The Big Relationship Thread

[Bebop Man]

Sorry if I'm prying where I'm not wanted but it sounds like this girl is being everything but direct about the fact she doesn't want to be with you. So far she told you off, moved away, pursued her ex and now joined a dating site. Also, "maybe a little bit of jealousy would be good for her"??? What kind of logic is that? If she wanted to be with you, she'd be with you.

[Sieg Reyu]

So I've been on this site for a while. All this time, there has been this girl who I have had a 95% match with, which is really good. But all this time I never messaged her. I looked at her profile, but for some reason or another, always decided against it. Well, upon returning from my hiatus, I came across her profile again. I read through it, figured why the hell not, sent her a message. While waiting for a reply, I started to read through some of her questions, to kind of get a better idea of what she is like. God this woman is ridiculous. Judging from what I have read she uses the phrase "Whatever gets your rocks off" almost as much as I do. We have almost identical explanations on several questions. She even quotes the fact about the chick in PETA who uses insulin because she is a giant hypocrite. This girl is going to drive me crazy. The time I have spent waiting for her to get back online, I have spent way too much of it reading up on her. I am obsessing and I really need to stop. I feel like a drug addict who is trying to quit. I've got it bad you guys. I've got it real bad. I haven't even got a response yet, I should not be this invested yet guys. If she turns me down, it is not going to be pretty. Somebody help me.

[iamafish]

sounds like a match made in heaven, although sometimes people who agree we each other all the time do not actually make a very good couple, so don't assume that just because you're similar you are instantly compatible. Obviously you might be compatible, just don't raise your expectations to unreasonable levels.

I hope she replies, but if not, well, her loss!

[Sieg Reyu]

Well she likes to argue and she likes Big Bang Theory so that could keep us going for days.
I really do not like Big Bang.

[Lyinginbedmon]

My measure is usually "Enough in common to have a conversation, enough different to make it an interesting one"

[Sieg Reyu]

Pardon my English, but fuck fuck fuck fuckety fuck fuck fuck. FUCK!

She came online changed her location to somewhere 2 hours away, read my message, viewed my profile, didn't respond. Just. Just. FUCK.

[Bebop Man]

Is 2 hours away good or bad?

[Jamfalcon]

If you're in a large city (however if memory serves me right that isn't the case), perhaps she just listed that as a general area, the way I'll often say I'm in Vancouver, despite being over an hour away. Also possible she just moved recently and hadn't updated her profile, saw your message, and it reminded her that she was showing up as living somewhere she doesn't anymore.

Either way, sorry to hear that

[viscomica]

Yeah, 2 hours away to me is nothing, but I guess in some countries two hours could be a lot of distance? Anywho, sorry about that Sieg, like iamafish said: it's her loss! Stay possitive!

[Sieg Reyu]

I live fairly close to a University town, Carbondale, IL, which is where she was listed. It then changed to Belleville, IL which is practically St. Louis. This is thoroughly upsetting.

Also, I'm kind of touched and flattered that you remembered that about me.

[Jamfalcon]

Yeah, so maybe she graduated/left university and moved away? If that's the case, it's quite possible she just didn't respond because she thinks it's too big of a distance. Of course, she also could have not had time to reply or be taking time to think of something good to say, so it's not impossible you'll hear something. I'd say try (as much as you can, I know how hard it can be to get it off you mind) not to think about it anymore, and if you hear something, pleasant surprise.

Well, I'm glad my strangely specific memory is a benefit to someone!

[Sieg Reyu]

Unfuck unfuck nfuck unfuckety unfuck unfuck unfuck. UNFUCK!

I got a response. She's just visiting her dad for a while and changed her location for the time being.

[viscomica]

Kudos!

[Jamfalcon]

[2stepz]

I live fairly close to a University town, Carbondale, IL, which is where she was listed. It then changed to Belleville, IL which is practically St. Louis. This is thoroughly upsetting.

Also, I'm kind of touched and flattered that you remembered that about me.

FWIW, I am 2 hours from Belleville (right @Theo5p?)... and that drive is NOTHING.

Oh... just read the follow-up. I was about to suggest that. For college age folks, contacting over holiday breaks is generally a bad idea. Family life tends to get in the way, and geography can change dramatically.

[Sieg Reyu]

We didn't talk for long, but we talked long enough for me to get her name, Yvette.

An excerpt from my facebook page from November, and I swear on Morgan's life that it is true.

Had a dream where I met and instantly fell in love with a girl named Eve. Looks like my brain thinks it's a world class comedian.

Get it? Cause my name's Adam? Yeah, you get it.

Eve. Yvette. Eve could totally be short for Yvette.

I don't want to believe in prophetic dreams, but dammit it happens to me a lot.

[Avistew]

She even quotes the fact about the chick in PETA who uses insulin because she is a giant hypocrite.

Just wanted to comment quickly on that. If every vegan refused to use medication or services that are the result of animal experimentation or have in the past hurt animals, there is literally nothing that could be used nowadays. Insulin has been synthesised for long enough that you definitely cannot say people who use it are directly responsible for animals being used decades ago. While I disagree with PETA in many ways, saying that a vegan cannot use insulin is like saying they cannot get surgery, ever, because people have learned a lot about anatomy and surgery by performing it on animals a long time ago.

Nowadays, insulin is produced using human reconstituted DNA and plants, both of which perfectly fit a vegan lifestyle, as no animal is being harmed.

We didn't talk for long, but we talked long enough for me to get her name, Yvette.

An excerpt from my facebook page from November, and I swear on Morgan's life that it is true.

Had a dream where I met and instantly fell in love with a girl named Eve. Looks like my brain thinks it's a world class comedian.

Get it? Cause my name's Adam? Yeah, you get it.

Eve. Yvette. Eve could totally be short for Yvette.

I don't want to believe in prophetic dreams, but dammit it happens to me a lot.

Yves is actually the male form of Yvette, so it could be a bad nickname if she's from a French (or francophone) background, but otherwise, yes, I imagine it could be used as a nickname.

Don't get obsessed with her, though. Looks to me like your brain is your worst enemy here. If you keep planning for the two of you to get together when nothing has happened, you might end up with a broken heart over someone you have barely even interacted with. I understand it's easier said than done, but hold down your horses. Try to slow down and remind yourself nothing has happened yet, and it's possible nothing ever will. Just give it time, and see how things develop.

With this being said, I hope things go well.

Oh, and while I'm at it, I agree with Bebop man that every new detail we learn seems to make it more obvious the first girl wasn't interested at all. Basically she told you "I'm too busy right now. Maybe in a few years, maybe. Oh, but don't wait for me, please."
Seems like she was too worried about hurting your feelings or sounding bad to turn you out in a more sincere way, but she was basically telling you "please don't feel too bad about the rejection, since I didn't turn you down completely so you shouldn't think anything is wrong with you, but please find someone else in the time it takes me to finish school".

[Sieg Reyu]

Don't get obsessed with her, though. Looks to me like your brain is your worst enemy here. If you keep planning for the two of you to get together when nothing has happened, you might end up with a broken heart over someone you have barely even interacted with. I understand it's easier said than done, but hold down your horses. Try to slow down and remind yourself nothing has happened yet, and it's possible nothing ever will. Just give it time, and see how things develop.

Oh, yeah absolutely. That is 100% my problem, and I will be the first to admit to it. I over think things waaaaay too much.

But yeah, now. It was more commenting on the fact that I developed feelings for a girl very quickly and they had similar names. I don't remember how the dream ended. It could have ended badly, or she could not have felt the same way. I'm not saying it's a sign it's meant to be, I'm just saying it's another odd coincidence.

[Avistew]

Yes, and maybe you've had tons of other dreams, but this one is the one that fits, so it's the one you remember. Confirmation bias and all. I was just commenting that Yves is a male name in French despite being pronounced like the English-speaking Eve

[Kortanios]

So S and I are going to see The Hobbit together later this week...

[Hepheastus]

So I just got a call from on of my friends telling me that my two best friends have just broken up with each other. One of them has already skipped town without telling anyone and the other is in a really bad state. Um...anyone got any good ideas

[Lyinginbedmon]

Lord of the Rings marathon?

Actually...that's legitimately not a bad idea...

[Elomin Sha]

Extended or Theatrical?

The ultimate test.

[Darkobra]

Give them their space. Let them know you're there for them if you need them and leave it at that. People sometimes don't want to talk about it and just need time to themselves. Others could do with the shoulder.

All you can do is say "I'm here if you need me." Leave the decision in their hands.

[Dutch guy]

These seem relevant: How to deal with introverts

Was debating putting it in the depression thread, as a lot of my current (non existent) social situation is related to being a borderline autistic introvert, but decided it would be better situated here.