The Big Relationship Thread

[Lyinginbedmon]

As for my issue, I think I'll explain the circumstances to both J and R (Separately!) and then see what the whole deal is with R's boyfriend break status. If it's then feasible without some dude beating me up at a later date, I'll ask R out.

The real trick will be phrasing it all without demeaning either one of them or seeming like a sleeze. Fortunately, I'm a fairly good writer.

[Arius]

That's your plan? Tell them that you like both of them equally and don't really care which one you end up with?

Well, I'm sure you'll meet other girls.

[Trisha Lynn]

Since I seem to suck at finding and holding onto guys for relationships by my previous methods, I have started asking friends for recommendations (and I'm also going to start up an online dating profile, as soon as I find a site that's low-cost and has the least number of douchebags and tools on it).

One of my poker buddies asked me what I was looking for in a long-term relationship and I made a list:

* Can be male or female, but said-female has to be really special and not be turned off by the fact that I've never dated women before and may have issues with women that are being resolved in therapy
* Does not have to be the physical equivalent of a Greek god or goddess because my friend Kelly O'Guinn taught me how to look past that
* Doesn't mind that I'm also not the equivalent of a Greek goddess right now and will encourage me to reach that goal when I'm ready to take on that additional work
* Needs to make my equivalent salary or slightly more -or- is in graduate school and doesn't need me to support him/her through school -or- may be starting a new business and still doesn't need me to support him/her
* Should be as intelligent or slightly more intelligent than me
* Must be able to tolerate my varied sexual history and not be intimidated by it
* Must be willing to move beyond vanilla from time to time
* Must be able to keep up with me in a conversation
* Has a passion for something and it doesn't have to be the same passions I have (bonus if the passion is a creative one)
* Has goals in life and is actively moving towards them
* Is either geeky or is okay with me being geeky enough for both of us
* Doesn't have to be taller than me
* Has a great sense of humor
* Is okay with my being agnostic
* Must either have pets currently, or has owned pets in the past, or wants pets even though has not yet had the opportunity to have them
* If childless, would be okay with having kids eventually and not entirely opposed to it

I don't know if I'm willing to move away from NYC to find this person because despite my bitching about it, I really like my job. I also know that if other people I know can't get a job in this economy in this City with their skills and experience, what luck do I have in finding one somewhere else for an equivalent salary in another state or city that I'd like as much as I love NYC?

I am also gun-shy at the idea of someone moving to NYC to be with me because the first-and-only time that happened, we ended up parting so fucking acrimoniously that it spawned a nickname that he eventually found out about because someone who read my LiveJournal back in those days told him what it was. And yeah... that leads into some of my trust issues...

So anyway, that's where I'm starting from. I don't expect to find all of these things in one person. I think of it as being more like a wish-list, really.


Trisha Lynn
...let's get some estrogen into this thread...

[Lyinginbedmon]

That's your plan? Tell them that you like both of them equally and don't really care which one you end up with?

Well, I'm sure you'll meet other girls.

No, tell them why I asked one out instead of the other when I actually liked the other.

J may be fairly alright with this, given her apprehension and noting that I kinda already gave the impression of liking R. Once I've explained the big negative being the mystery card "boyfriend break" thing it should make pretty big sense.

R is the one I'm most uncertain of in the equation. I may end up with just two more female friends on the list.

[TomBrend]

marshmallows make hot chocolate super awesome

also smores are delicious

I agree with everything about this post.

[korri]

trisha lynn, your post is pretty much how I feel about the whole thing. I want to try the online dating thing, but I'm a little scared of it even though I know at least two couples where that ended in a very good long term relationship.

Right now I'm just too scared to do anything, which is why I haven't had a relationship in awhile.

[Arius]

There's no real response I can give without sounding like a massive pessimistic dick.

So, just make sure you wear a cup when you explain to the first girl that the only reason you showed any interest in her was because her friend was dating someone.

[Dave-O_Boy]

Let's see how I do on Trisha's check list.

* Can be male or female, but said-female has to be really special and not be turned off by the fact that I've never dated women before and may have issues with women that are being resolved in therapy

I'm Male - so check.

* Does not have to be the physical equivalent of a Greek god or goddess because my friend Kelly O'Guinn taught me how to look past that

Moderately attractive - check-ish.

* Doesn't mind that I'm also not the equivalent of a Greek goddess right now and will encourage me to reach that goal when I'm ready to take on that additional work

never seen a picture so *shrugs*

* Needs to make my equivalent salary or slightly more -or- is in graduate school and doesn't need me to support him/her through school -or- may be starting a new business and still doesn't need me to support him/her

fails...

* Should be as intelligent or slightly more intelligent than me

check.

* Must be able to tolerate my varied sexual history and not be intimidated by it

sounds like fun.

* Must be willing to move beyond vanilla from time to time

see previous.

* Must be able to keep up with me in a conversation

possibly check.

* Has a passion for something and it doesn't have to be the same passions I have (bonus if the passion is a creative one)

Mega check.

* Has goals in life and is actively moving towards them

ahhh..ummm.. kinda fail.

* Is either geeky or is okay with me being geeky enough for both of us

Mega Check.

* Doesn't have to be taller than me

if 6'0 is taller. (women who are taller/as tall are intimidating.

* Has a great sense of humor

Well I think I'm funny.

* Is okay with my being agnostic

Yeah sure whatever.

* Must either have pets currently, or has owned pets in the past, or wants pets even though has not yet had the opportunity to have them

I wish I had a kitty.

* If childless, would be okay with having kids eventually and not entirely opposed to it

yeah sure.


Well Trisha, dear, I don't think we're meant to be. This was fun though..

[Master Gunner]

I can't really say much about marshmallows and hot chocolate, as I must admit, I am not a fan of hot chocolate. Marshmallows are awesome in all their forms though.

Trisha, I'm sure you'll find someone that fits those requirements. Hell, half the forum probably fits most of them, so I'm sure there are some like us in New York.

[Alja-Markir]

While you might not measure up Dave, apparantly I fall within acceptable bounds. Huh.

That said, dear Trisha, instead of wondering why it is you can't seem to find and hold onto guys for relationships, perhaps you should be wondering why you want to find and hold onto one?

I mean, it's a nice thing to have somebody. But I've found that every single person I know who actively seeks out a partner has trouble finding one. Whereas all the ones who don't actively seek them seem to just run into wonderful people whom they fall into relationships with. I know I'm that way personally.

I dunno. I have a theory that there's some forces at play in the universe that purposefully arrange for these sorts of things to happen. And until we find said forces and smack them upside the head a few times, the only thing you can do is change your approach.

I mean, if you're going to have to be waiting anyway in order to find the right person, you might as relax and enjoy instead of worrying, no?

~Alja~

Addendum: I somehow missed Korri's post! You too, darling! Don't worry, enjoy life, and you'll find someone eventually!

[TheRocket]

But I've found that every single person I know who actively seeks out a partner has trouble finding one. Whereas all the ones who don't actively seek them seem to just run into wonderful people whom they fall into relationships with. I know I'm that way personally.

That's what I observed from watching frantic friends searching for relationships vs friends who just let it come. Hakuna Matatta. I just couldn't find it in me to ever give a fuck. I was the type of person who found happiness in myself and my life, and let the joy of relationships come to me. They did when they did and I never rushed a thing.

[King Kool]

I was confused that you had a female RA.

Also, to relate hot chocolate to this thread better: I love hot chocolate and marshmallows.

Dude, all my RAs were chicks.

Only one was super volcano fire hot, however.

[TomBrend]

trisha lynn, your post is pretty much how I feel about the whole thing. I want to try the online dating thing, but I'm a little scared of it even though I know at least two couples where that ended in a very good long term relationship.

Right now I'm just too scared to do anything, which is why I haven't had a relationship in awhile.

Korri, you're on a roll with posts I can relate to today. I really want a relationship but I am awful at meeting new people. I'm in my third year of college and I haven't had a proper relationship since high school. You have basically the exact same opinion of online dating that I do.

[Master Gunner]

I was confused that you had a female RA.

Also, to relate hot chocolate to this thread better: I love hot chocolate and marshmallows.

Dude, all my RAs were chicks.

Only one was super volcano fire hot, however.

My RA is a chick too, of about medium hotness. About half the RAs in my dorm are. Evidently there's being some really hot ones in this res before.

[King Kool]

Is the use of the word 'chick' sexist? That's one of those words I haven't been able to get out of my vocabulary, like saying 'split' when I mean 'leave.'

[Metcarfre]

I have one female friend who considers chick extremely sexist, so I make sure to use it excessively in her presence.

[King Kool]

Yeah, I have a black friend I do kinda the same thing with.

</awful>

[TomBrend]

I don't think so... I hope not, I say it a lot.

[Alja-Markir]

I prefer the terms gal, lady, lass, etc.

They're quaint, flattering, and unusual. Can't really go wrong with that.

~Alja~

[TomBrend]

I say "bint" and "biddy" most often... I like bint more and it's apparantly less offensive.

[Arius]

I keep trying to post my relationship issues, but OperaMini keeps dying.

Which is actually humorous considering what one of the issues is. So, feel free to speculate.

[CtMolloy]

But I've found that every single person I know who actively seeks out a partner has trouble finding one. Whereas all the ones who don't actively seek them seem to just run into wonderful people whom they fall into relationships with. I know I'm that way personally.

That's what I observed from watching frantic friends searching for relationships vs friends who just let it come. Hakuna Matatta. I just couldn't find it in me to ever give a fuck. I was the type of person who found happiness in myself and my life, and let the joy of relationships come to me. They did when they did and I never rushed a thing.

I'm like that. Except that relationships never come my way haha, but at least I'm not all stressed and worrying about it and wasting all my time and energy trying to change that and instead enjoying myself.

[Master Gunner]

I keep trying to post my relationship issues, but OperaMini keeps dying.

Which is actually humorous considering what one of the issues is. So, feel free to speculate.

You fell in love with a midget who performs in the Opera? Who also has cancer?

[Arius]

Ha...

You just actually explained a couple girls I've been connected with.

My ex had cancer when she was younger.

I tried to date this girl who is much shorter than I.

And a female friend whom I believe has a crush on me is a classically trained opera singer.

But no.

Actually, it's that every time I try to fix my relationship issues, something happens to prevent it.

Only. One of the problems...

[King Kool]

Anyway, I don't think I've conveyed how lovely she was. "Hot" isn't the right term, I retract that. That's a term people use when they want to fuck someone. She was...

Resonant.

You ever meet someone who every second you're with them, all you feel is dissonance? That's what I feel when Megan Fox tries to act sexy, or when lots of lesser actors try to act that way. To me, she is like nails on a blackboard, or biting a spoon.

This RA was the opposite of that. When she was around, everything was happier, things fell into place, and the world was better. That's what she was.