The Big Relationship Thread

[Master Gunner]

I can assure you that you are not alone. Beyond that, I can be of no help as, well, I refer you to your own "0 experience" comment.

[Sieg Reyu]

I think different people just have different priorities. Right now, you are focused on school presumably, which is a good thing to be focused on.

But the big thing you have to think about is, even if you don't want a relationship now, will you want one later? Do you see yourself with a family or not? If not fine, but if you see yourself with a wife/husband and kids someday, you have to remember that one day it will be "someday" and if you don't do anything between now and then, you will still be alone. There's nothing wrong with that, unless you don't want that, in which case, do something about it.

[Valkyrie-Lemons]

See that's the thing, it's not really a case of priorities. I just don't see the appeal of being in a relationship with someone. Apart from sex that is.

I think it's the case that I've spent so much time on my own socially that I'm used to doing things by myself. Now, don't get me wrong, don't think this as some horrendous sob story and everyone hates me, because that is totally not the case. I would consider myself to have way more people that like me then hate me, in fact I can't think of anyone who does hate me.

Although saying all that, if a nice girl asked ME out, I'd probably say yes. I'm not totally against relationships, I guess you could say I'm not fussed about not having one.

[Lyinginbedmon]

"Emotionally self-sufficient" I think is probably the best way to phrase that, if I'm understanding you correctly.

[Valkyrie-Lemons]

Haha! That's an awesome way to put it. I'm going to use that next time someone asks me about my lack of girlfriend.

[The Jester]

It seems a lot like you're judging yourself - and therefore rating your happiness - by the wrong criteria; you seem to be comparing yourself to what you think the people around you expect of you.

I think you should try and judge yourself by your own criteria; your own standards of happiness. Sure, you may want a relationship. Then again, you may not. To be honest, I'm getting kinda mixed messages about what exactly you want.

Do you actually want a relationship now? Do you only bring that up because your mum thinks you should be in one and you don't, and you're not sure who of the two of you is "right" for the way you're feeling? Are you undecided about whether you want a relationship in the long run, or what?

[Lyinginbedmon]

It would seem that he's perfectly alright with not being in a relationship, and therefore has little reason to pursue one, but would not object to being in one. He is as I defined "emotionally self-sufficient", that doesn't mean he's as happy as he could possibly be, just that he doesn't need a relationship in order to be happy. His lack of a relationship does not impact on his happiness negatively.

[Valkyrie-Lemons]

I'm not looking to be in one, but my mum wants me to be in one.

She keeps mentioning "WHEN" I have children, not "IF" I have them. So y'know, no pressure from my mum or anything like that. : /

At the end of day I'm not really fussed either way if I am or am not in one. I was just wondering if people thought it was weird that I didn't mind being single or being on my own all the time.


EDIT: What Lyinginbedmon said, they've basically summed up exactly what I wanted to say. Huh, maybe I need to hire you as my official spokesperson or something since you say what I want to say, but in a better way. : )

[The Jester]

Oh ok, fair enough. Well no, it's not weird that you don't mind being single or singular. I suspect that your mother is pressuring you on these things, and not really even concious of her choice of language, because she believes that these things will make you happy.

You could outline the fact that you do not feel you require a relationship to be happy, and that you rather suspect you will never have children, to her. Alternatively, if you have already tried these things, you could tell her to STFU.

[Valkyrie-Lemons]

Ohhhh, no. My mum knows exactly what she's saying. And I've told her that I'm happy a million and one times.

And if I told her to STFU, it'd be the last thing I'd ever do. She'd murder me, or at least it would be the equivalent of shooting myself in the foot. What I normally do is just ignore her, but this time I just wondered if she had a point.

[AdmiralMemo]

Reminder her that if she murders you, she is definitely not getting grandkids out of you.

[Valkyrie-Lemons]

I wouldn't put it past her to try and either clone me or re-animate me, and have me in some sort of permanent Chibi-form.

Which is both terrifying and would be a damnation on the world.

[Avistew]

I'm kind of the same as you, Valkyrie. I mean, I have had relationships, and I am in one, and I am polyamorous, so on the surface I could seem to be your opposite.

But I've never looked for a relationship, or longed for a relationship, in the vague or general sense. I've never thought "man, I'm alone, I wish I was in a relationship instead, I should do something about that". When I was single, I was fine being single. Now that I have a relationship, since I'm polyamorous it's similar in that I'm not longing for a second partner and thinking I should do something about that.

Instead, if I'm interested in a specific person, I pursue it, and if it doesn't work, that sucks, but you know, I don't really care about being alone (or having "only" one boyfriend), I only care that I can't be with that one person I like.

I don't know how old you are and it doesn't really matter, because maybe you're aromantic and will just never be interested in a relationship, or maybe (as cliché as it sounds) you will be interested in a relationship once you meet someone you actually want to be in a relationship with, but I know that compared to a lot of people around me, I was a "late bloomer", since I had my first boyfriend when I was 20, and a lot of people around me dated in school from the time they were 11 or 12 (so not too far from half the age I started).

If you're happy, that's what matters. When someone is alone and miserable because of it, it sucks for them, and I understand that they will try to find someone, but if you are fine the way you are, then just do stuff you enjoy. You might meet someone (and if you do through hobbies, at least you'll have important stuff in common), and you might not, but either way you'll probably have a more satisfied existence than most people, and that means you're luckier than them for working this way

Now, for getting your mother to leave you alone, I couldn't help you, I haven't talked to mine in years.

[Valkyrie-Lemons]

I'm 21 if it's of any interest. Although once I got asked if I was over 16 to buy a lotto ticket, which was kinda flattering I guess.

But thanks for the advice guys, it's made me feel a lot more comfortable with my preferences of relationships(?).

It means I can stick with my, frankly corny and bad, motto of "I'd rather have a friend for a lifetime than a lover for a year." Though I guess you could have a friend for a lifetime that was also your lover for a year, but whatever, that's bring a layer of complexity that's too advanced for that simple (and bad) statement.

[ex-Lurker]

Never let someone else tell you what makes you happy. Maybe letting your mother know that pushing you into a relationship would make you and your partner unhappy would help?

[Sieg Reyu]

I'm 21 if it's of any interest. Although once I got asked if I was over 16 to buy a lotto ticket, which was kinda flattering I guess.

But thanks for the advice guys, it's made me feel a lot more comfortable with my preferences of relationships(?).

It means I can stick with my, frankly corny and bad, motto of "I'd rather have a friend for a lifetime than a lover for a year." Though I guess you could have a friend for a lifetime that was also your lover for a year, but whatever, that's bring a layer of complexity that's too advanced for that simple (and bad) statement.

But that's what a true relationship is. A friend for life who also makes sexy times in bed with you.

I'm going to play devil's advocate for you since no one else will. Twenty years from now, what do you do when you get off work everyday?

[Valkyrie-Lemons]

20 years? I have no idea what I'd be doing in 2 years. But if I had to give an answer I'd just largely do what I do now when I get back from uni every day.

[Lyinginbedmon]

20 years from now I expect things will be roughly the same for me, except I'll have to recharge my robotic cat.

[Keab42]

And your sweet cybernetic implants.

[ex-Lurker]

As long the world doesn't go all Deus Ex I'm happy with that.

[Lyinginbedmon]

I dunno, issues aside DXHR still had some pretty sweet cybernetics

[KiteNeravar]

I am totally pro-augmentation!

[wartjr2373]

I remember posting in this thread several years ago, talking about how a girl rejected me. And then again a few months later when that same girl un-rejected me. Thought I'd put a status update.

In relationship for 2+ years. Happy. That is all.

[Master Gunner]

Yay!

[JustAName]

Does anyone else who's been in an LDR had "don't want to see them if you can't hug them" moods? Sometimes I just don't want to Skype because it'll make it worse, but I feel so guilty because that's unfair.