The Big Relationship Thread

[Kara]

This pretty much sums up my opinion. Personally I'm a big drinker. My manfriend is an alcoholic (though fairly functioning and remarkably upfront about that fact), which leads me to drinking in most social situations when I'm with him and I take no issue with that. (When we have our alone time we tend to keep it more sober unless we happen to be out at a party and go back home at night, and then so it goes, we're drunk.)

That being said, even I as someone who thoroughly enjoys drinking and does it very regularly was in a situation a few years ago with my closest group of friends that totally turned me off of it for awhile. Not even that I didn't want to drink sometimes still, but my main group of friends I would hang out with were drinking CONSTANTLY. I would never go to hang out with them EVER without practically every single person there being drunk, or there being an abundance of drugs involved. This went on for a year straight, which I was totally into as I was at that place in my life. There was a bit of a falling out in that crew, and I started to hang out with other people and do other things, but would go back to hang out with my old friends and still, even two, three years later they would absolutely always be drinking.

After I hung out with other people I kind of realized that when your friends are just drinking all of the time the whole interaction feels less genuine in a way, and definitely less fun if you're the sober one watching your friends get hammered and be in on this cohesive thing that you're not interested in.

It's been said a few times and alluded to already, but let your friends know when you hang out with them that you want to have a sober hangout, or at least not a severely drunken one. If they wanna get drunk that's fine, but let them know you're not interested in that general lifestyle. If you get pressured in and drink with them even it doesn't solve the actual issue of that setting, it just makes it less immediately frustrating.

If they wanna be drunk and you're not into it, go chill with other people. There's tons of awesome people out there in the world and even if most of your friends are drinkers (as lots of folks are), not all of them will be drinking every night even if they enjoy drinking. Those friends will still be there another day for you to see and hang out with, just make it clear what you want that day and experience to be.


When it comes down to it, I stand by Fezzul's general advice 100%.

[TheGhostOfZero]

I have a couple of underage friends who get drunk pretty much every weekend. I'm so glad I've never been invited, they're stupid enough when they're sober.

[nicholasmc1]

I have a couple of underage friends who get drunk pretty much every weekend. I'm so glad I've never been invited, they're stupid enough when they're sober.

For a second I thought you were talking about me and Chrusher.....but we're not underage...

[TheGhostOfZero]

I have a couple of underage friends who get drunk pretty much every weekend. I'm so glad I've never been invited, they're stupid enough when they're sober.

For a second I thought you were talking about me and Chrusher.....but we're not underage...

Haha. You guys aren't that stupid when you're sober d:

[Drecon]

My experience is that drinking is fun and all, but people getting drunk often ruins the mood. To be fair, I usually have more fun with my friends that don't consume alcohol than with those that do.

[Lyinginbedmon]

So, I went to a convention this past weekend and some interesting things happened.

First day of the convention, I crept out from my tent and ventured to the nearby Costa Coffee to get a muffin and cup of tea to serve as some semblance of breakfast. Immediately noticeable inside the vacant caffeine emporium was a pair of girls in the rearmost corner, both adorned by exquisite cloaks of rouge and black. On the way out, carrying a large hand-painted banner of some kind, they complimented my choice of hat.

I encountered them several times over the course of the three-day convention, each time learning more about them and chatting. On the final day, I encountered the black-clad lady alone on the exhibition floor whilst I was scouting potential business opportunities to shove my business card at. She explained that her scarlet compatriot had been laid low by heavy drinking the night before, and for reasoning that I'm still largely unable to conjure I asked if Ms Schwarzkap would like to join me later in the evening for some food and/or non-alcoholic drink.

I sat in the canteen area with some associates, keeping an eye out for the young madam, before leaving to meet with another. En route, I encountered both of the caped wonders sat by a matched pair of power sockets recharging their mobile devices, the red lady very much requiring sleep as she fumbled about for responses to give her over-attached boyfriend over the phone. We conversed some more, and were joined eventually by some of my previously-noted associates, where a plan was hatched to hang out for a barbeque at the camp site. We walked back as my associates attempted to locate meats to cook upon said barbeque, and departed peacefully to our separate tents, some distance from eachother.

Perhaps it was the long days or the lack of comfort in my bed on the hard ground, but my mind went a little strange at this point, and my hopeless heart plied its trade at my reasoning. When I noticed Ms Schwarzkap walking out of the camp site alone, in the matching dark of the night, I assembled myself to a suitable degree and made my way to the convention centre, torch in hand.

I found her in the canteen with her sketch book. Apologising for the seeming stalking I had done, we started to discuss Minecraft maps we were working on, followed by her numerous drawings, and eventually delving into numerous other topics. We departed to a quieter and more discrete location when it grew too noisy for proper discussion in the canteen, and our topics grew increasingly personal. I put my arm around her in consolation, and seemingly inevitably, I found myself unable to exercise restraint as I turned her chin to face me and our lips met.

I'm now chatting with her on skype and hoping we can find some time to see each other again. At the convention's end, we went our separate ways with a hug and a kiss.

[Fezzul]

That's a really sweet story, Lying. Nice.

I sent a love letter today. Been a while since I've dome that. We'll see what happens.

[My pseudonym is Ix]

You do seem distinctly apologetic about the whole business, Lying. Don't see why; sounds like a pretty good result to me.

[Merrymaker_Mortalis]

Going to a wedding and seeing a couple be very happy makes me wish I was in a loving relationship.

Seeing my parents occasionally bicker makes me wonder what's the point of getting into a relationship.

Why are things complicated. Why aren't people more open about their relationship hiccups? I've grown up thinking my parents (Mum really)were the only ones that bickered. The ones that bickered a lot more got divorced. Everyone else's seemed normal. Are my parents normal? Is married life with a lot of bickering?

[Lyinginbedmon]

You do seem distinctly apologetic about the whole business, Lying. Don't see why; sounds like a pretty good result to me.

It was a fairly awkward sequence of events, I got exactly what I was looking for but through some mildly ungentlemanly methods. As it stands I'm also still very unsure of where it will lead, we could never meet again or we could be together 50 years from now.

I figure, she's beautiful, smart, funny, and quirky, she lives only 2 hours away by train (with the midpoint between us being Brad Kirkland territory, York), and my lovesick heart wouldn't get any better if I didn't at least give it a shot.

As I said that very evening, "you never reach the shore if you don't keep paddling".

[Bebop Man]

Going to a wedding and seeing a couple be very happy makes me wish I was in a loving relationship.

Seeing my parents occasionally bicker makes me wonder what's the point of getting into a relationship.

Why are things complicated. Why aren't people more open about their relationship hiccups? I've grown up thinking my parents (Mum really)were the only ones that bickered. The ones that bickered a lot more got divorced. Everyone else's seemed normal. Are my parents normal? Is married life with a lot of bickering?

My parents seemed the most normal and mutually-loving parents in the world until they went through 2 or 3 years of bickering (and shouting and...) before they got a divorce 25 years into their marriage.

I think being together (married, whatever) is about taking pleasure in the same things. If you can't share the stuff you like with someone else, then it becomes YOUR thing, and by not sharing YOUR thing you're unwillingly isolating yourself from the other person. Humor is such an important part of getting along, people should stress this more often.

[Lyinginbedmon]

My grandparents rarely bickered, but they had issues beneath the surface that have driven them apart in more recent years. My parents on the other hand bicker all the time, but they were together for longer than I've been alive and have only recently shown stress signs.

I think we perhaps need to get out of this vision that a marriage is a perfect harmony of love and trust and happiness. It's a legal state and little more, sure we've given it a fair deal of poetic meaning through our rituals and novels, but it's still just a legal status at its core, and one added to a romantic status, not built into it.

Perfection doesn't exist in the universe, certainly not in human kind, and so we'll fall in and out of love, and in and out of marriage.

[My pseudonym is Ix]

Hey, try living with anyone for several decades and see if you don't end up disagreeing on something.

[Bebop Man]

Hey, try living with anyone for several decades and see if you don't end up disagreeing on something.

I think that's a given, the question if you disagree more than you end up agreeing, as well as HOW you disagree.

[viscomica]

Hmm, my parents bicker sometimes about the most trivial things but always agree on the important ones. That being said, I think every couple has its own mechanic (so to speak) To me, for instance, humor and interesting conversations are important. Also... food !

[Lyinginbedmon]

I'd certainly find little joy in a relationship where we agreed on everything, there'd be no debate then.

[auberginequeen]

My parents usually conflict over how they treat each other, not big picture stuff or family decisions; i.e. the issue is usually "hey you hurt my feelings" or "I'm offended you said that" and so on. But I see from their interactions and what they say to me that they have mechanisms to make the other stuff work, like being willing to concede on some things and strategically trying to guide the other toward your personal preference on other occasions. I've heard many a "make it seem like it was her idea." I don't know if that's good or bad, but that's how it is. They also say stuff like "I don't see why people get divorced, it's not really worth the effort" (unless they're in an abusive relationship ofc) so I'm not really sure where they lie on the whole "marital happiness" scale. They seem capable of cohabitation though, and that's probably enough.

[Elomin Sha]

One of my major flaws is I am kind of slow to realise certain things until much later. A year has gone by and I am thinking that I didn't do something I should have and it may have affected some one. I want to ask about it but...

[MinniChi]

I'm not married yet, but I figure if you bicker about the little things, even if only in your home, the bigger things are easier to deal with together. I find I get angrier at my other half over not so important things if we haven't bickered in a while. Bickering is a way to let off steam without having an actual fight.

[Bebop Man]

The real problem is when you just want to bicker and the other person makes a HUGE deal about it.

[viscomica]

Hmm, I'm gonna sound like an awful life coach but... I guess in the end it's all about balance.

[RedNightmare]

My parents are know to bicker and such on a regular basis, but that has been happening for as long as I can remember. I personally think that couples that don't are in more trouble then the ones that do (depending on frequency and subject)

[Fezzul]

George Harrison's wife said "The secret to a long marriage is not getting divorced."

Truth. In so many ways.

[JustAName]

I don't bicker, but I just really don't like conflict. It does make any issues a long discussion where we both end up feeling really guilty... but at least we never accuse each other of things? I dunno. I would never want to act without empathy. *shrug*

[Bebop Man]

George Harrison's wife said "The secret to a long marriage is not getting divorced."

Truth. In so many ways.

That would make her my favorite Beatle wife.