The Big Relationship Thread

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taza
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby taza » 26 Jul 2011, 01:33

theDreamer wrote:...Try being the keyword (like vigilance).


This is certainly true for a lot of us, for there's a lot of attacking, but not very much of tapping.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby iamafish » 26 Jul 2011, 08:12

well, that went a LOT better :D
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby epocalypse » 26 Jul 2011, 17:59

Well, updates from my escapades. After the Eddie Izzard show we hit last week, which went all very well (and was great) and had only slight awkwardness when saying good bye, nothing really happened. Except for my contact with her drying up over the past few days. As I'd mentioned, a large amount of our friendship/relationship thing thus far has been happening online, via email, Facebook, etc... But she seems to, for reasons I don't know, stopped responding directly to me over starting last Thursday.

It's not a lot to go on, and morbid direct, and only one communication was aimed directly and privately at her (which she didn't respond to either, so I'm now more aggressively trying to give her space and try not to think too much about it. It's a bit depressing, cause I thought we were at least in the clear for continuing to chat, talk and hang out like we had been, but for now, I just got to let it go. If she wants to keep knowing, being my friend, or does want something more, it's up to her.

For now, though, it seems I just have to step back entirely, and that is never something I feel good doing.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby TheRocket » 26 Jul 2011, 18:07

Could it be because she has a boyfriend and might have started feeling guilty?
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Lyinginbedmon » 26 Jul 2011, 18:17

I am all too familiar with that sort of situation.

You have my good tidings, sir.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Vanguard » 26 Jul 2011, 18:43

So, I might have a slight problem here...

Some of you that have occasionally paid attention might recall my speaking of "the one who got away". A lady friend of mine who was a very good friend that up and moved to Brazil earlier this year while leaving a plethora of feelings between us unresolved. Since then I've kept any thoughts and feelings of her "locked away in her box" in the back of my mind so I don't think about her.

She's coming home. I'm not sure when or for how long, but I think she'll be back within this next week.

... and I'm honestly not sure what to think about this.

Okay, this is a girl who I was friends with from elementary school onward that I never saw again after High School, and when she stumbled back into my life out of random chance back in December she was going through a rough patch. She didn't feel like she had a proper place to call home and didn't feel like she had any real friends that didn't just want something from her. Hell, the first night I saw her again she was living with some family she hardly knew because she didn't feel comfortable living with her family anymore.

She was back in my life for four months. I helped her, she helped me. I made her feel loved and appreciated and gave her that one person to rely on that she desperately needed at the time and she gave me a reason to be more spontaneous, adventurous, and actually live my life.

And despite her joking that she hoped I wouldn't fall in love with her, it happened. I just couldn't help it.

... and then in the last month she was here, largely due to my own actions that night to come out of her shell, I had the pleasure of watching her try to suck another guy's face off at the lips for three hours in a bar.

That's not even the part that gets to me. It's the leaving itself. Her father lives in Brazil and works for Sprint or IBM, I forget which. Whoever he works for he made the offer to move her out there to live with him and he had the resources to back that offer up. So she moved. Out of town. Out of state. Out of this continent. She wanted to start fresh. Leave all of her problems behind and begin anew.

... from what little I know about her life since, apparently it worked, and this just flies in the face of my very core beliefs about life. I'm the type of person that believes that if something is easy to obtain, it is not worth having. Everything of actual worth and value in life is something that has to be earned, a belief that's only been all the more reaffirmed by my recent successes of collaborating with local models and other people in the photography industry here in KC and my finally winning the title to my Saab after six years. Still, she just managed to hop onto a plane and erase all of her problems away. She did start over, and she did it like it was nothing.

Here I am, with about $100 to my name as I write this, if not less, fighting hand tooth and nail to build a career and survive, and she managed to just press some kind of cosmic "reset" button and make everything better.

I know there's some resentment here, I really do, but this is still all about a girl that I loved/still do love. Now she's coming back, if only for a short time, hoping to just start the friendship back up where we left off like she never left, and I honestly don't know how to handle this. I don't know if I still want her or if I want to try to work toward some kind of closure before she disappears again.

Just... I don't know. What do I do here, guys?
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby TheRocket » 26 Jul 2011, 19:47

I think you grossly under estimate how hard starting over really is.

Have you ever told her how you feel about her? If she doesn't know there's a reason for her to stay then really it's not her fault for wanting to leave. I would suggest meeting with her and enjoying your time together, working out how you feel and then admitting those feelings to her if you feel it's right.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby epocalypse » 26 Jul 2011, 20:40

TheRocket wrote:Could it be because she has a boyfriend and might have started feeling guilty?


Or girlfriend, yes (she's bi). As I mentioned early, this is the key fact. There is someone else, and worse yet, I'm it. I will not be the "other guy" and would not go or allow it to go further than a friendship unless she left the other relationship. However, we had already gotten really close, and I want to keep knowing her regardless. At the same time, I'm not going to force her if that's too much complication for her life right now. The last thing I want to do is add drama to her life more than I have already. So it's up to her. It's just, I've never completely lost a friend through romantic complication, and I really want to keep knowing her. If she cuts off our friendship completely, which I absolutely do not think would be a malicious or vengeful act, it'd hurt me pretty sharp. I've had so little time to wander around ideas and conversations with her. She's already one of those people in my mind that i have an idea or here about something and see something and immediately think that I can't wait to tell her or talk to her about it, and we'd gotten to that so fast. Just the ability to talk end on end with each other, drop into conversation so quickly and deeply. That, more than anything else, I want more of.

But right now, I owe it to her not to seek that out, not to force even that, to give her the space to process something that I know sucks. And so I have to wait.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Digital Dolphin » 27 Jul 2011, 01:04

Some news on my situation...

I decided to stop waiting for a perfect chance, and just told her that I liked her while chatting to her online. Without going into too many details, there were smiles exchanged on both sides, and while we're by no means "a couple", when we do manage to coordinate an evening walk together, it will be with mutually understood intent. Now the trick is getting our schedules to mesh!

Pretty freaking happy right now though, not gonna lie! :D
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Vanguard » 27 Jul 2011, 05:11

TheRocket wrote:Have you ever told her how you feel about her? If she doesn't know there's a reason for her to stay then really it's not her fault for wanting to leave.


She was made aware right after the bar incident, and there is the possibility that she may have had a bit too much to drink and later forgot if the guy was buying her drinks. Even then I think it was too late. She was already committed to get onto that plane three weeks later and there was no stopping her.

Still, I guess we'll just have to see what happens once she comes back...
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Digital Dolphin » 29 Jul 2011, 14:05

Much less happy update.

So we're both pretty much of the opinion that we don't have the time in our lives right now to have a relationship. Regardless, I'm open to seeing what could develop between us, but she's not.

It's a little frustrating on my end, but I understand why she feels the way she does. I'm not sure if it makes it better or worse that I believe she's interested in me the same way, but too afraid to be open to a future relationship.

All that being said, for all intensive purposes we have kind of a date on Monday. We're going on a walk together, possibly to be followed by dinner together, with the intent of getting to know each other better.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Metcarfre » 29 Jul 2011, 15:02

Digital Dolphin wrote:So we're both pretty much of the opinion that we don't have the time in our lives right now to have a relationship.

That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Ayailla » 29 Jul 2011, 16:05

Kind of needed somewhere to talk about some relationship stuff.

I'm in a very happy relationship right now, but my paranoid brain thinks I'm going to drive him away... by being too paranoid.

My friend just broke up with her boyfriend of 5 years for various reasons. He was crowding her too much, yet not paying attention to her emotions at all. He wasn't being romantic, focusing on her and letting his own life go to shit, not having a social life and telling her she spends too much time with her friends and not with him, various other things. She just decided she'd had enough. She was with him since she was 16 and she was of the opinion that she hadn't had time to have a life and she wanted to break it off and have some freedom. The thing is, her boyfriend had made it clear he wasn't going to restrict her at all (even though he tried) and said she could do what she wanted, but she told me she was always thinking in the back of her mind, "How would he react to this?" She wouldn't talk to certain people because she thought he'd think she was flirting, and it was getting to her.

This is where my paranoia comes in. I worry I'm doing this to my boyfriend. Not quite to the above extent (not even in the slightest) but... well... basically, I'm Methyphobic (afraid of Alcohol) and my boyfriend knows this. He knows I'm uncomfortable around people who are drinking and that I don't like him drinking too much because of what alcohol does to people. But I have made it clear to him I don't mind him having a couple of pints. Yet he won't have any because it makes me uncomfortable. It's getting to the point where I have to buy him a pint to get it down him. I just worry that he's going to start thinking I'm restricting his social life and that I'll drive him away like my friends boyfriend drove her away.

I know deep down that this won't happen. I keep pushing him to have a social life, but his response is mostly, "I'd rather play minecraft / starcraft". He's a keeper in that regard. XD It doesn't stop me worrying, though.

Didn't know where else to vent this. I have talked to him about this but it doesn't ease my worry any. I know that all I can do is try to change myself. Try not to show my paranoia too much and hope that my brain will stop it eventually, and try to become a more optimistic person. I just hope I can do it.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby JustAName » 29 Jul 2011, 16:13

Digital Dolphin wrote:All that being said, for all intensive purposes


Bad Dolphin! *rolled-up newspaper*

Intents AND purposes! Intents AND purposes!

...That being said, sorry to hear that :/
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Digital Dolphin » 29 Jul 2011, 16:21

metcarfre wrote:
Digital Dolphin wrote:So we're both pretty much of the opinion that we don't have the time in our lives right now to have a relationship.

That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard.


We're both career oriented and I don't think she would want me to put her above my new business any more than I would want her to put me over her career. These are extremely important times for both of us, and our future could be made or broken on our level of dedication to our jobs.

But despite the above, if she and I are meant to be more, we will be. We're going to be spending a lot of time together online and as much as we can offline, and that's not going to change.

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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Ayailla » 29 Jul 2011, 17:11

Fayili wrote:
Digital Dolphin wrote:All that being said, for all intensive purposes


Bad Dolphin! *rolled-up newspaper*

Intents AND purposes! Intents AND purposes!

...That being said, sorry to hear that :/


See... this is what I get for just coming here and being selfish and ranting. I totally could have spotted that and revelled in the annoyance! Sadly, Fayili beat me to it. :)
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Trymantha » 31 Jul 2011, 02:47

So the last few years have been tough on me, quite a few things that have happened in my past have come out in major ways affecting me mentally(way to much to go into). A vast majority of it is sorted(hopefully). Things have been looking up for me these last few months, uni is going well I'm making new friends and all that good jazz when this girl enters my life, for the sake of story lets name her Peach.

I first met Peach in late march there were a group of us that started talking all at once sort of thing we ended up all talking for a few hours and yeah thats how it started.

Okay im getting a head of myself here first a bit about my job because its kinda important for the story, I am a RA(residential assistant) at one of the hall at my uni, for those that don't know what that means summed up I pretty much live in a uni hall and look after the first years who live there. Peach is one of those first years(shes not under my direct care though). for any of you that have been RAs you all know the number one rule NO SLEEPING WITH FIRST YEARS! which you know I can live with, I mean I'm at uni for another year so is she yadda yadda yadaa. This also means I see her and talk to her pretty much every single day I mean we live in the same building and all eat in the same room

The thing is its been a long time since I've been in a relationship(a good 3 years) I've had the odd crush sort of thing and this for some reason is just different I mean I don't dream(you know what I mean) but for some reason the last couple of months I have been and Peach is popping up in them its really strange.

I know for the last few months Peach has been in a long distance relationship(stupid-ass mario) but i think it may have ended but they are still on good terms(read: no longer together on facebook but still friends with mario) and yeah stuff and things

I really like her like a lot but i haven't had a good experiance with relationship(way to much to go into and its not my story to tell to be honest).

But yeah I just think I needed to let out whats been building up inside kinda admit to myself how I'm feeling and all that, just typing this out felt good(and it only took about an hour to find the words). Now I think I might cry myself to sleep while watching MLP or something like that.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby The Jester » 01 Aug 2011, 14:18

I told her about my ex and what happened between us, that is, I told her about (what I think was) the worst mistake I ever made and how it hurt someone that I really didn't mean to hurt but did anyway. And she still wants to know me, and talk to me, and meet me in person when we both can arrange/afford it. :)

My past experiences have taught me not to hope too much, because while a little hope is good, a lot will get you hurt. But still, I cannot help but feel my optimism and hope grow.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby ThrashJazzAssassin » 01 Aug 2011, 15:00

The Jester wrote:My past experiences have taught me not to hope too much, because while a little hope is good, a lot will get you hurt. But still, I cannot help but feel my optimism and hope grow.

AND THEN THE CAGE COMES DOWN!

Seriously though, Jester, I think a little hope seems justified under the circumstances. :D Hope everything goes well when you manage to meet up.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby The Jester » 01 Aug 2011, 16:37

Oh man, Dylan Moran is the bomb. I was watching some of his stuff the other day, actually. :lol:

Thanks man. We still have to organise a time when she's free long enough to talk on some IM thing or other. Hopefully that'll be soon. ;)
I'm still trying not to let my hopes soar too high, but yeah. I think things are going pretty good. :)
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Lyinginbedmon » 01 Aug 2011, 17:41

Ah Dylan Moran, such great nostalgic memories, and one rather bad one...
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby goat » 01 Aug 2011, 17:51

Lyinginbedmon wrote:Ah Dylan Moran, such great nostalgic memories, and one rather bad one...


... is it the one with the cage?
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Lyinginbedmon » 01 Aug 2011, 18:00

It is one in which there should have been Moran but in fact there was none.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby The Jester » 02 Aug 2011, 12:50

We're going to be "doing coffee" on Saturday. Of course, the fact that she's in America and I'm in England -.q means that it'll be via IM and maaaaybe involve webcams. But still. Eeeeee! Exciting. I have a happy smile. :D
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Ayailla » 02 Aug 2011, 13:07

Best of luck, Jester! I hope it works out. :)
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