The Big Relationship Thread

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betsytheripper
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby betsytheripper » 06 Jun 2016, 00:00

Thanks again, everyone. I reread what y'all said before, and Aeralis that's some great perspective, thank you.

We spoke again today, and we've confirmed that we are broken up. No gray area. But if we find we meet some established criteria (and it's quite strict, including absolute belief that we see a prosperous and happy - no resentment or settling - future together, and do actually desire each other), we may consider getting together.

I did my whole emotional episode, but I think I got it all out of my system. While a part of me kind of hopes we get back together, the rest of me is pretty comfortable and happy with this however it turns out. He told me when he knew that he didn't see it working out instead of stringing me along, we ended it mutually and amicably, I have no ill-will, and I do see myself being friends with him in the future, after the probably awkward "oh yeah we don't have that shared physical bubble anymore" stage.

I will still take this (heavily air-quoted) "break" time to consider personality traits, lifestyles, ideals/beliefs, life goals, and all those things, and how those may affect our long-term compatibility, in the event we do meet all the aforementioned criteria. I hope to learn more about myself this way, too.

I suppose that part of this ability to reflect on how it ended in a positive manner comes from experience in two really awful (abusive) relationships that were drawn out and a whole lot of not good. While this guy may not be "the one", at least he was a decent guy and it was a good time.

Basically, I feel like an adult, and that's more disconcerting and worrisome than this whole relationship debacle hahah!
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Elomin Sha » 10 Jul 2016, 15:15

Urgh.

I'm useless.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby My pseudonym is Ix » 11 Jul 2016, 10:50

Swung the other way again Elomin?
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Elomin Sha » 12 Jul 2016, 01:59

No. I'm just realising more and more how useless I am with general relationships with people. It's mainly the people I'm around and the general area I live in. I refuse to dumb myself down or get into retarded conversations that aren't important such as sex jokes about each other, moronic things you got up to as a child or in the young adult years, just so I can have some sot of emphasis with them. Theses things are not important.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Kortanios » 15 Jul 2016, 08:12

For crying out loud! The pagan god of timing seems to have a personal vendetta against me.

So I met the first person that I really clicked with in over 2 years... 2 weeks before leaving the country for at least 4 years (if not permanently)... Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.......
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Psyclone » 16 Jul 2016, 20:26

Yo could we maybe not say retarded here? I don't mean to start anything but it makes me uncomfortable and there are plenty of other words just as fitting. I'm sorry you're struggling with that though, Elomin. I'm sure you'll be able to find people you can connect with in the way you want
through some medium, even if your living situation is hindering you right now.

And Kortanios, that sucks :( Maybe you can try to be long-distance friends, at least?
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Elomin Sha » 17 Jul 2016, 00:33

No, I am going to say what I want. People who have intelligence to do something smart but choose to do the complete opposite.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby JustAName » 17 Jul 2016, 01:02

Elomin, you know that's not what that word means. Saying what you want only goes so far as not using slurs in here.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Elomin Sha » 17 Jul 2016, 09:17

No rules have been imposed on this thread as were on the Venting Thread.

If you have read my tweets from from the last few months. The people I called that are the same ones who have told me how I should treat ladies to get them to like me. Which aren't very nice. One of those very same people made a joke in regards of when my little sister was touched between the legs, at school by another classmate; the very moment I mentioned that happened and my other sister was attacked at work by someone who had a psychotic episode, pinned her up against the wall by the throat. On the same day.

These are the same people who make touching jokes towards me after I expressly tell them not to and the reasons why (groped in public and in school personally, not to mention physical attacks from bullying).

So, excuse me if I don't hold the same regards for the use of language towards describing people I know and have had to deal with, on a day to day basis, for the last several years that you have never met.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby JustAName » 17 Jul 2016, 10:05

It's not insulting to THEM it's insulting to people with mental disabilities. My gods.

And I didn't mean "in this thread" I meant "in these forums."
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Elomin Sha » 17 Jul 2016, 11:38

No. I insulted the employees I work with, no one else.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Jamfalcon » 17 Jul 2016, 11:45

The issue Fayili and Psyclone are talking about isn't that you're insulting those people you've had problems with, it's that you're choosing to do it with a word that's demeaning to another completely unrelated group of people and feeds into the negative stigmas about mental health. I don't think anyone would object if you wanted to call the people you're talking about something with a less problematic origin.



In other news, since I'm in this thread... today's my second anniversary with my girlfriend! :mrgreen: We're not doing too much to celebrate, since her brother is getting married in a couple days and there's lots to do for that. Bit we did go to a Vietnamese restaurant for my first time the other night and I had deepfried calamari which was amazing. But yeah, overall I'm just still super happy with how this is all going, and I can't believe I managed to find someone I for so well with on my first try. I know I'm incredibly lucky. Now if only we could live together without needing to deal with immigration....
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Avistew » 17 Jul 2016, 12:27

Elomin, this word is associated with people with disabilities. As a result, it's similar to calling those people "gay" because of what they did. You're trying to insult them, but you're insulting them by comparing to other people, which means you're insulting that whole group by saying being compared to people in that group is an insult.

I do understand that you would probably never use that word for people who have mental disabilities (unlike "gay", which is neutral when used about actually gay people) and so it's slightly different. But it doesn't change the fact that the word is used at them constantly, and reading your comment is still going to be insulting to them.

I kind of understand your position, Elomin, because the first time I heard someone get upset at the use of the word, I was pretty confused. I wasn't aware that it's used to refer to people with mental disabilities, and that they deal with being called that every single day. I never used the word in the first place, but now I make a point to avoid it as much as possible and tell others it makes me uncomfortable.
You probably wouldn't call them the N word to describe them, would you? Using a slur that applies to another demographic is equally shocking and hurtful.

With all that being said, I'm really sorry for what happened to your sisters. Those people are definitely horrible. I understand why you're upset.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby JustAName » 17 Jul 2016, 12:30

Jamfalcon wrote:In other news, since I'm in this thread... today's my second anniversary with my girlfriend! :mrgreen: We're not doing too much to celebrate, since her brother is getting married in a couple days and there's lots to do for that. Bit we did go to a Vietnamese restaurant for my first time the other night and I had deepfried calamari which was amazing. But yeah, overall I'm just still super happy with how this is all going, and I can't believe I managed to find someone I for so well with on my first try. I know I'm incredibly lucky. Now if only we could live together without needing to deal with immigration....


Yoooo I feel you on this. Also on being lucky on the first go! So glad it's working out for you, though. And happy anniversary! :)
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Jamfalcon » 17 Jul 2016, 12:40

Fayili wrote:Yoooo I feel you on this. Also on being lucky on the first go! So glad it's working out for you, though. And happy anniversary! :)


Thanks! I figured there were a few people here who've definitely been in the same boat. I actually consider myself pretty lucky in regards to distance, too. Being in different countries is a pain, but after hearing about how tough it was for you, I know the fact that we can drive for a day and see each other isn't too bad in the grand scheme of things.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Psyclone » 17 Jul 2016, 13:16

Ah man I'm sorry guys, I really didn't mean to start any arguments. I should've kept my mouth shut :oops:

But happy anniversary Jamfalcon! I hope all the wedding preparations aren't too stressful also, though I'm not sure how involved you actually are.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Jamfalcon » 17 Jul 2016, 13:23

Psyclone wrote:Ah man I'm sorry guys, I really didn't mean to start any arguments. I should've kept my mouth shut :oops:

Don't feel bad, it started a conversation that's worth having, I think.

Psyclone wrote:But happy anniversary Jamfalcon! I hope all the wedding preparations aren't too stressful also, though I'm not sure how involved you actually are.

Thank you! And no, definitely not too stressful. It's a pretty small, laid-back one, and my girlfriend's mother is super organized so it's going smoothly. I'm basically just here as general help wherever it's needed, and to do baaaasically the most important job of the day: pushing play to start the music when the bride walks down the aisle. :P
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Elomin Sha » 17 Jul 2016, 13:39

Have no worries. I'm not angry at anyone. We're all adults (I'm still trying to stave that off), and should know there are context to everything said. Hell, there's a few things on this forum that I find offensive but don't tell people to not say it. Open platform for freedom of expression. Everyone has the right to be offended but not to tell people to be quiet.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby JustAName » 17 Jul 2016, 13:48

No, people absolutely have the right to ask people not to use certain words. There's a reason f*g has historically been autocensored in these forums.

At this point, however, we move this conversation to a new thread, the general thread, or cease it altogether, to keep this thread on topic.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby AdmiralMemo » 17 Jul 2016, 17:55

Elomin Sha wrote:Hell, there's a few things on this forum that I find offensive but don't tell people to not say it.
Amen to that...
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby korvys » 18 Jul 2016, 00:38

AdmiralMemo wrote:
Elomin Sha wrote:Hell, there's a few things on this forum that I find offensive but don't tell people to not say it.
Amen to that...

If there is something I or other are saying that someone doesn't like, I absolutely want to hear about it.
As far as I'm concerned, I use language to communicate. If the language I'm using is communicating something unintentional, I'd like to know. And more than that, if it's something someone finds offensive or unpleasant, I *really* want to know.
Maybe I wouldn't change what I'm saying because I disagree, or I find such value in those particular words, I'm willing to cause some offence. But I want to know. And the majority of the time, I can tell you I'd rather rephrase something. Rephrasing is easy, and if it can make someone's experience in this community even a tiny bit more pleasant, it'd be kinda shitty of me to not want that.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Psyclone » 18 Jul 2016, 00:49

^That.

I can promise I never mean to be hurtful, but we're all still learning and I know I make mistakes, so please do call me out if something I say makes you uncomfortable or upsets you.


On another note, my tinder date fell through because she revealed to me at the last second she was planning to ask me back to her house to have kinky sex almost as soon as we got to card kingdom, so I bailed. It's disappointing because she seemed cool and I was excited to go to card kingdom, but it sounds like she wasn't planning to spend a lot of time there anyway.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Elomin Sha » 18 Jul 2016, 02:21

No. I won't tell people not to say things that I find moronic or objectionable. Being offended is life, you can't expect to go through life expecting everything to be cushioned. That's not living in the real world.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby JustAName » 18 Jul 2016, 02:32

1) Just because the "real world" is cruel doesn't mean we can't work to make it nicer. 2) I said take it to a new thread. This is my last warning.
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Re: The Big Relationship Thread

Postby Elomin Sha » 18 Jul 2016, 03:33

I said stop. - Fay
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