The Big Relationship Thread

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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby auberginequeen » 24 Jan 2012, 11:18

Avistew wrote:I still think having special days is good. Sure you love each other every day, but you're also alive every day and yet we celebrate birthdays.


Sorry, I didn't mean to imply that you shouldn't have "special" days sometimes. I agree with you, you can have your own special days, but celebrating a "special" day along with the rest of country in the same manner because it's been designated as such and at the expense of other people's feelings seems silly to me as well.

... What I mean to say is that I agree with you.

That said, I do boycott Valentine's Day. I do not, however, boycott the most important part of Valentine's Day: February 15th, Cheap Chocolate Day.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby TheRocket » 24 Jan 2012, 11:23

Valentines Day - Where all the single people complain the loudest in unison about other people's happiness.

Honestly, that's more annoying than the day itself.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Matt » 24 Jan 2012, 11:24

TheRocket wrote:Valentines Day - Where all the single people complain the loudest in unison about other people's happiness.

Honestly, that's more annoying than the day itself.



Eh, that's an argument from privilege if ever I've seen one.

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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Metcarfre » 24 Jan 2012, 11:29

Well, deal with it, suck-face.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Matt » 24 Jan 2012, 11:36

Well, no. I didn't mean it to be insulting, but it is a kinda shitty and dismissive thing to say.

It's smaller scale, but it's fundamentally the same argument as saying

"Man, all those gay people raging about not having the right to marry is almost more annoying than the fact that I can't decide whether I want to have a wedding cake or a cupcake tray for my wedding!"

You have something that those people don't, and it behooves you to at least have some regard for the people on the outside looking in.

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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Lyinginbedmon » 24 Jan 2012, 11:43

If nothing else, recognising that there are those who aren't (at least as yet) fortunate enough to have what you do helps you to appreciate the value of what you have.

And besides, it should be obvious to anyone that if you have a day set aside to celebrate the non-universal possession of a given item or quality, the inequality inherent in that is going to draw detractors.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Metcarfre » 24 Jan 2012, 11:54

I don't think I need to apologize for being lucky enough to have a wife I adore. It's not like I murdered a hobo to get her.

That was a bonus.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Matt » 24 Jan 2012, 11:56

I don't think anyone is saying you need to apologize for having such a privilege. I'm certainly not.

I do think it's petty to be dismissive of the experiences of people who don't share your privilege, though.

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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Avistew » 24 Jan 2012, 12:00

There should be a day to celebrate being single. What about "I Can Eat Toast In Bed Without Anyone Complaining About Crumbs Day"?
You can celebrate being free to leave the seat up or down, being free to be as messy as you want, or being able to be neat without anyone messing it up, watching whatever you want on TV, going to bed at any time you want and getting home when you feel like it without having to warn anyone... Provided you don't live with your parents/roommates I guess.

And you can get a gift you know will be appreciated because it's for yourself. I suggest discounts for single meals that day, and a free drink or dessert for anyone who eats alone at the restaurant. And a celebration of indulging stuff you like without anyone judging you for them.

... I don't know if there is a non-official Single Day. But obviously there is no hype about it in stores. Have the people who are in a couple as inconvenienced by it as the single people are on V-Day. Have Singles Only parties or something. Make us feel left out. There is no reason you shouldn't be allowed to celebrate the good things about being single.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Lyinginbedmon » 24 Jan 2012, 12:00

Agreed, we're not saying you shouldn't celebrate your fortune, we're at best just saying you shouldn't dismiss our complaints of not having the same fortune.

@Avistew: International Narcissism Day?
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby auberginequeen » 24 Jan 2012, 12:09

Oh man, I wish International Narcissism Day existed. If I could get free or discounted dessert for spending the day alone... well. I think Dreamer and I would do the sensible thing and remain apart that day, assuming we weren't in different cities like we often are (ie right now)

I could go into the frozen yoghurt shop alone and not have people look at me funny because I'm eating sugary goodness by myself.

I could tell people to go away because I want to spend the day alone sitting in my room playing video games.

That sounds awesome.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Metcarfre » 24 Jan 2012, 12:13

Wouldn't you just look in a mirror all day?
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Matt » 24 Jan 2012, 12:14

For me, every day is self-love day!

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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby aeric90 » 24 Jan 2012, 12:25

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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby TheRocket » 24 Jan 2012, 13:37

Matt wrote:
TheRocket wrote:Valentines Day - Where all the single people complain the loudest in unison about other people's happiness.

Honestly, that's more annoying than the day itself.



Eh, that's an argument from privilege if ever I've seen one.

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Nope. You know what, I said that when I was single, too.
I am SO sick of unhappy people complaining about others happiness when they are literally doing NOTHING wrong but going out and having a good time. This attitude unhappy, single people take on around holidays is mopey, negative bullshit. Happy people have done nothing to merit their disgust and anger towards them

Single people complain about weddings.
Single people complain about valentines.
Single people complain about Christmas and how they are alone.

I'm fucking done with whiney wah wah people who act as if people who are in a happy, stable relationship should be either apologetic, or avoid holding hands or being a couple in public because somehow it is a personal insult to their crappy life.

It's not an "argument of the privledged" as you say. When I was single I makde my friends and family valentines and shared in tokens of love to people around me. I was happy for my friends getting married, instead of bringing them down with tales of how I wished I were getting married. and backhanded complaints about weddings or holidays.

Now, this has nothing to do with what you've said, Matt. Because I totally understand that you don't like where you are at and you are taking all the steps you can to fix it. That's awesome. You have every right to feel alone and a little sad. You have every right to feel all your feelings and not have anyone tell you to do otherwise. All single people who want a relationship ahve a right toexpress their feelings of lonliness, sadness or their wishes.

What I'm talking about is something completely different. It's the people who make holidays - and happy things for couples - into a personal dig on their singledom and sadness.
The people who make it thier personal goal to make people who are in relationships feel like there is something to be ashamed of by actually participating in a holiday like Valentines day.

I'm not privledged and snooty because I'm in a happy relationship. I recognize how lucky I am to have found love. And I'd like to fucking celebrate that whenever I choose without being judged by some unhappy prick, thank you very much.

(again, not talking about you Matt, it's a general pet peeve I see EVERY HOLIDAY).

Again, not about single people who want to be in a relationship - but about single people who make people in a relationship feel like shit for celebrating by making rude comments and complain about them.


To Lying, my point is exactly that. Valentines is a day to celebrate what you have. It's not about shoving it in anyone elses face or make people feel bad. I don't intend on going NAH NAH I HAVE AN AWESOME HUSBAND AND YOU'RE SINGLE to anyone of my friends. I intend to quietly (and then later not so quietly) celebrate the day with my husband. What I don't appreciate is people making me feel liek I should be ashamed of DOING jsut that - appreciating what I have.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby TheRocket » 24 Jan 2012, 13:49

Matt wrote:I don't think anyone is saying you need to apologize for having such a privilege. I'm certainly not.

I do think it's petty to be dismissive of the experiences of people who don't share your privilege, though.

-m



I don't know if the above post I made was coherent or not... I'm kinda in a rush here.

My complaint is with the people who DO feel couples need to apologoize for having that privledge. It is not about anything you said or anyone on this forum really. Just a pet peeve and it happens A LOT when you are in a relationship.

I wasn't being dissmissive of people who aren't in a relationship. I was single too, you know. I know what it's like. But I never made my firends who had privledges feel liek shit for expressing them, and I would like to be shown show me the same respect. I hardly talked abou tmy wedding with ANYONE because I was so worried that I'd be that annoying bride who was all wedding this wedding that and be judged by someone who was unhappy they weren't getting married. I was met by a lot of animosity when people found out I was engaged. I find it sad when people use others happiness and turn it into something ugly. I find THAT petty.

Sorry if what I said sounded dissmissive of people who were upset they are alone (and have every right to be). I hope I cleared it up and didn't confuse more people.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Psyclone » 24 Jan 2012, 14:05

The main problem I had with your post was that it really sounded like, "god, all of those whiny single people. Why can't they just get a life?" I see your point now, I think the wording just made people bristle a bit.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Avistew » 24 Jan 2012, 14:16

I think I understand what you mean, Rocket. There is a difference, for instance if a friend is getting married, between
1) being happy for them, but a bit envious and sad that you're alone
or
2) being bitter and resenting them and either feeling you deserve it more or feeling if you don't have it nobody should

It doesn't change the fact that people glorify being in a relationship too, though. That is, some people do shove it down others' throats that they are in a relationship and you should too, or talk as though if you're single you're a loser, or will only invite couples and not singles to stuff, etc. I think that sucks too. Not just because being in a relationship or not isn't necessarily a choice, but also because when it IS a choice (as in someone who prefers to be single) it's still a perfectly valid one and in no way inferior to being in a couple.

February 15th is one of my brothers' birthday, so while it might be cheap chocolate day, I don't think I'll even think of it as that first. I'm more likely to think of a "cheap chocolate week" that includes it.
Sadly this is the brother who doesn't like chocolate, so no it doesn't mean being able to get his cheap gifts :P
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Matt » 24 Jan 2012, 14:44

I'm going to deconstruct your response a little bit (Rocket), but I want to make it clear that I understood you, your point is clear, and I'm not attacking you, hust as you weren't attacking me - I just want to identify a bit of middle ground here.

First off, yes you enjoy a privilege. No, you shouldn't feel guilty or apologetic for that. Also, I do acknowledge that often times the people who don't have a privilege tend to experience a bit of a persecution complex, and often weild it as a weapon in order to guilt trip the people who are better off than themselves. That is, admittedly, annoying, but it's usually because they actually are aggrieved in some way.

Culturally, coupling is normalized. There's a lot of pressure on people to find and be in relationships. The couple is the de facto standard assumption of adult life.

Holidays, Valentine's day especially, tends to serve as a HUGE, BIG, IN YOUR FACE reminder to a lot of single people that they have failed to achieve cultural normality.

Again, still on a much different scale (as far a social imoportance is concerened), it's analogous to having a straight-pride day, or a white pride day.

So while I agree that it's bullshit for people to be trying to actively drag you down for being lucky enough to have found love and wanting to celebrate that, I would also ask that people in your position at least try not to begrudge singles their feeligs of exclusion and lonliness. Because they are excluded and lonely.

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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby taza » 24 Jan 2012, 14:47

Avistew wrote:2) being bitter and resenting them and either feeling you deserve it more or feeling if you don't have it nobody should


You're acting like being bitter is a bad thing in itself.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby theDreamer » 24 Jan 2012, 14:55

I'm willing to grant valentine's day as a shitty holiday for single people me (I think it's a shitty holiday period, though). That said, Rocket's right, every person who complained about being alone on Christmas (well, I was going to be alone alone. IE no friends around, which I think is valid), or New Year's, or at a wedding, is a bit of a douche.

That said, you shouldn't blame a couple for valentine's day.

Also, I hardly think it is a privilege like straight-pride or white-pride, since a person can't change being gay or "minority." You can however change being single. Not easily, but it's not like couples were born. They were made, just like you are (or should be if the nebulous you reading this isn't) trying to make right now.

Also, not everyone wants to be in a couple, and citing "society says we should be" is stupid, and you know it's stupid. Look at elomin. He's probably only annoyed because it means there is more kissing on the telly.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Elomin Sha » 24 Jan 2012, 15:01

Hello!


I'm just annoyed at the ridiculousness I see in Valentine's Day with some people. If you're with someone for 365.25 days of the year and you consider only this one day to say you love someone you're either an idiot or using them. If they are that special you'd go out of your way a little more often to prove it, right?
That's what I think anyway.


Crap, I'm in work on Valentine's Day.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Matt » 24 Jan 2012, 15:05

theDreamer wrote:Also, I hardly think it is a privilege like straight-pride or white-pride, since a person can't change being gay or "minority."


Well, it is. The dynamics of privilege aren't restricted to immutable traits. The whole thing is a social construct, and operates off of different socially recognizable traits. Those traits just have to be socially visible, they don't have to be innate.

That said, I fully recognize that the scale of importance is orders of magnitude different, and I went out of my way to indicate such.

theDreamer wrote:Also, not everyone wants to be in a couple, and citing "society says we should be" is stupid, and you know it's stupid. Look at elomin. He's probably only annoyed because it means there is more kissing on the telly.


Since when is citing social expectation stupid? Social expectations exist. Citing one example of someone who happily violates those social expectations isn't evidence that there's not a trend, you've just identified an outlier.

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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby theDreamer » 24 Jan 2012, 15:08

Society tells me it's wrong to not have a biological child. I have no intentions of having one, because society is stupid.

How about how in academia being married is practically a sin. Not only are few professors married, few WANT to be married, and many actively shame those who are?

Societal expectations are also that you're straight, is that ok?

Just because it exists doesn't make something valid.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Elomin Sha » 24 Jan 2012, 15:09

Whooooo! Elomin Sha, trending outlier since 1985.
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