Dad uses Facebook to teach daughter a lesson

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Duckay
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Re: Dad uses Facebook to teach daughter a lesson

Postby Duckay » 12 Feb 2012, 18:51

I'm not going to say that the dad was wrong, but nor will I say that I think he was doing great work. On the whole, it really leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Ultimately, though, it's hard to accurately assess the situation without knowing everything that led up to it - on both sides. Based on the facts we have, it's very easy to spin it into ridiculous proportions on either side, which I've seen a lot of.
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Re: Dad uses Facebook to teach daughter a lesson

Postby AlexanderDitto » 12 Feb 2012, 22:17

Tally wrote:Raising kids isn't simply about taking care of them for 18 years, it's about also preparing them to take care of themselves after those 18 years, teaching them how to be adults. And learning how to budget, how to earn things, how to respect and take care of things, how to respect and take care of others is all part of that. It's not that parents think their kids will never mouth off, or don't remember being a teenager themselves and blowing things all out of proportion. You expect a wee puppy to pee in the house a few times before it gets all potty trained. But you still make it understand that this is a bad thing to do, and teach it to go outside. You don't say, well I expected that to happen, so it's all good, because then the puppy doesn't learn and it keeps happening. You expect kids to screw up, to do something stupid or thoughtless, to get in trouble, mouth off, act without thinking, etc. But when they do, you have to use that to teach them to behave better next time. That, along with housing, clothing and feeding kids, is a parent's job.


I agree with all of this, and I think it's too often that parents don't teach their kids how to be adults, and society is left to deal with the consequences: immature, irresponsible people doing extremely stupid things.

I will point out, however, that I think what is a bit uncomfortable to some of us is that this father is attempting to teach his kid to behave better by instilling fear in her. Why else would he shoot the laptop? He could have thrown it away, donated it to charity. He shot it. With a gun.

I don't know what the alternative should be in this situation, what the right way to parent a kid is exactly, but it never feels right to me when a parent gets their kid to behave by making them afraid.
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Re: Dad uses Facebook to teach daughter a lesson

Postby Deedles » 12 Feb 2012, 22:23

AlexanderDitto wrote:
Tally wrote:Raising kids isn't simply about taking care of them for 18 years, it's about also preparing them to take care of themselves after those 18 years, teaching them how to be adults. And learning how to budget, how to earn things, how to respect and take care of things, how to respect and take care of others is all part of that. It's not that parents think their kids will never mouth off, or don't remember being a teenager themselves and blowing things all out of proportion. You expect a wee puppy to pee in the house a few times before it gets all potty trained. But you still make it understand that this is a bad thing to do, and teach it to go outside. You don't say, well I expected that to happen, so it's all good, because then the puppy doesn't learn and it keeps happening. You expect kids to screw up, to do something stupid or thoughtless, to get in trouble, mouth off, act without thinking, etc. But when they do, you have to use that to teach them to behave better next time. That, along with housing, clothing and feeding kids, is a parent's job.


I agree with all of this, and I think it's too often that parents don't teach their kids how to be adults, and society is left to deal with the consequences: immature, irresponsible people doing extremely stupid things.

I will point out, however, that I think what is a bit uncomfortable to some of us is that this father is attempting to teach his kid to behave better by instilling fear in her. Why else would he shoot the laptop? He could have thrown it away, donated it to charity. He shot it. With a gun.

I don't know what the alternative should be in this situation, what the right way to parent a kid is exactly, but it never feels right to me when a parent gets their kid to behave by making them afraid.


I believe he shot the laptop because last time she'd done something this stupid he'd -wanted- to shoot it and (I presumed) probably said that he would if she pulled a stunt like that again. The reason I presume that he told her is because he wrote in the updates after the video that he had done it to show his daughter that his threats of punishment aren't just empty words.

Doesn't make it any less extreme, but I believe that's why he shot it.
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Re: Dad uses Facebook to teach daughter a lesson

Postby Tycherin » 13 Feb 2012, 00:04

Duckay wrote:I'm not going to say that the dad was wrong, but nor will I say that I think he was doing great work. On the whole, it really leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Ultimately, though, it's hard to accurately assess the situation without knowing everything that led up to it - on both sides. Based on the facts we have, it's very easy to spin it into ridiculous proportions on either side, which I've seen a lot of.

I agree with you on both points. I guess he was well within his rights to do what he did, but I still don't like it. Maybe he didn't do it out of anger, maybe he had good reasons for it, whatever. He posted it on the internet. That was unnecessary.
AlexanderDitto wrote:I agree with all of this, and I think it's too often that parents don't teach their kids how to be adults, and society is left to deal with the consequences: immature, irresponsible people doing extremely stupid things.

Immature, irresponsible people... who then go on to be parents. Today's children are tomorrow's adults, after all. Not disagreeing, just noticing.
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Re: Dad uses Facebook to teach daughter a lesson

Postby Lord Hosk » 13 Feb 2012, 00:46

The thing that gets to me about this story has been alluded to most strongly by tally by saying
Raising kids isn't simply about taking care of them for 18 years, it's about also preparing them to take care of themselves after those 18 years, teaching them how to be adults.


The 15 year old acts the way she does because of her upbringing, there are two things that very much irritate me about people who have children.

1. The ability to interconnect your sexual organs with those of someone from the opposite sex does not make you a parent no matter how many children it produces. In order to be a parent you have to raise your children which leads to #2.

2. I don't take it as a compliment when people say "wow your daughter says please and thank you" basic manners are not something that should be that unusual that they be noticed. Being quite when people are sleeping, saying thank you when someone gives you something, not taking toys that someone else is playing with, these are the BASICS of parenting. My wife is the one who has to field the question "How do you get your child to do X" invariably her answer is a variation on "we tell her to and when she does we praise her when she doesnt we correct her" which is often responded to with something like "But she is so young, you cant teach kids that young you just got lucky"

No no no no no no no no... no.

Children are born knowing NOTHING, with no personality, no skills, no experience. Now im not saying that a parent makes all those things because they dont but people are born a blank slate. The biggest part of why this child is so disrespectful to her parents is because her parents encouraged it, either by not cracking down on it early or by encouraging it possibly in a way I have seen in some other split family homes. At Moms house its ok to disrespect dad because dad is a deadbeat with his new whore of a wife. and at dads house its ok to disrespect mom because mom is a money grubbing bitch" When you encourage this disrespect your children learn its ok to disrespect adults in general.

On a second front, Two intros to rants that im not going to go fully into right now.

First the sense of entitlement in most western societies and America in particular is sick. Just because stuff is out there doesn't mean you deserve it, just because someone has things doesn't mean you should also have it.

Secondly, the idea that every child born in America should go to college and get a bachelors degree is flawed. It is called a higher education for a reason. My father often says "When I started work a high school diploma was all you needed to get a job, now days I couldn't even apply for my job without a Bachelors" This is true but its not entirely that we are a more educated society its because degrees are dumber than they used to be.

My father took two calculus classes, learned to weld, took 4 years of language, took an engineering class and learned Civics and American History. When I say he learned civics I mean he knew all 22 amendments, what they meant to him and the process that was going on with the 23rd. When I say he learned history I mean he can tell you that George Washington was not our first president, knows what years James Monroe was our president and that the United states has been involved in more than 5 wars. I have soldiers under me who are proud that they passed algebra their senior year, and think America fought in the "one with George Washington, the civil war, World War one and two and Vietnam oh and the terrorism one in Iraq and Afghanistan now I guess counts" who think im dumb for wasting my time reading books when I could be watching TV.
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Re: Dad uses Facebook to teach daughter a lesson

Postby empath » 13 Feb 2012, 03:32

AlexanderDitto wrote:I will point out, however, that I think what is a bit uncomfortable to some of us is that this father is attempting to teach his kid to behave better by instilling fear in her. Why else would he shoot the laptop? He could have thrown it away, donated it to charity. He shot it. With a gun.


No, Hannah's dad scared you; don't ascribe your feelings to a 15-year-old girl whom you know almost nothing about.

See, here's the disconnect: Hannah and her parents don't look on a handgun as a weapon of terror, they look upon it as a tool. If you'd dig a little further, you'd find out that Hannah had been asking for a target pistol of her own not long before her dad had to spend all that time and money on upgrading the laptop.

He destroyed the laptop to send a message, and - as Deedles said - he'd told her he would do just that last time. Why not use something else to render it unusable? He may well not have a five-pound sledge on hand (working in I.T.) but this is a family that owns guns as a hobby - and let's be honest, who MISuses a pricey firearm as a hammer?

And remember, he'd said "I told you last time what I'd do if I ever caught you doing this again", and changing course like this CAN weaken a kid's sense of respect for you.


I still take issue of 'pouring salt in the wound' by using expensive hollow-point ammo (mostly because I'm a cheap bastid) - the laptop's not really thick enough for the bullets to mushroom out and make bigger exit 'wounds' than entry...just making bigger holes in the ground - but it still has the 'over-the-top' element to really make the point unforgettable to Hannah and her friends. After all, sometimes you've got to SCREAM at someone - child, teen or adult - just for them to pay any attention to you.
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Re: Dad uses Facebook to teach daughter a lesson

Postby Darkobra » 13 Feb 2012, 03:38

It wasn't a case of instilling fear but sticking to his guns. (HA!) Like I said in my first post, he said he'd do it, he did it, he now showed his daughter that when he says he'll do something, he'll do it!

And more importantly, every word he said in the video was the absolute truth. You can't expect someone to spend a good day and $130 on something of yours and turn around and throw it back in their faces just for being asked to make your own damn bed. Down the line, she'll be a stronger person for it. And more importantly, a better person.

Although a part of me still wonders if she'll do the same one day. "Say goodbye to Mr. Bear!"
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Re: Dad uses Facebook to teach daughter a lesson

Postby JayBlanc » 13 Feb 2012, 05:35

Darkobra wrote:It wasn't a case of instilling fear but sticking to his guns. (HA!) Like I said in my first post, he said he'd do it, he did it, he now showed his daughter that when he says he'll do something, he'll do it!


So... The lesson was "If you make a threat while you're riled up with anger and not thinking straight, you should carry it out anyway, because otherwise you look weak!"

What happens when he screams that she'll get the hiding of her life because she went out with a boy he didn't approve of?
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Re: Dad uses Facebook to teach daughter a lesson

Postby Darkobra » 13 Feb 2012, 06:40

I think we both know that man would never hurt his daughter.
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Re: Dad uses Facebook to teach daughter a lesson

Postby empath » 13 Feb 2012, 07:04

Okay, people seem to have made up their minds on this issue; either Hannah's dad is a villianous ogre who terrorizes his child with violence and tyranny, or he's a valiant bulwark against the insidious plight of entitled, spoiled and coddled brats that are disintegrating the very fabric of civilization, and watching the two camps snipe at each other now without any attempt at persuasion or conveying of fact and information anymore is giving me a headache.

Don't know about anyone else, but I'm done with this fad non-event; on to the next 'breaking news' of the hour!
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Re: Dad uses Facebook to teach daughter a lesson

Postby Lord Hosk » 13 Feb 2012, 09:51

empath wrote:
Don't know about anyone else, but I'm done with this fad non-event; on to the next 'breaking news' of the hour!


So Whitney Houston, a talented singer, who has been abusing drugs and alcohol for the past 25 years died. Apparently she was mixing drugs and alcohol just like she has been doing since she got her first paycheck.
:shock:
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