Avistew wrote:I understand being upset that people are ignoring what you say because they're too busy staring. Or that there is a length of time past which looking at your body while you are talking to them is a bit creepy. But I don't think I'll never understand why anyone would want people to pretend they aren't attractive, and what's polite about it.
So, there's a lot of interesting discussion in this thread, but I thought this comment of Avistew's was something I particularly wanted to respond to, so here we go.
I think we've had pretty different experiences, and while I don't think there's anything wrong with your opinion on this topic, Avistew, I just wanna put in a different view on the issue of staring and dressing "attractively."
Here's the thing about me: I'm short, and I have large breasts even for a tall girl. There is absolutely no shirt I can wear that does NOT emphasize my boobs. Additionally, I have wide hips, a bubble butt, and I carry a bit of weight on my legs and my tummy. Add all that up, and it's hard to find clothes that fit and don't make me look like a cow, which I'm not, but MAN is it easy for me to feel that way. So for me it's not about choosing when to dress up for people, it's about choosing clothes that are comfortable and that I feel like less of a circus clown in. I very rarely dress to please others; and when I do, I'm usually more thinking "I probably shouldn't wear the 'Rewrite History: Add More Dinosaurs' shirt to my medieval history lecture' than 'will boys I see think I'm cute and single?'" I don't like people judging my appearance and assuming I did it for them.
As such, I feel like it's fair for me to expect that other human beings will show enough self-restraint to not talk to my boobs. I did not choose in the same way some girls do to wear a low cut shirt, or a tight t-shirt. I chose the shirt that made me feel least ugly that morning. If I find a guy attractive, and he's in, like, a tank top, I don't spend the conversation staring at his biceps, no matter how nice I find them. I sometimes notice another girl's cleavage, and when I do, I make an effort to not keep looking at it, because I don't know she's not like me—in a cleavage-bearing shirt because she felt least ugly in it.
I know some girls have been lucky enough that they were never stared at when it was unwanted; but I am not one of them. And honestly, I don't care how long the looking goes on for, I really appreciate it if I don't see any prolonged looking at all. At the very least, I expect other adults to keep eye contact when I'm TALKING. And yes, I have had guys stare directly at my cleavage while I'm talking.
In short, I guess, my problem with guys looking at my cleavage is that they're assuming I dressed that way for them. I don't have a problem with someone finding me attractive, and I don't want people to pretend they don't; what I don't want is for them to make it painfully obvious with their actions and not their words. A quick compliment, a "you look nice today," is way preferable to eyes fixed on my boobs.
