The Big Relationship Thread

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Telaril
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Telaril » 29 May 2014, 03:37

I play magic at prereleases, and I'm single... but it's also very hard for strangers to accurately judge my age. So unless I walk around loudly making references to having played during the Ice Age, all the people my own age assume I'm a baby. I'm also terrible at judging ages, so sometimes I can't immediately tell whether someone is in his mid twenties, or his late teens. I just start making older and older cultural references until I find one he doesn't get.

Right now I'm living in southern California, and it is poison for the odd. Even the nerds are normal here - like, I know that NORMAL people don't dress like a pirate for Talk Like A Pirate Day, but I don't expect nerds to be so taken aback by someone showing up with a tricorner hat and speaking from the thromborax. When I pulled that crap in New England, nobody batted an eyelash. Also, wow do people police gender norms around here. My whole "scruffy nerd who doesn't wear makeup or heels but who cleans up nice in dire circumstances" deal does not play as well around here as it did elsewhere, and I didn't do THAT well elsewhere.

My other problem is that I'm looking for a guy who can keep up with me book-wise but who also understands the value of a silly pop-culture obsessions. I find a few of the former who are snobbish about the latter, and a lot of people who know pop culture but are largely unfamiliar with literature.

The last guy I dated ended it, in part, because I was too much smarter than him. Like, he literally said that he was focusing more on another girl who he didn't think was smarter than him, because being around her made him feel good about himself. The thing is, he was smart! I never called him dumb or suggested he was dumb, though I'd sometimes try to encourage him to read a particular book I liked.

At the same time, though, there's no use in denying the fact that, to quote firefly, "I am very smart." Smart enough to make a lot of guys self-conscious, and too smart to put up with a lot of crap. This has lead to me being single a lot, and now I'm worried that I've waited too long. Sigh.
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Darkobra
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Darkobra » 29 May 2014, 04:43

Being smart is never a bad thing. Ever. It was one of the things I looked for in women. I wanted someone that could challenge me and someone that could make me think and understand my way of thinking.

Like I tend to make grand leaps of logic and let people fill in the gaps. Something that I did with past relationships and I just always got awkward glances. Now I can say things like "I want a penguin so I can pat its head and it'll sound like a round of applause" and GET A PENGUIN! I called him Abraham Penguin.

Of course she also got me a bear called Cinnamon so I can't say "I hate cinnamon" anymore. Then tested this theory by eating cinnamon buns near me and breathing into my face.

You go through many bad relationships before finding one good one. It's always difficult to find and people have different methods to achieve this. For me? It's ALWAYS been "Never ever look and let things happen naturally."
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Lord Chrusher
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Lord Chrusher » 29 May 2014, 05:27

Intelligence is something I find quite attractive. I want to be in a relationship with someone I can have stimulating discussions about a range of topics. As an aside I feel bad that a few of my American friends can speak decent French while I as a Canadian can only say a few words.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Master Gunner » 29 May 2014, 05:42

I live in a bilingual city in a bilingual province, took 10 years of French classes, and to this day cannot remember how to ask to go to the washroom. Don't feel too bad, Chrusher.
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Lord Chrusher
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Lord Chrusher » 29 May 2014, 05:58

I have been in a very international department where being monolingual makes you the odd one out.
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Merrymaker_Mortalis
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Merrymaker_Mortalis » 29 May 2014, 06:25

I live in a bilingual part of the world too.

It's odd if you aren't bilingual here. besides there's facilities here help you become bilingual known as "Welsh for Adults Classes".

When I am older and hopefully married with children regardless of them being biologically mine or not or fostered or adopted, I want to teach them Welsh.

It's important to me. I am not born in Wales. My family aren't Welsh. I have English (depends how you define English), French and Irish genetics in me. But Welsh is still important because I became Welsh be acquiring it. I was schooled here. I grew up here. I lived and live here. Wales is part of me. And I want to pass it down to my future children.

I'm not sure if "going out and about" to find people to be in a relationship is the best way for me. Because I am not sure if I will meet someone I am suitable with. Like I don't know if Online Dating or Singles Nights are for me, because I probably won't meet someone I am suitable with unless they are someone who begrudgingly came along. It would be the case of "finding the most pissed off liking person in the room".

I seem to have an interest in people who don't have English or American accents. I have no idea why. Reverse Xenophobia?
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby viscomica » 29 May 2014, 08:33

Master Gunner wrote:I live in a bilingual city in a bilingual province, took 10 years of French classes, and to this day cannot remember how to ask to go to the washroom. Don't feel too bad, Chrusher.


Je peux aller aux toilettes? ;)
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Master Gunner » 29 May 2014, 08:51

I've already forgotten again. :P
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Avistew » 29 May 2014, 09:34

You can just ask "Où sont les toilettes ?" (Where is the bathroom?). If you're in Belgium, you ask in singular though. So that becomes "Où est la toilette ?" but quite honestly, they'll understand if you say it like the rest of the French-speaking world does.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Master Gunner » 29 May 2014, 11:19

Would they understand it if I say it like a Quebecer, though? My impression is that nobody quite understands Quebecois French.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Prospero101 » 29 May 2014, 11:26

From what one of my friends tells me (then again, she lives in Alberta, so she might not know any better), if you speak Parisian to a Quebecois, they will find you an untrustworthy rapscallion. If you speak Quebecois to a Parisian, you're an uncouth bumpkin.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Firbozz » 29 May 2014, 14:29

Best part is that in Ontario, you learn European French. Meaning, when you cross to Quebec, if you dare speak French, you'll sound like a total prick. Not that I bother trying.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Elomin Sha » 29 May 2014, 14:40

Well some matter is probably going to put chances of a no to 98%.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Laurnil » 29 May 2014, 14:44

Laurnil

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Darkobra
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Darkobra » 29 May 2014, 14:59

Elomin Sha wrote:Well some matter is probably going to put chances of a no to 98%.


Then your options are to solve that matter, wait things out or take that 2% chance. But honestly? Do what you feel is right. If you genuinely feel waiting for now is the best thing to do not because of doubt but because it's the right thing to do, then you're right.

But if you feel you should take the chance with both hands rather than let it pass you by? Then that's right too.

Just listen to your heart and not your head. Your heart doesn't lie or fear.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Elomin Sha » 29 May 2014, 15:07

My head and 'heart' are in the get it out the way position and do it.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Kortanios » 29 May 2014, 15:09

According to a French postdoc (from souther Normandy) in my lab Quebecois is "awfully blunt and ugly sounding" and apparently much closer to renaissance/baroque era French than modern European French. She has also gone on more than one rant about how awful Parisian French is...

In terms of being bilingual... I plan on bringing my children (should I ever have any) up at least bilingual (ideally trilingual, although for that I still need to become fluid in a third language or need to have children with someone who is also bilingual but with a different second language).

Also, when it come to intelligence I have to self-identify as a sapiosexual. I could never date someone long-term whom I couldn't discuss politics, philosophy, art, literature, and science with... Potentially also a reason for my chronic sigle status...
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Tycherin
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Tycherin » 29 May 2014, 15:42

Laurnil wrote:I'm going to leave it here, too: http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2 ... nerds.html

What? Treating women as actual people and not property? That's preposterous! Next thing you know they'll want to be given civil rights... and (shudder) suffrage.
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viscomica
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby viscomica » 29 May 2014, 18:40

Master Gunner wrote:Would they understand it if I say it like a Quebecer, though? My impression is that nobody quite understands Quebecois French.


Their accents confuse me but I've heard some people say they understand it more than French french :P I guess it depends.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Fezzul » 29 May 2014, 20:39

Intelligence and talent are hot. They just are.

The quote I'm going to defer to on this is a tad on the callous side, and toys with the idea of being sexist, but it makes the point pretty bluntly.

I was talking with my best friend and his roommate, we'd just been to see a show, where a girl in one of the bands had had an amazing voice, my friend's roommate said "You know it's funny, a girl could be a total 1, but she sings like that and she instantly becomes at least an 8."

The same goes for intelligence, musicianship, acting ability, kindness, selflessness, and basically any talent you care to name. It shows you a whole other side to a person and forces you to look beyond looks.

I have never found intelligence anything other than exciting and invigorating. I have never liked intelligence mixed with pretension, however. But mainly because I think true intelligence wheedles away at pretension.

Anyway, enough from me. Me and canadian girl are still talking, and I am looking forward to her return.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Merrymaker_Mortalis » 30 May 2014, 02:18

I think the key is Wisdom rather than Intelligence.

Intelligence is something you have. Wisdom is how you use what you have.

To use a very weak analogy, Intelligence is the Ink, and Wisdom is the fountain pen and hand that guides it.
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Intelligence can be a positive or negative trait in a person. It can be negative as it can be weaponized to undermine others or to be stubborn from self righteousness.

But there is no negative aspect to being Wise. Wisdom comes from experience, knowledge and reflection.

I find Wisdom highly attractive. Because I'm someone who reflects often on the world, myself,others and reality as it is. And it'd be great if I could spend the rest of my life with someone who thought in the same way.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby My pseudonym is Ix » 30 May 2014, 03:38

To quote the almighty BOD: "Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad"

Personally though Merry, I disagree with your opinion on that particular issue, mostly because I'd rather have a conversation about tomatoes used as a biological weapon than about fruit salad.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Merrymaker_Mortalis » 30 May 2014, 03:41

I'm pretty sure if in financial crisis, being with someone who knows what to do about it is preferable than someone who can calculate in how much % you're financially screwed ;)
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Edit. Just personal taste really.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby ex-Lurker » 30 May 2014, 12:21

I think the key is Wisdom rather than Intelligence.


Was I the only one that went, "but what if you're an INT based caster"?
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Bebop Man » 30 May 2014, 12:42

I always thought what you needed was length and thickness.

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