The depressing depression thread

[cuddlyblade]

Can't really find any reason to live anymore. Don't really have any reason to die either though. Seem to be in some sort of meh place where I can barely find the energy or desire to do anything or care about anyone anymore. Finding that I really need to force myself to do anything, even get out of bed in the morning. When I finally do managed to do something especially if it's around other people I really have to fight to not indulge the nasty parts of my personality.

[Frednotbob]

Cuddlyblade, you're may be clinically depressed. I'd recommend seeing a doctor ASAP to be on the safe side.

There are loads of people that want to see you succeed, and despite the 'limbo' you feel you're in right now, *you can get through this*. I know that's true, I've been there.

I hope everything works out.

(Folks, if you know someone who *is* depressed, give them a hug. Help them get through another day. The real pain of depression is in thinking you have to struggle alone.)

[My pseudonym is Ix]

Yeah, this fear is getting to crippling levels lately.

Irrational fears, I've dealt with before and moved past. How do you deal with rational fears, though?

Rational fears you can't dismiss; you just have to face them down. That's what courage is. If that sounds flippant or insulting, it isn't meant to be; it's just the only advice that I know is true.

Can't really find any reason to live anymore. Don't really have any reason to die either though. Seem to be in some sort of meh place where I can barely find the energy or desire to do anything or care about anyone anymore. Finding that I really need to force myself to do anything, even get out of bed in the morning. When I finally do managed to do something especially if it's around other people I really have to fight to not indulge the nasty parts of my personality.

Serial lethargy and ambivalence is a classic depressive symptom caused by a misfiring chemical interaction within your body (a post a few pages back included a video on the science of depression that explains it far better than I ever can). Unfortunately, I know of no solution that doesn't involve getting out and getting the other neurons firing off on all cylinders, and so we have the eternal Catch-22 of serious depression: it's almost impossible to get better without interacting with the world, and yet it's unimaginably hard to do anything unless you are feeling better.

[Psycat Aurora]

I haven't been this depressed in a long time. Everywhere I look, something is wrong. I get frequent migraines and chronic pain. I can't even sleep anymore unless I take medication to knock me out. When I go to my doctor, she listens to my problems and prescribes medication to fix it and the medication doesn't even seem to work. If I ever try to talk to anyone else about my problems I either get ignored or told it will get better, and it never does. I've had severe depression for as long as I can remember, and I don't think I've ever really been happy. At this point, when someone asks me why I'm acting distant, I just say I'm tired while I'm fighting back tears.
I just came back from visiting my grandmother in the hospital. Things are not going well and I had to try very hard not to cry while I talked to her to take her mind off the pain. She's so weak now that she could barely make eye contact when I told her I loved her. It really felt like it might be the last time I get to say it. Now that I'm alone I can finally let the tears come.
I really don't know what to do anymore. I'm worried that things are only going to get worse. I really need help.

[Rikadyn]

Well getting so drunk that you can't move helps me, now i'm only lamenting how few friends i seem to have anymore

[cuddlyblade]

Been talking to some people and though I havn't really been sleeping all that well I'm feeling somewhat better.

[MisterDee]

Are you seeing a real psychiatrist, Psycat?

Treating depression is really difficult, and by and large generalists don't have the skills to do it. They'll treat the symptoms and ignore the root cause, or prescribe you something that doesn't work for you and just keep raising the dosage when it fails to work.

If you're not seeing a specialist, insist on getting one. Go to the ER if you have to. Don't let a generalist with delusions of grandeur screw your life.

Seriously, there are dozens of treatment option, all slightly different, and some of them might work very well for you while some don't work at all. I know someone who reacted super well to the minimum dosage for someone half her size, while super-strong doses of somethnig else did nothing.

If your doctor is just giving you random stuff to help you sleep while not searching for an actual treatment option for your depression, he's not doing his job properly and you should get a new one.

As to talking with other people - we've got this weird taboo on mental health in our culture. People really, really want to pretend you can will yourself to get better, and it's simply not true.

[Dutch guy]

Psycat, I'm sure its probably not something you want to hear, or something you've heard a thousand times before, but MisterDee is right. Now would be a good time to start talking to a real psychiatrist I think.

[My pseudonym is Ix]

What they said.

[Psycat Aurora]

I actually have been seeing a psychiatrist every month or so, but it doesn't seem to be helping me very much. The only solution the doctor has given me has been various medications. When I went to her after having insomnia for several weeks, she offered me pills. That seemed to work fine at first, but when things start going bad, the pills seem to do nothing. My problem is that most of the doctors I have seen don't seem to take my problems seriously or offer me any kind of long term solution. I'm going back again next week and I'm going to have to put a lot of stress on just how bad things have gotten and hope to get a better solution than a prescription.

[JustAName]

Well, that's kind of what psychiatrists do. They're the ones who prescribe things. You might want to see a psychologist instead?

[MisterDee]

At this point, I should probably make it clear that I am not myself a doctor, just someone who's had to live with (and help) someone suffering from chronic depression. So don't take any of the following advice as more than informed suggestions.

1-First, medication is the long-term solution for chronic depression. Psychological treatment can help (and is usually recommended) but it won't cure chronic depression alone.

2-The medication that's actually going to cure your depression takes at least 4-6 weeks to start having a noticeable effect. Your psychiatrist might also prescribe stuff to deal with short-term issues (like suicidal feelings, lack of sleep, etc.) but that's treating symptoms, not the underlying cause.

3-If you've been using the same medication for a long period, and there isn't improvement, your psychiatrist should be willing to try something else. Unfortunately, some of them have their favorite treatment and keep prescribing it for way longer than they should. You having trouble sleeping after months of treatment is absolutely not normal and IMO is a pretty big sign you're not on the right meds.

Corollary to 3-If your doctor is still trying various treatment and changing your medication every two or three months... keep at it. You'll find the right meds eventually.

4-A word of encouragement: once you find the right treatment, things will improve immensely. Correctly treated, chronic depression is invisible.

Also - it sounds like you're going through tough times as well. That is obviously not helping, and I hope things improve for you. :/

[JustAName]

New Quest Available!

Take a photograph of yourself jumping in a weird location. The jumping is necessary, the photograph preferred but not essential. Tell people you're doing it for a scavenger hunt or something.

Rewards: +200 XP +1 Skill point in jumping

[Keab42]

I might be able to achieve this. Is it OK to get somebody else to take the photo?

[Master Gunner]

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that is very much allowed.

[JustAName]

Yes! I hope that you will!

[LogicSword]

Does Bruges count as a weird location?

[Psycat Aurora]

I've been sitting at home for most of the day so I've had some time to think and clear my head. Yesterday's trip to the hospital was definitely a tipping point for me and the news is not getting any better. I'm still feeling pretty low but I've managed to drag myself out of my hole just enough to start thinking more logically again. I realize that I am probably placing too much of the blame on my doctor. I've had bad experiences in the past with doctors jerking me around, but my current psychiatrist has actually been good. When I get really depressed, I wish I could go to the doctor and instantly get something that will make my problems go away. But when I'm thinking more clearly, I realize that's not really possible. I know the medication helps but for me it's not going to be enough.
I will be seeing the doctor again in a few days. I'll try my best to explain what's going on and see what she can recommend. My psychiatrist has referred me to therapists in the past and I've found it helpful. I'm thinking I may need to start doing that again. I might not be able to afford to see a psychologist, but I think it's worth it to see what options I have. Especially with everything that's been going on in my life lately, I think I'm going to need it.
It definitely helps just to talk about it, which is why I've been venting here so much lately. So thanks for the support.

[Lord Chrusher]

Does Bruges count as a weird location?

Fucking Bruges

[LogicSword]

Perhaps that's what hell is. The rest of eternity spent in Bruges.

[Keab42]

Jumping at MCM London ComicCon:

[JustAName]

Woo! Go you!

[Rikadyn]

New Quest Available!

Take a photograph of yourself jumping in a weird location. The jumping is necessary, the photograph preferred but not essential. Tell people you're doing it for a scavenger hunt or something.

Rewards: +200 XP +1 Skill point in jumping

When I read this the first time, I thought ya meant like jumping off a bridge and thought it was a really dark thing to be doing in this thread...

[Myrph]

So, I just watched Silver Linings Playbook, which is most certainly a film. Didn't realise it was about a guy dealing with mental illness until after I started watching the film, so that was a surprise.

I'll admit there were times where it was somewhat uncomfortable for me to watch, as I could see quite a few parallels with my own experiences with mental illness, which were a little weird to look at from the external perspective. There were also a couple of moments where I didn't particularly like the direction it looked like the film was going to take (find a soul mate who is just as damaged as you are and find true happiness by solving each others problems with your own), but ultimately I liked the way they dealt with the issue of mental health and its perception in general, although the ending was a little too happy and perfect with everyone's issues seemingly solved through the power of love and money.

Its made me realise that I still haven't really confronted what has happened to me and what my approach to it has been up til now. I don't know yet what the questions I need to ask of myself are, nor quite what I need to do about it, but its made me realise I need to do some thinking and find something productive to take myself forward with. If nothing else, maybe I should continue reading Wil Wheaton's autobiography, considering that helped give me one of my first big reappraisal of what was going on.

So, uh, anyone else watched the movie, or watched/read/experienced something else that has given them a different perspective on what they're dealing with?

[2stepz]

I re-stumbled across this today and thought it could help some of us. https://www.superbetter.com/

Also - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5t3y7EeBhxg