The Big Relationship Thread

Drop by and talk about anything you want. This is where all cheese-related discussions should go
User avatar
Avistew
Posts: 2593
Joined: 12 Sep 2011, 18:34
First Video: Can't remember
Location: Oregon, USA

Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Avistew » 15 Dec 2014, 08:19

My face exactly when I learned that. The only thing I knew was that he wasn't a minor because they have different responsibilities, etc so we know who they are. I thought he was in his mid-20s or something. I freaked out for a couple of days when I realised, but then I kind of stopped caring. I still forget about it every so often.
Check out my webcomic, The Meddlers! (Currently not updating)
User avatar
Jenelmo
Posts: 572
Joined: 30 Apr 2012, 06:26
First Video: Friday nights: Untap
Location: Denmark

Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Jenelmo » 16 Dec 2014, 08:12

Does anybody have an advice on what to do when you are staring to develop a crush on someone you shouldn't.
We are friends and we are in the same class but she has a boyfriend and i would never try anything to jeopardize their relationship as she seems happy. But i am afraid that i am going to do something stupid and ruin our friendship and i was wondering if anybody got any ideas on how to nip it in the bud before it becomes something more than the beginning of a crush
There must always be a Stark in the Moonbase
User avatar
My pseudonym is Ix
Posts: 3835
Joined: 31 Dec 2012, 09:28
First Video: Canadian Girlfriend
Location: --. .-. . .- - / -... .-. .. - .- .. -.
Contact:

Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby My pseudonym is Ix » 16 Dec 2014, 09:39

For a change I actually have something to contribute.

I have had serious thoughts about asking out three people so far in my life. I have acted on none of them, and all three are still friends. At one point or other in my life, two of them have been my best friends. In two out of three cases, the person in question has gone on to develop a relationship far better than anything I would have offered them.

Now, I don't know if mine is the best way of dealing with these things, but the fact is that love, or at least feelings for people, is/are an incredibly fluid thing. It grows with time indulged, improves with practice and can be controlled. Basically, there is no trick; you just have to realise that what the irrational part of you (and/or your genitals) wants is not necessarily what is best for anyone. Broken friendships don't make anyone happy, as I think you well realise. You must simply learn to master your emotional state: to be constantly rationalising it with yourself. It's not easy, and it frequently feels deeply wrong, like you're going against yourself, being untrue to yourself. But what feels wrong is frequently at odds with what you know to actually be wrong, and you should bear that in mind always.

The other trick, going by simple observation, appears to be to get into a relationship of your own and dedicate a lot of time and energy to it; as I say, love is a skill and can be improved and strengthened with time. Unfortunately, however, I can't offer any first-hand experience of that one.
"Let us think the unthinkable, let us do the undoable, let us prepare to grapple with the ineffable itself, and see if we may not Image it after all."
User avatar
Phailhammer
Posts: 3236
Joined: 14 Nov 2010, 05:15
First Video: Fun With Microwaves (I think)
Location: Hazelbrook, NSW, Australia

Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Phailhammer » 20 Dec 2014, 04:33

Image

Almost a year and a half of waiting has finally paid off. ^^
Last edited by Phailhammer on 20 Dec 2014, 14:34, edited 1 time in total.
Preacher wrote:Do you have one of those for every occasion, Phailhammer?
Geoff_B wrote:And lo, the plot to end the world was undone by a bandwidth exceeded notice.
FictionPress stories:
The Vitaris Insurrection, The Outbreak (The latter not written by me, but I am in it.)
User avatar
Avistew
Posts: 2593
Joined: 12 Sep 2011, 18:34
First Video: Can't remember
Location: Oregon, USA

Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Avistew » 20 Dec 2014, 07:57

Grats!
Check out my webcomic, The Meddlers! (Currently not updating)
User avatar
AdmiralMemo
Posts: 7343
Joined: 27 Nov 2011, 18:29
First Video: Unskippable: Eternal Sonata
Location: Baltimore, Maryland, USA
Contact:

Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby AdmiralMemo » 20 Dec 2014, 09:28

You've finally bought a broken image? Congrats! ;)

(Seriously, fix that image and I'd love to know what I'm congratulating. :))
Graham wrote:The point is: Nyeh nyeh nyeh. I'm an old man.
LRRcast wrote:Paul: That does not answer that question at all.
James: Who cares about that question? That's a good answer.

Image
User avatar
Darkobra
Posts: 5343
Joined: 27 Jul 2007, 14:49
First Video: ISC: Goat Penis
Location: Scotland

Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Darkobra » 20 Dec 2014, 10:51

Phailhammer wrote:Image

Almost a year and a half of waiting has finally paid off. ^^


The link itself is coming up as an error 404.
Lyinginbedmon wrote:You are clearly some form of incorporeal undead.
Like a vampire.
But with knives.
User avatar
Phailhammer
Posts: 3236
Joined: 14 Nov 2010, 05:15
First Video: Fun With Microwaves (I think)
Location: Hazelbrook, NSW, Australia

Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Phailhammer » 20 Dec 2014, 14:29

Huh. Must be a Dropbox thing, because it's fine for me. I usually put stuff on Photobucket, but I don't have me login details. Give me a moment.

Edit: Try it now. Might be a bit large.
Preacher wrote:Do you have one of those for every occasion, Phailhammer?
Geoff_B wrote:And lo, the plot to end the world was undone by a bandwidth exceeded notice.
FictionPress stories:
The Vitaris Insurrection, The Outbreak (The latter not written by me, but I am in it.)
User avatar
Jamfalcon
Posts: 3326
Joined: 08 Aug 2011, 13:59
First Video: Killer Instinct
Location: Somewhat nearish Vancouver. Kind of.
Contact:

Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Jamfalcon » 20 Dec 2014, 14:37

Working for me now.

Also: yaaaaay, congratulations! :mrgreen:
"Jamfalcon's a super weird name" - Graham

I wrote a book!
Image
User avatar
Deedles
Posts: 4043
Joined: 29 Nov 2010, 13:19
First Video: Man Cooking
Location: A shoebox on Kashyyyk.
Contact:

Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Deedles » 21 Dec 2014, 01:56

Congrats, Phail! :D
Hurp-De-Durp!
User avatar
Valkyrie-Lemons
Posts: 1204
Joined: 23 Nov 2012, 09:09
First Video: Spoken Word
Location: Oxford, UK

Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Valkyrie-Lemons » 21 Dec 2014, 09:48

Ugh, I don't know if I should write this, or if this is the right place to put it, maybe the depression thread is better but it's something to do with relations, but perhaps writing this will be somewhat cathartic; plus over the last year I've been here, you guys seem cool enough for me to say this in confidence.


I think I will always be alone, I cannot see how I can ever establish or maintain a relationship. I'm dull, boring, uninteresting, and have the personality of a particular boring shade of beige. I cannot find anything about me that is remotely attractive to someone else to have a relationship with; a friendship yes, but not someone I'd spend a lot of time with. I believe I have little common interests with most people I know, including family.

The only girls I have ever had feelings for are all just too good for me, asking them to have a relationship with me would just be selfish; not that they would be likely to accept a relationship in the first place. I believe people like me as a friend, but I don't think I have ever had anyone who wanted to establish something more.


I'm not unhappy, not depressed, just a bit bleak on the acceptance that I don't think anyone will love me, not truly. Ugh, I don't know. Maybe it's just this time of year that brings these thoughts out. I don't mind being alone, but the thought of it being less of a choice and more of an acceptance of reality isn't that nice.

Sorry for bring down the mood guys, especially after Phailhammer's happy post, so here is a picture of a cute Panda to lighten the mood.

Image
Prospero101 wrote:...is it weird that I REALLY hope that someday I say something memorable enough to be quoted in someone else's signature?


I'm trying this 'Twitter' thing, if you just want to send a message/question/joke, please send it to: @Valkyrie_Lemons , thanks!
User avatar
My pseudonym is Ix
Posts: 3835
Joined: 31 Dec 2012, 09:28
First Video: Canadian Girlfriend
Location: --. .-. . .- - / -... .-. .. - .- .. -.
Contact:

Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby My pseudonym is Ix » 21 Dec 2014, 11:46

If you can think of yourself as capable of being someone's friend, then you are capable of being a significant other. I've met a few people who seemed to think that relationships were this semi-alien state, quite apart from the normal interactions of friendliness, as if the act of asking a girl out was some great step of transcendence. I have no first-hand experience, but from my extensive second-hand there is surprisingly little difference between a relationship and a strong friendship; hell, me and my best friend have been mistaken for a couple three or four times at last count. You spend a large amount of time in one another's company, get into arguments & make up later, learn one another's quirks and so on; the only functional difference is a presence or otherwise of hand-holding, makeouts and more.

And, like with close friendships, good relationships hold together as much through acceptance of one's flaws as through appreciation of one's good points. The strongest relationship I know was ultimately founded on one of the participants' own loneliness and insecurities, and the way they've helped one another through their various bad spells is why I still have a small wager with myself regarding when they're going to get married. So don't think your flaws make you somehow unsuitable for a relationship, because that ain't true; if you can see yourself being friends with someone, if there are people who are willingly friends with you, then that is objective evidence that there is something to like about you, even if you can't see it. And frankly, that's enough to make a relationship worth a try.

Oh, and while we're on the subject... never, ever tell yourself that a girl is 'out of your league'. 'Not your type', fair enough, but nobody is so untouchably perfect as to be out of reach for us mere plebs. If a girl rejects you, it's because you ain't her type, not because you are somehow 'beneath' her in any way- you tried, it didn't work out, you move on. Better to have tried and failed than never tried at all.

Finally, in response to this:
Valkyrie-Lemons wrote:I believe people like me as a friend, but I don't think I have ever had anyone who wanted to establish something more.


...when I was about 14/15, I didn't have any friends. I was a pretty lonely, sad kid who used to beat up inanimate objects when he got angry, then stomp off into a corner. And so often I'd wish for someone to come over and ask what was up, or to just say nice things, just so that people understood... and they never did. Then I started seeing a counsellor and, though never actually saying so to me, he got me to realise I couldn't spend my entire life waiting for other people to come and make friends with me. Given the choice between the friendly-faced guy introducing himself and the weird one skulking in the corner, which one do you strike up conversation with first? It feels unfair, feels like you shouldn't have to change just because other people are 'selfish'... but was that sense of self-righteousness worth all the pain it was causing me?

Maybe not all of that is applicable, but one part is; if you are serious about wanting to find a relationship, you have to get out and start making it happen. Love isn't something that blossoms at first sight, but something that grows between two people as they begin to understand each other more and more. So don't wait for someone who's interested to fall into your lap- go and make people interested. Find someone you think is hot, and be the best person you can in their company, make them as interested in you as you are in then. That kinda attitude

I won't claim to be practicing what I preach in that last regard, but you aren't me and you can do better. Hope that helped some.
"Let us think the unthinkable, let us do the undoable, let us prepare to grapple with the ineffable itself, and see if we may not Image it after all."
User avatar
Elomin Sha
Posts: 15773
Joined: 22 Feb 2008, 05:14
First Video: Max Effect
Location: Woodford Green, England
Contact:

Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Elomin Sha » 21 Dec 2014, 11:55

I'm going to do it a lot sooner than I planned.
The most unique, nicest, and confusing individual you will get to know. Don't be stupid around me, that's my job.
https://displate.com/elominsha/galleries
If you need art, I take commissions, PM me.
User avatar
Avistew
Posts: 2593
Joined: 12 Sep 2011, 18:34
First Video: Can't remember
Location: Oregon, USA

Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Avistew » 21 Dec 2014, 13:10

Good luck, Elomin.
Check out my webcomic, The Meddlers! (Currently not updating)
User avatar
Elomin Sha
Posts: 15773
Joined: 22 Feb 2008, 05:14
First Video: Max Effect
Location: Woodford Green, England
Contact:

Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Elomin Sha » 21 Dec 2014, 13:15

PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIC!

I mean...thank you.
The most unique, nicest, and confusing individual you will get to know. Don't be stupid around me, that's my job.
https://displate.com/elominsha/galleries
If you need art, I take commissions, PM me.
User avatar
Valkyrie-Lemons
Posts: 1204
Joined: 23 Nov 2012, 09:09
First Video: Spoken Word
Location: Oxford, UK

Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Valkyrie-Lemons » 21 Dec 2014, 13:27

My pseudonym is Ix wrote:-snip-


Thanks Ix, you're awesome.

I'm likely being way too negative about myself, thinking about what I'm not, rather than what I am.

I mean, I get the impression that I'm well liked (cue everyone here saying how much they hate me. : P ), and if people like me, they must like me for a reason right?

Ugh, I need to stop focusing on the failures of my past (not just in terms of love) and focus on the possible successes of the future.

No, that's not it...

...There was this girl that I loved; and I was too much of a coward to admit it, even though everyone knew. With my cowardliness I toyed with her heart and I have never been able to forgive myself. I was such an asshole, not that I meant to be, but an asshole nonetheless. I just don't want to do that with anyone else, ever again.

When I first looked into her eyes I saw the galaxy reflected back at me (Yeah, yeah, I know it sounds like soppy love poetry thing, but it's true), she was just perfect in every way, and I ruined it.

I should talk to her about this, but I don't want to open old wounds for her just for my benefit. I haven't spoken face to face with her for almost 4 years, I'm sure she's gotten past this, even if I haven't.

I've been telling myself it's other people who wouldn't be interested in me, when really it's just me finding an excuse to not go over something I made a complete and utter mess of.


I'm sorry guys, I'm rambling here, this has been more of a series of thoughts that I'm having as I'm typing rather than something preconceived and though through. I don't even know why I'm telling you this...but it feels a little better admitting, and confronting, where I'm going wrong.


EDIT: Re-reading this, this is actually something I've never said to anyone else before...It's kind of nice to get this monkey of my back.
Prospero101 wrote:...is it weird that I REALLY hope that someday I say something memorable enough to be quoted in someone else's signature?


I'm trying this 'Twitter' thing, if you just want to send a message/question/joke, please send it to: @Valkyrie_Lemons , thanks!
User avatar
viscomica
Posts: 3346
Joined: 05 Aug 2013, 17:01
First Video: SPRING!
Location: Ministry of Magic

Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby viscomica » 21 Dec 2014, 13:41

Elomin Sha wrote:PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIC!

I mean...thank you.


Panic, everybody panic!!!!
User avatar
Jamfalcon
Posts: 3326
Joined: 08 Aug 2011, 13:59
First Video: Killer Instinct
Location: Somewhat nearish Vancouver. Kind of.
Contact:

Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Jamfalcon » 21 Dec 2014, 13:47

Sometimes a ramble is exactly what we need to work through these sorts of things. It's easier to just let the words spill out then over think and plan, because then you naturally start to censor yourself, wonder if you're sharing too much. But if it helps (or even if it doesn't), no harm done, and no need to apologize. And for what it's worth, I'd definitely agree that you're a pretty likable person.

Also, very Ix, very well said, and I completely agree.

Also also, good luck, Elomin! I know it's tough, but I think you'll be happy you went ahead with it.
"Jamfalcon's a super weird name" - Graham

I wrote a book!
Image
User avatar
My pseudonym is Ix
Posts: 3835
Joined: 31 Dec 2012, 09:28
First Video: Canadian Girlfriend
Location: --. .-. . .- - / -... .-. .. - .- .. -.
Contact:

Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby My pseudonym is Ix » 22 Dec 2014, 13:52

So... guys.

As anyone who remembers my last essay on this thread (if, indeed, anyone does) may or may not be aware, I struggle with just about everything this thread exists to discuss. My feelings towards other people are invariably complex and confused anyway, and this is only exacerbated in the company of those I'd be attracted to in any way.

And yet, 90% of my posts on this thread are me giving advice to people. Drawing from experience of friends and their various trials and tribulations, not to mention a simple interest in watching how people work, I can opine endlessly about interpersonal behaviour and offer on almost any related subject. Ask me about love, about relationships, about feelings, and I will answer in a fairly scientific, and hopefully enlightening manner. I get people, but almost like machines, like data points in an economic model, like clusters of behaviour. I look at a person and I tell you about societal pressures, about their upbringing and environment shaping them and their views, about human nature, and answer with parallels drawn to my own experiences. But whenever I turn those impulses inward... there's something missing. I can look at myself with the same lens and draw the same kinds of conclusions, but there's still this mass of confused emotion and pain and loneliness that I just can't come to terms with. And I can't make myself follow the same advice that I give to other people.

How can I offer the advice I gave to Valkyrie earlier, yet be scared of approaching people, scared of chasing after people, scared of opening up to people? How can I tell Elomin this but be somehow incapable of making myself feel love, or of accepting any kind of emotion like it? How can I believe in the idea that I'm getting better, that I can become something caring and human, and yet still adopt this position of arrogant aloofness, almost like I'm wearing my loneliness as a badge of honour, refusing to take any step forward just because it's scary and risky and I don't know what I'm doing?

How can I keep lying to myself, keep burying my own feelings beneath layers of stoicism and vicious self-rationalisation, and keep telling myself it's the only way?

And the worst part? I have no idea what to do. I'm left as this confused morass of conflicting feelings and disturbed thoughts, stuck in limbo between what I feel I should do and what I feel I can do, and I don't know how I can come to terms with it all. I don't know why an increased dose of anti-depressants hasn't helped me stop worrying about all this stuff. I don't know why I can feel lonely when surrounded by more and better friends than I've ever had in my life before. I don't know how I'm supposed to learn what love is, or how I'm supposed to learn to just be goddamn happy with all the wonderful things I have in my life at the moment. I don't even know exactly what I'm trying to do or what I'm trying to change, hence why this post has been so... vague. Sorry guys. Maybe in future I'll be able to come up with something more specific and real.

OK, so maybe this should have gone into the depression thread rather than here: I guess I was just thinking about my response to Valkyrie. But... I needed to say it to someone.

If anyone has anything they can offer as help, I'm all ears
"Let us think the unthinkable, let us do the undoable, let us prepare to grapple with the ineffable itself, and see if we may not Image it after all."
User avatar
Rikadyn
Posts: 1228
Joined: 25 Nov 2009, 11:49
First Video: the pub
Location: K-zoo Michigan

Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Rikadyn » 22 Dec 2014, 22:44

Out of curiosity, what is your sign?
the heart knows no greater tragedy than a breath that begins in love and ends in grief...
User avatar
My pseudonym is Ix
Posts: 3835
Joined: 31 Dec 2012, 09:28
First Video: Canadian Girlfriend
Location: --. .-. . .- - / -... .-. .. - .- .. -.
Contact:

Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby My pseudonym is Ix » 23 Dec 2014, 01:26

...if you mean my orientation, male and straight. If you mean something else, you're going to have to clarify
"Let us think the unthinkable, let us do the undoable, let us prepare to grapple with the ineffable itself, and see if we may not Image it after all."
User avatar
Rikadyn
Posts: 1228
Joined: 25 Nov 2009, 11:49
First Video: the pub
Location: K-zoo Michigan

Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Rikadyn » 23 Dec 2014, 02:41

astrology, so your western zodiac sign.
the heart knows no greater tragedy than a breath that begins in love and ends in grief...
User avatar
Lord Chrusher
Can't Drink Possible Beers
Posts: 8913
Joined: 29 Apr 2005, 22:53
First Video: Door to Door
Location: In England.

Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Lord Chrusher » 23 Dec 2014, 02:58

What does that have to do with the price of tea in China?
Image
We are all made of star dust. However we are also made of nuclear waste.
Remember to think before you post.
Image
User avatar
My pseudonym is Ix
Posts: 3835
Joined: 31 Dec 2012, 09:28
First Video: Canadian Girlfriend
Location: --. .-. . .- - / -... .-. .. - .- .. -.
Contact:

Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby My pseudonym is Ix » 23 Dec 2014, 03:29

Aquarius, if you must know. Although I would ask that you refrain from applying astrology to the situation.
"Let us think the unthinkable, let us do the undoable, let us prepare to grapple with the ineffable itself, and see if we may not Image it after all."
User avatar
Rikadyn
Posts: 1228
Joined: 25 Nov 2009, 11:49
First Video: the pub
Location: K-zoo Michigan

Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Rikadyn » 23 Dec 2014, 03:33

That would probably have more to do with eastern zodiac...but as I said more or less curiosity. Everything he said I could say about myself as well, which i find funny...
the heart knows no greater tragedy than a breath that begins in love and ends in grief...

Return to “General Discussion”



Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 18 guests