Clothing and the way people treat you

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Cho_J
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Re: Menswear

Postby Cho_J » 31 Mar 2012, 21:27

Avistew wrote:I understand being upset that people are ignoring what you say because they're too busy staring. Or that there is a length of time past which looking at your body while you are talking to them is a bit creepy. But I don't think I'll never understand why anyone would want people to pretend they aren't attractive, and what's polite about it.


So, there's a lot of interesting discussion in this thread, but I thought this comment of Avistew's was something I particularly wanted to respond to, so here we go.

I think we've had pretty different experiences, and while I don't think there's anything wrong with your opinion on this topic, Avistew, I just wanna put in a different view on the issue of staring and dressing "attractively."

Here's the thing about me: I'm short, and I have large breasts even for a tall girl. There is absolutely no shirt I can wear that does NOT emphasize my boobs. Additionally, I have wide hips, a bubble butt, and I carry a bit of weight on my legs and my tummy. Add all that up, and it's hard to find clothes that fit and don't make me look like a cow, which I'm not, but MAN is it easy for me to feel that way. So for me it's not about choosing when to dress up for people, it's about choosing clothes that are comfortable and that I feel like less of a circus clown in. I very rarely dress to please others; and when I do, I'm usually more thinking "I probably shouldn't wear the 'Rewrite History: Add More Dinosaurs' shirt to my medieval history lecture' than 'will boys I see think I'm cute and single?'" I don't like people judging my appearance and assuming I did it for them.

As such, I feel like it's fair for me to expect that other human beings will show enough self-restraint to not talk to my boobs. I did not choose in the same way some girls do to wear a low cut shirt, or a tight t-shirt. I chose the shirt that made me feel least ugly that morning. If I find a guy attractive, and he's in, like, a tank top, I don't spend the conversation staring at his biceps, no matter how nice I find them. I sometimes notice another girl's cleavage, and when I do, I make an effort to not keep looking at it, because I don't know she's not like me—in a cleavage-bearing shirt because she felt least ugly in it.

I know some girls have been lucky enough that they were never stared at when it was unwanted; but I am not one of them. And honestly, I don't care how long the looking goes on for, I really appreciate it if I don't see any prolonged looking at all. At the very least, I expect other adults to keep eye contact when I'm TALKING. And yes, I have had guys stare directly at my cleavage while I'm talking.

In short, I guess, my problem with guys looking at my cleavage is that they're assuming I dressed that way for them. I don't have a problem with someone finding me attractive, and I don't want people to pretend they don't; what I don't want is for them to make it painfully obvious with their actions and not their words. A quick compliment, a "you look nice today," is way preferable to eyes fixed on my boobs.
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Deedles
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Re: Clothing and the way people treat you

Postby Deedles » 01 Apr 2012, 01:07

I simply don't like people looking at me, especially when I'm not talking to them, full-stop, because I have agoraphobia, which makes me think that people are staring at me because they think I'm weird, or ugly, or somehow repulsive or strange.

When I'm talking to someone I don't so much mind where they're looking, actually I don't keep tabs that well on where they're looking as I have a hard time keeping eye contact and thus my own gaze is always moving all over the place.

So, I couldn't care less is someone is looking at my face or my chest, it freaks me out either way.

And that's my two cents.
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TheRocket
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Re: Clothing and the way people treat you

Postby TheRocket » 02 Apr 2012, 08:09

I don't care if people look. It's the stalking/following and whislting and trying to have sex with me that I mind.
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Tycherin
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Re: Clothing and the way people treat you

Postby Tycherin » 02 Apr 2012, 15:49

Rocket, is that seriously a thing that happens? I've only ever seen behavior like that in movies. And rap videos. Maybe I just don't hang out with the right people.
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concupiscentcrustacean
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Re: Clothing and the way people treat you

Postby concupiscentcrustacean » 03 Apr 2012, 08:08

TheRocket wrote:I don't care if people look. It's the stalking/following and whislting and trying to have sex with me that I mind.


Yeah. This. People are going to look, you can't always control that. Please don't whistle at me, or yell from your car. No one likes that. It will not make me go home with you. Turning your car around and trying to get me to go somewhere with you is even creepier.
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Re: Clothing and the way people treat you

Postby Jamfalcon » 03 Apr 2012, 08:17

Tycherin wrote:Rocket, is that seriously a thing that happens? I've only ever seen behavior like that in movies. And rap videos. Maybe I just don't hang out with the right people.


I'm pretty sure this actually means you do hang out with the right people.
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Season's Beatings
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Re: Clothing and the way people treat you

Postby Season's Beatings » 03 Apr 2012, 15:48

I will admit outside of my job I do stare a bit. Not in any kind of pervy way. Just some stupid part of my brain doesn't rest until I've scanned my surroundings several times over. Makes me a super observant creep to most.

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