LRR IRC Story Time - Weekend UPDATE

[the amativeness]

Just a dumping and discussion place for Kwenspi's "masterpieces".

The Night before LRRmas
Amati and the LRRstalk
Kroze and the Three Chatters
The Three Little Chatters
Annoyed By the Bells
Chatter up the Halls
LRR chat mythology
Marik's Evil Council Discussing References to their show
I Heard It Through the Cyber-Grapevine

[Kaemon]

You actually posted this >_> Surprising.
Hehe....

[kkief02]

=D That turned out pretty awesome

[Fugiman]

Simply Amazing. I approve.

[TomBrend]

Replace all references to Santa/St. Nick with Kroze/ St. KamenRider

[the amativeness]

Amati and the LRRstalk, by Kwenspi_Asylum. Edited by the_Amativeness

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    There once was a person by the name of Amati.  You see, he was poor, so he couldn't screw the rulez.  So Amati was sent to town, I have no Idea why he did, the mother could have done it herself.  Anyway, he came across a man who had a long beard and smelled nasty.
    He offered Amati some Jumping Beans, but Amati denied them.  He then offered him coffee beens, which was declined again.  At last, the man offered, unwillingly, his magic beans.  Amati laughed at the man.
    "It's no joke," said the man.  "It will produce food beyond your imagination."
    Amati said, "I'll make you a deal.  I will give you all my livestock if they work."
    "Fair enough," said the man.  "But be warned.  Do not plant all the seeds, for I fear they could reach the heavens if they are."  Amati scoffed at the man.
That night, Amati told his mother of the bet.  And even though she agreed with him, she was furious at hi for gambling with their own livestock.  She threw the beans out the window.  ALL of them.
    "Noooo!" shouted Amati.  Too late, as a giant vine had grown out of the ground and disappeared into the sky.  Amati's mother fainted.
    Amati, curious, decided to climb the vine.  Higher and higher he went, 'til eventually he came across a giant building above the clouds.  Amati felt like an ant.  He ran around the perimeter of the huge home, and found a humongous door left ajar.
    He looked around and saw, on a ledge high above, a glitter.  Intrigued, he looked around and found a way up, where he discovered a silver penguin sitting on a golden egg.  He inched closer toward the penguin, and realized it was asleep.  But. there was something weird about this penguin.
    Suddenly, the penguin's eyes opened, and it whispered to Amati, "Get behind me now!"  Amati got behind the penguin, even though he didn't have a clue what was going on.  All of a sudden the room began to shake and a thunderous voice bellowed throughout the house:
    "FEE FI FOO FOES, ALL HAIL THE MIGHTY KROZE!"
    "Who is this Kroze?" said Amati.
    The penguin whispered to him.  "He is a mighty giant who adores penguins… and Kirbys… and he has a mighty temper that few wish to see.
    "This is insane!" said Amati.  "You cannot live this way!"
    "What can I do?" asked the penguin.
    Amati thought of an idea.  He grabbed both the egg and the penguin and ran like the wind!
    "HEY!" said Kroze the Giant.  "GIVE ME BACK MY TREASURE!"
    But Amati did not stop, and he rushed as fast as he could toward the giant vine and climbed as fast as he could to the very bottom.  But, he heard Kroze's footsteps shake the ground and his roars of anger as he got closer.
    When they reached the bottom, the penguin asked Amati if he had any ideas.  Amati said he was stumped…
    wait…
    'stump'…
    "Cut the vine!" he commanded.
    The penguin grabbed his Naginata and gave Amati a Katana, and they began cutting down the vine.  They cut and cut until finally the vine fell.
    "NO!" shouted Kroze.  The vine toppled upon Kroze and killed him instantly.
    "Thank you," said the penguin to Amati, "for saving my life, as I am the last of my kind.  You see, I am an Emperor Elf Penguin, and my egg carries my legacy as well as my race.  You have not just saved yourself, but an entire race, and I owe you my life.
    "Wait," said Amati.  "That egg is not made of gold?"
    "No, it is not," said the penguin.
    So Amati cooked the egg and the penguin, and had a wonderful breakfast.  The End.

[the amativeness]

The Night before LRRmas, by Kwenspi_Asylum. Edited by the Amativeness.

Code: Select all

It was the night before Christmas and all through the chat,
sat Amati and kkief, wearing her hat.
Her coat was hung by the door with care,
hoping tomorrow it would still be there.

While Kwenspi was off and coo-coo in the head,
Little Ddarsh was laying quiet in bed.
While kkief, holding the key in her lap,
and Amati was still dealing with some nasty crap.

When all of a sudden there arose such a clatter,
kkief went outside to see what was the matter.
She went outside in such a flash,
to see a man in red fur and an interesting sash.

Who was this man, who came out from the snow,
and her face lit up all aglow.
What wonder she saw and such wonders appeared,
before her stood many a reindeer.
And by the nose of the lead reindeer, she could tell by his prose,
this man was none other than Saint KamenRiderKroze!

Without hesitation, without even a thought,
she rummaged through the bag to what presents she got.
Now this may have seemed wrong, because Santa did not see,
for he had already went down through the chimney.

And when he had returned, he had such a fright,
for kkief had stolen the sled and said "A Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night".

[the amativeness]

Kroze and the Three Chatters, by Kwenspi_Asylum. Edited by the_Amativeness.

Code: Select all

    There were once three chatters; Kwenspi, who had first parole from the asylum; Amati, who as usually too busy doing, whatever he does; and little Azathoth, who was always on the damn computer.  They decide to hang out at a house.  Kwenspi asked to make the supper, but Amati reminded Kwenspi of his eyeball casserole.  So they had chicken noodle soup instead.
    Azathoth asked Amati how his soup tasted.  "It's a little too chilly, maybe a time bomb would work."
    Azathoth noted that his soup seemed to have been heated too long.
    Azathoth asked Kwenspi how his soup was.  "It has SHARKS in it!" said Kwenspi.
    So Azathoth and Amati left the house to bring Kwenspi back to the insane asylum, leaving the door wide open.  While they were gone, Kroze came across the house and saw the soup.
    Now Kroze had been lost in for a great deal of time, and he was tempted to eat the Kirby plush doll he had carried with him, so his first reaction was to eat the soup.  But for some reason Kwenspi's soup made Kroze sleepy and trippy so he looked around for a place to rest.
    As he looked around he saw two beds (or were they?).  One was small, and the other quite large.  He touched the large one, it seemed squishy.  It was a pile of feces.  "Eww," he said.  "That won't do at all."  He touched the small bed.  It seemed metallic, but at least it didn't smell, so he rested on it.
    Hours later, Amati and Azathoth came back to find their bowls empty.

*****

Listener:  Eww…
Narrator:  I said BOWLS, not BOWELS.
Listener:  Oh.

*****

    "Eh," said Azathoth.  "It wasn't good soup anyway."  Amati felt offended for he had made the soup.
    As they walked around in their home, they discovered Kroze lying on a garbage tin that had fallen over.  "He ate Kwenspi's soup, didn't he?" asked Azathoth.
    "Yep," said Amati.  "LSD and Chicken Noodle just don't mix."
    "What do we do now?" asked Azathoth.
    "Well," said Amati,  "the asylum could use another patient.  So they dragged him off too.  The End.

[the amativeness]

The Three Little Chatters, by Kwenspi_Asylum. Edited by the Amativeness.

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    Once, in a nonexistent universe, there were three little chatters; Taza, KKief, and Kwenspi.  They were told by TomBrend to make three homes where they could chat to their heart's content.  One home for each chatter.  So they all went along their way.
    Kwenspi, still on the LSD, made his home out of straw; un-packed, disorganized straw.  As he lay in bed (in his non-sanitized, bug-infested home), there was a voice from outside.  "Who is it?" said Kwenspi.
    "MY NAME IS KROZE!" said the voice.  "NOW LET ME IN YOUR HOME SO I CAN SCAR YOU FOREVER!"
    "Never!" said Kwenspi.
    Then Kroze snickered.  "VERY WELL THEN, I SHALL HUFF AND I SHALL PUFF… AH THE HELL WITH IT."  Kwenspi pissed himself and bucked his legs.  "WAHAHA!" said Kroze.  "DON'T FUCK WITH AN IRC OPERATOR!"
    Kwenspi ran like hell towards the valleys and found Taza.  Now, Taza was waaaay smarter than Kwenspi, and decided to make his home out of something workable.  So, he used wood.
    "Help me!" said Kwenspi.  "I need shelter!"
    "Don't you have a home?"  asked Taza.
    "Yeah, but a big bad man swiped it all away!"
    "Swiped it away?"
    "Yeah.  It was made of hay."  Taza just stared at Kwenspi.
    "Are you on drugs again?"
    "No.  I'm just naturally insane.  Anyway, there is a scary person coming up behind us."
    "Pfff," said Taza.  "They can't be that scary."
    "No, you don't understand.  IT'S KROZE!"
    "Holy crap!  Get in NOW!"  So they locked the door and waited for Kroze to come.  Sure enough, there was a knock at the door.
    "Who is it?" asked Kwenspi.
    "It's the pizza man," said a voice.  "Who the hell do you think it is?"
    "The tooth fairy?" replied Kwenspi.  This confused Kroze.  "Hah, now he's too confused to get in."
    "And there's no way he CAN get in!"  said Taza.  "Wait… where's my axe?"
    "The what?"
    "My axe!" screamed Taza.  "Where's my bloody axe!"  At this point, Kroze had snapped out of confusion and saw an axe outside.
    "PERFECT!" said Kroze.  He smashed and chopped at the wall.  "WAHAHAHA!" screamed Kroze joyfully.  Taza would've crapped his pants, but he was smart enough to build a back door.  So he opened it and ran into the woods.
    Now, Kkief did not make her own house.  You see, Kkief was smarter than both Kwenspi and Taza, which makes her brain about average.

********
Kwenspi:  Hey!
Narrator:  You know it's true.
kkief02:  Oh Snap!
********

    Kkief bought her own house, which was made of concrete and bricks (as all houses are), and was currently chatting when there was a knock at her door.  "Who dares disturb my chat time?"  she yelled.
    "Taza and Kwenspi," they both replied.
    "Wait.  Why aren't you at your own home?"
    "Long story," said Taza.  "Kwenspi had his home destroyed, and came in my house where a scary person attacked my home."
    "Oh come now.  No person could be that scary," scoffed Kkief.
    "It was Kroze."
    Taza froze.  "GET INSIDE NOW!" she screamed.  "Find a safe place to hide.  Protect yourselves!"  Kroze was just yards away and was running towards the house.  Kkief slammed the door and locked it.  The door shook and shook, but Kroze could not get it to open.
    "Haha!" teased Kwenspi.  "I'd like to see you get in now, but we're all perfectly--"
    "Don't you dare say that next word," warned Taza.
    "What?" asked Kwenspi.  "Sa--"
    "Zippit!"
    "But--"
    "Shhh!"
    While Kwenspi kept trying to say that word, Kroze, out of some weird impulse, climbed up on the roof.  He tapped the roof like one would a door.
    "Who is it?" asked Kwenspi.
    "It's Santa Claus… why the HELL do you keep asking that?" asked Kroze.
    "So you're not Santa?" asked Kwenspi.
    "NO I'M NOT FRIKKIN SANTA!  I WILL END YOU NOOBS!" shouted Kroze.  "JUST AS SOON AS I FIND THE CHIMNEY…"
    "You know, Kroze, there's a backdoor too."
    "Kwenspi, SHUT UP!" shouted Taza and Kkief.
    But it was too late.  Kroze was in the backyard, and opened the back door.  "NOW, WHO KEEPS MAKING FUN OF ME IN THE CHAT STORIES!?"  Taza and Kkief pointed to Kwenspi.  Kroze moved slowly towards him, while Kwenspi backed against the wall, scared out of his mind.  "KWENSPI…" growled Kroze.  "KWENSPI…"
    "Yes?…" stuttered Kwenspi.
    "WHY DID YOU PUT ME IN AN ASYLUM, AND LEAVE ME THERE?"
    "I didn't do that, Amati and Azathoth did."
    "WHAT?!"
    "Yes," Kwenspi said.  "They did that.  I was already in the asylum."  So Kroze went off to kill Azathoth and the Amativeness.  The End.

The Moral of today's story:  Remember Children, WRITING FANFICS IS BAD!

[Evil Jim]

How are you writing these, just spontaneously with whomever is with you in the IRC?

[the amativeness]

kwenspi is just writing them, post by post. I've been copying them down, editing them, and then posting them here.

[Kwenspi_Asylum]

These stories are made out of spontaniousness and yes, and it usually works. I am a good poet at heart, and have written a variety of un published poems. Here is my latest one. It's called Annoyed By the Bells, based on Carol of the Bells. It's based on the people who are always saying, "Hey Christmas is coming up, what are you getting me?"

“Please send a card?”
Won’t send a card.
“Please send a card?”
Won’t send a card.

Christmas has come
And there are some
Who will inquire
For their desires
Please don’t ask me
Can’t you all see?
You an-noy me
I will not send you a present
Or a greeting
‘cause I’m eating

Leave me alone this Christmas
Leave me alone this Christmas

“Please send a card?”
Won’t send a card.
“Please send a card?”
Won’t send a card.

Christmas has come
And there are some
Who will inquire
For their desires
Please don’t ask me
Can’t you all see?
You an-noy me

I will not send you a present
Or a greeting
‘cause I’m eating

Yes I know it’s almost Christmas
Yes I know it’s almost christmas

“Please send a card?”
Won’t send a card.
“Please send a card?”
Won’t send a card.

Pleas comment.

[Kwenspi_Asylum]

Chatter up the Halls
Chatter up teh Halls
Tis the season to have fun
FALALALALALA LALALALA
Chatting season has begun
FALALALALALA LALALALA

Azathoth connot be annoyed
FALALALALALA LALALALA
Severyn cannot be destroyed
FALALALALALA LALALALA

Noobs avoid the timebomb derby
FALALALALALA LALALALA
Kroze give back LK’s Kirby
FALALALALALA LALALALA

Do not ask if we are there
FALALALALALA LALALALA
Cause if we aren’t, who really cares?
FALALALALALA LALALALA
Don’t leave during Kwenspi’s tales
FALALALALALA LALALALA
‘Cause a new one will always set sail
FALALALALALA LALALALA

We will always chat together
FALALALALALA LALALALA
Hope Mirc lasts forever
FALALALALALA LALALALA

[Kwenspi_Asylum]

Here is todays one, inspired by Arginianpidgeon: I sugested taht Argeon was cooler, and taht souded like a god name to me. and I figured this place could use some mythology. So I created The following Gods and mythological names.
LRR chat mythology

Argirceon: The Creator of chatting
Chatrooms: Sanctuarys of the great God Argirceon
Trol: The god of digital distractions. His offspring constantly sneak into chat rooms, saying random comments.
Kroze: Need I say more?
Operati: Watchers of all chats that have happened, All that are happening, and all that will happen. They are the guardians of the chatrooms.
Chattori: Servents of the God Argirceon

[Kwenspi_Asylum]

Mariks Evil Council Discussing References to their show


MariK: Why are there so may References outside our show? Can’t these people get lives?
Bakura: Apparently not.
Ignignokt Steve: On the moon there are no references, except of course the refrences relating to the moon.
Err Steve: Moon references!
Ignignokt Steve: Yes and they are very awesome!
Err: They'll cause your minds to explode! Brain bits everywhere!
Ignignokt Steve: You would never be able to comprehend them after that. In fact, do feel it already? that quiver in your head is the power of the moon.
Err steve: Get ready for Brain Stroganoff!
Zombieboy: BRAINZ!
MArik: What the EFF are you talking about?
BAkura: Waitaminute, aren't you two references?
Ignignokt Steve: On the moon there are no references, except of course the refrences relating to the moon.
Err Steve: Didn't we say this already?
Ignignokt Steve: Indeed We did, now excuse us, we have steve business to attend to..on the moon, which is far better than your earth.
Err steve: Mooninite Steves, away!

[Kwenspi_Asylum]

My latest work, inspired by Asellus.
I heard it through the cybergrape vine By Kwenspi

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH
i was playin on my game cube, when i saw and add on youtube
it showed a guuuuuuy i knew before
Now he owns a thousand stores
it took me by supriiiise i must say
when i checked it yesterday
dont you know I

learned it through the cyber grape vine
and it just about blew my mind
I learned it through the cyber grape vine
homey homey yo

I know you cant see me cry
Cuz im hear in my house inside
Losin' you online would end my life you see,
Cause your account means that much to me.
You could have told me yourself
That you love someone else.
Instead...
I learned it through the cyber grape vine
and it just about blew my mind
I learned it through the cyber grape vine
homey homey yo


You always said believe half of what you see,
well right now i am giving into fear.
‘Cause you blog left me confused
Is it True? please tell me dear.
When was I supposed to know
That you plan to let me go
Don't you know
I learned it through the cyber grape vine
and it just about blew my mind
I learned it through the cyber grape vine
homey homey yo