Moving On In A Breakup

[Kara]

After having broken up with someone I know that my first mission is to try to get over the person as quickly as possible. I generally have failed completely at this.

Any tips to help the process?

Also, what have been some of the harder breakups you've gone through?

(This is somewhat moving off of the Big Relationship thread.)

[Perianth St. Claire]

ice cream and lots of it.

[TheRocket]

Start a long television series. (Even if you've seen it before.) It starts rough, and by the end you find coping easier. I suggest Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

[TheRocket]

Also, surround yourself with a friend or friends in a busy place.

[Theremin]

Take a week in the mountains to clear your head.
Works wonders.

[King Kool]

I wish I could tell you, but I've never had to go through a breakup.

[Vash2nddonuts]

Start a long television series. (Even if you've seen it before.) It starts rough, and by the end you find coping easier. I suggest Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

I totally agree with this method. I suggest watching some Doctor Who while you're at it

[wedrinkritalin]

Realise the other person is completely to blame, and that whatever you feel is normal. If they led you on or started it, by god focus on how much you hate them, all I can do after about six months of being led on, solidarity : )

[Sieg Reyu]

How don't know how well it would work, but I would find someone better. Obviously you weren't meant to be together or else you wouldn't have broken up.
I operate on the belief there is one perfect mate for every person on the planet. And my perfect mate wouldn't dump me or cause me to dump them.
Its a very optimistic way to live, so you need some optimism first.

[iamafish]

I wish I could tell you, but I've never had to go through a breakup.

same, mostly due to the fact that i've never been in a relationship

[Alja-Markir]

Wow, the responses so far... eek.

We've got a number of people suggesting you should just distract yourself and wait until you forget about the problem, and then a few suggesting that you should be vengeful or lay blame. Scheiße.

My suggestion? Perspective.

There are lots of ways to give yourself some perspective. Figure out what works for you.

Myself, I like to go to the beach and stare at the ocean and connect with the universe a tad. I realize my own problems are insignificant, I take comfort in the fact that despite things being other than what I want or would like, it's hardly the end of the world. The sea is still beautiful, it will be beautiful for ages and ages, with me or without me. The moon reflecting on the water, the wind in my hair, the sound of the waves, everything about the ocean makes me realize that life goes on, and the world isn't all that bad.

~Alja~

[Master Gunner]

What I've done (some is actually good advice, a fair bit isn't):
Drink, heavily.
Start working out.
Blast Metallica at full volume
Watch ALL of Star Trek (that's 23 days straight. Doctor Who at only 15 days would be much more manageable)
Break things.
Make not-so-subtle threats towards other people's lives without realizing it.
Get in touch with lost friends.
Start writing a book.
Turn to the internet for sympathy (obviously you've already done, and we're always here for you)
Hold a knife to the offending party's neck in the middle of psych class, without anyone noticing.
Return to previously forgotten hobbies.
Become slightly more sociopathic in other people's eyes than you were previously.
Fail at learning a musical instrument.

And finally, you'll eventually stop caring. Possibly about more than you should.

And contrary to the usual advice, Masturbation is probably not a good idea right now.

[Metcarfre]

I recommend getting in touch with yourself and remembering that you, yourself, alone, are a great person. Go for a hike, meditate, write, dance, whatever feels good (I'd not recommend sex for that). Be confident in being single. Do things you wouldn't have done with the other party. Make new friends, try new things. But most of all, remember why you are great all on your own.

I guess I'm saying to let bygones be bygones. Life's to short to sit in a funk wondering at the past. Be bold, be decisive, be daring.

I'd also recommend against any rebound action. Almost universally it will end poorly.

[wedrinkritalin]

It's always a good idea, don't be silly

[Theremin]

Wow, the responses so far... eek.

We've got a number of people suggesting you should just distract yourself and wait until you forget about the problem, and then a few suggesting that you should be vengeful or lay blame. Scheiße.

My suggestion? Perspective.

There are lots of ways to give yourself some perspective. Figure out what works for you.

Myself, I like to go to the beach and stare at the ocean and connect with the universe a tad. I realize my own problems are insignificant, I take comfort in the fact that despite things being other than what I want or would like, it's hardly the end of the world. The sea is still beautiful, it will be beautiful for ages and ages, with me or without me. The moon reflecting on the water, the wind in my hair, the sound of the waves, everything about the ocean makes me realize that life goes on, and the world isn't all that bad.

~Alja~

+1

(Beaches are very helpful.)

[CommanderKeen]

I'd also recommend against any rebound action. Almost universally it will end poorly.

Rebound action is supposed to end terribly, but it also serves to remind you that there are other fish out there.

Also, go hang out with your social circle, the important thing is to get out there.

[Kara]

Thanks for the advice guys. One thing I've swiftly learned - sitting in my room and chain smoking is definitely not helping.

Getting with someone else feels like a good idea, but I know it'll end poorly. I'm going to wait awhile before I try anything with anyone.

Realise the other person is completely to blame, and that whatever you feel is normal. If they led you on or started it, by god focus on how much you hate them, all I can do after about six months of being led on, solidarity : )

That's the problem though ritalin. It's totally not his fault at all. I wasn't happy in the relationship. I have feelings for him, but it's not enough to make us happy, or even be a particularly good couple. It's my fault the whole thing fucked up because I wasn't satisfied, so I can't just blame him for it.
I honestly do feel like the whole thing is my bad here. =/

[watshisname08]

I'm not sure if I can give you the best advice but here it is...

"Time heals all wounds."

That's it, it's gonna take time. You cannot expedite it nor fast forward through this period. But you can slow it down though...let time heal your heart. Go back to what you do, go back to your normal life, don't just sit in your room chain smoking (that and if you are gonna do that open a window...). Eventually you'll be ready to go out there, just remember though your friends are there with you and will have your best interests at heart so go with the flow sometimes and see where the river leads you.

Cheezey I know, but somehow this bit of wisdom has always helped others.

[Arius]

Thanks for the advice guys. One thing I've swiftly learned - sitting in my room and chain smoking is definitely not helping.

Getting with someone else feels like a good idea, but I know it'll end poorly. I'm going to wait awhile before I try anything with anyone.

Realise the other person is completely to blame, and that whatever you feel is normal. If they led you on or started it, by god focus on how much you hate them, all I can do after about six months of being led on, solidarity : )

That's the problem though ritalin. It's totally not his fault at all. I wasn't happy in the relationship. I have feelings for him, but it's not enough to make us happy, or even be a particularly good couple. It's my fault the whole thing fucked up because I wasn't satisfied, so I can't just blame him for it.
I honestly do feel like the whole thing is my bad here. =/

Kara, don't make me yell at you.

It's just that we're always both so busy that we never see each other. We kind of just fell apart when we couldn't be together more than once every couple of weeks.

I just want to be with someone who is willing to make an effort to be with me, you know?

It's nobody's fault. You two just weren't right for each other. Blaming him, blaming yourself. It's neither of your faults. You're just different people with different needs. It's better that it's over now so you both can move on and be happy, rather than staying together and wanting something more.

[Gordon Fearman]

"Hand me the wine and a cigarette too, we've about a week and a half to get through."

[Tally]

Can I weigh in? I haven't ever been through a really big or difficult break up, but a couple of my closest friends have.

First, don't hate the guy (or girl), or yourself. You chose to spend some portion of your life and time with them, and you're an intelligent person with good taste, so whatever your friends or others say, the guy isn't an asshole (except in extreme cases), and you're not dumb for having dated him - it's just that things didn't work out. That happens.

Take good care of yourself, spend time with people who love and care about you, and find new things to take up the time previously spent with your significant other. Distracting yourself IS good, just distract yourself with useful, healthy things. It's not about ignoring or suppressing your feelings, it's about trying not to wallow in them, and about helping yourself to grow into a new and different future than the one you'd been envisioning prior to the breakup.

And frankly, watching all of Buffy sounds like a great idea to me. When is it not?? Don't forget to watch the musical episode at least 2 or 3 times.

*Hugs* and good luck!

[Cake]

Get busy doing something.

[Cheeseonfire]

Wow, the responses so far... eek.

We've got a number of people suggesting you should just distract yourself and wait until you forget about the problem, and then a few suggesting that you should be vengeful or lay blame. Scheiße.

My suggestion? Perspective.

There are lots of ways to give yourself some perspective. Figure out what works for you.

Myself, I like to go to the beach and stare at the ocean and connect with the universe a tad. I realize my own problems are insignificant, I take comfort in the fact that despite things being other than what I want or would like, it's hardly the end of the world. The sea is still beautiful, it will be beautiful for ages and ages, with me or without me. The moon reflecting on the water, the wind in my hair, the sound of the waves, everything about the ocean makes me realize that life goes on, and the world isn't all that bad.

~Alja~

You're beautiful.

But yeah, step back. Don't try to forget it or drown it. You'll just end up more upset. Perspective yeah.

[Lavos]

Lavos' house.

[Nomadic]

Find a good friend to give you a huge hug and listen to you. And just let all your emotions out. Sure, it might take a while, and sure, it might only fuel the fire in the short term, but time is the other half of the equation.

Oh, and I find watching something inane incredibly useful. Go download Batman: The Animated Series. It's hard to stay upset with Batman kicking so much ass.