn. Good to know that your feelings have grown into super awesome friendship and you are interested in other lady folk! You are awesome for getting out there and meeting people - and not staying at home pining over one girl you happened to interact with. The joys of dating and getting to know people!

[Deedles]

Haha, no, that was totally her saying "I'm not interested, please don't tell me you want to be more than friends if I come to hangout"

Because CLEARLY YOU WOULDN'T DO THAT is not saying I like you more than friends. Totally a preemptive strike on her part.

Super burn. Good to know that your feelings have grown into super awesome friendship and you are interested in other lady folk! You are awesome for getting out there and meeting people - and not staying at home pining over one girl you happened to interact with. The joys of dating and getting to know people!

True, I know that it's a burn and that it's her saying that "I wouldn't want you to do that, because I have no feelings for you", but what I mean is that I also think it's her saying "I don't think you would do that to me".

[epocalypse]

Still, I feel that it's such a burn, even coming from a close friend, that you've got to be able to comeback with a sick burn as well. Not one that's actually insulting to any personal features, but something along the "not even if you begged me" line of reasoning but better than that. Witty repartee, always a must.

[epocalypse]

...You need to tell this girl about you and your tree fetish. It could be a deal breaker.

If she rejects the tree fetish just inform her that you have a fetish for using heavy axes for cleaving heads from torsos.

small update: after having chatted with her some more, but knowing she hasn't read the email yet, I am nonetheless reassured that I am not barking up the wrong tree, and that the tree is just as fun, pretty, and awesome as I have thus far believed her to be. ^_^ hoooo. I am exhausted.

So, what you're saying is that you have massive wood for this girl?

People, the forum community of Loading Ready Run! When people ask me, "But Epoc, can one group of people actually be that well-meaning, smart, and immature at the same time?" I say "Yep."

and now a series of concise responses:
@Dreamer: ...No, I think she's down.
@elomin: ...Still down.
@goat: ...yes.

[The Mimm]

well, good.

As long as you're not pining after her.

[Geoff_B]

oh no it's a forest of awful puns!

[Vigafre]

I'm stumped; I can't think of any good puns.

[Metcarfre]

Ugh... I'm board.

[Digital Dolphin]

Well, I completely failed to tell the girl I like, that I like her. I'm still fighting my habit of getting tongue-tied when I'm around her. Although saying that, I'm MUCH better with her than I've been with other girls I've had a thing for.

Still, this weekend was amazing! I pretty much got to spend all of Saturday with her and some friends of mine. Lot's of drinking, games, and she and I even rocked a very awesome 'On The Rise' duet from Dr. Horrible.

Little known fact about me: I *love* singing duets with people. Singing duets of songs I love with extremely sexy and vocally gifted women, even more so

She told me later when it was just the two of us, that we sounded really good together, and we're hoping to do more of it in the future. That totally made my day! XD

Anyways, despite failing to put my cards on the table (as it were), I really had a great time. And if she doesn't know how I feel by now anyways, I'm relatively sure everyone else in our social circle does O.O

[2stepz]

Sounds like you have more than a sliver of hope...

[Garfman]

I've learned that it's best just to go out and say it. It's how I managed to get with my wife.

Worst she can say is "no".

[Master Gunner]

No, she could do a lot worse. She likely won't, but she could.

[Metcarfre]

"No; also, this is your still-beating heart"

[Lyinginbedmon]

"No, you think I'd go out with you? Ugh."

[Garfman]

Then she's not someone you'd want to go out with.

[PlasmaCow]

I'd add that the reason Cassie would be staying over is mostly convenience, what with living 2+1/2 hours away taking both train and bus - rather than a "sleep-over" being the main motivator.

[madrak_the_red]

But you could braid each other's hair an talk about boys and play truth or dare an it'll be so much fun...

...that's what all guys do at a sleepover, right?

[Digital Dolphin]

We both lead extremely busy lives, so I'm not sure she's looking for anything right now beyond friendship, and I'm not even sure I am either. I do want to have the information out there though, and if things move that way and it works for us both, then I'm all for it

We're hoping to go on a night walk sometime together, and I think that would be a good time to bring it up. She doesn't live too far from my house actually, so night walks are super easy!

[Nevrmore]

Oh hey maybe a good way to have a discussion is to not disappear from the forum for weeks at a time. Hm.

And your suggested attitude is even crazier. "Change yourself to win the affection of another." Yeah, that's going to end badly.

Hahaha

Hahahahahaha

Let's get one thing straight here, taza; ladies, gentlemen: Every relationship is built on compromise. Every single one of them. A relationship with no compromise is either doomed to fail or abusive. You'll never meet someone who likes all of the same things you like, dislikes all of the same things you dislike, enjoys everything you do and agrees with you on every point. If you do find someone like that, congratulations. You have a stalker.

Now, does this mean you have to give up the things you love in the quest to find that mythical "One"?

Yeah, maybe. It's situational, of course, but courtship is all about checks and balances. Saying shit like "It's crazy to change yourself to win the affections of another" is a useless obfuscatory tactic that assumes my argument is that you have to sit down and just re-arrange your personality, when it's not. It's not inconceivable to work on yourself to be more appealing to the opposite sex. The assumption that everyone is on equal footing and there's just some girls out there who don't like you so you should just kick them to the curb sounds valid but it is very easy for it to become deformed.

Some people aren't going to love you no matter what. And while you can change, it requires actually wanting to change for yourself. Either way, if someone isn't into you, the sane response is to go for someone else - because anything else is really fucking creepy.

Hahaha, I like how you're trying to turn it around to make it look like I'm the one advocating something creepy and unsavory. Let's take a look at the facts, jack.

The part of my post everyone seems to have latched onto was the part where they interpret me as claiming they are all smelly and obsessed with Yu-Gi-Oh. It's easy to refute. You might hate Yu-Gi-Oh, and there's no way for anyone to independently verify the levels of olfactory offensiveness you currently reside at. Bam, there you go, rebuttal to my point that is bullet-proof because I can't tell you what your interests are, right?

But that doesn't actually have anything to do with what I was saying. What I was saying is that the Nice Guy effect stems directly from a person's reluctance to admit inadequacy. It doesn't matter how you're inadequate. I chose two stereotypically nerdy things for illustrative purposes because Nice Guys, on average, tend to be nerdy, socially-stunted people. But they don't mean a thing within the scheme of my example. Nerdiness doesn't necessarily correlate to Nice Guyism. The problem is that a Nice Guy shifts the blame off of himself and to the girl. It's the girl's fault for having a stupid brain that categorized him from "fuckable" to "just a friend" before he could make a move. It's not the Nice Guy's fault for not making the move, and it's certainly not his fault for just being undesirable. Because no one wants to admit that they are undesirable. That's the problem. It doesn't matter if I say you're undesirable because you have hygiene issues and an obsession with a card game, or if I say you're undesirable because you're too busy slam-dunking on the moon to hold up a relationship. What matters is that it is psychologically and emotionally painful to admit that you might need to work on yourself, so most people just don't admit it. It's much easier to say that it's the mythical "Friend Zone," that it's the girl's fault. Do you see how that is problematic?

[Psyclone]

It's not inconceivable to work on yourself to be more appealing to the opposite sex.

Or the same sex. Just sayin'.

[Nevrmore]

It's not inconceivable to work on yourself to be more appealing to the opposite sex.

Or the same sex. Just sayin'.

You're right. Forgive the omission; I'm in the mindset of a Nice Guy going after an undesiring girl, as the story usually goes.

[theDreamer]

Nevrmore, while I agree on the whole, I do think it's fair that both parties are to blame.

Not always at the same time, but any given point, it's possible that the reason the guy is "Just a Friend" (which does exist, and I maintain is synonymous with "friend zone," but whatever.) is because of the girl, 100%.

Now, some guys are in such a situation because of their own faults, yes. Whether that fault be Yu-Gi-Oh, or, in my case, when I was 12/13, social ineptness, clingyness, and general self-loathing and pity, but I also think my crush was to blame.

She dated, exclusively, older (1 or 2 years) guys, who were dicks(by every definition, to everyone), high, and dressed like a "gangsta."

...Except for that one time she dated Brian (one of our shared friends and a really cool guy...I stole[by stole I mean borrowed and then moved away] his twin's book, I should return it sometime...), but he was a Quarterback.

[epocalypse]

Update on my status, complicating as it is concise:

Answer to everything I sent her.

"YES (but I should note I am technically seeing someone...)."

My response to that:

"GREAT (however, OW!, my soul . ps: want to keep on hanging out regardless, but fair warning, one way or another this is going to most likely lead to complication and drama. If we're being open, let's keep being open, but if you're down for a metaphorical roller coaster, I'm down. Your call.)"

Her response to that via facebook utility function (based on immediate response to a status update that only she would know was actually about this):

..."like."

So yeah. That just went from simple to complicated super fast. Balls in her court now. I was feeling worse about this in the morning, but I played my cards well, didn't do anything wrong (and I don't think she did either), and I know the score. It's her turn now, and she's the one who's got the hard choices now. I want to make it clear, this wasn't a "oh I didn't mean it that way kind of thing" or a "please stop" sort of thing. No this was much more of a "I can't keep doing this without saying the full truth" sort of thing. It wasn't no, in fact, it was a fairly explicit yes, "but...".

And that's a bit depressing for me, but I know I'm also in the easier position. I'm not the one who met, asked out and went on date with a guy while technically seeing someone else. I don't mean that negatively of her, mind you. I just mean it's a sucky place to be, and one I've been similarly in before.

Feelings, them sons of bitches sneak up on you.

Will keep you all posted on this wild ride as it comes, and something tells me, we're gonna get pretty wild in here. Oh, we stupid fucking human beings, we.

[Metcarfre]

Balls in her court now.

Literally.