The Big Relationship Thread

[cuddlyblade]

The only advice I can offer here is to remember that people aren't anywhere near as bitchy in real life as they are on tv and in stories.

I really really don't know in what magical sunshine land you live but I want to go there.

The kind where if people start being a bitch, I go and hide under a rock and then move on. I spend too much time around egotistic bastards to make them part of a social circle.

That sounds way more arrogant than intended, sorry

Ah I see. I've always found that knee to the groin is an excellent counter so egotistical people.

[Cybertrash]

Welp, I dun goofed

[TheGhostOfZero]

how so?

[Cybertrash]

I slept with a friend of mine, for some stupid reason, we don't have any feelings for each other, and aren't particularly attracted towards eachother either... It just happened, and it's weird. She's also more or less involved with another close friend of mine, they're not a couple, and I don't think they're "oficially exclusive" either, but things are heading that way for sure.

TL;DR: I'm a *huge* asshole.

[My pseudonym is Ix]

Were you drunk at the time, purely out of interest?

[Merrymaker_Mortalis]

This might be a juvenile question, but, How do I know if I am in love?

[Cybertrash]

Were you drunk at the time, purely out of interest?

Yup, both of us were, not super-drunk but alcohol had been consumed. I'm usually not the one who does stupid shit when they're drunk... Meh.

[Lyinginbedmon]

I don't really have any especially relevant advice for you, as that situation is very much outside my experience. All I can recommend is that you talk with them about it and determine what sort of implications, if any, it has for your friendship.

[Pikachaos]

This might be a juvenile question, but, How do I know if I am in love?

This must be a horribly vague answer, but you know when you know.
Less vague, there can be different types of love. and different reasons to like someone.
Attraction: Where you love them sexually.

Trust/ comfort: Where you love them because of how close you are able to get based on how much you trust them. How much you love spending time with them.

Affection of their character: Where you really like who they are as a person, you appreciate how good of a person they are.

Then there's just that feeling. That feeling that you never want to be away from that person, even if you're introverted and need to sometimes. That feeling that you miss them, because you just love being around them so much. That feeling that when you see them, it isn't just "Oh it's that person, cool" their face becomes an icon that when you see, makes you smile.

Anyway, there are a bunch of ways to like someone. If it's just one of the first few it may not be love, but if you feel like you love them, then you love them. Just remember, this doesn't change anything other than you know your feelings. You're feelings could change as can they change to leave what you know to be the person you love. So don't be too reckless.

[My pseudonym is Ix]

Were you drunk at the time, purely out of interest?

Yup, both of us were, not super-drunk but alcohol had been consumed. I'm usually not the one who does stupid shit when they're drunk... Meh.

I think everyone does stupid shit when drunk to be honest. I haven't encountered a situation like yours personally, but it strikes me as one in which, with the benefit of that wonderful thing that is hindsight, EVERYONE thinks was a bad idea. The advantage, however, is that (unless anything nasty got exchanged, which I hope it hasn't) there has been no physical harm done, and the impact is solely restricted to the social sphere. I suppose the best you can do is just accept you screwed up, admit to everyone relevant that you screwed up (particularly the friend in question, to put them at ease as much as anything) and try to just forget about it. You'd be amazed what people forget when nobody is that bothered.

Any help?

[Elomin Sha]

Going off on what Pika said, there is something called the 'Love Triangle': Intimacy, Commitment, Passion

Depending on how they link or don't link together can determine what 'love' you feel to that person.

Intimacy = Friendship
Commitment = Empty Love
Passion = Infatuated Love (Crush/Limerance)
Intimacy + Commitment = Compasionate Love
Intimacy + Passion = Romantic Love
Passion + Commitment = Fatuous Love
Passion + Commitment + Intimacy = Consummate Love

That's if you believe in this. I had to look it up for a story idea.

[TheGhostOfZero]

I use Sternberg's triangle as an example all the time.

[Avistew]

I know I'm in love when I feel something close to fear around that person. The person shows up, and then my heart skips a beat, like I'm scared of him, but I'm glad to see him. If I hear his name the same thing might happen.

That's the beginning though, so I guess some people might call it the crush phase. But that's personally how I can tell.

Then when love is more established, when the person already knows, when you're together, you still get the happy feeling but comfort replaces fear and apprehension, and I think it's because the fear is a fear to be rejected or ridiculed, and once your love has been accepted you don't have that anymore.

[Geoff_B]

I'm finding these to be very interesting and very useful answers

[TheGhostOfZero]

http://pikachaos.tumblr.com/post/404946 ... means-to-a

[Geoff_B]

And all I can say is "D'awwwwwwwwwwwwww"

[Deedles]

*melts*

[Duckay]

Yeah I know no one wants to hear people being down in this thread right now so I will keep it quick.

Even though I rationally know that this is unhelpful and doesn't apply even nearly to everyone, I sometimes wish there were a rule against talking to your exes. There should definitely be a rule against preaching to your exes about how they can find God now that they've "turned straight". Such bullshit.

[Lyinginbedmon]

That has nothing to do with exes, that has to do with being a sane human being.

[Duckay]

Yes, but if it's not an ex, I can just walk away while they're talking and never think about them again.

[TheRocket]

You can still do that regardless of if they are an ex. Just be like "Oh look, my fucks, they are over there. Excuse me."

But seriously, regardless of your past with the person you can walk away from it. Forgetting, not so easy. But not having to put up with their bullshit word vomit.. PIE!

[Duckay]

It's really the forgetting part that gets me. I can politely nod my head while secretly imagining setting people on fire until I just walk away like a champ. It's just that then afterwards I'm left feeling all urghy inside because I remember what that person used to be like. Fun times!

[TheRocket]

I hear ya. I'm having similar issues with my best friend. :/

[Pikachaos]

Don't listen to them, seriously. They're an idiot.



Don't let them get to you.

[Avistew]

Yeah, I was thinking, that's not just exes, it's also friends, family, etc. When someone you used to get along with turns into somebody completely different that you're ashamed to be around... Then it sucks. I don't think banning talking to exes would help any more than banning talking to friends and family you haven't seen in a while.

You can only hope she'll get over it, for her sake, but other than that don't worry about her. She's a different person now.