The Big Relationship Thread

[Jamfalcon]

Well, I decided to send her a message (on the site we met on, rather than email, since she'd been online today) to check in again, and saying outright that if she's trying to tell me she's not interest, to please just let me know. Hoping I'm not getting ahead of myself with that, and I made it clear that I hoped it wasn't the case, but when it's now been almost as long as we talked (sending about 150 messages back and forth) since I've heard anything at all, I thought it was reasonable. At least this way, one or another, I can stop wondering. Assuming she replies.

[Elomin Sha]

If a girl wanted to ask someone out they should.

[Darkobra]

Now that I think about it, most of my relationships have started with the girl saying to me "When are you gonna ask me out?" One of them started with a girl walking up to me quietly, grabbing my hand and writing her number down on it.

[Deedles]

I'm of the mindset that if I want something I need to get off my ass and get it, so my relationships have all started with me confessing my feelings.

[Drecon]

Now that I think about it, most of my relationships have started with the girl saying to me "When are you gonna ask me out?"

I'm fairly certain the only correct response to that is: "Well, when are you gonna ask ME out?"

[Keab42]

I'm of the mindset that if I want something I need to get off my ass and get it, so my relationships have all started with me confessing my feelings.

How do you actually do that. I'm usually too terrified to admit it.

[My pseudonym is Ix]

I'm of the mindset that if I want something I need to get off my ass and get it, so my relationships have all started with me confessing my feelings.

How do you actually do that. I'm usually too terrified to admit it.

This better to regret what you have done than what you have not. It took me a good few years to realise that one, and I still somewhat lack the balls to follow through a lot of the time, but as a life motto you could do a lot worse.

[Master Gunner]

I did so once, it ended badly. Of course, I've never being in such a situation to do so since, so I don't exactly have the best sample size.

[Lyinginbedmon]

I have just been informed that my father has a girlfriend.

I'm not sure which is winning out, the sense that I must be doing something terribly wrong or my abject horror at that statement

[Deedles]

I'm of the mindset that if I want something I need to get off my ass and get it, so my relationships have all started with me confessing my feelings.

How do you actually do that. I'm usually too terrified to admit it.

I wasn't sure at first, just always been how I am. I find that if I like someone then I should tell them, until then I won't know if anything could happen or not.

So I simply weigh my options; Either I say something and get the chance to be together with this person, or I say nothing and risk them ending up with someone else, and if they do my chance will of passed and I'll always end up wondering 'What if I'd said something?'.

[viscomica]

I have just been informed that my father has a girlfriend.

I'm not sure which is winning out, the sense that I must be doing something terribly wrong or my abject horror at that statement

Be afraid ... be very afraid

[Avistew]

I'm of the mindset that if I want something I need to get off my ass and get it, so my relationships have all started with me confessing my feelings.

How do you actually do that. I'm usually too terrified to admit it.

Oh, it is terrifying. And don't get me wrong: usually, they say no. When you've been liking them for months or years, like is always the case with me (I'm slow with these things), it's pretty heartbreaking.
The thing is, to me, the fear and sadness are just better than feeling like a coward. I just want to be the kind of person who isn't ashamed of her feelings. And the only way to be that person is, well, to do it.

So, I've had pretty bad reactions to asking guys out, but honestly, every time, I was still glad that I did it. Every time, it was still better than not knowing. As much as it sucks when you're rejected, it's good to know "okay, this is out. Let me work towards rebuilding myself and push that idea out of my mind".
And it's much, much better than obsessing over someone, which is what happens the longer you wait before you ask them out.

Then the important thing is to be as normal as possible afterwards, and not make it awkward. If you act the same as before, they should be comfortable doing so as well, and you won't lose their friendship. Not something I started out good at but I'm getting better.

[JustAName]

I've been subjecting IX to 'N Sync all day, and he still hasn't given up on me. True love.

[Bebop Man]

AND good taste. He's a keeper.

[viscomica]

Since you've mentioned N'Sync... has any of you ever liked anything ironically? (just wondering) How does that work? Say I like N'Sync ironically... yeah, I don't get that, at all. (So off-topic, but please explain)

[My pseudonym is Ix]

Since you've mentioned N'Sync... has any of you ever liked anything ironically? (just wondering) How does that work? Say I like N'Sync ironically... yeah, I don't get that, at all. (So off-topic, but please explain)

Liking something ironically takes one of two forms. The first involves 'liking' something because you actually think it's terrible and are 'liking' it to point and laugh, in essence. The other form, which I have a sneaking suspicion is far more common, involves pretending to be doing the first to get away with legitimately liking something your social circle thinks is crap.

[viscomica]

Hmm, thank you I always thought liking sth ironically is pretty stupid but somehow, in a messed up way, it makes a little bit of sense. I mean, with people my age being sarcastic most of the time you wouldn't want to reveal to people you like-like something you think is embarrassing. Thanks for clearing that up.

[Kortanios]

I've made the experience that liking something (or generally doing things) ironically with a group of friends (e.g. watching something together because you actually want to see it but making fun of it as well at the same time) is sometimes a lot more fun than the non-ironic version would be... maybe that is just me being cynical though...

Actually getting back on subject. So it would appear that things with the girl I had a few casual we-were-both-not-sure-whether-it-was-movie-dates-or-just-watching-a-movie-together movie dates with (to whom I will refer to as S in the future) aren't as not-going-anywhere-y as I thought. In a coule of chats we had over the last few weeks she brought up dates and dating a few times dropping hints left right and center. Then yesterday she (only half jokingly) suggested I should fly down to Venice to meet up with her there. What do you guys think?

[viscomica]

She's obviously into you, that's what I think.
When girls start making such obvious remarks for you to do something about it, do something about it I can assure you she'd be stoked to see you there.

[Kortanios]

I really want to... but I also REALLY can't afford it. Last minute travel there and back booking literally the day before flying is surprisingly expensive... I could spend 2 days on a train (each way) and get there for half the price but considering I am going back to the UK in less than a week that would leave me with essentially no time with her there. And I am making excuses because this is so similar to how I got together with my ex (for future reference L), well it was Paris not Venice and I had over a week between booking and going, still very close.

[Kortanios]

I should probably clarify, this would cost me a month worth of being able to eat.

[viscomica]

Hmm, if you can do the train thing, that would be awesome! And even though you met your ex in a similar fashion, it is important to get that S is not L and vice versa, right? But yeah, I agree on the flying thing you said. Happened to me this year Aside from that, even a small gesture of "hey let's meet when you come back from Venice, I´d love to see you" would make her happy. Think it through

[Kortanios]

Ok, more accurate description of the situation: She is in Venice for 2 more days, then she's off to Rome, I am in rural north-western Germany. I am working on my thesis at the moment (I need to have a first draft of the introduction ready by when I get back). I also need to get back to the UK within the next week as I am going to have to be back in the lab starting Monday the 6th. I will see her back in Oxford in 2 weeks at the earliest (3 weeks at the latest).

[Kortanios]

I was planning on asking her out to a more date-y date as soon as we are both back.

[Kortanios]

I am such an idiot. She was planning on coming to a town really close by where I live to "meet up with a few other visiting students" there earlier this holiday and suggested I should come too. I already had plans for exactly that day (that couldn't really be changed) so I told her I couldn't come. Well, she changed her plans and never went there at all. And idiotic me didn't realize until just now. Literally banging my head on the table right now.

Edit: The train thing is 2 and a half days of train riding (2 if I get one of them overnight) to then meet up with her in Rome instead of Venice and then taking the train back up for 2 and a half (or 2) days either the next day or 2 days later (depending on whether i get night trains) to be able to get back here in time to fly back to the UK in time to get back to the lab when I need to be... and I am really hating myself right now because that seems half way reasonable and I know that it shouldn't so odds are I have caught feelings here...

Edit2: Just to clarify that was how I got together with L, not how I met her.