The Not Having Sex Thread

[Elomin Sha]

One or two more days of looking back at how my mind functions I might be able to explain how my mind works on the subject.

I could win the Nobel Prize. Quick. Call a press conference.

[AdmiralMemo]

Add me to the list, as I'm a virgin as well. People look at me weird, but I don't see the big deal. I have better things to do with my time than get an endorphin rush.

[PlasmaCow]

It might just be me, but (as a virgin with an SO who is also a virgin,) I don't think I've ever met anyone outside of the sixth grade who was a virgin simply because they "never had the opportunity." I've really only ever seen this in movies and TV and stupid shit like that. Never seen the desperate kid who just wants to have sex SO BAD but just can't find anyone. In this day and age, finding someone to have sex with would probably take about two hours and a Facebook account.

Outside of those who are celibate/virginal for religious reasons, it's not that people "haven't had the opportunity" it's that they've either messed up chances they have had, or are interested in more than just sex with someone they wish to be intimate with. Some people have 0 interest in one-night stands, but perhaps aren't socially skilled or simply unlucky and can't make progress with getting dates (or doing well at them).

Plus online dating takes just as much time and effort as the regular kind, more-so perhaps as any girl who meets the societal "average attraction" or higher will be inundated with messages and can pick-and-choose/ignore without feeling impolite. Requiring messaging dozens of girls to get a single response.

And speaking of time, some folks choose to focus on furthering themselves, their studies/careers before even considering looking for relationships, my best friend did that and only started dating over a year after he landed a solid job after finishing Uni.

This is ignoring prostitution too, as if someone really just wants to loose their virginity and doesn't care who or how you can get it done for under £50 no questions asked.



Personally, I'm a virgin, I'm 24.
Do like like being a virgin? Not especially.

Is it because of any religious reasons? No.

Have I had opportunities? Yes, I've blown chances at relationships a couple of times.

Why not a 1-night stand? Because it's not what I want, I want lasting companionship, even if a relationship only lasted a couple months I'd rather that over a string of one-night stands. If I was offered one I probably wouldn't turn it down, but it's not what I'm out for.

Am I sociable? Yes, I've a large group of friends and good acquaintances both locally and around the country, but in large gatherings I'm often one of the quieter ones.

Have I used online dating? Yes, as I say though, it can take hours and hours and hours or reading profiles and sending messages before a single reply and even then you're not guaranteed any further replies from someone. And because of the time-sink that it is I only dip in and out of it, I've managed to get a couple dates, but no lasting contact.

What about prostitution? In my mind so long as there's no coercion or drug addiction-supporting involved then I've no moral qualms with it, they can make a fucking mint at it as well (pun not intended). But it's not capable of providing the day-to-day companionship I want, and so I've no interest in it.

[Avistew]

I think there is a difference between not getting the opportunity to have a one-night stand, and not getting the opportunity to have a relationship. Relationships are what we were talking about at the time, after all, and while sex is the topic of the thread, and an aspect of relationships (and for some people, the reason they enter their first one), it can be harder to fine someone to date (which requires both of you to be interested in each other in a more long-term way) than a one-night stand, or random sex.

Also, some people interested in sex might be worried about having it with someone they don't know, even if they would be interested in casual sex with someone that they trust.

In the end, I think there is a spectrum, from completely uninterested in relationships (and/or sex) ever, to open to it but not looking for it, to kinda looking for it, to obsessively looking for it and being willing to grab any opportunity with anyone who's willing.
People who are open to it but not actively looking might very well feel they "never really had the opportunity" because that's not something they're going out of their way to get, they're waiting for it to show up for them.

So one could say "if I have the opportunity, I'll grab it" and not mean "I'll spend my time trying to hook up online", but "if someone I find attractive walks up to me and asks me out/propositions me, I'll give it a try and say yes".

[Phailhammer]

Those last two paragraphs pretty much describe me.

[WAYF]

Day 7144: Still not having sex.
I can't work out whether that sounds like a really short or really long time when I phrase it like that.

I think I have the opposite problem, in that I am fine with the idea of casual sex, but I perceive that nobody else in my social circle wants that kind of deal, so... nothing I can do about that.
(I could of course be wrong, but I don't think so.)

[The Jester]

Does that 19 and a half years include the decade or so at the start where you weren't actually sexually active?

[Elomin Sha]

If you're not sexually active then you never have a start point. Just like me.

[ex-Lurker]

Wait, does that mean you were never born Elomin?

[Elomin Sha]

Hell no. I was created by the bag and I created the bag. We are one in the same. Now get in the bag!

[Tycherin]

Wait, if you and the bag are one and the same thing, and you are putting people in the bag, then that means...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sigmund_Freud

[Elomin Sha]

No.

[WAYF]

Does that 19 and a half years include the decade or so at the start where you weren't actually sexually active?

I should hope so!
Unless you want me to count forwards from the exact date at which I realized that having sex was probably not for me? (which is a lot harder to pin down)

[Elomin Sha]

For me that's easy. Day 1.

[Avistew]

Does that 19 and a half years include the decade or so at the start where you weren't actually sexually active?

What do you mean "when you weren't actually sexually active?" I assumed the whole 19 and a half years were him (him, right?) not being sexually active. Did he say anywhere tat he had sex when he was... according to what you're saying, ten?

I assumed the implications were that he's 19 and a half, and a virgin. Or 19 and a half, and not having sex right now (as the number of days could just be the number of days he has lived, not the number of days he's been sexless).

[PlasmaCow]

I would assume Jester is asking if that includes the 11-13 years pre-sexual maturity?

[The Jester]

Yeah. I've just always phrased that transition in my head as "becoming sexually active". I don't mean that you start having sex, just that you are capable of having it, or not.

[Metcarfre]

Yeah, that's not what that means.

[AlexanderDitto]

Yeah. I've just always phrased that transition in my head as "becoming sexually active". I don't mean that you start having sex, just that you are capable of having it, or not.

Biologically, that's called "reaching sexual maturity." I would advise you... to correct that phrasing, because it's... bad.