This thread is so gay

[CamelKnackRambleHort]

I'm going to have no fewer than 4 people with me and I am going to a known trans friendly location (the top manager of the theater is actually trans), so I am sure I will be safe.

It's going to be intense though, thanks for your encouragement!

[Jamfalcon]

I can't offer any advice, but I hope it goes well and am looking forward to hearing about it!

[Arclight_Dynamo]

Me, too! Remember, all of us here are pulling for you, Camel!

[Merrymaker_Mortalis]

I do wonder if the reason I find my physical attraction to men stronger than that to women is because:
with men, not only is it a physical attraction, but also a sort of aspirational mirror. The forms I find pleasing are the forms I also want to posses.

So the fantasy is deeper. I rarely find myself looking at a woman's body and wishing I had some aspects of it.

Women: I want to be with you
Men: I want to be with you and be you

(I also suspect the fact women are more commonly portrayed as sexy than men, makes the sexy male form more of a novelty and more exciting.)

[Mothra Fighter]

Another relevant to this thread's interests thing.

There's a web series I like and want to share with you all. It's called Needs More Gay. Maybe it's been mentioned in this thread before?

The name suggests that the host, Rantasmo, focuses on how and where queer representation could be better in media. He does that, but he also discusses GLBT topics in different media and art as well as subcultures. And he almost always has something funny and thoughtful to say about whatever the subject is. Whether that's individual movies and shows or broader topics like Hollywood Montrose and flamboyant gay male characters. His videos usually clock in around 4-5 minutes, so they're not too in-depth, but they're worth checking out. Generally, the videos are titled, "[Subject of the video] Needs More Gay".

Side note: a few years ago, he did a video on gay representation in Canadian shows, like Kids in the Hall and Being Erica. Yes, the title of that video is "Canada Needs More Gay"! The quality isn't as good as his more recent videos, but I thought it was worth mentioning.

[CamelKnackRambleHort]

Did my first public presentation today. It was a spur of the moment thing. Friends and I were hanging out and, as usual for the past few weeks, I was presenting (skirt, heel boots, makeup). They decided they were going to go get some food from walmart, I decided to come along.

It was a lot less intimidating than I thought it would be and it felt really nice to do. As far as I could tell no one stared and no one was rude. The woman at the register actually complimented me on my boots.

So that was good and very encouraging. Hopefully I can make this a regular thing.

[Aeralis]

That's awesome to hear!

[Arclight_Dynamo]

Yes, very much so! I'm glad it was so positive for you, CamelKnack.

[Arclight_Dynamo]

(Cross-posted from the depression thread)

So, remember the Bell Let's Talk campaign? It raises money for, and awareness about, mental health and mental health stigma. It came under criticism, since it provides funds to CAMH in Toronto. CAMH had a trans conversion "therapy" program.

That made me very unhappy. I wanted to support the campaign, but this made it absolutely impossible for me - it would be deeply unethical to support anything that funded such programs.

Well, good news! CAMH has ended that program!

On Tuesday, Toronto’s Centre for Addiction and Mental Health announced it will shutter its controversial Child, Youth and Family Gender Identity Clinic.

For almost 40 years, the clinic treated children as young as three years old who were gender-different in some way, using a range of psychological techniques to, essentially, try to convince them not to be. As detailed in more than 100 publications, children were seen as disordered if they differed from expectations and parents were enlisted to modify their child and especially to steer them away from being transgender.

This approach is now linked to a range of dismal outcomes, including a staggering rate of suicidal behaviour. No wonder, when young people are given the message that who they are is unacceptable to the people they love and depend on. Current best practices advise that young people be supported to explore their gender and that parents learn how to offer acceptance.

The previous CAMH model is also inconsistent with provincial and international human rights guidelines, and in June of this year Ontario Bill 77 made it an act of misconduct for a health professional to attempt to alter the gender expression or identity of a minor.

In response to community complaints, CAMH announced in February that the clinic would be subject to an external review. On Tuesday, a report was made public citing a list of serious ethical concerns. It was made known on the CAMH website that the clinic will be winding down and an apology was issued from medical director Kwame McKenzie for the service having been so out of step with current thinking.

Link

Which means something terrible has been ended, and I feel comfortable supporting the Let's Talk campaign in the future.

[Avistew]

That's great! Thanks for letting us know.

[CamelKnackRambleHort]

Yeah, that is cool.

[CamelKnackRambleHort]

So, finally got time and courage enough to go to that movie. Went to go see Deadpool with my friends and wife in full presentation mode.

It was interesting. A bit stressful. Overall good.

The good: The staff was awesome, but I knew they would be. I am personal friends with several of them and a couple staff members were with me going to the movie. Beyond the staff, no one bothered me directly or said anything rude.

I also didn't run into anyone I knew outside of the staff I know, which was really nice. I am ready for the rumor mill to start about me when it does, but it is nice to put that off for now.

The not so good: Lot of people were trying to steal glances in my direction, trying to figure out what was up with me. I could tell, I could see a lot of it out of the corner of my eye and there were lots of people suddenly turning away if I looked in their direction. Not a bad thing in of itself and I don't blame them, people are going to be curious if they see something unusual and people in my area are really not used to openly trans people. But it does make an already somewhat stressful situation more stressful.

There were apparently people legitimately staring, my wife and friends spotted a few, but they apparently had the decency to pretend they weren't if I looked in their direction.

Overall I think building my time in public around a movie was a really good idea, as opposed to something like going to a mall. Actually seeing the movie was a good break from having to deal with people.

As a side note, I really, really need to get a purse.

[Jamfalcon]

That's great, glad to hear it was an overall positive experience.

[CamelKnackRambleHort]

Thanks for the support Jamfalcon!

[Merrymaker_Mortalis]

I added my Spanish tutor as a friend on Facebook and discovered he's part of the LBGT+ community.
I am excited because I have never had a real life friend who is also part of that community, before.
I flip between joy and feeling ill. I had no idea I would find something like this such a big thing. He doesn't know my sexuality because I feel like it's a weird thing to say to someone who is my tutor; my sexual preferences. But, I have had the courage to state in my Facebook profile that I am interested in both men and women (not blank). It's not "coming out" to my friends, but it's also not being obscure on one front.

I didn't think this would come about from deciding to befriend him on Facebook. It's mental.

[Aeralis]

Well, yeah, you're right that it's weird to just go and drop your sexual preferences to any people who will listen. BUT, and this is especially true for the LGBT community, it's always nice and exciting to meet someone from the same community as you, and I don't think it's really off-mark to simply say "hey, I noticed you're part of this community too. It would be cool to share this with you."

Think of it less like "I'm telling you who I like to see naked" and more "Hey, we share similar experiences and it would be good to have someone to talk to about them." Really not much different than finding someone else that's really into your favorite video game or movie. Well, with a bit more gravitas to it, but still.

[Merrymaker_Mortalis]

It's cool to have someone who I get along with from the same community in real life. That's new to me. I'll just see how the vibe feels.

And on a spiritual level, it feels like two paths that He or I have put me on have intersected, which is really interesting.

[CamelKnackRambleHort]

I am glad you found a friend Merrymaker_Mortalis! It can make a big difference having someone in real life you know.

[Fenrir]

So, as it turns out, among the other wide array of reasons that make her a horrid old cow, my boyfriend's grandma is emotionally abusive.

My boyfriend - who was already insecure over his body as was for various reasons - has apparently been getting shit from his grandma about his weight. And no, not in the helpful "concerned for your well being" sort of way either.

It's bad enough that he can't be open about his sexuality around her, and that she gives him constant shit about being atheist, but THIS too? This shit does NOT slide with me. Especially as someone who got a lot of shit about his body growing up.

And...I don't know what to do. He's not happy with his weight and wants to slim down, and I wanna support that. I just don't know what I can really do while we're apart like this.

[JustAName]

I guess mostly reinforce that you love him and you love how he looks now, but if he wants to do this to be happy (for HIMSELF and not for any other reason), then you totally support it. That's really awful. I'm sorry that's happening.

[CamelKnackRambleHort]

My mother in law found out I am trans a couple days ago. She works at the clinic I go to where the doctor has been prescribing me the depression and anxiety medication I have been using to help me deal with the difficulties associated with being trans. I trust the doctor, he has been nothing but discreet and supportive. He would not have told her. I suspect she illegally looked at my medical file, she is the kind of person who would do that. I thought she would draw the line at actually breaking the law and risking her job, but I guess not.

So anyway two days ago when I went to the clinic for a routine checkup on my meds I was the best spouse her daughter could possibly have, she was literally bragging to the rest of the staff about her son in law. Today my wife received a long text from her urging my wife to divorce me because I am an evil, immoral and destructive person who will lead her and my daughter to hell. She even threw in a suggestion that I would molest our daughter and it was my wife's duty to protect her from me.

I would not be surprised if she started calling up everyone I know and outed me to my extended family, my work, etc.

Honestly, I hope this ends with her deciding to never talk to us again. She was and is a truly abusive person and I honestly thing my wife would be better off without her mother in the picture.

And that isn't even the only thing that happened yesterday. As I said above my doctor has been great with helping me with trans issues, he even has been trying to help me find a hormone specialist to help me transition. We thought we had found one, but yesterday I found out that the specialist is unwilling to do it, and neither is the alternate specialist she recommended. And same with any endocrinologist my insurance will cover. I might, MIGHT, be able to get one of them to do it if I could get a recommendation letter from a psychiatrist after several months of therapy. Unfortunately my insurance doesn't cover any psychiatrist who specializes in gender issues, so each session would cost me at least $100. I would hesitate about a single session at that price, we just can't afford it.

So it looks like my only option is an informed consent clinic. Overall it is going to cost a few hundred dollars best we can tell, which is a ton of money for us right now, I don't know if we can afford it.

The "funny" thing is yesterday I was writing up a post in here about how well everything was going when all of this started going down. Because things have been going quite well.

Sorry for the rant. Just needed to vent a bit.

[JustAName]

1) That woman sounds utterly awful and I'm so, so sorry you had to deal with that. Can you tell your doctor what happened and that she probably illegally looked at your file?

2) Start a YouCaring for the clinic. I'll chip in.

[Merrymaker_Mortalis]

I would hug you if I could. I'm sorry this happened. It's really frustrating when someone shows kindness and then shows cruelty.

(your mother's in law theology is completely incorrect. You are definitely not evil, and no matter how hard you try, you couldn't even take a gnat to hell. Your mother in law seems to have her own demons that she is struggling with. It's shitty that it's resulting in her lashing out at her family).

[Arclight_Dynamo]

Oh, wow, I'm so sorry this happened, CamelKnack.

It goes without saying, but I'm going to say it anyway: what your MiL did was absolutely, categorically unacceptable. It was wrong, wrong, wrong... and she has the gall to question your morality for just being who you are?

The mind. It boggles at such people.

There is nothing wrong or bad about you. The suggestion that you would molest your daughter is insulting and bigoted in the extreme. That your MiL is trying to drive a wedge between you and your wife is appalling. Whatever your MiL's religious beliefs are are her own, and she should shut the hell up about them.

Again... you know all this. But I wanted to say it anyway.

And, yeah, what Fayili said about informing your doctor that you suspect your MiL illegally looked at your patient records is a damned good idea, if that's what you want to do. She shouldn't have done that; it was deeply unethical.

But... yeah. I'm just sorry this has happened to you. And I'm sorry it's so hard for you to find the medical specialists you need. None of that is fair, and you don't deserve any of this to happen to you.

[CamelKnackRambleHort]

Fayili, Merrymaker_Mortalis and Arclight_Dynamo thanks for responding and thanks for being understanding. Sorry I don't respond to most of your posts, I want to but I am not the best with words and everything I write feels forced and fake. But I do read them, and I do care.

I don't care so much at about her being two faced, she always has been. I am not being hyperbolic when I say she is an abusive person, in a just world at the very least she should have had her children taken from her and maybe even jailed for the abuse she put them through. She is easily one of the most selfish people I have ever met, in that twisted way of self righteous people who like to think they are good. In her mind she her violation of those close to her is a good thing. Like looking at my chart, I'm sure she justifies it by saying she is just keeping an eye out for us so she can help us if we need it. Her intentions are good, so that excuses violating our privacy. Of course that's just the lie she tells herself so she can snoop in on our private business and not feel guilty.

she is a horrible person and always has been since the day I met her. I never counted her as a friend and I knew she would be turning on me as soon as she found out, so that doesn't bother me.

The real problems here are how much it hurts my wife, especially because her dad is taking her mom's side on this (he is actually a decent person, but he has had to deal with his wife's emotional abuse for years) and the possibility of her going crazy and outing me to my family and work.

The whole going to hell rant doesn't bother me at all, but it does for my wife. She had religion drilled into by her psychotic abusive mom. There is a small part of her still that hears "you're going to hell" and it causes anxiety and depression.

I know I could probably get her fired for the violation of confidentiality, but the thing about reporting this is that it would hurt more people than just her, like her husband and maybe even the doctor who has been so great to me. The absolute last thing I want to do is cause problems for a known trans friendly doctor.

Fayili thank you so much for the suggestion, it really means a lot that you would consider helping me out, but I don't know how much good a YouCaring campaign would do. You would probably be the only one to donate. I don't have any real online presence in social media or anything like that so I couldn't really get any sort of word out that way. The same is true with my friends, and none of them really have much money and even if they did I don't think I would feel comfortable asking them to contribute.

And the situation with my own family is very delicate. No one in my extended family knows, and I can't imagine them being very accepting. I have maybe one uncle and one cousin who wont have a problem with it, and that's just speculation, I can't imagine I'd get much if any support that way, and it might just make things worse if people decide they don't want to associate with me and my wife any more because of this.

My parents have already tried several times to deter me from any consideration of transitioning. They are not as bad as my mother in law, but I know they would not be willing to help me transition in any way. In their words it would shatter our family and they "just can't support that kind of life style". They didn't even want me to tell my daughter when she gets older.

My siblings are not going to handle it great either. I am afraid some of them will ostracize me when they find out, and it is an almost certainty when I start presenting around them. I have a gay sister and she once held hands with her girlfriend at a family party. My other sister and her husband seriously considered not coming to family parties any more over it because they don't want their children exposed to things like that. The families solution was to forbid my sister from that sort of display of affection at family parties or she would not be invited any more. The best I could hope for is grudging tolerance as long as I never present, and even getting them to use correct pronouns and my new name is almost certainly a deal breaker. No one but my gay sister would even consider helping me financially, and she has her own financial troubles.

There is a good chance that by transitioning or even coming out I am going to be giving up nearly all my family. My biggest hope right now is that if I stay away and no one ever mentions anything to their kids they might decide that they can still interact with my wife and daughter.

Sorry, that was must more venting. Thanks for the suggestion and definitely thanks for your willingness to help me out yourself, but I don't think there would be many who would care. Maybe I'll try it anyway, maybe I'd get lucky and I could piece together enough for at least a first consultation so I could figure out what the month to month cost would be.

But anyway, thanks for listening.