The Mixed Emotion Thread

[Merrymaker_Mortalis]

I like you and noticed your absence.

[Master Gunner]

Pyrogine is credit to team!

[AdmiralMemo]

I made my first major mistake at work today... and I'm OK.

I'd made mistakes at my job before, but they were due to ignorance or miscommunication in training... stuff that could be brushed off. Today, I made my first "You should've known better" mistake. Had I thought ahead, I wouldn't've done it, but it was one of those "do something without thinking about it" moments that came back to bite me. Like I said, though, I'm OK.

The way I made the mistake gave them a variety of options for discipline. Had they been really gunning to get rid of me, I probably could've been fired on the spot. But all I got was basically a hard slap on the wrist and essentially "Don't do that again. Get back to work." So, while I feel bad for making the mistake and my boss isn't happy that I made it either... I know I'm valued. And that brings me a small bit of joy.

[Merrymaker_Mortalis]

A mistake was made at work experience, and the guy I shadowed made it out it was entirely my fault. I felt like a piece of shit and I started to resent the man. I will never know whose fault it was, but I feel that's not the point. It's how the error was handled and it certainly tarnished the guy's impression of me. (I struggle with when I remember him. I struggle when I resist wanting him to FUCK OFF.
I'm glad you're working for good people.

[MinniChi]

So many people not coming to work over the past few days. They're reshuffling staff they have instead of bringing in replacements. So now I have a 12 hour shift today. The 4 hours of OT pay will be awesome, but I'm going to be so tired tomorrow. I have to remember not to do this again.

[Fenrir]

So...

I like my boyfriend's parents, I do. I think they're good people and I like that they like me too.

But...

The sheer double standards of how his mom at least will show visible support for his younger brother's new relationship (he's been with his new girlfriend ... about a month, nearly? and he's already saying she's the love of his life) on facebook and yet won't even acknowledge the all-of-two posts I made about our first anniversary has kinda thrown me a little.

Not only that, he's starting work today and she said - on her page - about how she's "So proud of him for hanging in there until the right opportunity came along." and yet I *know* the amount of shit she gave him about work stuff...

Maybe it's dumb to get bent outta shape over, but.

[Cybertrash]

Two of my coworkers retired this week and whilst I've only worked where I'm at currently for 1.5 years it feels kind of bad... I'm happy for them, they really deserve it, one's been with the company for 49 years, the other 33... But man it feels so weird that they're not going to be there on Monday.

[Psyclone]

I think it's a combination of turning 21 soon (I don't even drink but it's still kind of a milestone) and a bunch of old forum regulars coming back briefly to post on the Bill thread, but I realized a couple days ago that my 10-year LRRniversary will be this October and I don't know how to feel about that? It's so weird to think that LRR was with me for the entirety of my adolescence and even weirder that it isn't with me as an adult.

I guess I'm just scared of adulthood probably, so what else is new.

[JustAName]

TFW you learn another of your friends has been raped at some point in their lifetime and you mentally add them to the growing list.

[MinniChi]

I'm (Finally) trying to learn French! I downloaded a program to get the basics, but even if I do actually finish those lessons, I'll probably be too darn shy/embarrassed to talk to any of my cousins in French. Except maybe the baby. She seems too young to make fun of me for being bad at it.

[auberginequeen]

After a lot of obsessing (my specialty), I managed to order the Fire Emblem Fates Special Edition, which was like impossible to get. 3-10 copies per EB Games, sold out everywhere including Best Buy, Amazon, Microplay, retailing on eBay for $300+, etc.

I finally managed to snipe it when it went up on EB's site for a split second. Only problem was I got it shipped to my billing address (no time to fill in a different address or I might have lost it). Which is my parents' house. Which is an hour away. I'll be back there on the weekend but the game released last Friday and I'm dying here trying to avoid writing my thesis! How am I supposed to procrastinate now?!

At least BF said he'd let me play it on the bus ride to Toronto on Sunday. We're going to see Evil Dead: the Musical. Guess it's Youtube and Phoenix Wright for me right now.

[Kapol]

At least you were able to get it. I managed to snag one of the 'backorder' copies off of Amazon myself. Even got my Prime discount to make it $64. The downside is I'm not going to be getting it until March 9th at the earliest according to Amazon.

[auberginequeen]

Yeah I know, hence Mixed Emotions. I'm happy I got it after months of stalking but the delayed gratification is killing me! So close, yet so far!

Glad someone can relate though. Hope your package arrives swiftly!

[Jenelmo]

I think i am making a new friend, a new girl in class, who is fun and nice to talk to.
But i keep thinking about how i am going to screw this up

[Merrymaker_Mortalis]

Want to be friends with my Spanish tutor, but feel awkward. Want to respect the student-tutor dynamic, even if it's only 4 years between us. Frustrating because I feel like it'd be awesome to hang out. I need to be patient and let things unfold naturally and then make the initiative at the right time.

[Elomin Sha]

I think i am making a new friend, a new girl in class, who is fun and nice to talk to.
But i keep thinking about how i am going to screw this up

To quote Eddie Izzard: "Hello, I've got legs. Do you like bread?"

[empath]

Yeah, even the worst case can turn out a pretty good ice-breaker:

"Actually, I used to like it, but I developed celiac disease in puberty. Funny you mention that, though - I've learned to get a pretty good gluten-free diet going, but I just can't find any good recipes for..."

[betsytheripper]

Good news! I have an advisor, officially! Not-good-but-not-bad news: the topic I want to research basically never gets funding! So we'll have to do a lot of brainstorming on what to write grant proposals for for my potential PhD work. If none of them get accepted though... :/

[JustAName]

I may have talked about this in here before, but it's bothering me again. My best friend is dating a rapist. So here's how it shakes out:

I knew this guy in high school. He was part of my LARPing group. Very attractive, generally a chill guy. A few years older than me (maybe 19 or 20 when I was 17?). I made out with him on a few occasions, he asked me for sex, I turned him down. He complained about blue balls. I shrugged it off, a little uncomfortable, but whatever. One time, when we were making out and I couldn't find the words to say no because I was a teenager and didn't know how to deny people things clearly enough (apparently), he moved my underwear aside, put his penis against my crotch and said, "I'll just leave this doesn't here, and you can move [onto it] if you want to." If that's not pressuring and manipulation, I don't know what is. Later on, I heard from my friend that she had been at his house drinking. She told him beforehand that she didn't want to have sex, but he pressured until she was drunk enough and either have in or couldn't resist properly. He also confided in me on a few occasions that he was attracted to friends of ours who were 16 and 14 respectively, and did I think that was bad? (Asking for tacit approval our forgiveness.) Keep in mind that the younger one had already experienced enough unwanted sexual attention for having large breasts to last a lifetime.

So I'd mentioned this guy as one of the rapists I knew to my friend before she ever met him, and she expressed the appropriate outrage/disgust. Then she travelled up there for something at some point, they met, banged, and liked each other enough to keep it going. It's not surprising, really, they both run in the same pagan & SCA circles. I told her who he was, and she said that it was just for fun and if I wanted her to cut it off, she would, because I was important to her. I told her I didn't want to interfere with her happiness, and we left it at that. I assumed they wouldn't be seeing that much of each other, given the six-plus hour distance between the two of them. Over time, though, she's had more and more reason to travel up there, and has referred to him as her third partner (she has another boyfriend and girlfriend as well).

She says that he's better now and regrets his actions from then and they've talked about the attraction to younger girls thing and it bothers him. I want to believe her, but I don't really, and I don't want someone to be punished forever if they are truly regretful and make reparations, but I don't know if he really is, and I don't think he ever really was punished.

We basically reached the arrangement that I was fine with it so long as she never mentioned him around me so I could do my best to forget about it. This was a while ago. I know that restricts her in some ways; we're friends on pretty much all social media. But it seemed fine for both of us. She recently posted a picture to Instagram of them, though, and it made my gut lurch really unpleasantly. She probably didn't think about it, and I don't want to bring it up - it feels really unfair to restrict her everywhere - I just feel really gross seeing him again.

I don't want him to be experiencing happiness, I guess, even if he's making her happy, too. Bleh. Bleeeh.

Thanks for letting me rant.

[Jamfalcon]

*Hugs* Sorry you're in that position, I can't imagine what it's like. =/ I wish I had something I could say to help, but I don't know what.

Are there other social networks where you might interact with her that those sorts of pictures are less likely to pop up? I'm sure she wouldn't be offended if you stopped following her Instagram or whatever, given the circumstances, but obviously you don't want to sever all your ties over this.

[JustAName]

I like her Instagram, though. I don't think it'll happen again, really. I just wanted to rant about it a bit.

Thanks, though.

[Jamfalcon]

And fair enough, you know we're here anytime you need to.

[CamelKnackRambleHort]

I'm sorry to hear about that Fayili. I wish I could help you feel better.

[auberginequeen]

I haven't showered since Tuesday I think. I washed my hair to give the illusion of cleanliness for the past week. Today I ordered a pizza because I'm out of food and don't want to have to go outside all gross but I can't be assed to actually shower.

Stayed up until 4 AM last night fucking around with Linux Mint. Today I messed around with Xubuntu and Kubuntu and OpenSUSE. Now I want something sweet but again, I don't want to leave the house.

I bought an LP back on Thursday and I got two different pressings in the same sleeve. Not sure if the guy selling it to me knew because he only charged me $10 and that's usually what he prices single records at. At the same time, not sure what someone is supposed to do with two different versions of A Night at the Opera.

My floor is so covered in stuff I can barely walk around and it sucks because my desktop's USB ports aren't cooperating so I keep having to plug it into the back which involves getting up.

I still do stuff... I guess it's like I'm procrastinating at life. The thought of cleaning myself and my room and going outside aren't tiring, per se, just highly... aversive? Like I imagine this is how someone with OCD feels when they can't stop doing something, except I can't do the thing. Doing it feels wrong even though it's a thing people have to do.

IDK how I feel or how to feel.

[JustAName]

Executive dysfunction, especially with cleaning or showering, is really hard to get around. I guess one thing you can try to do is just pick up one thing and put it somewhere else every time you enter your room? So it's not a whole lot at once, but it does start to get done eventually. With the showering, maybe set yourself a timer for sometime in the evening today or tomorrow, and then when it goes off, just take the shower. Right then. Even if you haven't done it because you haven't eaten yet and you wanted to shower after you'd eaten and... Just do it. It doesn't have to be a long one, just get the water on you and see if that helps.

I know you've said before that you're scared of meds for depression changing you, and if you still feel that way, it's entirely your call. I just think you might want to consider it again if your brain is fighting against you this much for some of the things you feel you need to do.