The Big Relationship Thread

[auberginequeen]

It seems to me that you've a better chance of meeting people like you based on what you already do and who you already know. We're not truly distributed randomly throughout the population.

Like I go to university, so I encounter a lot of people who share my belief that expanding your mind is important. Likewise, over the years I've been here I've made many friends who are in science as I take a lot of science courses. These people are generally not very religious (or at least not "young-Earth creationists" and the like) as they appreciate science and believe in evolution. The people that these people are friends with will generally hold similar beliefs.

Over time I've developed a network of possible mates who are at least a) serious about bettering themselves and improving their future and b) generally not religious, two traits that I find attractive.

[Metcarfre]

http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3rq417/

[JustAName]

I miss sleeping in a bed with someone.

[Dubious_wolf]

Haters gunna hate.

[Lyinginbedmon]

There's certainly something comforting about it.

[nicholasmc1]

I miss sleeping in a bed with someone.

The best part of my last horrifying relationship....remains untainted by everything that happened.

[PlasmaCow]

half drunk report after the after-show party:
It was great to spend a week reconnecting and having a laugh with Tasha after not reallyseeing her very often over the last for about 4 years.
Katherine was fun and such as always, but seems to have a mutual interest with one of the male leads, who is also in her circle of friends and her age.
In the end Holly couldn't make it to watch the dress rehearsal, or to tonight show or after-party. Should be able to arrange something next week to pass on the clubs "thank you" gift to her, so who knows on that front yet.


I was also told by three people who don't really know me well at all that I look like someone who knows a lot (something I am generally know as among my friends, I like quizzes and am intellectually curious), this intrigued me, but the one of them I managed to ask about it wads too drunk to give a proper answer. Possibly just cos I'm 6 or so years older than the 3 of them and have a beard that makes me look much more adult than I do without it.

And now I should reallly go to bed as I nee to be up and awake to meet my crew to move shit about in about 7 hours time. yippeee.

[nicholasmc1]

Just spent 45 minutes talking to a customer in my store (swoon), made my day

[JustAName]

I really don't understand relationship drama. Are other people bad at talking? Or make others happy/come to an outcome that works for everyone? Why do so many people I know fight with their SOs?

[Deedles]

Lack of communication, really. People turn stubborn and just resign to 'he/she doesn't listen to anything I say!' when it's really a mix of selfish thinking and simply just repeating themselves over and over rather than consider how they could explain themselves better to their partner.

And that's when people don't straight out get pissy because their partner isn't a mindreader.

[Matt]

I- I think I got hit on by a really cute waitress at Steamworks tonight.


...



I think I'm going back .

-m

[Master Gunner]

SEAL THE DEAL!

Seriously though, best of luck, Matt.

[AdmiralMemo]

Lack of communication, really. People turn stubborn and just resign to 'he/she doesn't listen to anything I say!' when it's really a mix of selfish thinking and simply just repeating themselves over and over rather than consider how they could explain themselves better to their partner.

And that's when people don't straight out get pissy because their partner isn't a mindreader.

With my ex, my problem with her was that she wouldn't explain herself well, and sometimes expected me to be a mind reader. (Also, she has some really bad issues that I can't fault her for, due to her upbringing, but totally are giant problems for relationships.) Her problem with me was my bluntness, and that I wouldn't tiptoe around the land-mine issues, and would jump straight on them to get them out of the way.

So communication was an issue, but it was lack of communication one way and possibly too much the other way.

[Deedles]

Well, not expressing yourself well is a form of lack in communication, because you're not getting your point across by communicating well. Be that in a way that leaves you partner baffled as to what you actually want, or hurt because you basically insulted them or stabbed a touchy issue for them. That's bad communication, and thus lack of communication.

Then there's the issue that even if you do express yourself well your partner needs to have the open mind to accept what you're saying and the ability to think about what you say instead of taking every little thing as a major insult to them. That was the problem I had with my ex. He simply refused to listen and would throw a tantrum if I tried to bring up any issues that I had with him.

[Metcarfre]

With my ex, my problem with her was that she wouldn't explain herself well, and sometimes expected me to be a mind reader. (Also, she has some really bad issues that I can't fault her for, due to her upbringing, but totally are giant problems for relationships.) Her problem with me was my bluntness, and that I wouldn't tiptoe around the land-mine issues, and would jump straight on them to get them out of the way.

So you're saying the problem was you're a man and she was a woman.

Somewhat kidding, but in the a lot of cases it's true that there's significant difference in how men and women think. Women tend to be better at dealing with multiple inputs at the same time, for example, while men tend to be better at focusing on one thing at a time. So sometimes my wife gets mad at me when I have to pause or turn something off before she can ask me a question, and sometimes I get mad at her if she's on her computer while we're watching a show. For example.

[Duckay]

I've been there, met. I get annoyed at JackSlack for asking me to repeat myself if I try to talk to him while he's distracted with something else. Sometimes he gets annoyed because I'm "not paying attention" because I'm paying attention to multiple things (and in some cases, yes, possibly not paying as much attention to him as I should be).

I wouldn't call either a "relationship issue" but it's cause for occasional irritation.

[Metcarfre]

Yeah, it's things like that that make you realize that you have some differences not just in things you like or want to do, but literally how your brains are wired.

My wife is constantly amazed at my ability to completely push out and forget all the things weighing on me in order to do, ahem, something else, while no matter what she's thinking about her next school assignment, publication to work on, chores to do, etc. Her brain is a never-ending series of to-do lists.

I think a lot of these thing are the crux of many "communication" issues. Reading some good relationship books in pre-marriage counseling really helped us.

[MinniChi]

I have a conundrum. Not sure if this is the right thread to post it in, but I figure it has somewhat to do with relationships, so there.
Anyway, back story. This morning at about 5am I wake up to a knock on my door. It was the police with my boyfriend's younger brother in tow (he's 21) and he was REALLY drunk. So I take him in. After I pull him in and turn on a light, I can easliy tell something was wrong. So I put him in my son's bed for sleep, and I sit down to talk. I'm going to thank my awesome mom powers for dragging it out of him.
Now, the thing I need advice on. I learned that the little brother is quite depressed, and on anti-depressents. And he's a middle child, so feels very left out/shunted aside. Really, I can't blame him. I'm a middle child too, and that's totally how it is (in some families). And my bf isn't much help, you can't talk to him about feelings. He more or less just tells you to suck it up and deal. Not so great if you're terribly depressed. Should I tell my boyfriend his brother is drowning? Or even their mom or dad? Or should I just keep quiet about this and leave my door open if he needs another hug/place to crash? I don't want to risk my relationship with any of them, But I know he needs help. I'm great at giving hugs, but he needs more than that.

Also, any advice I can pass along on how to get over a girl you loved for 4 years? The break-up is what triggered his depression. And I think she revealed some horrible news with the break up.

I'm asking the LRR forums because from what I've seen, you are all intelligent people who won't troll unless it's deserved. And none of you know the brothers personally (as far as I know), so no risk of the younger one finding out I aired his 'shame' to the world.

[Lyinginbedmon]

Tell someone. Tell everyone. Especially the little brother.

As to the breakup, keep busy, keep occupied, keep your mind off of it. Breakups aren't easy to handle for any typical human being and they certainly aren't when they're long-term relationships, we like our companions and we like to keep them around, our neurology is geared for it. The best you can do is try to give him other things to think about, positive things ideally, and eventually when his mind drifts back to the subject it won't hurt quite so much, and eventually it won't hurt at all.

[Avistew]

I had the exact same issue with my ex-husband. He would get so upset that I wasn't paying attention when I was on the computer or something and he was talking, because I couldn't pay attention to both. And every Monday I paint miniatures with Sean and his coworkers, and they play a move at the same time, and I can either follow the movie or paint, so they get frustrated as I keep asking questions when the answer has just been given in the movie.

In contrast, my ex kept expecting me to guess what he was feeling, or he would say he was fine when he wasn't, or ask to be left alone when he actually wanted me to stay. Since when I ask to be left alone, I actually want to be left alone (and would really be pissed at someone who doesn't give me that space), I would give him that respect, and he would only feel worse, when he just had to say he wanted me to sty and I would have.
What's worse, he seemed to think that if I really cared about him I would "just know" that it was what he meant.

So frustrating.

[Lyinginbedmon]

Our discussion tonight ended with my signing off with an optimistic "see you then", followed by standard social platitudes for future events (good night and have a good day), and a metaphor about a very groggy miner back from a night shift falling asleep at his keyboard.

I am in a very happy place, and it is somewhat unusual for such a place not to have distinct relationship/not relationship details.

[Digital Dolphin]

I have spent a full week texting back and forth with this new girl, and the last 3 nights meeting up with her for dinner and drinks. We still aren't calling it anything, but we're both having fun.

I'm currently on the way to her place for the first time, where pizza and a movie and who knows what else, will be enjoyed

[Deedles]

I have a conundrum. Not sure if this is the right thread to post it in, but I figure it has somewhat to do with relationships, so there.
Anyway, back story. This morning at about 5am I wake up to a knock on my door. It was the police with my boyfriend's younger brother in tow (he's 21) and he was REALLY drunk. So I take him in. After I pull him in and turn on a light, I can easliy tell something was wrong. So I put him in my son's bed for sleep, and I sit down to talk. I'm going to thank my awesome mom powers for dragging it out of him.
Now, the thing I need advice on. I learned that the little brother is quite depressed, and on anti-depressents. And he's a middle child, so feels very left out/shunted aside. Really, I can't blame him. I'm a middle child too, and that's totally how it is (in some families). And my bf isn't much help, you can't talk to him about feelings. He more or less just tells you to suck it up and deal. Not so great if you're terribly depressed. Should I tell my boyfriend his brother is drowning? Or even their mom or dad? Or should I just keep quiet about this and leave my door open if he needs another hug/place to crash? I don't want to risk my relationship with any of them, But I know he needs help. I'm great at giving hugs, but he needs more than that.

Also, any advice I can pass along on how to get over a girl you loved for 4 years? The break-up is what triggered his depression. And I think she revealed some horrible news with the break up.

I'm asking the LRR forums because from what I've seen, you are all intelligent people who won't troll unless it's deserved. And none of you know the brothers personally (as far as I know), so no risk of the younger one finding out I aired his 'shame' to the world.

I think reassuring him that your door is open if he needs someone to talk to is a good idea. I would also, at least, sit down with his parents and tell them about how he feels. It's most probable that they have no idea that he feels the way he does.

As for telling your boyfriend or not, I feel kinda shit saying it, but I probably wouldn't tell him if he's likely to have you 'you should suck it up' reaction. At the same time, if you tell him he might surprise you. And if he doesn't then maybe a stern warning to not make it worse by being insensitive towards his brother might help?

[Digital Dolphin]

Just a quick followup, I'm just now leaving her place. Good times definitely had. I'll probably need to switch to posting in the sex thread though now

[KiteNeravar]

I really don't understand relationship drama. Are other people bad at talking? Or make others happy/come to an outcome that works for everyone? Why do so many people I know fight with their SOs?

When ever I tried to talk to my ex about what was bothering me, she would either laugh at me for being so "woman-like" or twist it around to being my fault in the first place, so after a few attempts I gave up trying to talk to her about it, and just turned to my friends.

When we broke up one of the things she told me wa "I haven't been happy for a while" (which also happened to be the least bichies reason she gave me), but that really annoyed me because how am I supposed to improve if I don't know anything is wrong? I am usualy really good a precieving when something is wrong, but when you act perfectly happy how can I know?

SO basically some people just aren't good at communication, wether it comes from how their parents comminicated, or if it is a gender thign I don't know.