The Sex Thread 2: Because Two Hands Are Better Than One

[MinniChi]

My boyfriend knows my brother, and with my new hair cut, I look A LOT like him. Only older, and female. And since my brother is only 8, it really weirds out my bf. Probably because he doesn't want the think of my brother AT ALL when he's doing grown up stuff to me.

[Psyclone]

Can't say I blame him, honestly.

[TheRocket]

Yeah, I still think that's sad for someone to put off having sex because he associates your haircut with an 8 year old brother. I guess if you really want you can get a wig, but personally I think your hair is sexy and suits you. SELF LOVE TIME, then.


In other news.

[King Kool]

So... here's something I've been mulling in my head.

Ever since 50 Shades of Mediocrity got unleashed on the world, I keep thinking, "I need to write some smut." I even have something I've been working on that's much more overtly sexual than anything I've written before.

But... I really have no interest in actually writing about people's organs enter where they're supposed to go (or where they're not!). I think I wanted it to be smutty, but I've chickened out once major organs get involved. Is the coitus the scintillating part for people who read that crap?

"He made the same move five hundred times in a row, someone screamed, nails scratched lines into wood, and then it was over."

I've teased the idea of writing some smaller works and trying to sell them for $0.99 on Amazon (some people sell 1000 word stories for 99 cents, and I think that's robbery). I could try to mine some really specific fetish, like a robotic maid who's programmed to rapidly gain weight or something. I mean, I wrote that godawful Jer/Duck fic, so clearly I have it in me.

[Avistew]

Erotica isn't about the clinical description. It's, like sex itself, a mix of tension, sensuality and action. You obviously don't have to describe each thrust. I would go with describing things that make the sexual tension apparent, then describing foreplay like stuff, then describing the sex more rapidly.

If you do write about fetishes, then obviously focus on the fetish part. If it's roleplay, focus on the outfits and the way they play their roles. Make sure to describe how they feel about it, too. If it's a specific act, describe that act, there won't really be away around it, but it doesn't have to be sexual, it could be washing someone's feet for instance.

If you want to know more about writing erotica, read a bunch of it. A lot will suck, but try and take tips from the ones you like. There are plenty of websites where you can read lots of erotica online. See what YOU like and write about that, you can usually tell when the person who wrote isn't actually into it.

[TheRocket]

Yeah, like beads of sweat running down pulsating triceps whilst chopping wood... JUST SAYING.

[MinniChi]

I recommend anyone to read even a chapter of fifty shades of chicken. That book is pure erotica, mixed into a cookbook. It's almost NSFW.

[King Kool]

...then, have I accidentally been writing erotica? I've just been trying to get people into weirder situations and hit as many different kinks as are realistic.

Also, when I say "smut," I mean the lowest form of erotica. But it's hard to write something completely artlessly.

"DId I mention he was a robot? Cuz that's kinda important. Yeah. A robot. Awesome."

[Psyclone]

I recommend anyone to read even a chapter of fifty shades of chicken. That book is pure erotica, mixed into a cookbook. It's almost NSFW.

Wait, really? Finally, something for us chicken fetishists.

[vazhkatsi]

literotica man, me and my girlfriend are on it ALL the time. we even like the same general sections. I'm apparently a bit odd for a guy because normal porn doesn't do it for me, I prefer erotica. most stuff on there is pretty bad, but some of it is quite good. Of course, you don't read smut for its literary and aesthetic value.

[JustAName]

Most stuff on there is *really* bad. XD

[Avistew]

Yeah, I prefer going with actually published stuff. You need to pay for it (unless you get them from the library) but you have a better idea what to expect, especially since they're usually sorted into collections.

This being said, I like literotica because it's handy and can be a spur of the moment thing. Just pretty frustrating at times when nothing is remotely readable.

[TorachiKatashi]

I've always been someone who preferred to read rather than watch.

That said, there's basically nothing I can read anymore, erotica or not, because I've become such a grammar Nazi over the years that something as simple as one missing apostrophe halfway through the story ruins the entire thing for me and I immediately have to stop reading it.

[Avistew]

Try audiobooks.

[PlasmaCow]

I recommend anyone to read even a chapter of fifty shades of chicken. That book is pure erotica, mixed into a cookbook. It's almost NSFW.

Dale read it aloud during DB6 with innocent words censored, it was hilarious.

[MinniChi]

I recommend anyone to read even a chapter of fifty shades of chicken. That book is pure erotica, mixed into a cookbook. It's almost NSFW.

Dale read it aloud during DB6 with innocent words censored, it was hilarious.

I must find that section!

[Master Gunner]

I can't find Dale reading from 50 Shades of Chicken, but that does sound like his reading of 50 Shades of Grey.

[PlasmaCow]

^ that's the one!
when I tried to search "Dale 50 shades" just the "50 Shades of Tetris" 50-word story winner came up.

[Master Gunner]

Use this for finding things from DB6, helps when a bunch of things had to be pushed into one video when we were playing catch-up.

[Dubious_wolf]

First kiss.
Indicative of future events.
This space reserved for future jubilations.

[Digital Dolphin]

I'm a little embarrassed by how out of practice I've become, when it comes to sex. On the bright side, practice makes perfect!

The culture shock of going from a 5 year dry spell, to having a rather demanding partner, has been a bit trying at times though I'll admit.

[Elomin Sha]

My entire life is a dry spell. HI-OH!

[The Jester]

Is that because of all the fire you have in your life?

[Elomin Sha]

Very much so.

[JustAName]

My wife and boyfriend are currently making plans over twitter (she is admittedly drunk at the moment) to have a threesome with me. I wonder if this should be cross-posted to the thread of win.