The depressing depression thread

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SmknMirrs
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby SmknMirrs » 06 Dec 2014, 19:18

I know how you feel, elcalen; I'm primarily a single-player type of guy who isn't interested in multiplayer most of the time, but for those games where I'd like to try it, I don't know anyone personally who I can play games with. I could try and ask people on forums and such, but it's just too intimidating for me.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Lord Chrusher » 06 Dec 2014, 19:39

I am having one of those days when I feel rotten for no good reason.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Deedles » 06 Dec 2014, 20:56

I'm still waiting for the day where I'll have a 'This Is Me' moment. That moment where I no longer feel ashamed of not being a better musician and not being a better artist than I am. When I can simply do those things because I love them.

People say I choose my priorities, but thing is that music and art are things I've loved since I was a young, but now they make me feel miserable most of the time, not because I don't love music and art anymore, but because I hate on myself whenever I do them.

I want the joy of just being able to practice chords on my guitar, sing a song, and work on a doodle without judging myself every second. I want to be able to live again.
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elcalen
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby elcalen » 07 Dec 2014, 11:48

I hear ya, Deedles. That does sound very familiar. I think a lot of my issues are rooted in the fact that creative work (for me mainly music and writing) is all that's ever interested me, yet I have almost no belief in my talents and ability to successfully create anything worthwhile...
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Rikadyn
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Rikadyn » 08 Dec 2014, 01:23

Last edited by Rikadyn on 03 Mar 2015, 21:22, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby King Kool » 09 Dec 2014, 22:52

I can't get anything started lately.

I've watched some Youtube videos over and over again in this slump of mine. What I suspect is this is sort of like when people will watch their favorite movie over and over again when they're depressed. It's mostly watching something familiar instead of finding something new.

I think that feeling has stopped me from watching some of the discs I have on Netflix, that I've had for months. I just can't bring myself to watch them. I just dink around all day, and I've done it for weeks.
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Dutch guy
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Dutch guy » 10 Dec 2014, 06:55

GHAAAAHHHHHH, YOU TOOK A DAY OFF TO GET STUFF DONE.... and its 4 pm and all shops you needed to go to are closed...

God I hate myself right now.

I'm self sabotaging again.
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Lord Hosk
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Lord Hosk » 10 Dec 2014, 11:11

I am in the middle of a very frightening momemnt for me. its not so much the situation itself as what I know it is.

I sat down yesterday to study for my supply chain management class and didnt understand the material and I still don't. I dont mean I was confused by the intricacies of subject, I mean I dont understand what is on the paper. I have 16 pages of notes that I wrote over the past 5 weeks of classes, the symbols and phrases match up with what the study guide says, but I dont know what any of it means. I dont even remember the lectures or the homework which I partially finished.

I know that I forget things so I keep a pretty detailed record of my day "computer lab 10:15-11:00 11:-1130 lunch 1130-1 SCM... So I have a record that I attended this class 9 of the past 10 sessions. I have notes from those classes, but I have no memory of those classes, or of taking those notes.

I have a quiz which I dont remember taking which has some writing on it but it seems incoherent to me and I got a 50% with a "what happened?" note on the quiz.

The best way I can describe it is as though im trying to write the information on a bad sector of a hard drive. My brain is registering that data has been saved and makes the connection but when I go to retrieve that data I find its corrupted.

I have had blocks of time I don't remember before but nothing this severe. I had a time when I was on cq (guard duty) and the MP's came by to update me on some things that had happened on post. I wrote down a note about what had happened and who to contact if I see something, I remember them pulling up and I remember them walking out, I have no recollection of the conversation, but there is a note in the log in my hand writing.

If it were not for my notes and my time log I could easily say that I had not been in that class at all.

What scares me is how much else I could be missing, what else have I forgotten so completely that I dont even know Im not remembering it. What happens if this happens with something important.

Why is this happening now and why is it getting bigger?

I have heard that intelligent people are much more likely to be depressed, I suspect that its because we actually know whats going on.

I see myself slipping into dementia and its terrifying. I wish I was a moron so I wouldn't know what was going on.
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Dutch guy
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Dutch guy » 10 Dec 2014, 11:51

Damn, that freaks me out just reading about it. I can't even imagine how that feels.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby AdmiralMemo » 10 Dec 2014, 13:11

Oh dear Lord... *hugs Hosk* That is terrifying. :(
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby My pseudonym is Ix » 10 Dec 2014, 15:16

Shit, man... terrifying is the word
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Rikadyn
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Rikadyn » 13 Dec 2014, 02:27

Last edited by Rikadyn on 03 Mar 2015, 21:22, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby AdmiralMemo » 13 Dec 2014, 11:35

Yeah, same here. *hugs Rikadyn* :(
Graham wrote:The point is: Nyeh nyeh nyeh. I'm an old man.
LRRcast wrote:Paul: That does not answer that question at all.
James: Who cares about that question? That's a good answer.

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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby AlexanderDitto » 13 Dec 2014, 16:21

Lord Hosk wrote:I am in the middle of a very frightening momemnt for me. its not so much the situation itself as what I know it is.


This really sucks, Hosk. I'm sorry. :( I hope it's nothing major, just a passing lapse, or maybe something a doctor could help with. :( Thinking of you, man.
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Rikadyn
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Rikadyn » 13 Dec 2014, 21:42

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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Rikadyn » 14 Dec 2014, 15:38

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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Rikadyn » 14 Dec 2014, 15:38

Last edited by Rikadyn on 03 Mar 2015, 21:23, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby BlueChloroplast » 16 Dec 2014, 23:35

Lord Hosk I saw a segment a while back on the CBC (Canadian Broadcasting Corporation) about a woman who had severe memory problems after a sickness. She was given a camera to wear around her neck that took pictures in 2 second intervals. They found that looking at the pictures helped her remember things long forgotten (and I think her memory retention).
Neuroscience is a new field, but I know by helping the brain to create new neural pathways (by doing particular tasks) memory recovery has been found. Even if you are writing to a bad section of the hard drive, you can change the default save location to a good section. As well sometimes the directory is broken but the file is still there.

The brain is malleable and new neural pathways must be used many times before they become the default (every time you do the right thing in breaking a habit it becomes easier to do the right thing subconsciously). So there is hope of improvement and seeking expert advice/help is probably better earlier than later (This last paragraph goes out to every on this forum).
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Rikadyn » 20 Dec 2014, 01:53

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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby SmknMirrs » 20 Dec 2014, 15:57

I'm tired of spending every day feeling like a terrible person. Despite making an effort to change that, nothing helps. Exercising, therapy, psychiatry, drugs...all of it feels useless. The simple fact is that I absolutely hate myself. I drove my ex crazy; I oftentimes wonder what she saw in me. My self-doubt is part of what pushed her away, despite her trying numerous times to make me feel like I had potential to be something. I can't say I blame her for moving on and not talking to me anymore; I figure anyone else in her position would've done the same. I make everyone around me uncomfortable, and I just feel completely alone. If I don't even want to be around me, why should I expect anyone else to feel any different? This whole online dating thing that I've been encouraged to do is only making me feel worse. I can only try for a few minutes before I start feeling like garbage and give up. I hate myself for hating myself and lacking any sort of confidence to accomplish anything. Every day I wake up wishing I was dead. I don't think I'm capable of doing it myself (nor do I want to deep-down), but I feel like I don't truly know anything about myself anymore.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby MotorWaffle » 21 Dec 2014, 19:48

SmknMIrrs, I know it sounds rough, but you gotta keep plowing on. Maybe take a break from the dating thing and try to focus on you, any maybe focus on some things you can accomplish, even if they're the smallest thing you can think of.
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Deedles
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Deedles » 22 Dec 2014, 04:14

I feel really lonely, and yet I also feel extremely unsociable. I don't really want someone to tell how I feel, I just want someone to do something with.
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Rikadyn
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Rikadyn » 22 Dec 2014, 04:51

Last edited by Rikadyn on 03 Mar 2015, 21:24, edited 1 time in total.
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SmknMirrs
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby SmknMirrs » 22 Dec 2014, 22:22

Rikadyn wrote:
Deedles wrote:I feel really lonely, and yet I also feel extremely unsociable. I don't really want someone to tell how I feel, I just want someone to do something with.


Ditto. It's weird being in a city/country most people dream about visiting and not really feel like going anyplace cause you have to do it alone...


Yeah, that's sort of how I feel too. I'd like to do things with others sometimes, but I don't really know anyone to do anything with, nor do I think anyone would find me worth hanging out with. I have my best friend, but she has her own group of friends she goes out with, and when she's not with them, she's usually busy with work.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby LokiTheLiar » 23 Dec 2014, 06:06

Lord Hosk wrote:I am in the middle of a very frightening momemnt for me. its not so much the situation itself as what I know it is.


Lord Hosk, I hope you get well soon.
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