Why this is going to be all worth it, Matt

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Why this is going to be all worth it, Matt

Postby AgentGray » 02 Dec 2009, 15:28

http://chud.com/articles/articles/21684 ... Page1.html

Let's go over that again: Edward fucks Bella into unconsciousness. This alone should have you running to Fandango to pre-order your tickets, but it only gets better.


Oh wait, I missed something. Edward is completely freaked out about the baby, fearing it will kill Bella. He tries to convince her to get an abortion (but seriously, how could she? Vampires are tough to kill even in this shitty series), and goes so far as asking Native American wolfboy Jacob to impregnate his wife so that she can have the baby she desperately wants. I'm dizzy with how ridiculous this is, and we're just getting started.


I want to pull this out on its own: Jacob falls in love with a baby.


yeah.... Sorry, but that movie is going to be so epically horrible... it's totally worth the cost of admission of the other three.
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Re: Why this is going to be all worth it, Matt

Postby Arius » 02 Dec 2009, 15:45

Wait wait wait wait...

It goes from abstinence porn to brutally violent sex and paedophile werewolves?

This series is fucked up.
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Re: Why this is going to be all worth it, Matt

Postby DmitriW » 02 Dec 2009, 15:46

I...might actually see that one...so fucked up, like a bus wreck...don't want to stare, but can't...look...away
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Re: Why this is going to be all worth it, Matt

Postby AgentGray » 02 Dec 2009, 15:48

you have to remember, at least they waited till they were married!

oh...and jacob dosn't want to FUCK the baby...just knows he's attached to it, unrepentently in love with it (something 20 years his junior) for the rest of his life...

yeah... dosn't make it better...just even weirder in it's moral lessons.
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Re: Why this is going to be all worth it, Matt

Postby R4ph » 02 Dec 2009, 16:11

You forgot to mention the C-section with his teeth. That's my favourite part.
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Re: Why this is going to be all worth it, Matt

Postby Master Gunner » 02 Dec 2009, 16:38

Ok, from what I've read in the past, this is how I understand the Jacob/Baby thing: In pre-life (like the afterlife, but before), wearwolves in twilight chose their life partners or whatever, and Jacob ended up with the Baby (presumably he didn't know it would quite turn out that way). So, he's "pre-destined" to be in love with the baby. Or something. It's just to messed up for me to understand.
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Re: Why this is going to be all worth it, Matt

Postby Jillers » 02 Dec 2009, 16:42

Master Gunner wrote:Ok, from what I've read in the past, this is how I understand the Jacob/Baby thing: In pre-life (like the afterlife, but before), wearwolves in twilight chose their life partners or whatever, and Jacob ended up with the Baby (presumably he didn't know it would quite turn out that way). So, he's "pre-destined" to be in love with the baby. Or something. It's just to messed up for me to understand.


AND Jacob will cease to age until the baby's the same age as he is... or some such nonsense.
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Re: Why this is going to be all worth it, Matt

Postby Evil Jim » 02 Dec 2009, 17:20

The article wrote:A werewolf falling in love with a baby. This is why Thomas Edison invented this shit in the first place. So we could see a werewolf fall in love with a baby.

Also, as long as we're on the subject, check out this Amazing Twilight Fanfic. It's short enough that I could copy/paste it here, but it's somewhat graphic so youngsters beware.
Last edited by Evil Jim on 02 Dec 2009, 17:23, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Why this is going to be all worth it, Matt

Postby Nodge » 02 Dec 2009, 17:21

God, I'm glad I didn't hold a covenant with the internet requiring me to watch that vapid piece of crap. :D

I saved time, which can be used to watch other vapid pieces of crap which I actually enjoy (sort of).
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Re: Why this is going to be all worth it, Matt

Postby Alex Steacy » 02 Dec 2009, 17:21

Ahahahahah! Oh wow.

And I thought Masamune Shirow went nuts late in his career!
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Re: Why this is going to be all worth it, Matt

Postby Annchan » 02 Dec 2009, 17:42

“OH SWEET MERLIN’S CELLPHONE, WHAT HAVE I DONE?”
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Re: Why this is going to be all worth it, Matt

Postby Tim » 02 Dec 2009, 17:46

O_o
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Re: Why this is going to be all worth it, Matt

Postby DmitriW » 02 Dec 2009, 17:47

Evil Jim wrote:
The article wrote:A werewolf falling in love with a baby. This is why Thomas Edison invented this shit in the first place. So we could see a werewolf fall in love with a baby.

Also, as long as we're on the subject, check out this Amazing Twilight Fanfic. It's short enough that I could copy/paste it here, but it's somewhat graphic so youngsters beware.


Is it awful that I knew what you were linking before I clicked it?
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Re: Why this is going to be all worth it, Matt

Postby It's My Delorean » 02 Dec 2009, 17:52

Remember when Twilight was just a word, and not something someone would say with disgust and vitrolic words? I miss that simpiler, more enlightend time in our culture...

Oh, wait, maybe that's where the title came from the dimming of our overall intelligence...
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Re: Why this is going to be all worth it, Matt

Postby Dangerfield Newby » 02 Dec 2009, 18:16

If I could bottle my thoughts from reading that and sell it, I'd be a millio...no billionai... no trilionair... no, I'd be a Googolplexaire.
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Re: Why this is going to be all worth it, Matt

Postby epocalypse » 02 Dec 2009, 18:48

wait, is this before or after the baby eats its way out of her?

corrected in favor avoiding reviscerating myself
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Re: Why this is going to be all worth it, Matt

Postby Alja-Markir » 02 Dec 2009, 18:49

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THIS! THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS!

IT'S YOUR FAULT! IF YOU'D JUST IGNORED TWILIGHT AS A SERIES, YOU WOULDN'T BE POSTING IN THIS FUCKING THREAD!

I BLAME YOU! YOU'VE ANGERED THE GODS!

WHAT THE HELL?!

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Re: Why this is going to be all worth it, Matt

Postby infinite_guest » 02 Dec 2009, 18:51

THEY'RE NOT? What a cop-out.
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Re: Why this is going to be all worth it, Matt

Postby Evil Jim » 02 Dec 2009, 18:55

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Re: Why this is going to be all worth it, Matt

Postby GreigKM » 02 Dec 2009, 18:58

Re:
Tim wrote:O_o
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Re: Why this is going to be all worth it, Matt

Postby Alja-Markir » 02 Dec 2009, 19:09

Alex Steacy wrote:Ahahahahah! Oh wow.

And I thought Masamune Shirow went nuts late in his career!

I'm actually not familiar with Shirow's manga, but I find most of the animated work that was at least based off of his stuff got better as time went on.

I mean, it goes from the likes of kooky slapstick weirdness in the Dominion series to really quite startlingly good material with GITS. Maybe if I read Shirow's actual work rather than simply watching adaptations of the more well known stuff, I might better understand your position.

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Re: Why this is going to be all worth it, Matt

Postby Genghis Ares » 02 Dec 2009, 20:26

These are the kind of movies Rifftrax are made for.
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Re: Why this is going to be all worth it, Matt

Postby epocalypse » 02 Dec 2009, 20:37

ya know what? on matt's behalf: no, no this doesn't make it f^*%[email protected] worth it. it's barely worth it for the children; none of this sh!t helps. NONE OF IT!
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Re: Why this is going to be all worth it, Matt

Postby InsaneFool » 02 Dec 2009, 20:39

I like to think that someone in like 50-60 years will recreate what we now know as Mystery Science Theater 3000 simply because of these movies.
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Re: Why this is going to be all worth it, Matt

Postby Annchan » 02 Dec 2009, 20:41

InsaneFool wrote:I like to think that someone in like 50-60 years will recreate what we now know as Mystery Science Theater 3000 simply because of these movies.


Rifftrax?
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