The Big Relationship Thread

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Sieg Reyu
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Sieg Reyu » 31 Oct 2014, 20:51

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Did someone say overly long rambling post about my romantic endeavors? Because I got no one to talk to about it, the person I normally discuss this stuff with. . .well, you'll find out.

CHAPTER 1: THE BEGINNING-ING

GotG was a bitchin' movie right? Well my friend/relationship advisor, who we'll call James, got dumped right after it came out and had no one to go see it with. Well, I went to see it opening night, but since I'm such a swell guy I offered to go with him so he wouldn't feel like a loser. So we made plans, but lo and behold, a week and a half later, the predetermined day for our outing, he asks if it's okay to bring a girl along. Cheeky bastard's already got another one. I of course don't mind, and even though I'm seeing it again for really no point now, at least this time, I would get to see it in 3D (totally worth it btw). He tells me a little bit about her, and I quickly realize it was a girl I briefly messaged on OKCupid. SO I start "guessing all these random facts about her, with him never even having told me her name. He gets a little freaked out, and I tell him it's because of the Tarot Cards I had just bought, and that I'm basically a real life magician now.
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So anyway we all meet up, we chow at O'Charlies, I get to know his new ladyfriend, let's call her Jennifer, she guesses the reason I knew that stuff was from OKC and my mystical fortune teller story is blown. But still, she's cool, they seem like a good fit. We go see the movie, great enjoyment was had, and my friend's still in the mood to do things. So we did what any group of well-meaning everyday citizens would do, we decided to play Cards Against Humanity. Of course, there were only three of us at the time and it's really not fun with only three, luckily James had been texting this girl that we was briefly involved with and invited her to come and partake in the festivities, we will call this girl Ginivra, I mean that's such an obscure name what are the chances that's her actual name?

So Ginivra comes out, we play some CAH, Jennifer wins, and since she has work in the morning immediately retires to bed. We play for a bit longer, I tell the story about the Tarot Cards, Ginivra gets really excited when I pull the deck out of my pocket, as she's always wanted to have a Tarot Card reading, I give her a rather pisspoor one as I was only a week in at that point. Still Image

She's staying the night because James and her are going to a LARP-ish thing the next day and he offers to let me stay the night as well. My feelings are mixed because I've been hitting it off really well with this girl, we're on the same wavelength, but I don't know how I feel about being alone with a girl in the living room of someone else's apartment. On top of that, I have to start a week of midnight shifts the next night and I've got my sleep schedule perfectly planned out so I can still attend my weekly tabletop gaming session and not be overly tired at work, and I worry that if I stay there I won't do much sleeping. If you know what I mean.
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So I went home stayed up to some specific time slept till another time, played some D&D, then went straight to work.

Jesus, this is already way longer than it probably needs to be. I'll write some more of it after while when I feel like typing some more.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Sieg Reyu » 31 Oct 2014, 21:51

Hey Howdy, what do you know, feeling like typing some more already.

Chapter 2: Who thought it would be a good idea to make this a multiple chapter thing?

So that first night there I was, working overnights, resetting all of toys, round abouts 2:00 AM, my phone Image
explodes. Thankfully, due to my new tarot card super powers I was able to will myself into an alternate reality where it didn't literally explode, and instead just received a ton on notifications. I checked it to find a ton of facebook notifications from Ginivra where she had liked and commented on a bunch of my old posts and pictures. I start to think she might be interested in me as well. Possibly.
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It's kind of hard to chat with someone when you're at work/asleep when they're awake, and you're at home and awake when they're asleep. So we never really get in to the swing of things. I offer to give her a better reading once I finish my Tarot book, but life and mostly work stress gets in the way, and it kind of trails off there. Flash forward to a couple of weeks ago, I get fired. I now have an abundance of free time on my hands, so I take a more determined swing at this online dating thing. A couple of days in, her profile pops up, seemingly out of nowhere.
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We pick things up right about where we left off, we chat for a little bit, she mentions that her and James are no longer on good terms, I tell her it's not a big deal, he slept repeatedly with one of my exes, and flirts so heavily with the other that you couldn't convince me that he hasn't done the dew with her as well. "Don't sleep with your bro's ex" has never been an observed rule between us. So things continue without any fretting on her part, but of course I' have to go at this solo, since my main wingman is biased and can't be trusted in this situation. I mention how I still owe her a tarot reading, and she takes me up on it. We make a date for a week later once her visiting family is out of town, and needless to say, I was excited.
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Jennifer breaks up with James, and I immediately assume it was his fault because it usually is. I get mad at him, because I really liked the two of them together and it gets frustrating when he sabotages himself over and over again. Later on, he tells me a bit of what went down and I feel bad for being mad at him. I figure the least I can do is be honest and tell him that I'm going to go out with Ginivra. He gives me the old classic speech, "She's a maneater, watch out boy, she'll chew you up," but I disregard his advice, I have no need for it. I might be foolish, but I'm also stupid.

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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Sieg Reyu » 03 Nov 2014, 00:17

Chapter 3: I'm Afraid I Don't Know This Tldr Fellow

So Monday rolls around, we go to this Japanese Hibachi/Sushi place for lunch, we get some bento boxes we chat for a little bit, we're both a little awkward, par for the course. We go to this little park that's Dungeons and Dragons themed. We hang out there for a while we talk about random stuff, she just starts opening up random things about herself, slightly ina-pro-pro stuff. I don't want to get in to too much detail but it definitely wasn't first date material.
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But it's no skin off my back, I'm cool with it, I just roll with it because that's how I do. She invites me back to her place. She gives me the tour, shows me her room, immediately closes the door and I pretend not to see something on her night stand, which she then makes a joke off. I meet her cats and befriend one of them on the spot. We then come up to the one snag in our otherwise great chemistry. She is a light smoker, she says she has to go out to her porch to smoke one, I'm free to join her or stay inside. I've never been good with cigarettes, and it's gotten worse. I had a bad experience at a church camp with some tainted nacho cheese.
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But I'm a big boy, I can overcome anything. Thankfully being outside helps a lot, it was mighty windy so I didn't really smell much of anything. I bonded with the cat some more while she told stories of all sorts of stuff, I added in my own where relevant, we went back inside and sat on her coach and watched a movie on netflix, Burke and Hare, nothing amazing, but I enjoyed it. By the time we actually got it picked and watched it was round abouts dinner time, so she rounds up some stuff from her freezer. We then go back to her couch and things get close.
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Okay, maybe not that close, but close. I keep trying to go in for the kiss but she keeps talking and I'm also half afraid she'll taste like cigarettes and I'll projectile vomit everywhere. But then suddenly she kisses me, and thankfully she didn't taste like anything. It breaks the tension a little bit and the conversation once again turns to a very NSFW area as we discuss 'the bases' as well as, as meta as it sounds, appropriate first-date conversations. Round abouts this time she gets a message from a friend that he needs her help with something at 9:00 in the morning which kind of derails things fast. So the evening winds down but she invites me to spoon with her or sleep on the couch if I don't feel like making the hour drive home in the dark. Well, she didn't have to ask me twice.
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So that's what we do for a while, it's obvious neither of us are going to fall asleep. so we talk for a while and then we cuddle some more. We talk about how it's kind of weird to be going this far already despite this being the first date, but then again, we had hung out once befre, and chatted quite a bit online and by text, and the date was easily as long as two, possibly three normal dates. Then we start making out, and she quickly makes the assertion that I do not, in fact, have a flashlight in my pocket.
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NSFW-ish - Click to Expand
So I start to feel up her bubs for a bit, she starts grinding on me, she then climbs on top of me and starts really going at it. I take her top off and start groping and sucking. Then suddenly she stops and says her brain has just caught up. She climbs off and starts to put her shirt back on. I'm in for some nasty blue balls, but I'm not a colossal dick, so I don't stop her. She talks about how she pretty much just bangs every guy that comes along without a second thought. Her first time wasn't intimate so she has never really felt like intimacy was a part of sex for her, and she wants to change that. Now I'm all for sex being a real and meaningful connection between two people, but it felt kind of weird that she made that decision with me, almost like she just decided I was gross and didn't want to screw me and just came up with an excuse. Granted I don't believe that, but my incessant nagging doubt does. So we lay there a bit more and I take my shirt off as she puts her's back on to ease the tension, so she can laugh at my soft shitty body. We talk about fetishes and stuff and she brings out one of her porn mags and reads me her favorite story from it.


Things go back to normalish and I have a coughing fit, as I often do right before I fall asleep, don't know why. I go to get a drink of water and by the time I get back, either she's already fallen asleep, or, as my nagging doubt would have me believe, she's just pretending so that maybe I'll leave. I go out to the couch and sleep there. I get woken up by either the sound of her leaving or the sound of her coming back, I know not which, because I immediately all back asleep. I wake up again shortly after to find her back in bed asleep with no sign of my shirt. Granted by button up shirt and my pants are sitting by the couch despite that I didn't take them off there. I wait around, reading some comics on my tablet for a while, hoping she'll get up again so I can see her before I leave and maybe get my shirt back because this is my all-time favorite shirt,
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BUt noon finally rolls around and her alarm's gone off once and she still hasn't stirred. So I finally leave, but not even 5 minutes later I get a text from her apologizing that she missed me leaving and saying she had a great time. The timing seems a bit fishy, but who knows, maybe I woke her up when I shut the door or drove away. So we text some more, but she's not incredibly responsive. She had mentioned on her date that Monday was pretty much the only day that was good for her and how busy she was the rest of the week, so I tried not to be too obnoxious, but it wasn't just a matter of her taking forever to respond, it was more that she would respond to about five texts and then just stop. And I want to keep talking but I don't want to pester her.
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On the date she sort of invited me to a steampunk themed murder mystery thing that she was going to be a part of and she invited me out to it, so I told her I would be there and for part of Wednesday and most of Thursday I went around thrift stores and costue shops trying to put together a suitably steampunkish attire, only to arrive and be, by far, the most costumed. I also then found out that she was one of the suspects so she spent most of the time doing what she had to do, so I barely got to talk to her. Afterwards we chatted for a little bit and I walked her out to her car, she said she would love to have me over, but she's got a rehearsal thing she had to go to, being a cellist and all. So I drive another hour back home after only getting like 15 minutes worth of time with her. And the me texting her, and her replying for a little and then not resumes. I asked her this morning when she would like to go out this week and she responded she didn't know because she was super busy. Which leaves me here, dying inside
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In Summary, Girl seemed really into me, I'm really into her. Things were going really well and then in an instant it seems everything changed. My nagging doubt is telling me she's trying to turn me away but can't be bothered to be forward about it. And I really want to get my shirt back, but more so I really like this girl and this feeling like I screwed something up is killing me.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Bebop Man » 03 Nov 2014, 09:44

Girl invites you over, fools around with you, suddenly stops and pretends to fall asleep so you can leave, only to text you on and off afterwards; then invites you over this thing but ignores you for the most part of it, says she's super busy for the rest of the day, continues to ignore your text messages and then amps her unavailability for the rest of the week... sounds like "she's just not that into you".

Even if there's a chance it might all be A Series of Unfortunate Events you might as well cut the tango and come clean with your feelings so she comes clean with hers. And get that shirt back, which looks awesome by the way.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Lord Chrusher » 03 Nov 2014, 14:03

No luck for me.

At least my life is simpler this way.

It is kind of weird but while I am quite interested by a relationship I am also somewhat intimidated by the prospect of being in one.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby My pseudonym is Ix » 03 Nov 2014, 15:06

I'll second that one Chrusher. Especially given how reliable a source of jokes my friends in relationships are.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Sieg Reyu » 05 Nov 2014, 20:50

Bebop Man wrote:Girl invites you over, fools around with you, suddenly stops and pretends to fall asleep so you can leave, only to text you on and off afterwards; then invites you over this thing but ignores you for the most part of it, says she's super busy for the rest of the day, continues to ignore your text messages and then amps her unavailability for the rest of the week... sounds like "she's just not that into you".

Even if there's a chance it might all be A Series of Unfortunate Events you might as well cut the tango and come clean with your feelings so she comes clean with hers. And get that shirt back, which looks awesome by the way.
A feel that's a bit too reductivist to be accurate. And most of those events are how my overly self-conscious/paranoid side see them. And you know how sometimes you ask for someone's advice, only to later realize you just wanted them to tell you what you wanted to hear, and even though they might be offering sound advice, you just kinda want to slap them? Sorry.

I found out that a big part of the reason she was busy last week and this week is because she got invited to join a band and has been rehearsing and performing with them. she plays cello. So anyway, out of curiosity, I checked her OKC page and she hasn't been online in a few days, which means she's probably not looking for somebody else, or she found him (or her) and they're already getting married and having babies.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Bebop Man » 05 Nov 2014, 22:45

Sieg Reyu wrote:
Bebop Man wrote:Girl invites you over, fools around with you, suddenly stops and pretends to fall asleep so you can leave, only to text you on and off afterwards; then invites you over this thing but ignores you for the most part of it, says she's super busy for the rest of the day, continues to ignore your text messages and then amps her unavailability for the rest of the week... sounds like "she's just not that into you".

Even if there's a chance it might all be A Series of Unfortunate Events you might as well cut the tango and come clean with your feelings so she comes clean with hers. And get that shirt back, which looks awesome by the way.
A feel that's a bit too reductivist to be accurate. And most of those events are how my overly self-conscious/paranoid side see them. And you know how sometimes you ask for someone's advice, only to later realize you just wanted them to tell you what you wanted to hear, and even though they might be offering sound advice, you just kinda want to slap them? Sorry.


Hey, all I did was take your story at face value. I'm not gonna guess what parts you're exaggerating and what parts don't really matter to you on second thought. Otherwise I might as well give everyone the same kind of vanilla advice, "She's totally into you, you're just thinking too much about all those times she didn't seem like she was totally into you".
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby viscomica » 06 Nov 2014, 06:34

I have to agree with Bebop here. If you wanted us to sugarcoat your story you should have said so.
Look, I understand. It's tough and it's a shitty place to be in. But the thing is: don't try to justify other people's actions and don't overthink them. Perhaps she really is super busy, perhaps she is not. If she is perpetually busy, though, she has most certainly changed her mind about you.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Sieg Reyu » 06 Nov 2014, 11:17

OH yeah, I fully understand that it it's a failing on my part, you're both super great people. I thought I would be okay with hearing that is wasn't going to work out. I guess I was just far more invested into the notion that it would work out than I had realized.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Deedles » 06 Nov 2014, 18:18

I think it's too early to say if it won't work, but I agree with Bebop that you should tell her how you feel (and get your shirt back), if only so that she'll explain what she feels.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby viscomica » 06 Nov 2014, 20:28

Sieg, I'm sorry if I was too crude.
But yeah, I agree with Bebop and Deedles.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Elomin Sha » 07 Nov 2014, 17:57

When I think my heart has died down, I go back to the words I have written that I want to say, and I can't stop myself from crying when I start reading.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Fenrir » 09 Nov 2014, 07:23

*massive hugs for Sha* <3

Ok, so, an interesting thing occurred this week. The younger brother of the guy I'm interested in added me on facebook. He claims he had no part in it - we both kind of agreed that we think his sister played some part in it - but seems fine with it (stating that he and his brother have mixed their friends groups together previously due to having been homeschooled etc.)

Despite having heard a LOT about his brother we've never really spoken or anything so the add kind a came out of the blue. From talking to him and his sister I feel like they have a pretty tight sibling relationship so part of me can't help but feel like maybe he's looking for both of their approvals? Like, he wants to see if I can get along with both his siblings or whatever.

It's just driving me kind a crazy because on the one hand I feel like maybe I'm overthinking things but on the other.....
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby My pseudonym is Ix » 09 Nov 2014, 07:59

I'm starting to feel lonely more often at the moment. Not sure why, nor exactly how to go about resolving it (see the essay on the previous page for whys and wherefores, I suppose). It is, however, frustrating.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby guidance » 09 Nov 2014, 22:55

So I've been thinking about relationships a lot lately, which is weird for me. I've never been good at figuring out what I want in life, so I decided to post here and maybe get some perspective and opinions.

For some background, I had a girlfriend for a short amount of time, during which I got very sick and started going to a very tough school. This may have caused some of the thoughts and feelings I'm about to describe. For some reason through majority of the relationship I couldn't get over how weird everything felt. The idea of me in a relationship made me feel sick, and uncomfortable. After a while I could only see her flaws and hanging out with her became harder and harder. After I got out of the hospital I think she saw that I was't to into the relationship so we decided to break it off and go back to being friends. And now 2 years later I can see her without her flaws and enjoy being around her.

So I'm posting this because I keep going back to how I felt while we dated. Will I always be that uncomfortable? Will I always just focus on their flaws? That doesn't seem to healthy. This all came back because I started having dreams recently where I hang out with people. They are always different girls and they are never sex dreams (I have like no sex drive). All we do is talk, and hold hands or something, and I always feel happy after. It worries me that I may never actually have someone that close and be able to talk to them because I will just feel the same way I did in the previous relationship.

I don't know maybe my brain is just telling me to talk to people, even if I have nothing to say.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Metcarfre » 10 Nov 2014, 10:15

Sounds like maybe you have issues that can't be solved by simply discussing them on the internet. I suggest a counselor or therapist or other professional.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby guidance » 10 Nov 2014, 13:04

Well yeah probably, but who has time for things like that?
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Bebop Man » 10 Nov 2014, 14:56

For one hour of session every week? It'd probably take less time than going online and talking about it.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby guidance » 10 Nov 2014, 15:42

I was joking, I'm sure if this bothered me a great deal I would find time in my life to deal with it. Right now it's just something I've been thinking about when I day dream, not something haunting my day to day life.

All though it took me max 10 minutes to right it out and like 2 min to respond each time so right now I think I'm ahead. And second bonus no need to wait a week to talk about it.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Rikadyn » 10 Nov 2014, 23:22

Elomin Sha wrote:When I think my heart has died down, I go back to the words I have written that I want to say, and I can't stop myself from crying when I start reading.


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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Rikadyn » 13 Nov 2014, 01:23

I'm wondering if this is the end between me and her. If the time and distance has finally killed the thought of becoming us to me or if I have simply awoke from the dream where it was even a possibility. Does the cold gray light of the sun rising in the east bring with it such pain? We speak little these days, though we've both always had our walls to keep the other one at distance. But now being half a world away, we rarely share words, and despite my best efforts I always feel as if they are hitting walls of polished ice.

I wish I could know you better still though. Even as friends I wish you would let me inside once, just once, to know the workings of that mind that I admire so much behind the smile that stuns my heart to silence. Is this our end or is it just a lull between us as we rush along with the currents of our present lives. I'm too afraid to ask directly, fearing that it is but a bubble and to poke it would bring it's end. If this is an illusion, then I should seek to end it, but the heart doesn't work like the mind does, does it? To know the right thing and to do it are worlds apart. And my heart would rather cling to the illusion than return to where it was before it came to being.

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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Avistew » 19 Nov 2014, 11:12

I like someone and I'm trying to hit on him, but it's tricky because it's at work, I'm a higher rank than he is, I realised recently that he's much younger than me and I'm not 100% sure he knows I'm married (or how old I am, or that I am polyamorous).

The job thing isn't a huge issue. Relationships are allowed and employees can be reassigned to a different position to prevent conflict of interest. Plus, I have another job that is my main income and have been thinking of quitting for a while (I mostly don't because I want to have more interactions with him outside of work first. At least his email or phone number or something).

The rest... How do I make it known that I'm married, without making him think I'm unavailable, but also without coming on too strong (don't want the guy to feel harassed)? All in a way that is appropriate for coworkers, so obviously I can't really have the whole conversation while working. Also he lives in another town and commutes for work so seeing each other on days off isn't that easy.

I like him a lot and I'm frustrated with myself. I've had opportunities to mention my husband, hesitated and then the conversation had moved on. I should have done it earlier. Tons of coworkers know I'm married so it's definitely possible he does, but I'm not sure, and I don't want to ask him out, then tell him I'm married only afterwards. That would be pretty shitty. He may be against the idea of dating someone who isn't monogamous.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby JustAName » 19 Nov 2014, 11:21

I feel like a low-key, intro date would be okay. You could go out for drinks (or whatever) and tell him at the beginning of the evening that you're married and poly, and if that makes him uncomfortable, he's free to just take the rest of the date as friends and leave it at that. But if that still makes you uncomfortable, I dunno.
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Avistew
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Avistew » 19 Nov 2014, 12:59

I think I might do that. Grab lunch or something together maybe, and mention Sean at some point. I want to get it out as early as possible I guess, to avoid him hearing it from someone else and thinking I hid it and plan on cheating or something. At this point our interactions could be interpreted as friendship but that's my other worry :P That the second he learns I'm married he retroactively interprets everything as friendship. So I guess I want him to know I'm married, and then hit on him, so that the message is clear.

I'll figure it out. I just like talking about it because I'm not seeing him until this weekend, I think, and it's in my nature to overthink stuff anyways :P

Thank, Fayili. I can't see your avatar anymore, by the way. Not sure if I'm the only one with that issue and/or if you were already aware of it.
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