The Big Relationship Thread

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Balthasar_Wiseman
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Balthasar_Wiseman » 07 Aug 2014, 18:21

Well, an update to my little situation. She wasn't interested and said she had a boyfriend that was the reason that she was moving away.
She was very gracious and pleasant.
Back to square one. At least I'm taking it okay.
I'll be quiet now.
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Lyinginbedmon
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Lyinginbedmon » 07 Aug 2014, 18:27

I'm stuck with zero prospects and an increasingly introspective mindset expressing pessimism and depression at my lack of any romantic life.
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Bebop Man
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Bebop Man » 07 Aug 2014, 18:30

Balthasar_Wiseman wrote:Well, an update to my little situation. She wasn't interested and said she had a boyfriend that was the reason that she was moving away.
She was very gracious and pleasant.
Back to square one. At least I'm taking it okay.
I'll be quiet now.


At least you took a chance and won't be plagued by regret? Hope you're taking it well.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Balthasar_Wiseman » 07 Aug 2014, 19:23

Bebop Man wrote:At least you took a chance and won't be plagued by regret? Hope you're taking it well.


True, I really didn't want to regret not taking the chance but we work together and I actually feel like an asshole for asking. You know being one of those guys that hits on a girl at work.
I even tried to sort ask indirectly if she had a boyfriend. If I had know I would have just been friendly and now I blew that totally.
Regardless of how much she said right afterward that she wasn't uncomfortable and she was okay with being friends I don't feel that I can just do that without her saying it more specifically or something.
hmm... I guess I lied about being quiet now.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Elomin Sha » 10 Aug 2014, 09:17

I seem to be adopting human emotions.
Turns out I have been experiencing something called heart break.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby viscomica » 10 Aug 2014, 09:19

Elomin Sha wrote:I seem to be adopting human emotions.
Turns out I have been experiencing something called heart break.


Why? What happened? I hope you're doing ok
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Elomin Sha » 10 Aug 2014, 09:22

Turns out that's what I've been feeling for almost a year straight, when I asked two different people months apart if they would like a relationship. I just didn't realise.
You learn something new everyday.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Valkyrie-Lemons » 10 Aug 2014, 09:25

Elomin Sha wrote:I seem to be adopting human emotions.
Turns out I have been experiencing something called heart break.


I hope you adopt another human emotion called happiness soon!

I know there's not much I can do, but I feel for you man.



Anyways.

I had a really nice day out today with one of my office colleges/friends. She's nice, and we get on really well together, but I don't think either of us want a relationship (with anyone) at the moment. I think we can defiantly have more days together on our own, but I just don't think dating is going to work.

Not that I'm too upset about it, but I just don't want up it to end up becoming people thinking we're dating instead of just having days out together. Not that I wouldn't mind either if she did want to start dating, but I'd rather we just be friends at the moment.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Elomin Sha » 10 Aug 2014, 09:28

What is happy?
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Valkyrie-Lemons » 10 Aug 2014, 09:36

Elomin Sha wrote:What is happy?


It's a song by Pharrell Williams.


(...I don't know much music, so I could have easily gotten the wrong name.)
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Elomin Sha » 10 Aug 2014, 10:07

If it's heartbreak, does that mean I was feeling 'love'?
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Darkobra
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Darkobra » 10 Aug 2014, 10:15

The reason you're hurting is because you cared. You still do. If it meant nothing to you, you'd have moved on seconds later and THAT is the unnatural option.

You'll find someone. Just enjoy your life in the meantime.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby My pseudonym is Ix » 10 Aug 2014, 11:51

So... guys. Advice requested.

Over the summer, I've started gaming (both forms, mostly tabletop) with a girl. We get along well, share interests and so forth, she's good company and all things considered she's a good person to have as a friend. Thing is, I actually find her rather attractive (in large part for those same reasons) and have been (very, very tentatively, I should hasten to add) considering making a move, if that's the correct parlance.

I'm reluctant to do so for several reasons, chief among them being that I have precisely zero indication she is interested in me in that way; even though I'll freely admit to not being the most perceptive of people, and to entirely hiding my own feelings (something I am rather good at), it seems decidedly one way. Also, I've never been in a relationship of any sort so... naturally reluctant I guess.

I feel like I know what you guys' response is going to be but I felt it best to get it out there, so I can at least voice it to someone. Thoughts, anyone?
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Darkobra » 10 Aug 2014, 12:04

It seems like she just sees you as a friend. Maybe when things become a bit more obvious you can make a move but as of now, hold the line. Better to have her as a friend than lose her entirely.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby My pseudonym is Ix » 10 Aug 2014, 12:06

That's what I thought; as I said, I'm inexperienced in these matters so thought it best to get some advice from people more likely to know what they're doing.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Bebop Man » 10 Aug 2014, 12:41

You could maybe try to get a general idea on how she feels about you and/or relationships, throw a couple of indirect questions or something like that. Just make them casual enough and spaced enough so you don't make her uncomfortable about the thing.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Jamfalcon » 10 Aug 2014, 12:57

It's a tricky situation, because at the same time you don't want to ruin the friendship, but you also don't want to have to deal with it being constantly in the back of your head, or regret that you never asked. I can't really answer which is the right option for you, but when I was in a similar situation a couple years ago, I eventually decided to ask and while the answer wasn't what I wanted, it was a huge weight off my shoulders. Just make sure if you do go that route it's casual and not some grand declaration, because that's a lot more likely to make things awkward if she doesn't feel the same.

Elomin Sha wrote:If it's heartbreak, does that mean I was feeling 'love'?

Like Darkobra said, it means you cared, and that you'd formed an attachment and are now disappointed. I'm no expert on the terminology, but I don't think love is a requirement for heartbreak. Doesn't make it any easier to deal with, mind you. =/
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Metcarfre » 10 Aug 2014, 13:06

Personally I favor just being open and honest. Put it out there, see how she feels, and if she doesn't reciprocate, move on like adults and continuing being friends.

I think people put too much stock and worry in these little crushes and concerns.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Avistew » 10 Aug 2014, 13:08

If you value her as a friend, you could ask her if she wants to hang out to do things other than gaming (I don't mean asking her in such a vague way, but with other options. For instance asking her if she wants to catch a movie, asking her if she want to join you to an event, whatever) and during that time you can get closer and see how things go.

You might already be doing that, of course, in which case... keep doing it?
I personally wouldn't see a problem with asking her out or letting her know you'd be interested, provided you respect her response, and don't insist if she says no. I you immediately go back to gaming exactly the way you used to, she should realise that it won't be awkward, and you can maintain your friendship. It doesn't have to be a big deal.

If you don't trust yourself not to make it a big deal though, don't ask her.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Elomin Sha » 10 Aug 2014, 13:08

I'm going to make a flag and start claiming people.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Phailhammer » 10 Aug 2014, 14:01

Had more feeling of longing on Skype last night, on both sides. December's still too far away. X(
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Darkobra » 10 Aug 2014, 14:14

Elomin Sha wrote:I'm going to make a flag and start claiming people.


Way ahead of you. Proud leader of the Boobie Brigade.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Lyinginbedmon » 10 Aug 2014, 19:39

I have no-one to pursue and no clear means of discerning new pursuits, yet an increasingly intense sense of romantic loneliness. Suggestions?
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Prospero101 » 11 Aug 2014, 19:32

I feel like, somehow, one day, my encyclopedic knowledge of Cold War history is going to get me laid.

...right?
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Merrymaker_Mortalis » 12 Aug 2014, 01:06

If you find someone who is interested in knowledge.

My Mum married my Dad. My Dad has encyclopedic knowledge of the natural world in the United Kingdom. My Mum grew up in suburban London yearning for the natural world. He provided what she didn't have.

Find someone who yearns for history?
Or someone who has encyclopedic knowledge of something else and feels the same as you.

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