Dad uses Facebook to teach daughter a lesson

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Dad uses Facebook to teach daughter a lesson

Postby Psycat Aurora » 11 Feb 2012, 07:39

http://www.litefm.com/cc-common/mainheadlines3.html?feed=421220&article=9738000#.TzWCEAXOYFU.facebook

Personally, I think this man is awesome. Why can't more parents be like this?
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Re: Dad uses Facebook to teach daughter a lesson

Postby Darkobra » 11 Feb 2012, 07:59

That man is a legend!
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Re: Dad uses Facebook to teach daughter a lesson

Postby Merrymaker_Mortalis » 11 Feb 2012, 09:03

Morale of the story: Don't use Facebook.

I thought it was all fair in till he vandalised her laptop. I understand he was pissed (I would be) and she was very brattish and out of line, but Vandalism is going over the line.
Hide it or something.

She would get over it and learn from the experience in a positive way. But if her laptop gets destroyed she'll hold a grudge against him for eternity.

When I was young I was violently sick over my favourite cuddly toy. My mum was worried it was unhygienic and threw it away (was a mallard duck). I grew up believing we left that toy behind. When I learnt my mum threw it away, I understood why, but I couldn't help feeling upset. I'm still saddened by it. It will never go.

Yes the girl was a twat and deserved many things, but having one of her possessions destroyed was not one of them. It's only going to teach her that when she has whiny self-entitled twerps it's fine for her to destroy their stuff too when they do bad things.

I don't blame legal guns in America for this. If that man was banned from using guns he'd use a crowbar/sledgehammer instead. For a start it would be more satisfying. Firing a gun requires no effort.
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Re: Dad uses Facebook to teach daughter a lesson

Postby Deedles » 11 Feb 2012, 09:40

The link doesn't load for me, for some reason. =.
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Re: Dad uses Facebook to teach daughter a lesson

Postby Jamfalcon » 11 Feb 2012, 10:04

Yeah, it worked for me when I first saw the thread but it seems to be down for me now. Here's a link to the video itself.
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Re: Dad uses Facebook to teach daughter a lesson

Postby TheRocket » 11 Feb 2012, 10:05

Oh man. I saw this yesterday. On one hand I'm like "good, self entitled brats need to learn to respect their parents, that they are being provided all this nice shit for free and to be thankful for it. He's not asking her to do much and she is taking him for granted." Technically the laptop is HIS property. He put ALL the money into it, he bought it. She was just using it as "hers". Kinda like your bedroom as a teenager. It's your bedroom, but if you've done something you shouldn't have in their house, your parents have every right to take your door off and bar your windows. He has every right to do with it as he pleases.

On the other hand I think about what I was like as a 15 year old hormonal teenage girl. Where everything was a WORLD ENDING event. I think about the type of woman she's going to become when she sees an adult destroying something with so much aggression - if she thinks this is how adults behave in the real world and will take this knowledge into her life as normal. In her relationships, instead of sitting down and talking about what she's feeling and why - will she just take a bat to her boyfriends car because he went to his buddies after work? It kind of makes you wonder.

Plus, I think about how he simply could have wiped the drives and donated it to someone who needed it. especially since he makes it a point of how he just upgraded all the software. I think a video of him passing off te computer to a school/family/organization/church etc and saying "please give this to a student in need" would have been better and made him look like less of a gun toting aggressive hick.

On top of all of this, how the fuck do you go to highschool AND collage at the SAME TIME WHEN YOU ARE 15? Something in his story doesn't add up.
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Re: Dad uses Facebook to teach daughter a lesson

Postby Elomin Sha » 11 Feb 2012, 10:13

That's one way to deal with disobedience.
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Re: Dad uses Facebook to teach daughter a lesson

Postby 2stepz » 11 Feb 2012, 10:56

TheRocket wrote:On top of all of this, how the fuck do you go to highschool AND collage at the SAME TIME WHEN YOU ARE 15? Something in his story doesn't add up.


It's not at all unusual in metropolitan areas of the U.S. for academically advanced HS students to be taking college credit classes while in HS. When I was working in admissions and orientation at my University (and this was 10 years ago), it was rare to have a incoming freshman who didn't have 12-30 college semester credit hours of general educations requirements met before they graduated HS. I went to a tiny rural HS, but even I graduated with 15 hours...

Doing so when you've already moved out of the house though... unless you moved in with a different family member... suspicious. Possible, but suspicious.
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Re: Dad uses Facebook to teach daughter a lesson

Postby NecroVale » 11 Feb 2012, 12:32

And for everyone worried about the girl's emotional and psychological well-being, if you go to the updates HERE it sounds like she's doing just fine.

TheRocket wrote:On top of all of this, how the fuck do you go to highschool AND collage at the SAME TIME WHEN YOU ARE 15? Something in his story doesn't add up.


The college was between the hills that he had to walk up to and from school everyday.
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Re: Dad uses Facebook to teach daughter a lesson

Postby Lyinginbedmon » 11 Feb 2012, 12:46

I'm really not supportive of this. What kind of example is he setting? What kind of precedent?

He has found something he disagrees with and/or dislikes, so he has gone through the trouble of preparing a speech to deliver on camera to his daughter and has then taken the instrument of his disagreement and destroyed it, on camera, to purposefully show his daughter.

Besides probably being illegal by destruction of property, will he later trash her car if she stays out too late at night? What if she comes out of the closet on some issue he doesn't like, will he shoot her too?

This is atrocious parenting, he should have sat down with her and had a civil conversation, not destroyed her stuff and plastered video of this private matter all over the internet.
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Re: Dad uses Facebook to teach daughter a lesson

Postby Elomin Sha » 11 Feb 2012, 13:07

Well she did air that 'private' matter to the internet.

In the hallowed world of the school yard which I still live by today: "She started it."
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Re: Dad uses Facebook to teach daughter a lesson

Postby NecroVale » 11 Feb 2012, 13:15

Technically, the daughter already made the issue public by making that post for all her friends on facebook, and the the father made the video to also post on facebook so her friends could see that (disrespectful) actions have consequences.

From what the father has said is that it was an issue that has been brought up before, and has since continued and gotten worse. After the computer was destroyed, she got upset, and then later they had a sit-down discussion where she was willing to hear, and to listen to what was being said.

Did he need to destroy the computer? No. Is the girl going to be scarred for the rest of her life? Doesn't seem like it. Did she learn a lesson? It seems like it.

The issue was resolved, but that doesn't mean the resolution should be used for every situation. Maybe it was not as great a choice as it could've been, but the decision worked for him and his daughter.
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Re: Dad uses Facebook to teach daughter a lesson

Postby Lyinginbedmon » 11 Feb 2012, 13:22

I definitely don't think the ends justify the means here, and I also think respect has to be earned, not granted.
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Re: Dad uses Facebook to teach daughter a lesson

Postby Tally » 11 Feb 2012, 13:26

I dunno, I think fair points can be made on both sides as to whether he was being reasonable or not. Personally, I think it's a pretty great thing to send your kid such a public message to make a point about how what you post on Facebook is never entirely (or at all) private or reliably hidden from everyone. Not that that's the main point he was making, but it's a good one to try to get across to kids.

And I think it's fair for him to punish her for her disrespect, though of course I think we've all had those moments of outrageous anger at our parents as teenagers for things that we'd blown way out of proportion. I know I did. So she's just being a kid, but on the other hand it is her parents' job to teach her how to be an adult.

Mostly, I was with him until the bit with the gun. I agree with Siobhan that wiping the computer and giving it to some kid who needed it (or just confiscating it for a time, as a less extreme measure) would have been a much better move.

EDIT: I quite enjoyed reading those updates of his. While I may have some different ideas about guns than him and his daughter, I think they sound like good, sensible folks. I liked his point about kids being strong, and I loved her request to ask the comment thread about non-stripper job options for laptop-homicide victims. :D
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Re: Dad uses Facebook to teach daughter a lesson

Postby Lyinginbedmon » 11 Feb 2012, 13:31

Yeah, pretty much the destruction of the laptop is where I have serious issues with the father here.
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Re: Dad uses Facebook to teach daughter a lesson

Postby Darkobra » 11 Feb 2012, 14:42

I very rarely speak my mind here, but here goes.

The man's a working man. Counts every penny. Works hard for everything and has earned everything he's ever had. He's the same breed of man that I am. Everything I have, everything I aim to become, has and will require a LOT of hard work. He's right in his words and I completely agree with him.

People seem to have a problem with the shooting the laptop. Personally I'd have taken it from her and given it back to her when she has learned to grow up and accept the consequences. Maybe this is just his version of it.

I'm very torn on this part of the video. He showed that what he said he'll do, he'll stick by it so his threats will hold more weight. "If you don't help around the house, I'm kicking you out" suddenly holds a lot more weight to it now. He didn't point the gun at her but something she owned so there was no risk of anyone getting hurt.

But this is me trying to understand his thoughts. My own thoughts are pretty much "He used a gun out of anger. He really could have handled this better. What lessons can be passed down telling your angry 15 year old girl that it's ok to destroy property to teach a lesson?" Confiscation allows for retribution. But he also sat down, taught a valuable lesson with his words alone and the truth was like a ray of light in the darkness.

Look at it this way! She won't forget this any time soon! I just hope she takes the lecture from it and not the destruction. You don't appreciate what you have until you've worked for it.
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Re: Dad uses Facebook to teach daughter a lesson

Postby Lorithad » 11 Feb 2012, 15:04

I have no problem with the destruction of what I would define as his own property. It would be a different story entirely if she bought and paid for it on her own.

Having read the updates as well, I really can't find fault with it. Sure he could have donated the laptop to somebody, but really, the message sent by destroying it is stronger. And that's what he was going for.

Charging her for the bullets is going a little over the top. He could have used a more economical method of destruction. Hammers, fire, etc are cheaper.

Would I have made the same decision as him, probably not. But i'm not the kind of person to have kids in the first place. So i've already out smarted him in my eyes.
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Re: Dad uses Facebook to teach daughter a lesson

Postby JayBlanc » 11 Feb 2012, 15:26

One line summary of my thoughts, parenting shouldn't share the same traits as being a Creepy Stalker or a Hostage Taker.
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Re: Dad uses Facebook to teach daughter a lesson

Postby JayBlanc » 11 Feb 2012, 16:08

More than one line summary of my thoughts...

"Hey Kids, what did we learn today?"
"Guns are a great way to take out our frustrations on the world!"
"And?"
"If someone gets up in your face, break their stuff!"
"And?"
"If you give something as a gift, it's still yours to take and destroy."
"And?"
"Public humiliation is A-OK!"
"And?"
"Control your loved ones with fear!"

When your parenting style mimics that of Malory Archer, there might be a problem.
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Re: Dad uses Facebook to teach daughter a lesson

Postby Deedles » 11 Feb 2012, 16:19

Am I one of the few people that think that maybe, just -maybe-, he was trying to teach her that people will treat you the way that you treat them? I.E. She humiliated her parents on Facebook, so he returned the favour? It's not a stable way of parenting all the time, because it would back-fire, but to get his point across? Considering that he spoke to her afterwards too, and probably explained his actions in bigger detail I don't see the problem.

Especially considering that even his daughter thinks people are over-reacting.
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Re: Dad uses Facebook to teach daughter a lesson

Postby AlexanderDitto » 11 Feb 2012, 16:31

I'm with him except for two points:

-Destroying the laptop, which is pointless (as others have already pointed out, destroying things is not how reasonable adults should do things). I will also point out that she may have homework documents or other work on that laptop, and while he does own it, destroying those documents may cause problems for her, educationally, down the line. It would have made more sense for him to just repossess it until she grows up.

-Being a teenager is weird. Rocket touched on this, but I will agree: when you're a teenager, things seem like a bigger deal than they actually are, and you're often pushed around by your own emotions. Her description of her life, about how she had to do everyone's laundry and sweep the floors and clean the tables, which the father pointed out is actually minimal work, is exactly how I felt as a teenager. Things that, to an adult, are not a big deal, like hauling out the trash, can seem like monumental undertakings. Hormones, I guess. I'm guessing her dad's response isn't much going to make things any easier for her, personally.

I'm not really sure I buy the whole "tough love" discipline thing. On the one hand, it does whip people into shape, and often snot-nosed brats kind of deserve it, on the other hand, it doesn't actually teach kids how to resolve their issues as adults, or teach them WHY they're wrong. When you're an adult, there's not going to be anyone there to "whip you into shape," unless you go so far as to break the law, in which case, whoops! Now you've got a criminal record. Plus, it probably won't do much to strengthen the girl's relationship with her parents, and I almost feel like it's one of the reasons Americans have so many issues with their parents, i.e., dumping them in nursing homes, harboring resentment toward them later in life, etc. (This coming from someone who is culturally Hispanic, a world in which leaving your parents behind and moving far away would be unthinkably cruel.)

I dunno. It's a fine line to walk, I think.
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Re: Dad uses Facebook to teach daughter a lesson

Postby JayBlanc » 11 Feb 2012, 16:32

Deedles wrote:Am I one of the few people that think that maybe, just -maybe-, he was trying to teach her that people will treat you the way that you treat them?


So she gets a turn with the gun and his computer next then?

Especially considering that even his daughter thinks people are over-reacting.


We can of course be confident that the daughter's public comments on the internet are not coloured by the influence of her father.
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Re: Dad uses Facebook to teach daughter a lesson

Postby Deedles » 11 Feb 2012, 17:02

JayBlanc wrote:
Deedles wrote:Am I one of the few people that think that maybe, just -maybe-, he was trying to teach her that people will treat you the way that you treat them?


So she gets a turn with the gun and his computer next then?

Especially considering that even his daughter thinks people are over-reacting.


We can of course be confident that the daughter's public comments on the internet are not coloured by the influence of her father.


That's being extreme. Things we learn aren't black and white, but rather shades of grey. His way of teaching her the lesson is bad, and it's no secret that shooting the laptop was an over-reaction.

Bottom line is that I think it's silly to think that she'll see destroying someone else's stuff as a small thing because of this. If he does it on a regular basis, then yeah, she'll start thinking that that's the way to go about things, but from what we've seen and know he's only done it once.

It'd be like someone telling me I should be a bully because I was bullied as a child, in school and at home. Or that I'll never take marriage seriously because my parents got divorced when I was 6 years old. What we take away from experiences is completely individual, and we don't know what kind of relationship she and her father have, and what is normal to them and what isn't. Considering that she wanted a gun of her own guns don't seem to be a deal to her, but it would be to a lot of other people.

In the end, my opinion is really that this wasn't really meant to be our business in the first place, and it never will be our business, so who the fuck are we to judge him, her or anyone based on one video?

We can state what we think of what he does in that, individual, video, but people really assume too much.
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Re: Dad uses Facebook to teach daughter a lesson

Postby Merrymaker_Mortalis » 11 Feb 2012, 17:59

His justification for him shooting the laptop is that he paid for it, spent his own time and money upgrading it. He worked like a whore to get where he is. He expects his daughter to work for a new laptop.

My thought is, well done, you've just generated some very expensive art materials and ensured you've wasted a lot of his own time when you upgraded it.

Dear Mister Extreme Father, may I have that laptop (minus used bullets) so I can salvage it for an art sculpture themed on Recycling so I can enter it to my county's Eisteddfod? I'm sure I'm the best person to make use of it.

Much regards, the person criticising your parenting skills. x x x


I think a problem of being a teenager is that you don't want a job because you feel like you spend a lot of time at school, then coming home to do housework and then you have homework. You're still in denial that you're no longer a child and you crave 'play time'. I think lazy is often mistaken for oblivious or naive. Or maybe 'comfortable'. To be honest, when I was young I didn't beg my parents for new shit. I actually came to an understanding that at Christmas and Birthday they'd buy the object and I'd pay them back all but £30 of the price via cash presents. I lived a 'comfortable' youth knowing that if I was patient I could get what I want, and when I got it I appreciated it (or felt extremely gutted when it was shit). I don't think having an income makes you appreciate what you have more. It just gets you into the mentality of 'Hey, I have disposable income! Consumerism here I come" as you're living at home, not paying rent/bills or for food. Goddamn student loans, fooling us.
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Re: Dad uses Facebook to teach daughter a lesson

Postby empath » 11 Feb 2012, 18:45

The only thing I'm worried about with this whole schmeer is that this is the SECOND time her father (who works in I.T.) caught her being insulting, profane and utterly disrespectful on Facebook.

I'd have hoped she would be a little more cautious and circumspect in her behaviour, especially in the SAME PLACE WHERE HE CAUGHT HER LAST TIME.

"Fool me once, shame on you, but fool me twice, shame on me." :(


Yes, Rocket & 2Stepz and others have a very valid point that at 15, Hannah is still trying to figure out how to live and get along in the world she lives in, and when things happen to you at that age (when you have much less experience to compare it to) it seems very drastic and insurmountable, and from that point-of-view a histrionic response seems warranted. (I had phases in my adolescence when I would have been called 'emo' if the term/subculture had existed back in my day)


And also, life deals some hard lessons, some more drastic than others, and no, they don't always seem commensurate. I, for example, got a REALLY drastic lesson not to drive on wet, misty nights when very tired.


And on a closing note, I'm not worried about him firing a handgun on his own property, I'm more worried about Cpt. Firebug throwing his lit cigarette butt AND the wadded up printout in the same general direction. ;)
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