The Sex Thread

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aeric90
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Re: The Sex Thread

Postby aeric90 » 23 Feb 2012, 07:27

Interesting. I never noticed before but losing weight really helps guys in the "length" department.
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Re: The Sex Thread

Postby Dutch guy » 23 Feb 2012, 11:39

madAlric wrote:Don't use gags until you are both experienced enough and have enough of a rapport to communicate nonverbally. blindfolds are fine, though.

don't tie around someone's neck until you're sure enough about the knots that you know they won't slide or shift and choke your subject.

keep a pair of emergency scissors (they've got a spade on the tip so they don't catch skin and cut skin) handy in case you need to remove ropes in a hurry.


Tying around the neck with rope is usually not the safest option. (If you are willing to spend some $$ a collar is always a nice bondage accessory anyway.)

Blindfolds are rad. If she doesn't like being able to get free, she would probably love not being able to see what the heck you're doing in the first place :wink:
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Re: The Sex Thread

Postby Avistew » 23 Feb 2012, 11:52

aeric90 wrote:Interesting. I never noticed before but losing weight really helps guys in the "length" department.


Yeah, your penis is attached to your bones. The more meat you have on these bones, the higher portion of your penis is "underground". Tip of the iceberg kind of thing, actually a lot of overweight people think they have small penises just because they can't see all of them (that, and the part they can see seems smaller in comparison with the rest of their body).

With breasts, it can be the same or the opposite. I've known women who lost their breasts when losing weight, and other who lost everywhere else, it seemed (really, they lost everywhere, but the difference between body and breast became more obvious without the additional weight.

A downside is that if you're with someone who thinks you're the perfect length and you lose weight, you might end up becoming too big.
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Re: The Sex Thread

Postby 2stepz » 23 Feb 2012, 12:32

aeric90 wrote:Interesting. I never noticed before but losing weight really helps guys in the "length" department.


There's a statistic on that... IIRC - for every 10% of body weight you lose, you gain an inch in length, on average.
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Re: The Sex Thread

Postby rustak » 23 Feb 2012, 12:58

2stepz wrote:
aeric90 wrote:Interesting. I never noticed before but losing weight really helps guys in the "length" department.


There's a statistic on that... IIRC - for every 10% of body weight you lose, you gain an inch in length, on average.

Huh. That seems like a lot.. I went from ~215-220 on a bad day to 185, and I don't think I've noticed that significant of a difference. Though I guess it would depend a lot on where you were carrying the excess weight..
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Re: The Sex Thread

Postby Elomin Sha » 23 Feb 2012, 16:11

*Elomin Sha walks in*

Okay this is too weird even for me.

*Elomin Sha leaves*
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Re: The Sex Thread

Postby Digital Dolphin » 23 Feb 2012, 22:59

So it turns out that one of my friends' boyfriends teaches bondage and suspension classes, and they aren't too far from my house! O.O

I'm probably going to attend a few! :D
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Re: The Sex Thread

Postby Geoff_B » 24 Feb 2012, 00:20

Elomin Sha wrote:*Elomin Sha walks in*

Okay this is too weird even for me.

*Elomin Sha leaves*


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Re: The Sex Thread

Postby Elomin Sha » 24 Feb 2012, 01:22

Digital Dolphin wrote:So it turns out that one of my friends' boyfriends teaches bondage and suspension classes


Geoff_B wrote:
Elomin Sha wrote:*Elomin Sha walks in*

Okay this is too weird even for me.

*Elomin Sha leaves*


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Re: The Sex Thread

Postby auberginequeen » 24 Feb 2012, 23:38

That explosion excited me way more than it should have.

It spread through my heart, unleashing the dark, malicious force that dwells within and we reunited as old friends. Armageddon flashed before my eyes as the deep recesses of my mind laughed maniacally in some sort of sinister harmony at the fiery fall of man.

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Re: The Sex Thread

Postby Mowinckel » 25 Feb 2012, 00:20

broken you, join the ranks
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Re: The Sex Thread

Postby Elomin Sha » 25 Feb 2012, 02:12

Mowinckel wrote:broken you, join the ranks
auberginequeen wrote:That explosion excited me way more than it should have.

It spread through my heart, unleashing the dark, malicious force that dwells within and we reunited as old friends. Armageddon flashed before my eyes as the deep recesses of my mind laughed maniacally in some sort of sinister harmony at the fiery fall of man.

What have you done to me?!


People like us, we want to see the world burn.
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Re: The Sex Thread

Postby Alja-Markir » 25 Feb 2012, 02:39

I have trouble understanding the appeal of bondage, beyond the power play aspects of it. Nothing against it or those who practice it (hell, my own sweetie dabbles in it), but I just can't get a proper understanding of what makes it sexually arousing into my head, for whatever reason.

How I (bluntly and roughly) understand bondage: either ego-tripping on having power over someone else, or enjoying having minimal control and hence minimal responsibility.

Regarding the first point, I am incredibly wary of power, and while I have the occasional impulsive (possibly instinctual?) desire for it, on the whole I do not trust myself or anyone with power, and wish to see it minimized as much as possible.

Regarding the second point, I am an incredibly self controlling person. It freaks me out when others exercise power over me that I cannot do anything about. The overwhelming response to others trying to control me is powerfully defensive, attempting to maintain my position of self detemination. In most cases, I simply become argumentative or combative, holding ground or diverting the efforts of others until they lose interest and move on. In severe cases, I start to suffer physical panic, adrenaline spikes, flight or fight response, pretty much a critter backed into a corner. That typically doesn't end gracefully, and it has frustrated at least a few people who found chinks in my armor, so to speak.

So yeah. I think bondage is just something incompatible with my personality and mental matrices? Kinda like trying to explain time to someone from a culture which has no conception of time? That I probably "get" it as much as I can, it's just not my cup of tea?

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Re: The Sex Thread

Postby Avistew » 25 Feb 2012, 03:25

Do you know how they sell some harnesses for dogs that help them deal with separation anxiety? (You might not know about that, well then I tell you now, they do). How does it work? The harness exerts pressure around them, making them feel like they're being hugged.

Same principle. Bondage can make you feel like you're being touched, hugged, held. There is also the power play you have mentioned, but it is one of the appeals of it. Also, the putting the ropes on and taking them off is like a ritual, and if you find strip tease alluring you should be able to understand at least the appeal of removing the bonds. Finally, a lot of people like the aesthetics of it, finding it artistic. Some of these people practice bondage without any sexual aspect to it, but some mix the two.
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Re: The Sex Thread

Postby Alja-Markir » 25 Feb 2012, 04:40

All reasonable bits of explanation. I just personally differ, it seems.

I'm a claustrophobe, so the constriction thing is no go for me. I rather enjoy snuggles and caresses, but I also need to feel able to move relatively freely if the urge strikes me.

Ritual holds little value for me. Some things I do are ritual-eque, like going to the ocean when I'm feeling depressed and isolated and whatnot, but I recognize that the action itself isn't what I need, it's the mental triggers and I can often supply those simply through logical self analysis.

Strip tease doesn't allure me either. I view it as a cultural artifact of the whole "nudity is bad" tabboo. Since I don't think nudity is bad, I don't get the rush from breaking tabboo. Nudity itself isn't a turn on for me, but it can be an amplifier. Sexy behavior can often be even sexier when nudity is added, but the opposite is also true - someone completely obscured by heavy clothing or a blanket can be incredibly sexy. But it's little to do with the clothes, and more to do with the situation. I'd never go to a strip club because the situation is exploitative mercenary nudity. Contrarily, I might find someone in an unflattering and incredibly modest outfit to be utterly stunning because of their behavior and personality.

As for the aesthetics, and as for the artistry, one thing at a time.

Leather is code for "bad" or "naughty" or "risque" or "tabboo", but it's such a goddamn cliche to me. It's like goths wearing all black, or bikers wearing denim and jackets. It seems like trying to stand out through blind conformity, and I don't care for it on a logical or an aesthetic level. Other people enjoy it, so whatever, but it's just not my thing.

As for artistry, I really only appreciate certain kinds of artisanal efforts. There's "Art", which has value chiefly in trying to evoke aspects of the human condition such as emotions, concepts, memories, or experiences - stuff like good films, music, images, etc. It makes you think, or makes you laugh, or makes you feel something.

Then there's more of the "craftsmanship" side of things. Creating useful or impressive objects. For example: a well made sword is beautiful to me on a purely skill and effort based level - even though I denounce the existence of weaponry, I admire the craftsmanship and the talent involved in creating a truly great sword. A slightly different example: a sturdy pair of pants with a lot of pockets that I can get a lot of use out of at a reasonable price is highly valuable to me, and the creation of such an object is something I admire.

But creation merely for the sake of creation doesn't ring true with me. Amassing a collection of all the various types of barbed wire that exist, for example, doesn't impress me at all. Anyone could do it with a modicum of effort. At worst it's a waste of time, and at best it's a whimsical way to pass the time.

Not to be rude, but I don't see much artistry in bondage. There's only so much you can do with a naked person, ropes, leather, latex, candles, and sex aides. And it's all kinda been done before, no?

I'm really just terribly, TERRIBLY picky, no?

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Re: The Sex Thread

Postby Mowinckel » 25 Feb 2012, 05:26

yes... yes you are

I WILL join you in the strip tease thing. A strip bar is a place where girls gives you blue balls and your beer cost 5 times normal in my mind
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Re: The Sex Thread

Postby Duckay » 25 Feb 2012, 05:47

Honestly, I find the whole genre of revealing really sexy - striptease, fan dancing, anything like that. Simply being nude isn't intrinsically sexy, but slowly revealing very much is to me. I guess it has something to do with the idea of being invited in and shown, rather than the nudity simply being... though now that I try to explain it, I don't know if it makes sense.

To each their own, I guess.
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Re: The Sex Thread

Postby iamafish » 25 Feb 2012, 06:01

I think the thing with nudity is that you don't usually see a person without clothes, so actually seeing and interacting with them naked is quite an intimate thing. Clothes are a form of protection, no matter how psychological, so to take that protection off is making yourself vulnerable to the other person. That's pretty intimate.

Strip-teases evoke a lot of that intimacy, but doll it out is a very slow way. The clue is in the name; tease. The point is that the teaser gives the other person a glimpse of what the end result is, but withholds the actual thing, in theory making them want it more. I can see the appeal of it.

Also, long time no update on my sex life, which has been pleasingly active of late, although I am still a virgin... woo oral sex :)
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Re: The Sex Thread

Postby Alja-Markir » 25 Feb 2012, 06:29

Yeah, I'm weird. Nudity is an everyday thing for me.

I guess if nudity is rare enough, it's no different really than being turned on by an unusual physical attribute like lots and lots of freckles, or a specific personality quirk, or whatever.

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Re: The Sex Thread

Postby auberginequeen » 25 Feb 2012, 06:34

Personally, I've always found subs to be sort of ... selfish, in a way? Because they want you to do these things to them. All these "mean" things you're supposedly doing for yourself as a dom are really just getting them off and I feel almost as though that reverses the roles, with the dom acting as a sub to the sub by being dominant. If that makes any sense. And sometimes it's all so... contrived. It's hard to actually believe it to be a power play.

I mean, yes, doms get off on power as well but is it really power when you're just... pleasuring someone else in a different way? Maybe I'm just not imaginitive enough, but I find it challenging to psych myself into it.

Note: I'm not saying I want to torture anyone or do anything against anyone's will, I guess I just don't get how you can get off on the illusion of power.
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Re: The Sex Thread

Postby tamaness » 25 Feb 2012, 06:51

From what I understand, there are more dynamics at play than just power play in D/s. Sometimes the sub gets off on the dom getting off, and so on and so forth.

D/s is not the same as bondage, by the way. D/s may include bondage, but that's its own subset of fetishes and kinks. I am very much into bondage (particularly rope bondage, but leather and steel equipment can be hot, too), but I really don't get off on power play. I just don't like having all of the control, nor do I like giving it all away.

As far as nudity goes, I've seen people who look sexier fully clothed than any nude photo I've ever seen. It's all about demeanor (and a good photographer!). A strip-tease can be sexy if you already find the person doing it to be sexy, and especially if they emphasize the "tease" part.

Alja-Markir wrote:As for artistry, I really only appreciate certain kinds of artisanal efforts. There's "Art", which has value chiefly in trying to evoke aspects of the human condition such as emotions, concepts, memories, or experiences - stuff like good films, music, images, etc. It makes you think, or makes you laugh, or makes you feel something.


There is a lot of bondage out there specifically focused on evoking emotions, concepts, memories, and experiences. Not all at once, mind, but definitely focused in those areas. Whether it evokes that feeling for you is certainly a personal thing, but I'd prefer that you don't dismiss some very well-crafted art (however impermanent) because it doesn't evoke an emotion for you.
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Re: The Sex Thread

Postby Alja-Markir » 25 Feb 2012, 07:53

I suppose my complaint is with the medium.

And the medium is the message, as they say...

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Re: The Sex Thread

Postby Mowinckel » 25 Feb 2012, 08:01

power play can be hard to give yourself all into in a relationship.
But if you can make it happen in a one night stand I will say there is NOTHING even close to getting that good.
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Re: The Sex Thread

Postby Deedles » 25 Feb 2012, 08:14

Reading through everyone's opinions and thoughts on bondage made me start thinking about my own.

I've never actually thought, specifically, about why I like bondage, but after some thought I came to the conclusion that it's a mix of things. For one, I like giving away that power, the reason why I like giving away that power is because I find it comforting (and thus to some degree exciting) that I could give away the control of the situation without any fear of my partner abusing said control and power.

Someone also mentioned the excitement of being desired, which also plays a big part of that to me.
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Re: The Sex Thread

Postby Alja-Markir » 25 Feb 2012, 08:17

@aubergine

That's another layer of the BDSM scene that goes against my own, very picky tastes.

You used a great word, "contrived". I'm INTENSELY hung up on people being genuine. Intimacy for me is something I want to be as honest and organic as it can be. So when I try to imagine roleplaying, dressing up, stripping down, putting on a show, or anything that involves being consciously aware of your own actions, I shy away from the thought.

As for the whole selfish submissives, it's... complex.

I'll admit, I don't like the label system the community uses, because people don't categorize neatly. Yeah, you can generalize and label based on average tendency, but in a one-on-one relationship, generalizations are the last thing you want or need. Specificity, personal knowledge, familiarity... these things are what make up an intimate relationship, and they defy simple labels and names.

I've been variously told I'm a dominant, a submissive, a switch, and a dozen other variations on a sliding scale of "Well I don't really know how to categorize you so I'll put you somewhere that sort of makes sense".

To be honest? I enjoy imparting physical pleasure onto others more than I could ever enjoy being physically stimulated. It reaches me mentally and emotionally, where everything else is just fleeting physical sensation.

So some would say I'm dominant because I crave that self satisfaction, that feeling of having the power to make others happy. But then some would say instead that no, I'm submissive, because I want to submit to others and do what they want. I take directions well like a submissive, but then I also excel at making important decisions on the fly like a dominant. I enjoy knowing that I am being trusted with keeping someone happy and safe like a dominant, but then I often ask what they'd like me to do to better please them, like a submissive...

It goes on. Ultimately? I'm probably more of a submissive simply because I'm not aggresive, possessive, or "masculine" in my behaviors. I don't talk dirty or act raunchy, I'm not bursting with machismo and braggadocio, there's nothing "macho" about me at all. I'm a gentle giant at worst, and that's just because I'm tall and broad shouldered.

Really, it's all just dust in the wind. Is the glass half full, or half empty? Is there such a thing as altruism, or is generosity a form of selfishness? Would you rather have six of one, or half a dozen of the other?

~Alja~

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