The depressing depression thread

Drop by and talk about anything you want. This is where all cheese-related discussions should go
User avatar
Merrymaker_Mortalis
Posts: 7223
Joined: 24 Feb 2010, 19:19
First Video: ENN's First Episode on Escapist
Location: Wales

Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Merrymaker_Mortalis » 27 Jun 2015, 09:49

Merrymaker_Mortalis wrote:Police are trying to find someone who was on my course.
I am very worried.


He's safe now.
User avatar
Danielle Pepin
Posts: 822
Joined: 15 Oct 2009, 04:23

Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Danielle Pepin » 27 Jun 2015, 12:48

Merrymaker_Mortalis wrote:
Merrymaker_Mortalis wrote:Police are trying to find someone who was on my course.
I am very worried.


He's safe now.


Glad to hear it and hope things get better.
Image Image
Click here, receive tweet: http://twitter.com/DaniellePepinAI
User avatar
Lord Hosk
Posts: 6587
Joined: 07 Dec 2011, 08:30
First Video: Checkpoint: Into the breach
Location: Half and inch below the knuckle of the ring finger. MI

Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Lord Hosk » 27 Jun 2015, 15:18

Beware Bering Crystal Bears, Bearing Crystals. (Especially if the crystals they are bearing are, themselves, Bering Crystal Bears.) -Old, Stupid Proverb

[–]Graham_LRR
You hear that Khoo? We're almost better than the comic!
User avatar
the_lone_bard
Posts: 1870
Joined: 26 Nov 2010, 08:39
First Video: Black box...i think.
Location: The other victoria (aus)
Contact:

Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby the_lone_bard » 27 Jun 2015, 16:32

Hah, guess karma might be true. I lose one of the people I looked up to, finding out that he thinks I'm all sorts of things...

And then one of the few people I have left that I look up to acknowledges me and reminds me that hey, I'm not alone or the only person dealing with depression. And all at once I'm reminded why I come here for support, and why I look up to the LRR crew so much, especially Paul and Alex who are vocal about their depression. Seems like an objectively minor thing, but it means a lot.
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/lone.bard
MsN: [email protected]
Skype: [email protected]
Steam: http://steamcommunity.com/id/TheLoneBard
Twitter: Thelonebard

I'm mean because you're stupid.
User avatar
Merrymaker_Mortalis
Posts: 7223
Joined: 24 Feb 2010, 19:19
First Video: ENN's First Episode on Escapist
Location: Wales

Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Merrymaker_Mortalis » 28 Jun 2015, 00:50

Dear Paul, bless you.
Dear Bard, bless you.
User avatar
Dutch guy
Posts: 5197
Joined: 11 Feb 2008, 17:12
First Video: History of Halo
Location: Southern Dutch Colonies

Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Dutch guy » 28 Jun 2015, 02:44

Dear Paul, thank you.
THE DUTCH!! THE DUTCH AGAIN!!!!!
Elomin Sha wrote:Dutch guy is the King of the Dutch.
Twinklefeet
Posts: 29
Joined: 28 Nov 2013, 04:08
First Video: A Stitch in Time

Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Twinklefeet » 28 Jun 2015, 03:47

I feel pretty darn low right now. I had such grand plans for where I was going in life, but now they've all blown up in my face. Sometime in the upcoming week I need to go to my old boss and beg for my old job back less than a month after I left. I don't even want to think about what'll happen to me if I can't get it (or something similar) back. I've been imploding with anxiety over it already.
JustAName
Posts: 7669
Joined: 30 Mar 2010, 21:08
First Video: Rapidfire I
Location: The Land of Unbearably Fashionable People and Lots of Cars

Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby JustAName » 28 Jun 2015, 07:33

Why did you leave in the first place? And why do you need the job back?
Alja-Markir wrote:Andy is the LRR Heart-throb.
Morgan is the LRR Crotch-throb.


And all I can do is read a book to stay awake. And it rips my life away, but it's a great escape.

Image
Twinklefeet
Posts: 29
Joined: 28 Nov 2013, 04:08
First Video: A Stitch in Time

Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Twinklefeet » 28 Jun 2015, 07:51

I left because I thought I was going to go on a course and become a full time student again. It's a bit of a long and convoluted story, but essentially I spent two months preparing to leave only to find out that I never had a place on the course to begin with. It's almost all my own fault since I impulsively rushed everything. I realise now going back over the correspondence I had with the college that it was much more ambiguous than I thought. So now, thanks to my own idiocy, I need my job back or I've got nothing. There is more to it, but that's the gist. Maybe someday I'll stop making these incredibly terrible life decisions.
JustAName
Posts: 7669
Joined: 30 Mar 2010, 21:08
First Video: Rapidfire I
Location: The Land of Unbearably Fashionable People and Lots of Cars

Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby JustAName » 28 Jun 2015, 08:29

How did you leave your work? Was it amicable at least?
Alja-Markir wrote:Andy is the LRR Heart-throb.
Morgan is the LRR Crotch-throb.


And all I can do is read a book to stay awake. And it rips my life away, but it's a great escape.

Image
Twinklefeet
Posts: 29
Joined: 28 Nov 2013, 04:08
First Video: A Stitch in Time

Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Twinklefeet » 28 Jun 2015, 12:19

It was amicable, I think they'd be happy to have me back if I asked. It's only a small business, there'd be no fuss and I know the job so they can be sure I'm competent. I'm probably being over-anxious about it. But I'm disappointed in myself. I recklessly did a Big Life Thing that's gone awry. It's not the first time it's happened. Coupled with a couple of other things that I've done recently, like not being able to sleep for >30 hours, it feels a lot like I'm losing control of myself.

I seem to have had an episode sneak up on me, and I'm trying my hardest to avoid screwing my life up again.
User avatar
the_lone_bard
Posts: 1870
Joined: 26 Nov 2010, 08:39
First Video: Black box...i think.
Location: The other victoria (aus)
Contact:

Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby the_lone_bard » 28 Jun 2015, 12:26

We all fall for that trap from time to time man. Look at me, at the start of the year on 2 days notice I moved across the state. A month later I moved back with lice and Scabies and now I'm facing a move across the country if I can't find a place locally. You didn't do anything wrong, you just got caught off guard, happens to all of us but we generally don't notice until it happens with something really big. No reason to be dissappointed in yourself, yeah you could have been more cautious. So could I. So could a lot of people over a lot of things. The important thing is to not make the exact same mistake again, and in the meantime figure out where to go from here, and it seems like you've got that figured out.

And I'll let you in on a secret, the only people who aren't trying their best not to screw up their lives are millionaires who can just throw money at anything and don't can't even understand the idea of screwing up their life. All the rest of us just try out best to figure things out as we go, some of us are better at hiding it than others and we look at those people and think "They've really got their shit together!" and then, it turns out they're just as clueless as the rest of us and trying desperately to hold it all together just like you and me.
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/lone.bard
MsN: [email protected]
Skype: [email protected]
Steam: http://steamcommunity.com/id/TheLoneBard
Twitter: Thelonebard

I'm mean because you're stupid.
User avatar
Merrymaker_Mortalis
Posts: 7223
Joined: 24 Feb 2010, 19:19
First Video: ENN's First Episode on Escapist
Location: Wales

Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Merrymaker_Mortalis » 28 Jun 2015, 12:33

I think I know why I feel this 'loneliness' sometimes.

I have social contact twice a week.
Sunday morning church service. Sunday evening service.
Tuesday homegroup.

I spend 5 days a week alone.

I have friends around here. I just live in the part of the world in the country. People are scattered. Bus routes converge onto one point and fan out. If you have a friend who lives on a different spoke from you, it's hard to get to them. You can't do spontaneous visits because you have to get home somehow.

Having a car is a huge advantage. Without one you are socially crippled. Your life relies on people giving you lifts and the time to do so and convenience for them.

A lot of my friends are busy. I am not busy. But because I am the only one not busy, I am alone and not busy.

I live in a house with a beautiful garden with a beautiful view. I want to share this with my friends.

I feel like I live in Rapunzel's tower, and I only get down from it twice a week. Atop of my tower is an amazing Eden which I want to share, but I am unable to.

I invite friends over when my parents are not here and no one is able to come.

I guess I am getting bapatised in Spain in September and some of my friends will not be able to go to that. Perhaps this is disappointment being spread around equally.
User avatar
the_lone_bard
Posts: 1870
Joined: 26 Nov 2010, 08:39
First Video: Black box...i think.
Location: The other victoria (aus)
Contact:

Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby the_lone_bard » 28 Jun 2015, 13:21

Hey man, I get you on that. I don't know if mine's as bad, but for me to go chill out with a friend, it's a 15minute bus ride to the station then a 35minute train then a 25minute walk to his place. And his SO entered pre-labour last night, so that's not something that will happen much any more. Next closest friends are hours away, or in another state, or another country. It gets lonely. Sure there's friends online to talk to, but it's not the same as just being with a friend. I might not have an amazing garden or an amazing view, but I'd still like to just be in the company of someone I like... Some people seem fine without it, but there's just something about simply being in the same space as someone, even if you're just sitting around watching youtube videos. And without it, you get lonely.

Maybe you should move to Australia and then invite me to live with you, solve both our problems ;)
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/lone.bard
MsN: [email protected]
Skype: [email protected]
Steam: http://steamcommunity.com/id/TheLoneBard
Twitter: Thelonebard

I'm mean because you're stupid.
User avatar
Elomin Sha
Posts: 15773
Joined: 22 Feb 2008, 05:14
First Video: Max Effect
Location: Woodford Green, England
Contact:

Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Elomin Sha » 28 Jun 2015, 13:26

The ending of this week's Top Gear.

I'm actually quite upset.
The most unique, nicest, and confusing individual you will get to know. Don't be stupid around me, that's my job.
https://displate.com/elominsha/galleries
If you need art, I take commissions, PM me.
User avatar
Merrymaker_Mortalis
Posts: 7223
Joined: 24 Feb 2010, 19:19
First Video: ENN's First Episode on Escapist
Location: Wales

Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Merrymaker_Mortalis » 28 Jun 2015, 13:33

My Spanish friend came to visit us for a week during Easter and that was great.
Everyday I would walk to the house he was staying at (a mutual friend) ~40 minutes and we'd have a day a socialness.

And I loved that.
I didn't get social burn out at all.
Amazing week.

He went back to Spain and that ended. Socialness died down a lot.

Sister tells me that I should not rely on Spanish friend for happiness and I should appreciate what I have. However, what I have is loneliness 5/7 days of the week. And if any of those 2 days are socially insufficient (i.e. a socially dull Sunday [which makes me feel very tired]) I feel more lonely.

So maybe there is a reason I yearn for the company of my Spanish friend since he is a lot more socially present in my life when he's in the geographical area.

Maybe that week is abnormal. Maybe what I have now is normal real life and I should get used to it.

Perhaps these periods of feeling alone is actually a blessing. If I move to Catalonia to live and work, it'll be much easier to uproot.
User avatar
LokiTheLiar
Posts: 178
Joined: 22 Mar 2014, 12:16
First Video: Friday Nights: Politics
Location: Poland

Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby LokiTheLiar » 28 Jun 2015, 14:11

Lately I didn't really have time to visit the forums. Today I listened to the Twitch recording that Lord Hosk posted of Paul singing and just started crying. I thought that things were getting better in my head, but it seems that I was wrong.
"There is no shame in defeating an ignorant opponent." Kathleen De Vere

Current decks:
Standard - UB Thopter Control
Modern - Death and Taxes
User avatar
the_lone_bard
Posts: 1870
Joined: 26 Nov 2010, 08:39
First Video: Black box...i think.
Location: The other victoria (aus)
Contact:

Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby the_lone_bard » 28 Jun 2015, 16:00

Merrymaker, like I said, what you're feeling is perfectly normal. I was so happy the 6 weeks I was in Rosebud. Every day, wake up walk 1 room over and chill with Alex, later on most likely go to a mutual friends place and smoke weed and watch TV for hours... I don't like TV, I sure don't like cop shows, but it was still great, just spending time with people. It's not weird. Like me, you're just stuck in a place where there's not a lot of opportunity to socialize. It's ok to feel sad about that, all I can really say is look forward to the time you have with people, and make the most of it. And look for opportunities infrequent as they may be to socialize more. You're not wrong for feeling that way mate. If anything you're more normal, I'm so used to it I never even knew I was lonely without it until I had it.
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/lone.bard
MsN: [email protected]
Skype: [email protected]
Steam: http://steamcommunity.com/id/TheLoneBard
Twitter: Thelonebard

I'm mean because you're stupid.
User avatar
Merrymaker_Mortalis
Posts: 7223
Joined: 24 Feb 2010, 19:19
First Video: ENN's First Episode on Escapist
Location: Wales

Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Merrymaker_Mortalis » 28 Jun 2015, 16:49

I look forward to seeing people, and then get disappointed sometimes.

Sunday morning. Go to church. Have a sermon. Afterwards chat a little bit with people. People go away because they have own plans. I'm left with my sister and she takes me home and goes away. I spend Sunday afternoon alone. Get picked up to go to evening service. Play in band. Hunger and playing songs I can't get into bring my mood down further.
Get brought home.
Feeling hungry.
Feeling tired.
Feeling low.

Apart from today where I spent a fine day at the beach with people.
Evening service was OKish.
Spent the whole day finding out who's coming to my baptism in Spain in September and relaying the information to my friend in Spain. (I sort of miss bantering, but this planningness is still socialising).

So I feel "fine" today as opposed to disappointed.
Even if yesterday I had invited people round and no one turned up (again).

I need to regulate expectations. Not live as a pessimist, but learn how to control disappointment. I know I am loved by my friends. Just would be nice... if I could see them more. Because I have spent a lot of my life socially alone because no one wanted to spend time with me outside of my family. I wasn't disliked. Other company was more preferable to them. I also couldn't relate to people who bullied each other or enjoyed trespassing on property. How dare I have a moral conscious.
User avatar
AdmiralMemo
Posts: 7337
Joined: 27 Nov 2011, 18:29
First Video: Unskippable: Eternal Sonata
Location: Baltimore, Maryland, USA
Contact:

Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby AdmiralMemo » 28 Jun 2015, 19:27

I am basically in the same boat as Merry and Bard. And it sucks. :( This past Saturday was probably one of the best times I've had in months, and that's merely because I was around people for a good part of the day.
Graham wrote:The point is: Nyeh nyeh nyeh. I'm an old man.
LRRcast wrote:Paul: That does not answer that question at all.
James: Who cares about that question? That's a good answer.

Image
User avatar
AdmiralMemo
Posts: 7337
Joined: 27 Nov 2011, 18:29
First Video: Unskippable: Eternal Sonata
Location: Baltimore, Maryland, USA
Contact:

Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby AdmiralMemo » 29 Jun 2015, 02:51

There are times when I wonder if a sense of ennui is just a product of being in your early 30s.
Graham wrote:The point is: Nyeh nyeh nyeh. I'm an old man.
LRRcast wrote:Paul: That does not answer that question at all.
James: Who cares about that question? That's a good answer.

Image
User avatar
Elomin Sha
Posts: 15773
Joined: 22 Feb 2008, 05:14
First Video: Max Effect
Location: Woodford Green, England
Contact:

Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Elomin Sha » 29 Jun 2015, 03:18

That's called mid-life crisis.
The most unique, nicest, and confusing individual you will get to know. Don't be stupid around me, that's my job.
https://displate.com/elominsha/galleries
If you need art, I take commissions, PM me.
User avatar
Deedles
Posts: 4043
Joined: 29 Nov 2010, 13:19
First Video: Man Cooking
Location: A shoebox on Kashyyyk.
Contact:

Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Deedles » 29 Jun 2015, 03:20

Man, Paul is really lovely and thoughtful, and has a soothing voice. I'm humming on that song now. Such a wonderful gesture.
Hurp-De-Durp!
User avatar
Phi
Posts: 248
Joined: 23 Sep 2012, 10:16
First Video: Impersonal Information
Location: Earth
Contact:

Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Phi » 29 Jun 2015, 05:53

Yes, I couldn't agree more..
User avatar
Arclight_Dynamo
Posts: 540
Joined: 18 Jul 2014, 12:44
First Video: Desert Bus 1

Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Arclight_Dynamo » 29 Jun 2015, 10:58

It seems that my depression has decided to act up today. I'm fine; I'm not looking for sympathy or advice or anything - I have an appointment with my psychiatrist Friday, anyway. But I thought I'd describe what it's like to be in the middle of a depressive episode for the benefit of people who aren't depressed. It might help them understand a bit better.

I've been diagnosed, among other things, with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), Dysthymia, and Atypical Major Depressive Disorder. Most people with GAD or other anxiety disorders also have depression; Atypical Depression is the kind usually associated with GAD. Having both Dysthymia and Major Depression is known as "Double Depression," so I've got that going for me as well. :lol:

Most of what I'm feeling today is the depression, not the anxiety, so I'll mostly focus on that. But the two are linked, and sometimes hard to differentiate, so I'll talk about both. I should also mention that I'm on anti-depressants and doing CBT/talk therapy. These have helped; everything below would be a great deal worse without them, though they obviously don't make everything go away. Mental illness isn't one of those things where you go get treated, then you're fixed; it's the sort of thing you're stuck with forever, and you try to manage. It's a chronic thing.

So what's this like?

GAD Physical Symptoms:

    - Butterflies in stomach
    - Tingly arms
    - On edge
    - Irritable

The thing to understand with GAD is that it's, essentially, a misfiring of the fight-or-flight response. My brain is convinced there's a lion about to eat me, all the time. The best way I can describe it is to ask you to imagine you're sitting in a chair. You lean back... and back... and back... too far! You almost fall! That feeling of panic, and surge of adrenaline... that's what I feel. But not just for a moment. All. The. Time. Or, at least all the time when I'm anxious. Fun, eh?

There are also emotional/cognitive symptoms associated with GAD, but today's more of a depression day than an anxiety day, so I'm not really feeling them at the moment. Which means I'll leave them off here. If anyone's curious, though, feel free to ask.

Depression Physical Symptoms:

    - Oversleeping
    - Constantly tired; I could sleep twelve hours right now if I wanted to
    - Sluggish and slow
    - Heavy feeling in the limbs (this is known as "Leaden Paralysis," and it literally feels like I have ten pound weights strapped to my wrists and ankles)
    - Lack of facial expressions
    - A general malaise, and unwillingness to do anything - even to move. You just want to lie there
    - Teary; I've nearly cried a few times today

Depression Emotional Symptoms:

    - Well... depression. Sadness. General hatred of life and myself
    - Nothing is good. I focus on the negatives in my life to the exclusion of everything else
    - Right now, to me, I'm nothing but a failure
    - I'm lonely and will always be alone
    - I will never have the life I want
    - These automatic thoughts are caused by being in a depressed state... and they further feed that depressed state. They're cognitive distortions that feed into the depressive spiral, and make it self-perpetuating

All this stuff? I just woke up this way this morning. Yesterday wasn't like this; tomorrow probably won't be, either. But today? It just is. No helping it.

These symptoms are also for Atypical Depression. There are other kinds of depression, with entirely different (and often opposite) symptoms. Melancholic Depression, for example, often results in insomnia rather than oversleeping.

The most useful way I've heard it described is that depression is like the weather. Some days it's sunny. Some days it's rainy. Some days it starts sunny, but then the clouds roll in. Nothing has really caused it; nothing can fix it. It just is. All you can do when it rains is try to find some shelter and wait until it clears up.

That's depression, too.

Of course, sometimes things can happen that trigger depression. I've had those happen; they're not nice. But that's not today. Today's just cloudy. It'll blow away.

Anyway... that's what it's like. At least for me, and at least for today. I'm going to be honest here and say that I'm a little apprehensive about posting this... but I think it might help people better understand, and it might help other people who are depressed know they aren't alone. So I'm going to suck it up and hit "Submit" on this.

By the way, since this is kind of meant as an informative post, if anyone has any questions - whether you suffer from some form of mental illness or not - I'd be happy to try my best to answer them for you.

Return to “General Discussion”



Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Google [Bot] and 8 guests