The Big Relationship Thread

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Lyinginbedmon
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Lyinginbedmon » 03 Aug 2012, 12:41

Whilst I think we'd all agree that this hypothetical female you are describing is a rather deplorable human being, I think the likelihood of her existing is so remote as to render her irrelevant to this discussion.

Can we please move on to something else now?
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Wraith » 03 Aug 2012, 12:42

metcarfre wrote:
Wraith wrote:Nice try. Half of her man. ee, a real man would be wither her for the dates, the sex and the 2am calls for help. But clearly the guy she's with isn't, or she'd be calling him instead of her friend-zoned guy. He's only going halfway. He's being half a man. No woman wants half a man; but instead of demanding that her BF man-up and act like real man, a whole man, she just gets the other half of the man from her friend-zone guy. She basically assembles her own little romance-Frankenstein, one man, two bodies.


This theoretical woman you've created really needs to get her act together.


Theoretical my ass. I've got names. This shit is where the friend-zone bitching comes from. That's what people seem to be missing.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Wraith » 03 Aug 2012, 12:43

Lyinginbedmon wrote:Whilst I think we'd all agree that this hypothetical female you are describing is a rather deplorable human being, I think the likelihood of her existing is so remote as to render her irrelevant to this discussion.

Can we please move on to something else now?


Copy pasta.

Hypothetical my ass. I've got names. This shit is where the friend-zone bitching comes from. That's what people seem to be missing.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Metcarfre » 03 Aug 2012, 12:45

You heard him, he'll name names! Call the DA, we can wrap up this case tonight!
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Lyinginbedmon » 03 Aug 2012, 12:47

Wraith wrote:
Lyinginbedmon wrote:Whilst I think we'd all agree that this hypothetical female you are describing is a rather deplorable human being, I think the likelihood of her existing is so remote as to render her irrelevant to this discussion.

Can we please move on to something else now?


Copy pasta.

Hypothetical my ass. I've got names. This shit is where the friend-zone bitching comes from. That's what people seem to be missing.

Yes, you have names. No-one else seems to have ever encountered anything like what you are describing.

Drop the subject. Please.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Elomin Sha » 03 Aug 2012, 12:49

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Anything anyone says is inadmissible as evidence. I plead to the court that this case be stopped.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Matt » 03 Aug 2012, 12:50

Sigh.

-m
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Lyinginbedmon » 03 Aug 2012, 12:52

QFT, Matt, QFT.

Steering things hopefully back to less divisive discussion: Massages, foot rubs, etc.

Do you like giving them? Getting them? What kinds do you prefer? And if you don't like them in either direction, why?
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Elomin Sha » 03 Aug 2012, 12:54

[Elomin, I deleted this post. Not helping.] -m
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Lyinginbedmon » 03 Aug 2012, 12:55

Right now? Yes.

Later? Probably also yes.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Elomin Sha » 03 Aug 2012, 12:55

Just checking.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Wraith » 03 Aug 2012, 13:02

Lyinginbedmon wrote:Yes, you have names. No-one else seems to have ever encountered anything like what you are describing.


Except half of them are names of people who pulled that crap on my friends. I'm not entirely sure if you're aware of this, but people actually do exist outside of the forums.

[Deleted elomin's dig at you, deleting your dig at lying -m ]
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Matt » 03 Aug 2012, 13:04

Now it is actually time to drop the subject.

-m
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby TheRocket » 03 Aug 2012, 13:12

It's like all of you are trying to talk about one thing, but are talking about two seperate issues altogether. Women who use men who have feelings for them VS Women who are interested in genuine platonic friendships and men who won't accept that.

They are not always one in the same. That's why the word friend zone is so aggravating. To some people it means getting actively used by a girl who knows his feelings for her. To others it means the girl regected him and he puts the blame on her with a label 'friend zoned' instead of accepting she's just not that into him.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Lyinginbedmon » 03 Aug 2012, 13:33

Personally, I enjoy giving massages, shoulder and back especially (I've yet to find a girl that isn't too ticklish for a foot massage). It's a nice way of making them feel good and relaxed after a stressful day and I enjoy the simple action of cheering people up.

Conversely though, I've yet to find a girl that'll give me a massage in kind. My previous GF was too worried about breaking something and her predecessor was too worried that she'd be rubbish at it regardless of the reality.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby auberginequeen » 03 Aug 2012, 13:36

Lyinginbedmon wrote:QFT, Matt, QFT.

Steering things hopefully back to less divisive discussion: Massages, foot rubs, etc.

Do you like giving them? Getting them? What kinds do you prefer? And if you don't like them in either direction, why?


I've never really understood the concept of massages. People have tried to massage me in the past and it's just kind of annoying. Either they're doing it wrong or it just does nothing for me. The last person who tried was astounded that none of my muscles are tense... ever. All my stress is psychological it seems. :P

So my question is... what does it do for most people? What's it like and why do you enjoy it?
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Fezzul » 03 Aug 2012, 13:39

I've given massages before, to friends who were girls, but not girlfriends.

They went down quite well, I was surprised.

I have been given massages. Mostly by my Filipino hairdresser though. He does a haircut and a shoulder massage as a deal. The man is a magician.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby TheRocket » 03 Aug 2012, 13:42

I only like massages when I'm in pain from working out too much without proper recovery. Otherwise, back scratches all the way.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby EikoandMog » 03 Aug 2012, 13:45

My exes used to like my massages. Not sure if I was actually good at them or if they just liked that I was doing it in the first place.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Metcarfre » 03 Aug 2012, 13:48

Massages are thumbs up all around over here. Apparently I'm quite good at giving them.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby TheRocket » 03 Aug 2012, 13:50

God didn't give you those forearms for nothing!
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby The Jester » 03 Aug 2012, 13:52

I don't think I remember ever receiving a massage, and I've had basically no opportunity to give a protracted one, or even a very short one.

However, I think I'd enjoy the experience, especially if I were feeling worn out and tired from something. I'd also enjoy it if my hypothetical partner simply wanted to oil me up and run her hands over me, and we had the time spare.

Likewise, I would enjoy either scenario if I were on the other end; massaging either in an effort to relax and comfort my partner or for erotic pleasure and bonding. Indeed, one could move from the other and that would be fine too.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby TheRocket » 03 Aug 2012, 13:54

God didn't give you those forearms for nothing!


EDIT: this was the weirdest timed double post ever, so I'm just going to keep it up as if I totally meant to repeat this after Jesters post...
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby galactichorizon » 03 Aug 2012, 13:56

Fayili linked me to this thread. I've been watching from afar.

There have been a few statements on this thread that I think I want to bother to offer some clarification on.

First of all: People needing to tell other people when they're interested. Absolutely. I totally agree with this statement. I dunno how often, statistically its a problem, but I do seem to hear often from my female friends that "I had no clue!" about some guy or other in their life. (and if I may interject some advice here, don't say "I have a crush on you" and for the LOVE OF GOD never say "I have a crush on you but you don't have one on me." A girl did that to me last year and I had to mute my phone so I could slam my head into my desk. Never open with pity.

Instead say "Hey, we should go on a date." And if you get something along the lines of "Why?" respond with "Because it'll be fun and we should see where it goes."

That said, that is not the magic bullet for the friendzone, and all friendzones are not caused by that, otherwise again, this would not be a known problem.

My own experience with the friendzone (hereafter fzone) STARTED with a mutual expression of interest. We'd been plutonic friends a significant portion of our lives, she actually made the first move, I took her up on it, and then we chatted about it and where it might go. Until that had happened I had never considered her a romantic interest. Sometimes you get blinded to that kind of thing when you grow up with someone. Afterwards it was a light switch going on, of course I was interested in her, and I fell hard.

So saying "Hey, I like you, and would like to see where this could go..." not always going to immediately end the fzone.

Neither is: well, you need to then either find out if she's interested, and then be happy with friendship or take your leave if she/he's not. No. That doesn't always work either. Remember, I was lied to for at least the better part of a year. The girl in question also gave me some powerfully mixed signals during that time. Now, looking back, I'm more forgiving. Just like me, she was figuring out life, feeling and experiencing new things, and being unfamiliar with them was ruled more by her impulses than her good sense. But I feel like most fzoning happens more before you've figured out what all these new levers and knobs do. Some of us push the buttons sooner than others.

This is not about mindreading.

Avistew,

So...you've just admitted to using your feminine whiles for assistance that wouldn't have otherwise been provided.

case in point.

I also love that you figure their reward is getting to be around you.

Metcarfre

W.T.F.

No, I said: be careful who you accept favors from. I don't give a **** about the men who expect sex for favors. They get whatever they deserve. I'm more concerned about situations where someone with honest intentions is mislead, either intentionally or not.

@The Jester,
Care to explain how I don't respect women as individuals with freedom and rights?

I want everyone, male and female (and undecided, and part horse, and whatever), make a basic effort to understand each other, and then act in a way that is respectful of that person's feelings. Sometimes that means something as simple as turning down a free ice cream cone. Sometimes that means telling a girl I was having lunch with because we both go to the same school and dance group that I'm only interested in being friends when I think she's reading too much into our lunch get togethers. (which is scary when someone only seems to be acting too attached because saying: Hey, I think you have a crush on me, can feel REALLY awkward, even when you're 90% certain you're right.)

Its not always easy, and yeah. You end up making sacrifices (like that free ice cream cone offered one too many times.) I expect that of everyone.


@Deedles

You're confusing what I actually wrote with what other people are saying I wrote now.

What I wrote was my reaction to the article, and largely my feelings on how someone should treat someone they consider a plutonic friend whom they have no romantic interest in. There is another side to that, which is what to do when you like one of your friends, which I have touched on somewhat here.

Again, common sense. This doesn't apply to every relationship.

@Lyinginbedmon

I'm with Wraith. I have known these kinds of girls actually. Usually I manage to keep them out of my friend pool, but every now and then I find I let the wrong person into my life and have to kick them back out again.

Look, everything here is being discussed in hypotheticals and extremes. No single person, even a psychopath is entirely one thing or one color. Every single person does some good things and some bad things. One of the worst womanizers I know, a person who selfishly uses people both men and women, knows its selfish and sees nothing wrong with it, and who has caused wreckingball damage to people I know and care about also refuses to eat meat for no reason other than he doesn't want other animals to die for his food.

Everything exists in gradiations.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Fezzul » 03 Aug 2012, 13:57

I have big hands and an essential tremor, so my hands always vibrate.

One might say I was designed for massages... or something else slightly ruder, but more fun.
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