The Big Relationship Thread

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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby JustAName » 21 Apr 2014, 14:45

auberginequeen wrote:I'm gone-bunburying on Skype.


(Fantastic reference.)
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby AeroCmdr » 21 Apr 2014, 15:49

I really can't stress enough just how much I appreciate all of your replies and support right now. Talking out what happened and reasoning about it here has helped me a lot. I would definitely be a lot worse off right now without all of you. I still get really sad sometimes and that will probably last for a while, but I'm starting to be able to sleep more than an hour at a time now.

Bebop Man wrote:Forgive the brashness Aero but she sounds like she was an asshole about feelings and commitment and you're way better off without her. The more you try to understand how some people can be the way they are, the more frustrating the whole thing will be for you. Look at it this way, you didn't waste any more time with her and now you're free to find a person who will actually appreciate you and value you.
Honestly I agree with you. She was kind of a jerk in a lot of ways but I ignored that because when she isn't acting that way, she can be a very good person. That probably was a mistake to ignore those jerk things for so long.

I don't understand how she can be so distant from people and just be fine that way. I try to look at it from her point of view and I really have a hard time doing that. It is frustrating for me to try and understand how people can be that way. I really hope that one day she realizes that isn't a good way to treat people who are close to you.

auberginequeen wrote:It's probably not my place to say this but it sounds like she lost interest in you a while back but was motivated for some reason to keep it going. If I were to hazard a guess, it would be that she felt obligated to stay because you needed someone so desperately after the death of your grandfather. It's hard to turn away from someone in their time of need, regardless of how you feel about them. Another possibility is she didn't want to hazard being on her own back then, or didn't want to give up what she thought she had even though it wasn't what she wanted anymore. It's hard to say.

Either way, doing things out of a sense of obligation, especially when you'd rather be doing something else (like dating other people), inevitably breeds resentment. You almost always end up feeling trapped. It sounds like she came to resent the fact that she felt tied down to you, and so she ended up acting out against you and didn't really feel much when you found out about her infidelity because she'd already "checked out" long ago.

That's my two cents, anyway. I might be wrong, and I apologise to her for my supposition if I am. Of course, that doesn't make this your fault in the slightest but, well, I can empathize with you both. I'm sorry this happened to you; no one deserves to be treated that way. I know you're strong enough to get through it though, and if you want another person to talk to (I tend to be up late into the night), I'm gone-bunburying on Skype.
I can definitely see how it can seem like that and I'd probably think the same thing, but honestly I don't think it was that deep to her. From my understanding the cheating happened before he passed away. I believe everything she did was just for instant gratification and as she said she only lives in moments. I have a real difficulty viewing things from that perspective and I really can't imagine being happy living that way.

In our conversation when I confronted her about being so distant I made sure she understood that if this wasn't what she wanted than I'd rather just have us move on. I thought that her being distant might have meant that she was doing something unfaithful and I asked her to be completely honest with me. She told me she wouldn't do something like that to me wanted to keep going. She had every opportunity to be honest with me and move on if that's what she really wanted. It felt like she really did want to continue being in a relationship with me.

I feel like the man she cheated on me with told me because he knew this because she told me he only messaged me because he was angry with her over something she did. He paid the fee on facebook to send me a non-friend message and everything. But it could have been that he just wanted me out of her life. He was pretty much texting her the whole time I was confronting her and kept trying to call her but I'm not really sure exactly what that was about still. When I was confronting her about what she did she really tried to talk me into still coming over like we had always planned and didn't want me to cut her out of my life completely. I'm glad I was strong enough at the time to not take her up on that because a part of me did just want to ignore it and keep going. At times I still feel like maybe if I gave her one more chance then everything would go back to being the way it was before, but I know that's not how it works and I deserve so much better than that.

Also I wanted to thank everyone who has offered to talk to me one on one. I do really appreciate and it means a lot to me that I have so many people to talk to, but I probably won't be opening Skype for a long time, that was the main way I used to talk to her and I'm trying to kind of distance myself from things that might tempt me to start talking to her again. The one thing I can say that I think is weird about the age we live in, is that I can basically view the entire start, evolution, and end of our relationship in the skype log.
That's just so weird to me.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Elomin Sha » 23 Apr 2014, 14:04

I want to do something, not for a while, but it has already caused my worry bouts to kick in.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby My pseudonym is Ix » 23 Apr 2014, 14:17

..specifics, dear Elomin?
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Elomin Sha » 23 Apr 2014, 15:03

All I'm comfortable with saying is that I like two people.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Master Gunner » 23 Apr 2014, 15:20

So you've finally joined the Tenel Ka fanclub?
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Elomin Sha » 23 Apr 2014, 15:23

She's okay.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Master Gunner » 23 Apr 2014, 15:29

You ahip her and Jaina, admit it.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Elomin Sha » 23 Apr 2014, 15:32

What's ahip? I give them hip replacements? Good God man, I'm an Elomin not a doctor.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Tycherin » 23 Apr 2014, 16:40

BRB, writing hip-based Jaina/Tenel Ka fanfiction.

On second thought, that's an awful idea, scratch that.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Avistew » 23 Apr 2014, 19:20

I have no clue who Jaina and Tenel Ka are. Real people? Fictional characters?

At any rate, good luck with your problem, Elomin.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Fezzul » 23 Apr 2014, 21:19

I have coffee dates with three girls via OkCupid. This feels weird, but cool at the same time. We'll see what happens.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Elomin Sha » 23 Apr 2014, 22:36

Avistew wrote:I have no clue who Jaina and Tenel Ka are. Real people? Fictional characters?

At any rate, good luck with your problem, Elomin.

Jaina Solo and Trnel Ka are characters from the Star Wars expanded universe. It is a running joke from the waifu episode of Ask An Alex Live.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby My pseudonym is Ix » 24 Apr 2014, 00:02

Fezzul wrote:I have coffee dates with three girls via OkCupid. This feels weird, but cool at the same time. We'll see what happens.



If you're having all three dates at the same time, things are about to go very badly, very quickly
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Ptangmatik » 24 Apr 2014, 00:48

or INCREDIBLY well.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby General Michi » 24 Apr 2014, 07:30

Hope it turns out well dude :)
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Avistew » 24 Apr 2014, 12:19

Funny thing, could be because it's OKCupid, but when you said you had dates with 3 women I immediately assumed polyamory >.>
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby viscomica » 24 Apr 2014, 12:49

Ptangmatik wrote:or INCREDIBLY well.


Balance of probability, though
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Ptangmatik » 24 Apr 2014, 12:52

I seem to be far too awkward for OKCupid, I won't completely abandon it yet, but I don't think I know how to message strangers over the Internet without coming off as awkward. I'm reasonably sure that I'm not coming across as creepy, so at least there's that.

Never mind.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby 2stepz » 25 Apr 2014, 11:02

Just FYI for guys on OKC... Please... PLEASE... say something more than "hi" if you contact a girl. Two letter messages are just uncomfortably strange.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby My pseudonym is Ix » 25 Apr 2014, 11:44

2stepz wrote:Just FYI for guys on OKC... Please... PLEASE... say something more than "hi" if you contact a girl. Two letter messages are just uncomfortably strange.


Having been shown the list of replies received by a (female) friend on Tinder, trust me- you can also do significantly worse than 'hi'.

On an unrelated note, suffering a rather painful bout of loneliness-induced angst right now. Single person's blues is depressing and sucky
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Elomin Sha » 25 Apr 2014, 12:06

I've had 17 years pseudonym, I've learnt to live and embrace it.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby My pseudonym is Ix » 25 Apr 2014, 12:14

Unfortunately, I'm still a teenager and prone to all the angst that entails, not to mention a secondary load related to all the stuff I haven't done in my rapidly diminishing time as one.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Elomin Sha » 25 Apr 2014, 12:18

I was lucky to not have angst I just put the loneliness towards creating my own worlds in games and writing. I've kind of lost that now since opening up.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Ptangmatik » 25 Apr 2014, 12:20

My pseudonym is Ix wrote:
2stepz wrote:Just FYI for guys on OKC... Please... PLEASE... say something more than "hi" if you contact a girl. Two letter messages are just uncomfortably strange.

Having been shown the list of replies received by a (female) friend on Tinder, trust me- you can also do significantly worse than 'hi'.

On an unrelated note, suffering a rather painful bout of loneliness-induced angst right now. Single person's blues is depressing and sucky

I can second that, both parts, except I'm in my late 20s, so you've got an extra decade to turn it around.

I tried referencing what they'd said in the 'message me if' part, and ventured an opinion on some of the books they'd read, which I hoped was reasonable. seems like a dead end though, or they then looked at my profile and decided nope, which is their prerogative.

Like I said before though, I do think I'm too oddball for such a reduction to basic characteristics, I had an amazing chat with a cute Ethiopian girl on a train to Manchester a few weeks ago, she was headed to Germany via the airport though, so I decided against asking to swap numbers or anything. It was nice talking about who we each were rather than already knowing.

You durn whippersnappers wit' yur technomalurgical conflabulations have left me in the dust.
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