The depressing depression thread

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Danielle Pepin
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Danielle Pepin » 04 Jul 2015, 17:05

Sorry that some aren't able to make it to their own birthdays, Kapol. *offer of hugs*
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Kapol » 04 Jul 2015, 17:18

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Last edited by Kapol on 12 Apr 2017, 01:41, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby the_lone_bard » 04 Jul 2015, 21:09

My dad's the worst kind of person. Spent years saying how he wants a relationship with me, saying he sympathizes with the way I'm treated, offering no help but plenty of excuses why he can't... And then turns out he just doesn't have the spine to have said what he thinks to my face until now. I'd have still had some respect for him if he had just said what he thinks all along, but no, too spineless to do that.

And Kap, feel how you feel man. It's weird, but I wouldn't be feeling sad in your situation, it's just the way life goes, it had no relation to you, nothing to do with you, just a thing that happened before your time. Think of it like this, what would you feel about one of your parents friends who died when they were in high school? Death sucks, but it doesn't always have to have an effect on you personally.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Kapol » 04 Jul 2015, 22:06

I understand what you're saying. I don't think I'm necessarily sad, other than seeing the effect her loss has on my parents. But part of it is that it wasn't just her. I'm alive, at least as I am today, because of her and because my mother lost her first son and her first husband. I'm here because three people died. There's nothing I could have done about any of them. But that doesn't help me not feel... guilty? Bad? I'm not sure exactly how to describe it, but it just feels negative. I'm sure that's a bad way to look at it. I don't feel responsible or anything like that either. There wasn't anything I could do to affect the situation. It happened before I was born, after all. But it's always been something that's nagged at me from the back of my mind. Even if I can understand on some level that it isn't true.

I think I wouldn't be as concerned by it if I felt that I was worth it. But I don't think I am. I'm pretty consistently a disappointment. Hell, I was a disappointment when I was born... my parents really wanted a girl. It all leads to a spiraling feeling like I'm the failed end result of some awful situation and just lead to making everything worse.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby the_lone_bard » 04 Jul 2015, 22:47

You aren't responsible for things you had no control over. Simple as that. It's definitely easier for me to say, because I've spent the last few years being blamed for not being healthy, like I somehow chose to have Ulcerative Colitis. But it's really true. If your parents chose to have you for those reasons, it's not on you. If they feel you're a dissapointment, not on you. They wanted a girl? Not on you. You're only responsible for your choices and actions man, so as long as you're working towards the life you want, then you have nothing to feel sad about. It doesn't matter if they don't approve of it and you're a dissapointment to them, because you didn't chose to be born, they chose to have you. And you now get to live your life in the way you want, if they don't like it, that's their problem not yours. I know it doesn't just magically make those feelings go away, but just understand that none of it's your responsibility. I'm sure my parents would have rathered skipping me and going straight to my brother, but too fuckin bad. They didn't skip me, and I don't care if they think I'm a dissapointment, I'm just trying to live my life the way I want, if they wanted the perfect child they should have adopted a 30 year old who'd just graduated med school or something, they aren't responsible for living my life or living with the consequences of my choices, they're just responsible for fucking without a condom or the pill. Same with you, don't hold yourself to other peoples standards. You live your life, you live with your choices and you live with the consequences, not them.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Danielle Pepin » 05 Jul 2015, 07:10

Kapol, sounds like they're ruining their opportunity to truly appreciate the grace that is your presence in the present by their dwelling on the loss of the past and going a bit overboard with it perhaps... Back before modern medicine and clean hospital practices babies used to drop like flies and you'd have maybe 5 of them before one survived past their first few years of life....with more failed attempts the parents would get emotionally exhausted and some try to distance themselves from the ones that are born after so many in hopes that if it happens again it won't hurt nearly as much as if the pain doesn't get worse each time.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby JustAName » 05 Jul 2015, 07:58

Kapol, your parents had you to bring joy back into their lives after something was lost. They may still feel the pain of that loss, but that doesn't mean that they don't love you. You're a great person, and I'm sure they're happy to have such a great child after everything that went wrong for them. You must be very precious to them.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby AdmiralMemo » 05 Jul 2015, 08:41

I'm getting tired of having emotions... They're exhausting and I wish I could turn them off.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Kortanios » 05 Jul 2015, 10:46

How many bloody universities do I have to apply to before I finally get a PhD placement?!?! I have been applying to anything and everything that was in the general field of my masters and that I was interested in since November, all over Europe and nobody wants me. By now it has reached almost comical proportions.
Ergo bibamus!
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Elomin Sha » 05 Jul 2015, 11:07

AdmiralMemo wrote:I'm getting tired of having emotions... They're exhausting and I wish I could turn them off.


I inly recently switched mine on. I got a lot of work done before hand.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby kiwijelly » 05 Jul 2015, 13:28

Kapol wrote:But moreover, it makes me feel guilty. I was only born because she died. Not even just her dying, honestly. But I was pretty much specifically a 'replacement baby' for her.

Who told you that you were a replacement?!
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Elomin Sha » 05 Jul 2015, 15:36

The amount of morons on twitter saying the current score in the Women's Wrold Cup between Japan and USA is pay back for Pearl Harbour.

1: You idiots weren't alive when it happened.
2: Nagasaki and Hiroshima and fire bombings don't count.
3: Equating death to a football match.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Kortanios » 05 Jul 2015, 15:42

Elomin Sha wrote:The amount of morons on twitter saying the current score in the Women's Wrold Cup between Japan and USA is pay back for Pearl Harbour.

1: You idiots weren't alive when it happened.
2: Nagasaki and Hiroshima and fire bombings don't count.
3: Equating death to a football match.



YES!
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Master Gunner » 05 Jul 2015, 15:43

Every time the US is beats Japan at something, some idiots are going on about it being "payback for Pearl Harbour".
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Danielle Pepin » 05 Jul 2015, 16:49

Well yes that is a depressing thought, people equating death with football...I don't expect much more from contact sports where head injuries are so common. Makes me wonder how happy football players are in their careers and in general to tie it into the thread topic.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Kapol » 05 Jul 2015, 17:28

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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby kiwijelly » 05 Jul 2015, 22:13

Kapol wrote: My head keeps telling me that I'm blowing everything out of proportion. I don't actually feel the way I think I do. That's just me trying to get attention. It's just me trying to be unique. It's just me finding an outlet for my frustration. Etc. Etc. My mind keeps telling me these things, but it doesn't help anything. My mind tells me I'm not depressed. I just want people to pay attention to me. My mind tells me I'm not writing this out as a way to try to communicate it and get it off my chest. I just want people to pay attention to me and feel bad for me. And I can't help but believe it. After all, it is ME that's thinking all of this stuff. I'm honestly afraid that it's actually true.
I live better off than most. I have no reason to complain. But here I am, complaining about my situation when others would kill to be in it. I know that I'm lucky. Maybe that's part of why I feel like such a piece of shit. Because I don't feel like I deserve it.


Honey, I know that voice. I've had that voice for a long ass time. That there is depression, and I want to tell you 1. It is a lying b*tch that seeks only to conceal itself while it does you damage and drowns out the rest of your mind, and 2. I want to encourage you to see someone about it as soon as you can, because there are some things you need an outside perspective to really get a handle on.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Phi » 06 Jul 2015, 02:16

I just want to point out that the idea that "I am better off than most" is valid, but is not something to blame yourself for. Pain is pain, even if other have more or less of it. Pain is valid, and we feel it, and it hurts even though other feel it for different reasons which may be "worse" than ours.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby My pseudonym is Ix » 06 Jul 2015, 09:42

Kortanios wrote:
Elomin Sha wrote:The amount of morons on twitter saying the current score in the Women's Wrold Cup between Japan and USA is pay back for Pearl Harbour.

1: You idiots weren't alive when it happened.
2: Nagasaki and Hiroshima and fire bombings don't count.
3: Equating death to a football match.



YES!


Far be it from me to wander completely off the point, but every time this comes up it reminds me of an old rugby story.

At the 2003 World Cup, in Australia, Japan and the US were in the same pool, and played their match in a rather out-of-the-way venue in Gosford. Outside the ground was a Japanese man selling what ended up being voted the funniest shirt of the RWC, which read simply:

1943: Pearl Harbour

1945: Nagasaki

2003: Gosford
The Decider!

Or something like that
"Let us think the unthinkable, let us do the undoable, let us prepare to grapple with the ineffable itself, and see if we may not Image it after all."
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Elomin Sha » 06 Jul 2015, 11:56

That's a good one.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Tinasaur » 07 Jul 2015, 00:13

Haven't been active on the forums for a while because I've been so wrapped up in my own problems. There's been a lot of hassle with my medications and I've been on and off, had more or less, or just switched alltogether. I've bounced back and forth between doctors and I'm just exhausted physically and mentally. The medication I've had since this winter is the one that has worked the best out of all medications I've ever tried and being a moodstabilizer it's pretty clear to everyone now that this is some form of bipolar problem. I've had a lot of physical problems as well and got them checked up but there are no signs of illness or direct relation to sideeffects and I'm getting real scared of how much this means that my depression is effecting my health. I'm still very muddled and can't keep up my concentration as I usually do so I haven't even felt like watching the streams for a few weeks which makes me sad. At least I was online for Pauls stream with the wonderful message and I got to thank him. That song was stuck in my head for a while after that and it made me feel a bit better.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Arclight_Dynamo » 07 Jul 2015, 15:28

Welp. My psychiatrist switched me from one SSRI to another on Friday. I don't think the new one is working as well as the old one. I'm more anxious and depressed than I've been in a long time. And I don't get to see her to adjust things until a week from Friday.

This is... not ideal.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby JustAName » 07 Jul 2015, 15:30

Remember that you can't really tell in the first two weeks of a new med. It's two and two and two. So you're getting adjusted to it and things suck, but they might be better than ever, soon. I really hope that's the case.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby Arclight_Dynamo » 07 Jul 2015, 15:34

Hm. Maybe. I hope, anyway. I figured the ramp-up period would be shorter transitioning from one SSRI to another, since my serotonin levels are the same. Maybe I'm wrong.
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Re: The depressing depression thread

Postby JustAName » 07 Jul 2015, 15:35

Meds are pretty hard to figure out even when they shouldn't be. Don't worry too much that it's not perfect right away. And we're here to help. :)
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