The depressing depression thread

[AdmiralMemo]

I've realized that the hardest people to deal with or even to reason with are those who are "sincerely wrong." Now, people like this can be easily identified in the broad sense (the 9/11 hijackers, Holocaust deniers, etc.). However, the implication of that is that I just realized that it also happens on the small scale as well. The fact that I'm pretty sure everyone (including me) has at least one thing they sincerely believe that is absolutely wrong is kind of depressing.

[AdmiralMemo]

Why does my brain go to the darkest, most depressing places when I go to bed? Sleep and rest are supposed to be comforting.

[NebulosDisconcertion]

Hiding from reality is not working.
Plan B: do it anyway but with more anxiety!

[Fezzul]

I'm feeling kind of low. I just moved house, it's a nice place I've moved in to, but there was a hell of a lot of financial, legal, physical and emotional stress involved in moving out of the old place, and its taken its toll on me. I'm looking forward to a gentler week this week, hopefully, and have been taking some time out to hang around with friends and deal with parts of my life that aren't apartment related.

Last night we had an evening of monopoly and other board games at a friend's place. It was fun, but I felt on edge all evening, I think I was acting strangely, being a bit of a hard-arse in Monopoly (because that's how you win). I was also drinking quite a bit of cider. I drank steadily all evening. Never self-destructively, but just more than usual. At about 2-3AM I was feeling lonely, and chatted to my friends about it. This past week and a bit has been tough. I have been working hard, and trying to organize a very difficult period in my life, and keep all the balls in the air from my various commitments at the same time. And I have succeeded. Just. I'm pretty worn down.

I've also kind of fallen in love with one of my friends, who has a boyfriend in back in England who she's been with since they were kids. At first it was sort of a secret, now it feels like everyone knows, or thinks that I'm trying to do something to break them up. Which I'm not, but I can't help how I feel. And the only reason people know is because the last time we were out at a bar, me and said friend spent most of the night dancing together, talking very intently, and (because of how loud the place was and we were a little drunk) we ended up with our heads pressed against each other so that we could hear what the other one was saying. And it probably looked like we were going to start kissing. Which we might have been, I'm not sure, someone interrupted us whilst I was busy explaining why I was a genius.

I don't know what to make of the whole situation. I really like her, we get along great, we have a scary amount of stuff in common, and she likes me. She really likes me. She has flat out told me that if she didn't have a boyfriend we would be going out. And I don't know what I'm supposed to do with any of this information. I'm not the guy who breaks up people's relationships, at least I thought I wasn't. Also, is that what I'm doing? It's pretty audacious to assume that I could break up a twelve year relationship. And I feel like a victim here, because I've fallen for someone unavailable, that's making me unhappy, the fact that something might have almost happened between us has made talking with my friends awkward, that makes me unhappy, and, really, there's no way this works out for me. Everyone seems very concerned with how she feels because her boyfriend is away, no-one seems to care about what this is doing to me. I've fallen in to something that's hopeless. That, unless fates conspire to create some miracle in my favour, this has no way of working out for me. I'm left trying to do the right thing and answering all my own 'What-ifs?' All she has to do is wait the three weeks for her boyfriend to come along and she'll be right as rain again. And yet people are keeping me that little bit at arms length. Or at least that's how it feels.

And the thing is, even if I could 'steal her', it would still be her decision. I don't want anyone to do anything they don't want to do. But if she wanted to be with me, surely that's her decision, and not her friends'.

I had a dream the other night, where a good friend of mine hugged me, and I suddenly felt completely calm and at peace. Because someone loved me enough to hold on tightly to me, because they thought I could protect them, and because they believed it, I believed it, and I felt like anything was possible.

Today after I woke up, having spent the night at the friend's place where we had been playing board games, I was told I had talked in my sleep and behaved a bit strangely when one of them tried to wake me up. I've also been having nightmares about packing boxes whilst falling asleep on the Subway.

So I'm depressed. Partly just because of the aftershock of all this stuff with the apartment, partly due to exhaustion, and partly due to the horrible love situation I seem to have gotten myself in to.

I don't feel like it's too much to ask to have one person who loves me and gets me, who I love and get too. And yet whenever I feel like I might be getting somewhere close to that, something makes it impossible.

I feel like the freak that I am. Tall, awkward, never quite fitting in, everyone looking at me like they're not quite sure what to make of me.

I don't know if this makes any sense. All I know is that all this week I have wanted to cry, and I haven't been able to.

[My pseudonym is Ix]

I'm feeling kind of low. I just moved house, it's a nice place I've moved in to, but there was a hell of a lot of financial, legal, physical and emotional stress involved in moving out of the old place, and its taken its toll on me. I'm looking forward to a gentler week this week, hopefully, and have been taking some time out to hang around with friends and deal with parts of my life that aren't apartment related.

Last night we had an evening of monopoly and other board games at a friend's place. It was fun, but I felt on edge all evening, I think I was acting strangely, being a bit of a hard-arse in Monopoly (because that's how you win). I was also drinking quite a bit of cider. I drank steadily all evening. Never self-destructively, but just more than usual. At about 2-3AM I was feeling lonely, and chatted to my friends about it. This past week and a bit has been tough. I have been working hard, and trying to organize a very difficult period in my life, and keep all the balls in the air from my various commitments at the same time. And I have succeeded. Just. I'm pretty worn down.

I've also kind of fallen in love with one of my friends, who has a boyfriend in back in England who she's been with since they were kids. At first it was sort of a secret, now it feels like everyone knows, or thinks that I'm trying to do something to break them up. Which I'm not, but I can't help how I feel. And the only reason people know is because the last time we were out at a bar, me and said friend spent most of the night dancing together, talking very intently, and (because of how loud the place was and we were a little drunk) we ended up with our heads pressed against each other so that we could hear what the other one was saying. And it probably looked like we were going to start kissing. Which we might have been, I'm not sure, someone interrupted us whilst I was busy explaining why I was a genius.

I don't know what to make of the whole situation. I really like her, we get along great, we have a scary amount of stuff in common, and she likes me. She really likes me. She has flat out told me that if she didn't have a boyfriend we would be going out. And I don't know what I'm supposed to do with any of this information. I'm not the guy who breaks up people's relationships, at least I thought I wasn't. Also, is that what I'm doing? It's pretty audacious to assume that I could break up a twelve year relationship. And I feel like a victim here, because I've fallen for someone unavailable, that's making me unhappy, the fact that something might have almost happened between us has made talking with my friends awkward, that makes me unhappy, and, really, there's no way this works out for me. Everyone seems very concerned with how she feels because her boyfriend is away, no-one seems to care about what this is doing to me. I've fallen in to something that's hopeless. That, unless fates conspire to create some miracle in my favour, this has no way of working out for me. I'm left trying to do the right thing and answering all my own 'What-ifs?' All she has to do is wait the three weeks for her boyfriend to come along and she'll be right as rain again. And yet people are keeping me that little bit at arms length. Or at least that's how it feels.

And the thing is, even if I could 'steal her', it would still be her decision. I don't want anyone to do anything they don't want to do. But if she wanted to be with me, surely that's her decision, and not her friends'.

I had a dream the other night, where a good friend of mine hugged me, and I suddenly felt completely calm and at peace. Because someone loved me enough to hold on tightly to me, because they thought I could protect them, and because they believed it, I believed it, and I felt like anything was possible.

Today after I woke up, having spent the night at the friend's place where we had been playing board games, I was told I had talked in my sleep and behaved a bit strangely when one of them tried to wake me up. I've also been having nightmares about packing boxes whilst falling asleep on the Subway.

So I'm depressed. Partly just because of the aftershock of all this stuff with the apartment, partly due to exhaustion, and partly due to the horrible love situation I seem to have gotten myself in to.

I don't feel like it's too much to ask to have one person who loves me and gets me, who I love and get too. And yet whenever I feel like I might be getting somewhere close to that, something makes it impossible.

I feel like the freak that I am. Tall, awkward, never quite fitting in, everyone looking at me like they're not quite sure what to make of me.

I don't know if this makes any sense. All I know is that all this week I have wanted to cry, and I haven't been able to.

Dude

Decent few nights' sleep. Drink plenty of water. Get some proper solid food down you: nothing fancy, meat & potatoes will do just fine. Keep away from booze for a few days, even 'just a few'.

Seriously, just have a week of nothing special happening. Sadness=Causes^Stress

[Bebop Man]

She has flat out told me that if she didn't have a boyfriend we would be going out. And I don't know what I'm supposed to do with any of this information.

I'll be honest, being the "next best thing" to a person who is in a relationship means squat. If she really wanted to be with you, she's be with you, period. She's not because she prefers the person she's actually with. Simple as that.

I'm sorry if this sounds too curt to you, but I'm only brash about it because I've been in a similar position in my day and I only wish somebody had set the record straight for me back then. My advice is a horrid "get over it", because your feelings for her are clearly stronger than her own, and I wouldn't want to date someone who has it in herself to tell people "I'd be with you if I already wasn't with my boyfriend".

[Deedles]

I'm stuck in a situation between two friends who are depressed and at odds with each other and I'm treading on fucking thin ice because they both turn to me for shit about the other... I wouldn't mind if it was venting, but they know I'm friends with both of them so they both look to me...Fuck, just ... I feel so useless and shit right now.

[LogicSword]

I'm off to see the university counsellor tomorrow. Help.

[Deedles]

Oh, and now one of them is talking about killing himself ... again. Fuck... Just... fuck..... fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckdouble, tripple, fucking quadrople fuck

[Lord Hosk]

I really need something to get my spirits up. Anyone have any suggestions?

[Duckay]

To be honest, it depends on what way you need to be uplifted.

Here are some different options for different kind of spirits lifting.

1. Thread of soothing cuteness.
2. Give Little Lady Hosk, Littler Lady Hosk, or Littlest Lady Hosk a cuddle.
3. Embark on a project that will occupy your mind and make you feel worthwhile.
4. Listen to me when I say that I think you're an awesome person and don't get as much appreciation as you deserve.
5. Listen to really loud music while driving somewhere you don't need to go.
6. Have a beverage of your choice and a night without responsibilities (not to say you should act stupid, but I mean, take a night off from feeling like you have to do everything).

[Psycat Aurora]

So I finally got up the nerve to meet up with my boyfriend to talk about what's going on. It went pretty well actually. Not long after though, I got a long angry email because I went out instead of staying home to clean. I've essentially been given an ultimatum. I have a week and a half to make plans to move out or I'm going to be kicked out by the end of December regardless. Some friends of mine are thinking of renting a room and I was supposed to meet them today to discuss it but that didn't work out. Now I'm back home hiding in my room to avoid a problem and I am seriously stressed out. This day has not gone well.

[Fezzul]

Whenever I need cheering up I make a beeline for the Muppets. They always give me hope for the next thing.

[King Kool]

Whenever I need cheering up I make a beeline for the Muppets. They always give me hope for the next thing.

That sounds like a good idea.

My worst days are the days I don't even feel like writing. I'm just gonna go to bed early.

[Keab42]

I really need something to get my spirits up. Anyone have any suggestions?

Accept digital hugs from all your online friends?

Randomly troll Runners' Tumblr accounts with the most surreal anonymous asks you can come up with?

Take over a small moon?

[Dutch guy]

So I finally got up the nerve to meet up with my boyfriend to talk about what's going on. It went pretty well actually. Not long after though, I got a long angry email because I went out instead of staying home to clean. I've essentially been given an ultimatum. I have a week and a half to make plans to move out or I'm going to be kicked out by the end of December regardless. Some friends of mine are thinking of renting a room and I was supposed to meet them today to discuss it but that didn't work out. Now I'm back home hiding in my room to avoid a problem and I am seriously stressed out. This day has not gone well.

Do you have a lease agreement/rent contract/whatever? Because a month and a half is NOT a reasonable term to kick someone out. Unless you got the letter directly from the landlord, I'm not even sure your roommates COULD kick you out if they wanted to. So no matter how much you hate them and they hate you, as long as you have a rent agreement, afaik, you can't just be kicked out.

[Fezzul]

Dutch Guy is right, what are the circumstance of this 'kick-out'? Because if it's just roommates picking a fight and your name is on a lease, you have the power. If there is no lease and you're paying rent, you have the power, because there should be a lease. If your roommates forcibly move out your stuff, then they are breaking the law unless someone in a position of authority issues you with a notice to quit first. And even then, they have to give you a reasonable move-out period, and the notice to quit has to be given to you properly, or else the case can be dismissed.

I just went through a whole load of similar crap, and there are a shit tonne of good laws around to protect tenants from bad landlords that you can invoke if you need to.

That said, if it's an unhappy living environment, then you probably should get out, because it's not nice to come home every night to a place full of bad memories and insufferable people. But do not be rushed out. Find a nice place, with nice people, that you can afford, then move out when you're good and ready.

There are laws to protect you from being rushed out, and these laws exist for very good reasons. The government does not want people to be homeless, because homeless people are bad for the economy, so they don't want you rushed out of an apartment.

[Lord Chrusher]

I'm stressed about finding a post doc so I am putting off finding a post doc which is only making me more stressed about finding a post doc.

[DmitriW]

I made a post on my Facebook "coming out" about my depression, and the fact that I'm still struggling. I expected lots of messages from people who didn't want to see that kind of thing, or to be told that I was looking for attention.

I received good vibes, well wishes, and legitimate offers of support. I have not had a single person ask to be excluded from future updates on the subject.

Seriously boosts my faith in people.

[Psycat Aurora]

I had a similar experience lately. It helps to know people care.

[Dutch guy]

I feel this is the most important message to anyone struggling with depression. No matter how alone, excluded and abandoned you feel, know this: "You are NOT alone. There are many people out there who have dealt with the same shit, who want to support you and want you to feel better."


No matter how many dickheads tell you they don't want to be bothered by your shit, you don't just have to "get over it". No-one ever did, and no-one ever will.

[Fezzul]

I like the Extra Credits line. It was specifically about Game Compulsion, but the sentiment works all over.

"Life will always welcome you back."

[Kapol]

The fairly deep stuff that happened a few minutes ago in DB brought back a lot of my issues. It made me really dip down for a few minutes. Mostly because I'm not sure if I've had that moment of being 'pulled back.' I mean... normally I'm fine. But I have a lot of stuff I can... or more accurately won't deal with that basically makes me too afraid to do anything with my life. I dunno.

EDIT: I know one of the biggest issues that stops me from even trying to get through some of the titanic that lies behind this one. That is, namely, trust. I don't trust anyone. No offense to people here, but I don't even fully trust anyone here. Not enough to tell them all of my issues. I'm confident enough that nobody here would leak anything I said, but there's always my mind, insisting that it'd slip out. And beyond that, there's the nibbling fact that I know that it wouldn't be the same with whoever I told it to. Like... I really time I think I even might be willing to open up was because of it being someone I pay, like a therapist. And even then, I'm not sure it'd help.

[My pseudonym is Ix]

The fairly deep stuff that happened a few minutes ago in DB brought back a lot of my issues. It made me really dip down for a few minutes. Mostly because I'm not sure if I've had that moment of being 'pulled back.' I mean... normally I'm fine. But I have a lot of stuff I can... or more accurately won't deal with that basically makes me too afraid to do anything with my life. I dunno.

EDIT: I know one of the biggest issues that stops me from even trying to get through some of the titanic that lies behind this one. That is, namely, trust. I don't trust anyone. No offense to people here, but I don't even fully trust anyone here. Not enough to tell them all of my issues. I'm confident enough that nobody here would leak anything I said, but there's always my mind, insisting that it'd slip out. And beyond that, there's the nibbling fact that I know that it wouldn't be the same with whoever I told it to. Like... I really time I think I even might be willing to open up was because of it being someone I pay, like a therapist. And even then, I'm not sure it'd help.

It would help- no question. If you're not comfortable voicing it on here, voice it somewhere. Somewhere where you know there's going to be help at the other end- a therapist is one way, if you think that would work for you. Hell, talking to a therapist about why you don't want to talk to a therapist is beneficial in and of itself, and I feel quite privileged that you trust us sufficiently even to tell us that much.

[Psycat Aurora]

I never did hear back about that job. I had my hopes up so high and now I'm just thinking about what I probably did wrong on the test to make them not respond.
I'm getting increasingly unhappy being here. Some friends of mine are willing to rent me a room, but it won't be until January and I need to get a job so I can pay rent.
I spent a good portion of the day yesterday getting groceries and cleaning for everyone, so I wanted to relax last night and take my mind off things. I decided to bring up the Desert Bus feed and chat for a bit. I managed to make it for the Grant Imahara call. Of course, that turned out to be a bad idea, because they caught me watching it and started ridiculing me for "watching a bunch of people sit around a room" even after I tried to explain to them what it was.
It's clear to me now that I live with a bunch of immature, inconsiderate slobs.