Unofficial Runners Operation the II: Christmas Story

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Unofficial Runners Operation the II: Christmas Story

Postby Master Gunner » 21 Dec 2009, 18:58

This operation is a writing one. The operation is simply to write a Runner-themed festive story. It can be a LRR fanfic, a personal short story, a poem, or whatever you want, so long as it's festive (Christmas, Hanukkah, Yuletide, Kwanzaa, Festivus, the solstice, Life Day, whatever), and somehow relates to LRR or the Runners. Bonus points may be given for fanservice, as the discretion of the judges.

In order to submit a story, PM or email it to me, and I'll post it in the Runners section. If you want to post it publicly, you can do that too, but if it's too long, put it on a blog or something and link it, so as to not make the thread unreadable.

While this site may not always be family-friendly, if your story is R-rated, I ask that if you post it here, you put it in spoilers, or tag it as NSFW if you're linking to it. I have no problem with Bill, Morgan, and Matt getting busy with an aluminum pole, but some people might find it uncomfortable. However, I do fully encourage entering stories like that.

There are no limitations on how many times you can enter, try to keep each entry to under 2000 words in length. Current runners are encouraged to enter, but if they win, we'll pick another non-runner entry as well.

You have two weeks for this operation, as many of you will be busy with family and friends at present. So get writing.
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Re: Unofficial Runners Operation the II: Christmas Story

Postby NachoManLance » 22 Dec 2009, 04:57

Sent my submission, may do at least one or two more. Nice "unofficial" contest idea.
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Re: Unofficial Runners Operation the II: Christmas Story

Postby Cake » 22 Dec 2009, 07:05

Some of these take way too much effort. How'd I get into the runners again?
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Re: Unofficial Runners Operation the II: Christmas Story

Postby theDreamer » 22 Dec 2009, 07:14

"Medal Description: A new recruit into the LoadingReadyRunners
Award Time: June 16th, 2009, 1:01 pm
Awarded by: Tim
Award Reason:
Cake's consistent presence and good standing in the
LRR community earned him a nomination for the
LoadingReadyRunners."


We voted for you...Lazy bastard.
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Re: Unofficial Runners Operation the II: Christmas Story

Postby Cake » 22 Dec 2009, 07:22

Well... uh, joke's on you guys! :P
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Re: Unofficial Runners Operation the II: Christmas Story

Postby Master Gunner » 22 Dec 2009, 08:31

I don't think the ones I've come up with so far have required that much effort. The last one was a caption contest, and for this a haiku would qualify you. For the official challenges, one was to take a picture of 3 things, one was just for an idea, another was essentially a caption contest, a picture of yourself as a stalker/murderer, a script idea, another caption contest, and so on. Since mere entry into the official contests got you into the Runners, I don't think it's much effort to become one of us.

The better question is, how'd you win a podcast challenge?
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Re: Unofficial Runners Operation the II: Christmas Story

Postby Machalllewis » 22 Dec 2009, 11:20

Master Gunner wrote: I have no problem with Bill, Morgan, and Matt getting busy with an aluminum pole


Anyone who does specifically this will get immediate high consideration for my vote.
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Re: Unofficial Runners Operation the II: Christmas Story

Postby NachoManLance » 22 Dec 2009, 19:43

Machalllewis wrote:
Master Gunner wrote: I have no problem with Bill, Morgan, and Matt getting busy with an aluminum pole


Anyone who does specifically this will get immediate high consideration for my vote.


I'll see if I can work my magic to incorporate this...
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Re: Unofficial Runners Operation the II: Christmas Story

Postby epocalypse » 22 Dec 2009, 22:22

now that i'm on the ground in LA, I think I might attempt this, i've got a couple of ideas a'rumblin'... like a christmas carol, but with morgan... and kwanza, and ball kicks. that is just one idea on a pile of many, though.
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Re: Unofficial Runners Operation the II: Christmas Story

Postby Master Gunner » 26 Dec 2009, 11:10

Bump just to ensure people remain aware of this. We've only had two entries thus far, though there's plenty of time left.
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Re: Unofficial Runners Operation the II: Christmas Story

Postby Shinoki » 27 Dec 2009, 09:24

Expect an entry from me in a little while. I'm busy for the next couple days but I should have some time just before and just after new years to throw something together.
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Re: Unofficial Runners Operation the II: Christmas Story

Postby Master Gunner » 02 Jan 2010, 21:34

Master Gunner wrote:Bump just to ensure people remain aware of this. We've only had two entries thus far, though there's plenty of time left.


^^This.

We still haven't gotten enough entries for anything near a proper contest, so I'm extending it another week in the hopes that somebody will submit something.
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Re: Unofficial Runners Operation the II: Christmas Story

Postby Alja-Markir » 02 Jan 2010, 23:09

How Morgan van Humbeck Saved Christmas

[Establishing Shot - Fade in on high angle close-up of a very filthy couch, splattered with tapioca and covered with sawdust. Slow pan and zoom out, showing further mess extending outwards throughout the room. Pan stops on coffee table, zoom continues, gradually revealing the whole room which is in utter shambles and very gooey. Zoom stops after revealing a small television set in the corner of the shot. Television flickers on, starts to randomly skip through channels. Comes to rest on a news broadcast in progress.]

Television: -ible loss of life, numbering in at least the thousands if not tens of thousands. Police forces were completely unprepared for the event and the prime minister has mobilized the military for immediate containment and rescue operations. Already troops have begun pouring into the downtown center by the truckful, but it is unclear how soon the situation will be brought under control, or if it even can be brought under control.

[Drowsy grunting from off camera.]

Television: (plays footage of unknown emergency and troop deployment, on-site audio feed)

[Morgan van Humbeck, nude and slathered in barbeque sauce, stands up from the floor in front of the camera, visible from the waist up, bleary-eyed and slowly waking himself up.]

Television: (continued footage, shaky-cam scenes of a city in chaos, brief and blurry shots of massive creatures in the skyline)

Morgan: (groans) Bill? Hey, Bill?

[Morgan looks around at the room's carnage, camera pans to follow his gaze back and forth.]

Morgan: (rubs his eyes) Jeez, don't tell me they brought the goat back already? The rental was for the entire weekend. Waaiit... what day is it?

[Morgan squints at the clock, which is quite clearly smashed beyond all repair. He frowns, thinks for a moment, then a look of realization crosses his face and he reaches down off camera to where his pants pocket would normally be and retrieves his cellphone from parts unknown. He fiddles with it for a bit.]

Television: Further support for rescue and recovery efforts has been pledged by local volunteer forces, as manpower is sorely needed. The response has been overwhelming, but the government has placed a temporary ban on all non-military presence in the area until the situation has stabilized. Though understandable, the delays have prompted public outcry and a call for immediate action, particularly in the wake of this unprecedented tragedy, the worst of its kind since the so called Van Humbeck Riots of Christmas day three weeks ago.

[Morgan seems lost in thought, staring at his phone. He looks up in confusion, smells the air around him, and produces a sizable thizz face. Reflexively he smell-checks his armpits, but unsatisfied looks around the room once more.]

Television: (flickering and stuttering) -and... seemingly caused.... could not... extreme panic...

[Morgan has a moment of dawning realization and begins to shout, running wildly off camera.]

[Quick cut to rapid montage of Morgan running through the streets of Victoria, at first nude but with each new cut appearing in ever increasing quantities and absurdities of clothing, all still slathered in barbeque sauce, including business suit, clown suit, space suit, pink Jazzercize leotard, highland kilt, and golden bikini. Airwolf theme plays.]

[Montage ends, cut to distant low angle shot of Morgan running toward the camera down a long and empty roadway. He stops dramatically just in front of the camera and looks skyward, also dramatically.]

[Quick cut and zoom to reveal Bill, transformed into a three hundred foot behemoth with flaming horns and laser-beam eyes fighting hundreds of ninjas in black helicoptors in the skyline of Victoria, flanked on the ground by the military in tanks and trucks. Sirens wail, spotlights dance across the smokey sky.]

[Cut back to Morgan.]

Morgan: (roaring with rage) Damn yoooouu quantuuum physsiccccs!!!

[Commercial Break]

~Alja~
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Re: Unofficial Runners Operation the II: Christmas Story

Postby ThrashJazzAssassin » 03 Jan 2010, 06:32

LRR crew take note: I expect to see this up on The Escapist on Monday.
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Re: Unofficial Runners Operation the II: Christmas Story

Postby operagirl95 » 03 Jan 2010, 08:56

Master Gunner wrote:
Master Gunner wrote:We still haven't gotten enough entries for anything near a proper contest, so I'm extending it another week in the hopes that somebody will submit something.


As much as I would love to be in the Runners, exposure to my writings tends to cause boredom or garner weird looks.
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Re: Unofficial Runners Operation the II: Christmas Story

Postby theDreamer » 03 Jan 2010, 09:00

DO IT ANYWAYS!
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Re: Unofficial Runners Operation the II: Christmas Story

Postby operagirl95 » 03 Jan 2010, 10:09

Sheesh, no need to yell. :D
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Re: Unofficial Runners Operation the II: Christmas Story

Postby Alja-Markir » 03 Jan 2010, 10:14

CAPS LOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL.

OR AT LEAST THAT IS WHAT EMMA ALWAYS USED TO SAY.

WHERE THE FUCK IS EMMA THESE DAYS ANYWHO? DID SHE CRAWL INTO LAVOS'S PANTS AND DIE OR WHAT?

~ALJA~
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Re: Unofficial Runners Operation the II: Christmas Story

Postby Machalllewis » 03 Jan 2010, 10:27

operagirl95 wrote:
Master Gunner wrote:
Master Gunner wrote:We still haven't gotten enough entries for anything near a proper contest, so I'm extending it another week in the hopes that somebody will submit something.


As much as I would love to be in the Runners, exposure to my writings tends to cause boredom or garner weird looks.


Weird looks is the point of this exercise! Moar entries people! Please.
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Re: Unofficial Runners Operation the II: Christmas Story

Postby the amativeness » 03 Jan 2010, 16:54

Alja-Markir wrote:CAPS LOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL.

OR AT LEAST THAT IS WHAT EMMA ALWAYS USED TO SAY.

WHERE THE FUCK IS EMMA THESE DAYS ANYWHO? DID SHE CRAWL INTO LAVOS'S PANTS AND DIE OR WHAT?

~ALJA~


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Re: Unofficial Runners Operation the II: Christmas Story

Postby Theremin » 03 Jan 2010, 17:01

I think I'll submit something.
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Re: Unofficial Runners Operation the II: Christmas Story

Postby epocalypse » 03 Jan 2010, 17:22

I may still do it unless:

A) I can't think of anything.
B) I forget.
EDIT: C) I can't get the ideas I want to mesh well into the funny. They currently are:
i: Morgan wanting to save Kwanza after someone points out he's a better African-American than he is a Homosexual on youtube.
ii: The LRRDis, an LRR based Tardis built by Paul around a modded dreamcast core console (as well as several other consoles, including a sega cd, a snes, a psone and 3 ps3s (for black hole suck fabrication) and most of Matt's car) that uses LRR dvds as a navigation system and harnesses the power of Grammar mistakes on youtube as a power source "more powerful than all the laws of physics combined!" ("Even Heart?" "Especially Heart!").
iii. Various paradoxes created by messing with old videos.
iv. An "Oh, I didn't see you there!" opening that goes on to point out that I didn't see you there because this is a prose short story, and you are not there, and then goes on to defensively question your sanity for even thinking you were there in the first place.

Some might say that this is too much to try to fit into one short story, but those people are quitters and or sane.
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Re: Unofficial Runners Operation the II: Christmas Story

Postby Emperor Gum » 07 Jan 2010, 03:42

(Uh, fine)


Mercenary Solutions: The Last Christmas
>a Christmas slash fic by Emperor Gum (not really)

The low winter sun blazes off the frozen white expanse before me, like God used too much icing sugar. But for some people, there can never be too much. I hate those people.

"I didn't think you'd be able to come here, I didn't think you believed in Christmas."

I look away from the frosted window at my companion and stop chewing on the over sized novelty candy cane. "For the last time, I said it got cut, not I am cut. I'm not Jewish. Besides, its not politically correct to say Christmas anymore. Christmas has changed. Its the winter holidy, the December festival."

My mouth tastes sugary sweet, I throw the candy cane away into the trash. Most people can enjoy that taste, let the sweetness blank out the horror before our eyes. Most people can settle for the simple pleasures in life, but for me its always bitter sweet. Good lord, that stuff is sickly.

I grimace at our minder, I need something to wash away the taste. "Hey kid, on second thought I'll take a cocoa." The Elf looks at me in fury and walks over to a Willy Wonker style tap. "Sorry, I keep forgetting you're 60. Say, you kill anyone in Vietnam?"

"Only white people." I give Crowthorn an awkward look as he fills a mug with chocolate. She smiles, her hand instinctively still resting on her empty holster. The elf drops a few pink and white marshmallows into the mixture and strolls over.

"Merry Christmas." I flinch as scolding chocolate sloshes over and burns my hand. I nod in thanks and look back out the window. Even here, there is a corrupt under layer of marzipan between the innocent snow and timeless fruit cake. I sip my own dark choice. And then spit it out.

"Why is there so much damned sugar in everything here!"

"Because that's what people want,"A deep, rich voice booms from behind me.

I turn and see a large figure filling the doorway. The man is huge, in all dimensions. Except the fourth, I guess. I wouldn't really know. His uniform is a perfectly maintained red and white suit, large feet stuffed in well shone black boots, a large hat poised regally upon his. However, I can see from his unshaven face, wide girth and rosy cheeks this is a tired man, a man past his prime and a heavy drinker.

"In the midst of the longest nights, the darkest days, the bitter wind and the burning cold, they want good cheer. Glad tidings. Sweetness and light. They want presents under the tree, gifts in the stockings and ornaments on the branches. They want it cheap and they want it easy. They want me to do it all for them. Well, this Christmas I want something too."

"And want do you want, Mr. Claus? You've wasted enough of our time." Crowthorn has stood up, her arms clasped behind her back.

The client wanders over to an old, comfortable looking chair and sits down wearily. The chair groans with age, but holds. Its not broken yet. He closed his eyes for a few moments, sighs and then meets her gaze.

"I'm tired and old and I've had enough. I just want it to stop." He grips the arms of the chair tightly, his face contorted. "Young lady, I want you to kill the Christmas spirit."

"You look like you've downed a few spirits yourself. You looking for early retirement, white beard?" I walk over and close the door. "Then lets talk money. How many chocolate coins you got stowed in your hideaway here?"

"I will pay you two million in gold and seven million in silver. Each" For the first time, I notice the heavy bags under his eyes, too much for him to carry. "You get it done before December 25th and I'll throw in a plum pudding."

I whistle and give Crowthorn a sideways look. "That's a good offer, Santa. Pity though, its only half what the Easter Bunny pays." A pair of scissors fly through the air and take the big man in the throat. Jingle Jangle is quick for a man of his age, springing toward her, but I'm ready and waiting. As one hand covers his mouth and my other grabs his tiny body, he stiffens a moment. He knows what's coming.

"I'm sorry, old timer, you can carol in peace. In heaven."

Laying his lifeless body gently down on the ground, I join Crowthorn by the chair. He gazes at us with a horrified expression as he chokes his life blood away. The liquid tints his clothes a stronger scarlet hue.

"Its a pity, Kane, there must have been a way to get both sums. The Brown Rabbit's gonna make a killing running Christmas." She picks up the hat and models it. I grin, and close the dead man's eyelids.

"Nah, you can't kill the Christmas spirit. Besides, he would never have paid. We've been very bad."
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Re: Unofficial Runners Operation the II: Christmas Story

Postby Alja-Markir » 08 Jan 2010, 16:54

Master Gunner, paging Master Gunner!

Please report to the thread manager's office immediately!

~Alja~
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Re: Unofficial Runners Operation the II: Christmas Story

Postby epocalypse » 08 Jan 2010, 16:56

I don't think I'm going to get to my idea I mentioned in time, just too sick this weekend. But I like the ideas I outlined, and still think I'm going to try it sometime soon. For the kicks and lulz, you know.
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